Disclaimer: I don't own FF:TSW, or any elements of "The Christmas Carol" or "It's a Wonderful Life" that may pop up within this story.
Author's Note: Okay, so Christmas is long over – or on its way, depending on your point of view, but I finished this anyway, despite the bad timing. I'm just glad I'm going to have another fic done! cheers "Metamorphosis" is next on the list of fics I must finish. And then, I'm turning my attention to the sadly neglected and oft-requested "Life's River Shall Rise."
HOLIDAY SPIRIT
Part Three
The Ghost of Christmas Future
There was going to be one last ghost. Hadn't that been how the story went? The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future? So where was the bloody final Ghost? Aki had been waiting beside her body for nearly an hour, and nothing had happened. She'd even attempted, after about a quarter of an hour of convincing herself, to try to merge with her own body. All she'd done was pass through her body, Gray's… and the floor beneath her. She hadn't known there was a hidden compartment beneath her feet… Was Dr. Sid secretly a smuggler, or something?
Intrigued, she pushed her face deeper into the floor, trying to make out the contents of the dark compartment. She could dimly see shapes, but she couldn't make out what they were…
A soft sound made Aki yank her head out of the floor, and her gaze darted around the room, trying to find the source. Finally, she started to say. Where the hell have you… The words died in her throat as an otherworldly wind blew through the ship, leaving her corporeal body untouched but whipping at the hair and clothing of her spiritual form, leaving her chilled to the bone. There were whispers on that wind; voices she could almost recognize, speaking words she could nearly discern. And then… it stepped out of one of the locked freezers.
It was dressed in a tattered black cloak that billowed about its obscured form, and beneath that Aki could see a luminescent blue form. A hand reached towards her, pulsing blue, with the pale lines of bone visible beneath the glow. "Dr. Ross," it rasped in a hollow voice that sent shivers up Aki's spine. "I am the Ghost of Christmas Future. You must come with me."
Still on her hands and knees, Aki scuttled backward, away from this new ghost. "No way," Aki said, staring up at this new manifestation. After the familiarity of the other Ghosts, seeing this hellish monster came as a shock. They must have realized what the others were doing wasn't working, so they pulled out the big guns…
"You must come with me," the Ghost insisted, taking a step towards her. "You have no choice."
And Aki had to admit to herself that it was working. If this was a product of the afterlife she faced by committing suicide, the act was starting to lose its appeal. "Take my hand," the Ghost said, offering its glowing appendage.
Aki's eyes were on the bones within the hand, watching the carpals slide against each other as the Ghost twitched its fingers impatiently. "Do I have to touch you?" Aki squeaked.
"Take my hand, dammit!" the Ghost yelled, finally losing patience. And with that loss of its cool, its voice shifted, as well, becoming very familiar.
"Corporal Proudfoot?" Aki blinked, surprised.
With a growl, the Ghost threw off its cloak, and as the tattered cloth left her body, the blue spirit filled in, becoming more human, and the wind ceased. Corporal Jane Proudfoot stood revealed, a sullen look on her face.
"You didn't have to do that," Aki said, confused.
Jane sighed. "Yes, but once you figured out it was me, there was no way I could scare you straight, was there?" she pointed out. "Keeping that façade up is just a waste of resources, and once it was worthless, I had to shuck it off."
Aki couldn't help but wonder just who – or what – was making these decisions. The 'waste of resources' comment made the mysterious 'them' sound far too much like the Council for her liking. "Sorry to ruin your fun," Aki said.
"And to think I arm-wrestled Neil for this spot," Jane muttered. "Well, let's get this over. Like I was saying, I am the Ghost of Christmas Future. You must come with me – "
"How can you show me my future if I commit suicide?" Aki asked. "Watching my corpse rotting in the ground isn't going to be an exciting way for us to spend the night."
Jane raised her brows. "You'd be amazed how bloody slitting your wrist can be," she said. "It might scare you out of it. Though, I doubt it. No, we are going to see the future, and it isn't just going to be watching you rot." She grinned savagely. "Though we can check that out, if you'd like. I've got all night."
Aki groaned. "Ryan already showed me things that don't concern me. It's not going to do any good. You'd do better to show me what the world would be like if I was never born. It might have more impact."
Jane rolled her eyes. "This isn't 'It's a Wonderful Life,' and I'm not some pathetic angel out to get my wings. But, if that's what you want," Jane said, snapping her fingers.
"Really, it's not necessary," Aki began, but trailed off when she saw the world around her. She was still in Chicago; she recognized the skyline. But it was a dead city, like so many others on the planet. In the dead air, the hootings of Phantoms carried clearly.
"Tada, everyone's dead," Jane said. "Without you, Dr. Sid had to do everything on his own, because he couldn't find anyone else who shared his beliefs. The stress killed him, and there was no one to make the spirit wave. And no one who understood his work well enough to improve the barriers."
"Ah…" Aki was speechless. She'd known things would work out differently without her, but not this badly. Finally, she managed to say, "Show me this doesn't change anything; my death isn't going to suddenly plunge the world into some alternate universe where I didn't exist."
Jane's expression was solemn. "Um, right?" Aki asked uncertainly. If this was what would happen, it would explain just why the universe was so eager to keep her alive. "Um, Jane?"
The woman was ignoring her, scanning the dead city. "Jane?" A Phantom had stepped through the wall of the building nearest them and was coming towards them, its tentacles extending and thrashing in the air around them. "Can we get out of here now?" The Phantom's tentacles were close enough to reach now, and Aki tensed to run. But she didn't know where she could go… "Jane? Jane? Jane!" The last was almost a scream as the Phantom lunged forward, and Aki could see the tentacles crashing down on her…
…and then the Phantom was gone, along with the empty city. Jane grinned at the expression on Aki's face. "I love this job."
Aki shot her a dirty look. "Hey, I'm the Ghost of Christmas Future; I'm supposed to scare you straight, remember?" Jane didn't sound apologetic. Then she sighed. "All right; no more dirty tricks. I'll just show you the future, and, hopefully, you'll make the right decision. I won't even leave you stranded in a morgue like I'd planned."
"Thanks," Aki said scathingly. "Now that that's settled, can we just get this over with?"
In reply, Jane turned her head towards where Aki's body was still slumped in her chair. Aki followed in gaze just in time to see the body twitch, then come to life. Aki yelped in surprise as the body picked up the scalpel and quickly ran the blade over each wrist. As blood welled from the ugly wounds, Aki watched as her other self threw one arm over Gray's body, then buried her face in his chest. Blood flowed steadily but rapidly from the wounds, soaking Gray's clothing in moments. But the Aki slumped over Gray was oblivious to what she was doing; she was already dead.
And then Jane snapped her fingers, and for the second time that night, Aki was in Mrs. Edwards' apartment. But this time, it was nearly dawn. And still, Dr. Sid was awake. They found him slumped into a battered arm chair, his eyes on the floor. "Oh, Aki, what have you done?" she heard him murmur.
Aki's heart ached to see her mentor like this. But she couldn't let this sway her, no matter how much it hurt. "I should never have let you leave."
There was a knock on the apartment door, and Sid wearily got to his feet. She saw him trembling as he opened the door, saw his shoulders slump as he saw the USMF soldiers who stood there. Aki heard them say something about 'body' and 'suicide…' and then Dr. Sid collapsed to the floor.
Aki couldn't help herself; she ran towards her friend, kneeling down beside him and trying her best to hold him, but her fingers slid through him… "It's no use," Jane said from behind. "They'll get him to the hospital, but he's going to be dead on arrival. He couldn't take the shock of losing you."
"Can't we help him?" Aki demanded. "Now that I know this is going to happen, I can do something-"
"The only thing that can save him is if you save yourself, first," Jane said flatly. "Trust me, it's not that easy. Just don't kill yourself, and Dr. Sid will be fine."
Aki almost lost her resolve right there. Sid… A tear escaped before she could stop it, though Jane politely pretended not to notice. But… we'll be together again… Somehow, that didn't console her.
"Let's move on," Jane said quietly. The room was crowded with the ambulance team who were strapping Dr. Sid to a gurney, and Mrs. Edwards, who had been woken by all the noise and was watching it all with lost expression. Aki shivered, wondering if she'd just seen death's next victim…
And then she was no longer in the apartment, but standing in the middle of a field. Withered brown crops arranged in neat rows stretched to the edges of a clear dome. Aki blinked away her tears, and slowly began to take in her new location. It was definitely a farm, but it wasn't faring well. Plants had a sickly look when grown under a barrier, but this… these plants weren't just sick. They were dying. "Pay attention, Doctor," Jane said. "They're coming."
Aki started as two familiar voices became audible. She turned to see Councilwoman Hee, looking more haggard than Aki had ever seen, and Betty Moore, one of Dr. Sid's former lab assistants. "…not doing very well," Betty was saying. They drew nearer to Aki and Jane, pausing to examine one particularly poor specimen. "I've tried oxygen generators, nutrients, regulating the sunlight, enriching the soil… Nothing I've done seems to be helping the plants.
Councilwoman Hee's face was grim. "The population has doubled," she said. "Our resources are being stretched to their limits. We need more food; why are all the farms failing?"
Betty looked helpless. "I don't know… Dr. Sid or Dr. Ross would have been able to figure it out," she said miserably. "I think… I think it might have something to do with… with the spirits," she concluded. "I just don't know enough about them to find out what, though. I've got the entire staff of the Houston Bioetheric Center working on it, but Dr. Sid was the real genius behind understanding the spirits."
"Is there anything the Council can do?" Hee asked.
"We need more help. We're understaffed. I'm not asking for more scientists; if we could just get some field workers… or guards…"
"I'm sorry…" Hee said, passing through Aki as she spoke. She continued, but Aki could no longer hear her.
Aki watched them, pursing her lips. Betty was right; no one understood the spirits and their connection with Gaia the way Sid did. "Is there any food?" Aki asked.
"For now," Jane said. "But demand is growing faster than supply. This world is going to be overpopulated in a matter of years, if nothing is done about it. Worse, desperate families come to these farms and steal what crops do manage to grow. There's not enough funding to hire anyone to guard the farms."
"What about the military?" Aki demanded. "They could be assigned-"
Jane shrugged. "Here, let me show you the military." Another snap of the fingers, and they found themselves on a street lined with a motley collection of houses in various states of disrepair. "C'mon, you need to see this." Jane led Aki through the side of one home and into a dark living room. Empty bottles littered the floor, along with dirty clothing and garbage. There was a man sleeping on a battered couch, a half-empty bottle clutched in his hands.
"This is one of the worst," Jane said quietly. "This is Captain Lewis, a Deep Eyes soldier who served his planet well. And now look at him; the military has been cut down to a third of its former numbers, and now he has nothing he can do. Fighting has been his life; it's all he knows. And now… there aren't enough jobs to go around, and he barely makes enough to keep himself alive and… drunk." Jane's voice cracked; she seemed to empathize with this soldier. After all, Aki realized, if she hadn't died, Jane could be sharing this man's fate. "There are many others. Men and women struggling to support families, and these… these wrecks they call houses are all that they can afford."
"But… why cut back the military?" Aki's voice was sharp. "These soldiers could be helping with the farming!"
"No one thought of that when they let the soldiers go," was all Jane said. Aki could guess what Jane had left unspoken: "You could persuade the Council to keep them."
Aki didn't reply. She couldn't. What could she say? She could understand Jane's pain in seeing her fellow soldiers reduced to this… but how could she tell the corporal that she just couldn't bring herself to care?
Jane waited for a few moments, as if expecting Aki to say, then and there, that she wouldn't commit suicide. As Aki remained silent, Jane just sighed and snapped her fingers again.
Their new location was a vast, empty plain under an open sky. It could have been anywhere in the wastelands that much of the earth had become; she had no clue as to her location, or why Jane had brought her there.
"What the – Where the hell are we now?" Jane sounded genuinely baffled. Oh, good… I'm so glad to know I've spent all night in the hands of people who know what's going on… She turned towards Jane, then realized the woman was no longer beside her.
Jane was standing just behind her, a distant look on her face. Her head was slightly cocked, as she had caught a sound that Aki couldn't hear. After a moment, she blinked, and a strange look crossed her features. "It seems there's a change in plans," she said in a slightly strangled tone.
"What?" Aki asked blankly.
"I'm leaving you now," Jane said. "Goodbye." She began to sink into the ground. Aki lunged forward, trying to catch the woman's hand, but she passed right through her…
"Wait!" Aki screamed. "You can't do this! You've got to take me back! Take me back!"
The empty plain couldn't be part of the future, could it? It was so silent, so… empty. The sky was a roiling grey, and the cracked earth was equally colorless. "Dammit, you said you wouldn't abandon me!"
Not true, a traitorous thought reminded her. She only said she wouldn't leave me in a morgue. So, how the hell was she supposed to get back? Was this some sort of trick? Was she supposed to stay here until someone in the real world found her, someone who could stop her from what she needed to do? "This isn't fair! I should get a choice in this!" she screamed.
"It's not her fault."
The voice came from behind her, and Aki whirled, her heart pounding. The speaker hadn't been Hein, or Neil, or Ryan or Jane… "Gray?"
He was standing before her, looking solid and real… her heart ached as she took in his muscular form, his strong face, his tender smile… She reached for him, and he took her trembling hand in his own. He was so warm…
She suddenly yanked her hand away as logic reasserted itself. This isn't Gray; this is just another illusion from my subconscious. It was the cruelest of all that she'd been shown that night; crueler than seeing their first meeting, crueler than seeing Sid's death. "You're not real," she said, even though her heart was telling her otherwise. God, how she wanted to be wrapped in his strong arms and feel safe, and warm…
Gray stepped towards her, catching her in an embrace. She wanted to push him away, but she couldn't. Delusion or not, this could be the last time he ever held her… "Don't do it," Gray whispered.
"I want to be with you… I don't want to be alone anymore," she wept. "I've been alone for so long. I… I can't take it anymore…"
"Aki," Gray breathed. "I want us to be together, too. But not like this. I don't want you to die because of me." He pushed her away and caught her gaze. "Aki, I couldn't bear it if you killed yourself because of me. You have so much to live for; don't give it all up."
"You don't understand," Aki began, but Gray placed a finger on her lips, and she fell silent.
"Give life a chance, just for awhile. If you still feel this way, then… then I won't stand in your way." He smiled, though his eyes were sad. "Just a few minutes of time… I promise you, the wait will be worth it. Gaia awards those who help. Don't… please…"
Her brow furrowed in puzzlement. Now she knew she was dreaming; Gray had never spoken of Gaia with such conviction. "I don't know what you mean," she said slowly. "What aw-" she broke off when she realized Gray's body had become translucent. Around her, the plain was growing darker, the grey draining away to blackness. "Wait!" she cried. "Gray! Don't leave me!"
"Don't leave me…" She woke with the words still on her lips. Truly woke, this time; she was real and solid, and still curled over Gray's unmoving body. A sob escaped her then, as she straightened in her seat. That last, all-to-brief contact with him hadn't helped. It had merely driven home just how alone she was in the world.
Why, why had she been treated to this painful reminder? The Deep Eyes, Gray… the glimpses of a world that wasn't quite sure what to do with itself now that the Phantom threat was finally over… While she still wasn't convinced that the whole thing hadn't been something her anguished mind had fashioned, it had been enough to show her that she didn't have much to look forward to.
Trembling fingers found the scalpel where she'd set it. She rested the blade on her wrist, closing her eyes as she gathered the courage to do what she had to do. I'm sorry, Sid, everyone… I just can't live like this anymore. She pressed the blade into her skin, felt as it broke the flesh, as blood began to well in the shallow cut… And then a soft voice whispered, "Don't… please…" Startled, Aki dropped the scalpel.
Her eyes shot open. She expected to find Sid standing over her, or perhaps even one of the attendants that worked at the hangar. Her brow furrowed when she saw no one was there. Don't… please… It's what Gray said to me during my… dream, or whatever it was. Delusion. She scowled as she scanned the floor for the scalpel. I'm just remembering that.
Her scowl deepened when she didn't see the scalpel anywhere. It must have slid under one of the cabinets, Aki realized. She sighed; if she'd believed in fate, Aki would have thought it was against her. She examined the cut she'd made in her wrist; it stung, and it bled profusely, but it was too shallow to be really harmful. She'd have to go look for something else to finish the job. It's only a small delay, Gray. I'll be with you soon. She stood up, pausing to squeeze Gray's hand with her bloody fingers…
And was stunned when his fingers tightened around her own, squeezing back. "Don't…" the voice whispered again. Not her imagination…
"Gray?" Aki breathed. No don't get your hopes up you're just imagining things this isn't real…
And then his eyes opened. They met hers, and a weak smile curved Gray's pale lips. "I told you…" he said weakly, "I told you Gaia had a gift for you… if you would just give life another chance."
Not real not real… She tried to step away, but Gray's grip was tightening around her wrist. This is a dream! Then Gray's fingers pressed against her self-inflicted wound, sending pain shooting through her arm. If this is a dream, then why does that hurt? "Are… are you real?" Aki whispered.
Gray struggled to push himself to a sitting position, but he was still too weak. He compromised by resting on his side, smiling up at Aki. "Real enough," he said.
Suddenly, she didn't care. Real or not, he was there, he was solid… She flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him into a sitting position, burying her face in his chest. "Gray!" she sobbed. His body was cool beneath her, but warming. And his heart beat steadily against her cheek, a familiar rhythm she thought she'd never feel again. "You aren't a dream!" she said in wonder.
Gray wrapped his arms around her. "Nope."
"And… you're here to stay?"
"Yes," he breathed. "Oh," he added after a moment, "and you'd probably better let the others out of the freezer, too. I imagine they're getting cold by now."
It took a moment for his words to sink through Aki's daze. "The…others?"
She hadn't expected to come back. She'd never envisioned this moment, knocking on the door on Christmas morning and bringing with her the greatest gift she could have ever received. Dr. Sid answered the door after a moment, and she smiled. She was glad to see her old friend alive; she'd never admit to Jane just how badly seeing him die had hurt her.
Dr. Sid stared at her oddly, as if he thought he were seeing things. It was the smile that threw him off, she knew; he hadn't seen her smile like this in ages. And… and I think he didn't expect to see me alive again. He looks haggard; I don't think he got any sleep at all. I really did almost kill him. Suddenly, she couldn't take it any more. "Sid!" She threw her arms around him and gave him a hug. She had to show him she was real and alive, and that she wasn't going anywhere for awhile.
He caught her injured hand, flipping it so he could see the bloody part. She followed his gaze. "I couldn't do it, Sid. I have more to live for than I thought."
"Oh, Aki… I'm so glad you're all right!" He pulled her into another embrace. "I was so afraid I'd lost you."
"You almost did," she whispered.
After a few moments, she pulled away, flashing that happy grin again. "I have a surprise," she told him. "I would have gotten here sooner, but I had to wait a bit for them to… thaw." She waved her hand, and Gray came from where he'd been standing just out of sight. He was followed by Ryan, Jane, and Neil, all looking a bit worse for wear, but undeniably alive.
"Aki…" Dr. Sid tried to get out… "How?" he finally managed.
"They're a gift from Gaia, for saving the planet," Aki said, her eyes filled with tears of joy. "They're real, they're alive… I'm not going to question it, and you shouldn't, either." Then Gray folded his arms around her, and she paid Sid no more mind.
"Aw, don't we get hugs, too?" Neil asked from somewhere behind her. "How about it, Jane? I definitely need a hug right now." There was a muffled noise from behind. "Oh, um, thanks, Ryan, but you're not exactly what I had in mind…"
Gray laughed softly, but he didn't release her. Aki was glad; she didn't want this embrace to end. She still didn't quite believe that he was here beside her, and that he was here to stay. What if he faded away if she let him go? She clung to him more tightly.
He seemed to sense her thoughts. "I'm not going anywhere," he told her, too softly for the others to hear. "I'm staying with you. We have a lot of work to do, and we're going to do it together." He lightly kissed the top of her head. "I hope you're ready for it."
She had love, friends, a life's work… "You bet I'm ready," she said. This Christmas had given her a reason to live, and she was anxious to get started.
The End