Chapter 5 - Farewell
Dawson sat on the balcony rail, just listening to the ocean and watching the beautiful dance of the second moon on the water. Joey found him there. She stood beside him, silent for a long moment.
"Don't you miss the creek sometimes, Jo?" asked Dawson, eventually, "I know that Worthington's your life and its what you've always wanted but... Don't you just miss the creek sometimes?"
"Sometimes," she paused, "Sometimes I miss sitting on your roof, counting the stars on the water."
Dawson sighed, and hung his head, "We can't ever go back, can we?"
She didn't reply and Dawson nodded, as if that was an answer in itself.
"I came down here to tell you something, Jo," he said.
Joey found herself holding her breath, her heart hammering in her chest.
"Yes?"
"I'm leaving Boston," he told her, "For good."
For a second, she was convinced she hadn't heard him right. Leaving Boston? That was impossible. A million thoughts flashed through her mind. A million things to say. And not to say.
"You're leaving Boston?" she asked, he nodded, "But where will you go?"
"New York, probably, maybe LA."
This was unreal, and Joey wasn't sure of her feelings.
"Well, Dawson, if that's what you want..."
"Is it what you want?"
"What?"
"Do you want me to stay?"
"Of course I do."
"But you don't want to be with me?"
"What does one have to do with the other?'
"Everything Jo. I can't be in Boston if we're not together. I just can't see you everyday without being able to hold you – It's tearing me apart."
"So unless I agree to, what? Go out with you? If not you just leave, is that it?" he made no reply, "Dawson that is horrendously unfair. How can you force me to make that kind of choice?"
Seething with anger she stormed off.
Dawson looked out over the ocean again, bitterly sad.
"I think you already made your choice, Jo," he whispered.
-----
"There was this one moment, um... a couple years ago... in this room. I was standing over there by the window, and, uh... and you kissed me. It changed everything. It's a pretty powerful thing when you get your biggest wish in one moment."
"I could never hate you, Joey... and not for lack of trying, either."
"These past couple of years, it's been one big soap opera. I wouldn't take it back. I wouldn't... take any of it back, but... I'm glad that it's over. 'Coz I like the way things are now. My life being the cruel joke that it is, now that things are so nice... you're leaving."
"Jo... if I thought for one second it was the right thing to do, I would stay, but it's time to go. It's time for me to get out of this room, and it's time for you to discover who you are without us. This chapter's over, Jo. I can feel it."
The tears started to fall.
"Do you believe in magic?" she asked, " I never used to. I mean, how could I? 13, your mom dies. You hope against hope for... for magic, something to make it all better. It never comes, and, you know, you look to your father who's unable to overcome all of his tragic flaws. Well, no abracadabra there. And then there's Pacey. Well... any magic that was there, that ran out, didn't it? But, uh, then there's you. There's proof that someone out there is thinking of me... My friend who was with me always. It's pure magic. I guess this is pretty much just a long-winded way of saying that, um... I'm gonna miss you, Dawson."
"I'm gonna miss you, too, Joey."
"So what was yours, by the way?"
"What was my what?"
"Your all-time most life altering moment?"
"For all I know, it could be this one right now... saying goodbye to you."
-----
The pale, grey light of dawn was just threatening to pierce the gloom when Audrey made her way downstairs, yawning. There were drums going off in her head, and inwardly she cursed all strip clubs from New York to Phuket as she groped along the wall before finding the kitchen light and flipping it on. She saw Joey sitting at the table, staring out the window.
"Joey? How long have you been sitting here in the dark?"
"Few hours," said Joey, vaguely, "Doesn't matter."
"Of course it matters. Crazy people do that. What's going on?"
Joey sighed and laid her head in her hands. She was unbelievably tired. Over and over she kept asking herself - "Why this? Why now?"
"What happened?" Audrey asked again.
"I talked to Dawson."
"I take it the conversation didn't go as desired?"
"He told me he's leaving Boston."
Audrey slumped into a chair, shocked, "What? You're kidding."
"No, I'm not. And that's not even the worst part."
"Oh, God!"
"He laid an ultimatum on me that, either we get back together, or he leaves."
"He did that? Wow!"
"God! That's so unfair," Joey moaned, "I guess I always harboured the hope that we would try again, but not like this, Audrey. He made it my decision, and mine alone."
"I hate to break it to you, Jo. But, it is your decision. Dawson made his."
"When?"
"When he ditched the most important meeting of his life to come and find you. If that's not a clear reflection of intent then I don't know what is."
"Audrey, I just... I just don't want it like this."
"I think you're avoiding the real issue, Joey."
"Which is?"
"Do you want it at all?"
-----
"Can I tell you something? Even if it has the potential to make you sad? Joey, when I made the decision not to go back to LA... All I could do was daydream about this one thing... Kissing you. I... I was so looking forward to this day when it would finally feel right for you and me to give it another try, you know? For the first time in forever, it seemed so possible. It seemed like it was just around the corner... And then he died. And it just went away. I was living in this fuzzy world of daydreams and I just got yanked right out of it, and I have no idea how to get back there. And what scares me most is that... Maybe I never will."
Joey leaned forward and gave him the softest, sweetest kiss.
"You'll find your way back. In the meantime... I'll be daydreaming for the both of us."
-----
Dawson walked up to his car, a bag slung over his shoulder. He fumbled around in his pocket for his keys. Then he turned around to take one last look at the house, and saw Pacey making his way toward him, also carrying a bag.
"Hey," said Pacey, "I figured you'd be ducking out about now."
"I'm just an open book to everybody, aren't I?"
"Just to those who know and love you, my friend."
Dawson smiled, "What's with the bag? Going somewhere?"
"With you."
"Umm... No you're not."
"Au contraire, Dawson good buddy, I most certainly am because you, should not be alone right now. And the last time I checked, I was your best friend and it was my prerogative to be there for you during the bad times. I already left my car keys and a note for Audrey."
"Sounds like you had this figured out a while ago."
"I did."
"How'd you know it'd go badly?"
"Experience," said Pacey as the climbed in and Dawson fired up the engine, "So, where are we going?"
Dawson shot him a sardonic smile.
"Capeside."
"I should have known."