Chapter Seventeen

Lawson Apologizes

Spinelli sat in the hospital room consumed by complete silence. She had been given strict orders by the doctor to come back to the hospital every Saturday for two months to make sure she was still doing okay, that she was still blind, and according to Spinelli, all that crap. Of course, she was already done with the examination and the doctor said she was perfectly healthy, despite the fact that she was still blind. So, she was sitting here in this room waiting for TJ to come back.

TJ had offered to go with her and stay with her during the exam, but Spinelli had refused to let him. She hated the fact that she had to go to the hospital every Saturday, it just reminded her that much more that she was handicapped, and it depressed her all over again. She didn't want to put TJ through all of that. Especially since she knew how much TJ hated hospitals.

Of course, the worst thing about the hospital was the sight. All the sick people, especially the young ones. Barf, doctors, just things that made you very sad. But, since Spinelli had lost her sight she had also come to realize how bad the smell of the hospital was. The smell of the cafeteria food they served people. The smell of sickness that always lingered in the air, the smell of barf, it just was all around not a pleasant smelling place.

Just then she heard somebody walk in the room. She figured it was TJ, so she was getting ready to stand up when the person spoke.

"Hey Spin," the person said quietly, "It's Lawson."

"Lawson?" Spinelli asked, trying to keep the disgust in her voice down to a minimum, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here in this hospital for the weekly check-up I now have to get," Lawson informed her, "But I'm here in this hospital room to talk to you."

"About?" Spinelli asked coolly. She didn't want to get to attached to this conversation with Lawson, she might become as mad at him as she had been that night he had dumped her. Or as sorry for him as she had been when she had first heard about his court date.

"My trial starts soon," Lawson said, out of the blue.

"I'm sorry," Spinelli answered honestly. Lawson had lost so much more in this accident than Spinelli ever would, and he was gaining nothing, except for maybe the hardest lesson to learn in your life, "But I'm confused, what does that have to do with me?"

"You shouldn't be sorry," Lawson flatly said, "And I came here to apologize."

"Apologize?" Spinelli asked, amazed. Lawson had definitely changed. The fourth grade Lawson would have never apologized, especially to one of TJ's gang. Even the Lawson of last month would have never apologized.

"Yes, apologize for everything," Lawson answered, "Almost everything I've done for the last seventeen years of my life. But especially for the things I've done for the last two years. When I first heard about King Bob dying, all I could think about was when I took my first drink. And how I had got hooked and all this. Then, when my parents wouldn't tell me what had happened to you I assumed the worst. And I felt so bad. You had told me not to drink. You commanded me not to drink. Then, I had a drink. I got drunk. Then you rode home with me. At first I tried to convince myself that you were just as guilty of the murders as I was, but I knew you weren't. You rode him with me because you loved me. You thought somehow you could protect me. Or something like that. Then I turned around and broke your heart by dumping you. In the hospital. While you were blind. I was very stupid then, and now, but I thought, it would do you better if you didn't have me. Because now, now you have TJ right?"

"Yes," Spinelli said, slowly.

"Anyways, I figured you could have him," Lawson informed her, "But I wanted to apologize for being me. For getting drunk. For trying to drive while I was drunk. For not listening to you. For causing King Bob and his girlfriend's death. For causing your blindness. For causing the school and everybody in it so much pain. I already tried to apologize to King Bob and his girlfriend's families, but they don't want to hear it. And I can't blame them. If King Bob had killed me my dad probably would've started beating him up. But I really did need to apologize and I don't really need the acceptance of the apology, I just had to do it."

Spinelli wanted so bad to look at Lawson at that moment. She could sense that Lawson was very sick of this burden he had been carrying. He acted as if it really wasn't that bad, but Spinelli thought, figured, he would do almost anything to make his burden, his pain go away.

"Lawson," Spinelli said quietly, "I do accept your apology. Everybody makes mistakes. It could've been someone else at that party that had that wreck. It was just you. It could've been anybody."

"Thank you," Lawson said quietly in return, "You'll never know how much your acceptance means to me."

With that Spinelli could hear the footsteps of Lawson leaving the room. She only hoped that her acceptance of his apology could be his hope, his shining light, that he would stay in touch with this world. That he wouldn't hurt himself.

"Hey baby," TJ greeted softly as he walked into the hospital room. Spinelli had been so caught up in thought she hadn't heard him walk in.

"Hi Teej," she answered.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice full of concern as he put his arm around her.

"Hustler Kid gave me this offer to speak to people about drinking and driving on Monday," Spinelli explained to him, telling him. She hadn't planned on telling him, because she had planned on turning down the offer, and she knew TJ would try and convince her to do it, "He said he's coming back Monday to ask again if I'm going to do it or not."

"And?" TJ asked, urging her to continue.

"I've been thinking on it," Spinelli admitted. Somehow, her talk with Lawson had made her rethink the offer. Maybe she should do it. Stop kids from drinking. From ruining their lives.

"OK," TJ said, encouragingly.

"What do you think?" she asked.

"I think that you should do whatever you feel like doing," TJ answered, "But, in all honesty, I think you should feel like talking to these people. You could save lives. Not only the lives of those that are killed, like King Bob, but the lives of those the drinking destroys, like Lawson. Hustler Kid should be grateful he suddenly came back onto the right track because sooner or later he was going to end up like Lawson. The kids need to hear your account as well as Hustler Kid's. Especially since you've had a brother lost to a drunk driver."

"OK," Spinelli said evenly, "When Hustler Kid comes to our school on Monday, I'm going to tell him I want to talk to these kids. I want to help save their lives."