A thousand apologies peeps, I had a break in, and they stole a lot of stuff including my laptop *sniff* hence no writing.  Anyway, I've managed to get hold of one, but I lost my entire chapter that I wrote, so had to start again.

Anyway enough of my misery, thank you, thank you, thank you for all the reviews, I'm glad you're enjoying it. I promise lots of suspense, tension and angst in the upcoming chaps.

Anyway shutting up now, only a baby "pee warning" this time, lol.

Rating PG13

Disclaimer: I don't own it, but I love it.

*CHAPTER 3 – Difficult Decisions*

Sam quickened her pace towards the showers, she couldn't believe what she'd done, but there really hadn't been any alternative. The Colonel had made his opinions perfectly clear…he didn't trust her; it was as simple as that. Her heart slammed against her chest at the thought of what she was giving up. The SGC had been her life for the last seven years.  She didn't know how she was going to handle not coming to work everyday, exploring new worlds, laughing and joking with her friends… it was hard to believe that it had come down to *this*. It was her own fault really; no one else was to blame. She'd brought it on herself - all because she wanted a 'normal' life. Then a little voice popped in her head, admonishing her. No, that wasn't true, someone else was to blame for this and she was going to make damn sure he paid for it. No one had the right to make her feel insecure in her own home. She had the right to feel loved and wanted, and just because someone had violated her in that way didn't mean that she couldn't re-build her life…even if it meant leaving everything that she'd worked hard for and everyone she loved. *But*, if that was true, then why did she feel like she was making the biggest mistake in the world.

Finally arriving at her destination she ensured that there was no one else in the locker room before switching the sign to "Female Personnel Only" and walked in. The advantage of being one of only a handful of women on base ensured that the locker room was nearly always empty. Stripping off she headed towards the showers. Increasing the thermometer slightly, it wasn't long till the mirrors steamed. The water cascaded over her sore aching muscles and down her back, the mist from the heat entered her nostrils, and she inhaled deeply. As the water trickled down her face, she allowed herself to cry. The tears fell silently down her cheek. Surreptitiously she wiped them away, but they kept on falling. Her sobs echoed in the emptiness of the room; sliding down the tiled walls she placed her head on her knees unable to keep the emotions at bay any longer. // Dam it Sam, it's your choice, you made your bed, you have to lie in it. //

***

Jack was stunned, for the first time in his life; he didn't know what to do. He couldn't believe that she was resigning. This was all so wrong, but then again, there didn't seem to be anything familiar about her these days. It was like she'd had a personality transplant and nothing he'd said to her over these last few weeks had made any difference.

Picking up his pace he headed towards the infirmary, where he expected to find her, but entering into the infirmary he found it empty. A deep frown settled between his eyes, thoughts tumbling to the forefront of his mind, //Where the hell is she now? // Walking into Janet's office, he found her deep in thought with some medical literature.  Tapping her lightly on the shoulder, he watched as Janet jumped unexpectedly.

"Colonel, what are you doing here? Normally we have to drag you kicking and screaming before you step foot in here. What can I do for you?"

"Has Carter been to see you?"

"Sam, no, not recently. Why?"

"I asked her to report here about 15 minutes ago. Do me a favour Doc; can you give her a thorough check up? Something's not quite right with her."

"I know she's not been herself lately, but…" Janet looked at him more closely, there was more than concern behind his eyes, something had happened. "Colonel, what's happened?"

"Sam's resigned." Jack advised her sadly, his head bowed in deep contemplation.

"What! I don't understand? What…what happened? Why?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. We had words, she got upset and handed in her resignation."

"That's not like her, Colonel.  The Air Force is her life. This job means everything to her, she wouldn't leave just because you had an argument."

"Yeah, I thought that too." Jack replied; his head bowed in defeat.

"When she comes in, I'll have a chat with her. It's probably just some misunderstanding." Janet answered with more optimism than she felt, this wasn't like Sam, to just resign on a whim, there had to be more to it, than a simple argument. The Colonel was right in one respect; she was different. Over the last few weeks, she'd noticed a subtle change in her behaviour, making excuses to avoid coming over. Avoiding her questions regarding 'Pete', it wasn't like her. Normally they shared everything, but not anymore.

"I hope you're right." Jack answered truthfully walking out of the infirmary, his voice flat with the feeling that Sam's mind was made up.

Turning the corner sharply, he failed to see her coming and the two of them almost collided into a heap.

"Carter, sorry. I was just looking for you."

Sam shook her head slowly in disbelief, hurt etched in her eyes "You really don't trust me anymore, do you…Sir?" Sam added more as an afterthought as opposed to her previously respectful "Sirs" that she'd answered with him previously.

"I was worried."

"I'm sure you were." Sam replied off handed, not wanting to get into a discussion with him.  All she wanted to do was get this physical over and done with and head home.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jack asked slightly hurt at her accusation.

"You've made your feelings about me and my performance perfectly clear, Sir." Sam replied too harshly for her own ears.

Jack couldn't believe her attitude, here he was worried about her, and all the words coming out of her mouth were laced with an attitude.

"What's with the attitude?"

"I apologise if I was out of line...sir. After tomorrow this whole matter will be resolved." Sam told him flatly, tiredness began filling her whole body, all she wanted to do was get out of the SGC as soon as possible.

They stared at each other; deathly silence filled the air between them. Neither one of them was sure who would speak next. Mixed emotions fell between them, sadness, pain, and regret.  Gathering what little strength she had left, Sam was first to speak. "If there's nothing else you wanted, Sir, I have an appointment with Doctor Fraser."

Jack wanted nothing more than to be there when Fraser carried out the medical exam, but he didn't think it would be conducive to her good mood. He hated this, he couldn't remember a time when she had behaved so abruptly or treated him with such disdain. All the feelings he'd been storing up for her over the last few years came tumbling to the forefront of his mind, and he wondered if this was the end of their… friendship.

***

"Janet." Sam said briefly.

"Hey, Sam.  The Colonel said you'd be stopping by…"

"I know, he ordered me to come."

"Everything okay, between you two?" Janet broached carefully, not wanting to cause an argument. She could tell that Sam was angry over something, but there seemed more to it than that, something that went deeper.

"Not really."

"Want to tell me about it?"

"No, it's something I need to sort out on my own."

"You sure, I'm a good…"

"No offence, Janet, but I'm not really in the mood for talking."

"Okay, if that's what you want. Sit yourself down and I'll take a quick look at you."

Without so much as a word, Sam pulled herself onto the nearest gurney. With her hands tightly clasped in front of her, she wondered if she was making the right decision in not telling her friends about Pete. Part of her felt like she was being unreasonable, but the other half of her was ashamed that she'd let it get to this stage. She was a soldier and a damn good one, one of her skills was to spot signs that 'things' were not quite right, but she'd missed them and paid the ultimate price. Closing her eyes briefly she allowed Janet to take her vitals.

"Blood pressures up a bit, Sam. Have you noticed any symptoms? Headaches?"

"It's been a hard day." Sam told her briefly.

Wondering whether to bring up the conversation she'd had earlier with him, Janet didn't know at the moment how her friend would react to them discussing her behind her back. She knew it wouldn't be pleasant, but she had to get to the bottom of things. Sam wasn't acting like herself and it was up to her, not only as her doctor, but also as her friend to find out why she was behaving so out-of-character.

"The Colonel told me that you'd resigned."

"The Colonel has a big mouth."

"Sam!" Janet admonished standing back to look clearly at her.

"I'm sorry, Janet, but he had no right." Sam replied annoyed. "This is hard enough as it is without him telling everyone, I'm sure he'll be happy when I've left, that way he won't have to write up anymore negative reports on me."

"Sam, you're being irrational. The Colonel told me because he doesn't want you to make such a huge mistake. *And*, I hardly think he's happy that you're resigning. Why would you think that?"

Sam's eyes filled with unshed tears, she felt miserable, her whole world was tumbling down around her like a deck of cards falling in on itself, and she didn't know if she could cope with much more.

Embracing her friend into a hug, Janet was completely taken aback by this usually unseen display of emotion. Sam was not the sort of person who'd cry on a whim.

"Oh, Sam, honey. Talk to me, please. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on." Janet advised her softly, her arms fully embracing around her friends back.

Sam's tears fell precariously onto her friends shoulder; soft sobs escaping from her lips racked her body as she felt herself fall to pieces for the first time since this whole mess had started.

"Sam, look at me." Janet commanded gently after several minutes. "I'm your friend, and I'm worried about you. Does this have something to do with what happened on the planet?"

"No, its nothing like that." Sam sniffled, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Then what?"

"It's nothing, Janet. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to snap at you before.  I'm just hormonal… that's all." Sam answered trying to hide her problems with small attempts at humour. "Look, I know that the Colonel's asked you to do the medical exam today, but would you mind if I left it for now. I promise to come back in the morning and see you first thing, but I really don't know if I could face the prodding and poking." Sam continued jesting lightly, her eyes pleading slightly with her friend.

Technically she should've examined her there and then, particularly in light of her changing moods, which could have been as a result of something medical. *But*, feeling that, that was unlikely, she didn't push it and subsequently relented. "Okay, Sam, it can wait till the morning." Pausing slightly, she hesitated before asking. "You feel like coming over to mine? Cassie's away on some school trip, so it would be just you and me?" Janet finished hopefully.

"Thanks, but no thanks. It's been a long day and I'm tired." Sam answered truthfully, feeling as if she had run the gauntlet with her emotions today. Sighing deeply, she knew though that tomorrow was going to be worse.

"Alright, if that's what you want; just one thing though before you go. Please think about what you're going to do. This isn't just your career we're talking about here. The people here care about you, and they're worried." Sam was about to protest once more, before Janet raised her hands in a 'surrendering' gesture; the last thing she wanted to do was alienate her further. "All I'm saying, Sam, is, don't rush into anything. You and the Colonel have had disagreements before, and I'm sure that whatever he said wasn't meant to hurt you..."

"But, it did, Janet.  And… I don't know if I can just forget about it. He made his feelings perfectly clear, and I wish things could be different, but… it's too late.  I don't have any other choice, Janet." Sam told her sadly slipping off the gurney. Her eyes held a vacant look, Jack had hurt her with his words and it was something that he could just…take back. If you didn't trust the person that you were with, then it was pointless working together, and that was why she wouldn't go back on her decision.

Janet watched as her friend walked slowly out of the infirmary, her head hung low, as if the weight of the world had been placed on her shoulders. //Stubborn as a mule Samantha Carter// Janet said inwardly. Once her friends mind was made up, it wasn't likely that she would change it in a hurry. An idea popped into the forefront of her mind. After her shift, she would drive over and see her, armed with a bottle of nicely chilled wine, and some Belgium chocolates in the hopes that she'd open up. With that said though, Janet wasn't going to hold her breath.

End of Chap 3