Spinning Slash

by Freezair

I need a good desc. for my weird little slightly-AU-not-actually-slash-standard-Linkspawn-Ganonback-fic, but summing it up is hard. I'll go with this: Vertically challenged five-year-old seeks the secrets of her family's sword technicque. There. Done.

8. An Unexpected Ally

(Yet ANOTHER Author's Note: Author's notes are fun. Expect them to become semi-chapterly from now on. Because I love doing these darn things. What to say about this chapter? Well, probably that it's the most important chapter so far. And also the funniest, and closest to being rated PG-13 because of... uhh... XD Remember that hint-dropping thing? Well, aside from the fact that my birthday was about a week ago(as of the time I began to type this), now you can find out... the TRUTH! Yes, the truth about Elaine. Still not telling what the Twinrova sisters are up too, but really, is it all that hard to figure out?)

(And yes, I KNOW they speak really grandiloquently for five-year-olds. It's part of their character, OK?)

Spinning Slash, Chapter 8: An Unsuspected Ally

"Oh, sh-fiduss."

Posie muttered something to Elaine in her ear, and morbidly, with a look like deer staring into a pair of car headlights, she nodded. "Well, I guess I take that back, then."

"How the he-ck did we end up here?!?!"

The shock of ending up definitely miles from where he'd wanted to be, and in the fiery territory of the Gerudo, no less, was putting far too much stress on Link. One could not be a soldier for well on ten years an expect not to get a soldier's mouth, something Link did all in his power to suppress. But every once in a while, he'd loose control, and was now only barely managing to catch himself because of the young presence upon him. Why did he have the feeling he should have avoided that light? He knew it could only mean trouble. And it did! They'd practically emerged right in the heart of Gerudo activity, near a dividend of the larger river that cut the Gerudos' Canyon and obviously a fairly main water feed. He could almost be sure that metal fence on the opposite bank had a gate somewhere, and a guarded one at that. Fiduss, indeed.

"I, er, can get us out of this! Don't panic! It is remediable!"

Link slung around his pack to his front, putting a tremendous strain on one of his shoulders to look inside for a map. He pulled out a scroll bound in twine after tossing out various other eccentricities, bit apart the twine with his teeth while he flung his sack back on to his back, then spat out the dried vines and rolled apart the yellow roll.

Link was mainly speaking to himself, as the girls were lost in their own conversation. Spoken mainly, as Link would have noticed had he any spare consciousness, in the Lingo. A useful tool it was, for getting under the nose of parents. Regardless, he said out loud, but softly, in case keen Gerudo ears were prying, "See?" His finger began to trace the map. "It's not as quick our original path, but it will do. All we have to do is find a way through the Haunted Wasteland... are the two of you listening to me at all?"

They didn't respond, so they obviously weren't.

Grr, bemoaned Link inwardly, those two never listen... "Hey! You guys! Haven't you heard my plan?"

"Huh?" Posie looked up. "Oh, don't worry about it, Daddy, we've got an idea."

"How?" Link scratched his head. "What do either of you know about this region of Hyrule?"

"Plenty," came the doubled response.

Navi, who couldn't resist the urge to cut her rivals down to size, scoffed. "Yeah! A load of urban legends and gossip. I'll bet you know all about how Gerudos make blood sacrifices too-"

"Never did, never will," Elaine interrupted. "The misleading name given to the Spirit Temple, 'Goddess of the Sands,' has caused some people to think the Gerudos worship the beings within as deities. Which is false. They're as Goddess-fairing as the rest of the population, and are quite noble, for thieves. They limit their thievery to obscenely wealthy. And then only the adults. Never children."

Navi's little mouth hung open quite visibly in shock. "Well, maybe a Gossip Stone blabbed to you how they come to the market place looking for-"

"Wrong again," this time Posie. "They are strictly forbidden by Gerudo law to go looking for love in anyone outside of the Hundred-Year Prince, which is what they call their legendary boy born every century. Anyone among them who does so is condemned to either A, a life in prison, B, death, or C, demotion to Gerudo Scythebearer, and the permanent tattooing of their face in black sickles, to show that they are the Gerudo Grim, and flames, to represent how afterward they will burn in-well, you know." She pointed to the floor.

Navi looked impressed. "The first and second are true. But the last part sounds like some wild fabrication of your minds to me. You sure it's an accurate assessment?"

Elaine smiled. "I'd bet my name on everything she told being true."

The fairy sighed. "Have it your way," and she flew up to where Link was hastily trying to mark the route they should take in some of Saria's cold creams. Hardly what she'd intended it for. "Hey, you, were you aware that your daughter and her best friend have encyclopedic knowledge of Gerudo rites and customs?"

Link was busy trying to erase a deadly smudge with yet another white-floured finger, and barely made sense of it. "Wuh?"

She gave a canine growl. "Forget it. Let's just get on..."

"I've said it once today and I'll say it again." Link re-rolled the map and stuck it over his head, into a gap in his packings. "How? It's not like we can just walk up there and ask to go through!"

"You still have your Membership Card, don't you?"

"No! You expect me to keep a relic giving me ties to them?" He pointed across the river.

"Hmmm," mumbled Navi, digesting Link's precise point, "I suppose you've got something there. Maybe there's a way to sneak in..."

"Don't hold your breath," said Elaine with a flourish of sarcasm and a flick of her hand at Navi. "Gerudo put guards around ev-ry- thing. You'd have to be either extremely well learned in their fort to find a breach in their defenses, or a really lucky son-of-a-gun. Luckily, we have some of both, but I don't think it's going to be enough for a complex stealth attack."

"Well then, miss Gerudo Expert, what do you propose we do, then?"

"Pssh! You must really be desperate! You're actually listening to her?"

"Shut up, Navi," bit Elaine before proceeding. "Hmm, well, I'd say our best chances would be worming out way past one of the guards, snaking through their fortress, and making a quick scramble over the gate blocking off the Haunted Wasteland. Sound good?"

"Well, that's all fine and dandy, Elaine, but how do we get through the Wasteland after that? The sandstorms there blow 24/7! Can't see a thing! Can't tell if you're walking past a crate, or stepping over a rock, or sinking into a pit of quicksand..."

"Hey! Hey!" checked Posie. "I know! Use your truth-lensy- thingy!"

"No can do, kid," he clicked his tongue, "didn't think we'd be needing that so I left it at home. Good idea, though. I think we'd best consider the immediate situation-how the heck do we get through the guards, presuming there are any?"

"Trust me, there will be," said Elaine in a way both positive and negative. "If it belongs to the Gerudos, no matter how paltry it is, they'll make sure no one gets their grimy paws on it. I don't think bribery will work all that well-what is it, Posie? Don't bug me, I'm plotting revenge."

Link couldn't fathom what on earth she could mean by that, but at least Elaine would pause her rambling to see what Posie was tugging the seem of her dress for. The little girl hopped up excitedly and pointed to a lumpy mass covered in an oily rag near a particularly rocky part of the riverbank. Elaine's face fell to slightly expressionless as she dashed up to see what lay hidden beneath the gray-brown cloth, but stopped and leered evilly, rubbing her hands together when she saw something creased, billowy and near-metallic purple peek out beneath it.

"What?" asked Link.

******************************

"The next time I ask you girls a question, please don't answer me."

No, not even Ganon could make things worse right now, Link was convinced. He'd promised himself he'd do anything to recover the Sword of Obedience, but now he wished he'd at least considered Gerudos beforehand and discreetly made a note against cross-dressing.

Some old Gerudo maid had been out doing her sisters' laundry that morning and left it by the river to dry; just their lucky day it was in all sizes-from Posie-doll to Elaine-child and even Link-adult. However, it was also made for someone with a painfully tiny waist, and he could just about sympathize for women and their corsets as he attempted to button the lavender blouse that was the lower half of the complicated Gerudo attire. He couldn't just leave it open. Women did not have six-packs. The fancily embroidered vest wasn't much of a good fit either-it stretched uncomfortably, impaled upon his pointy shoulders. And he didn't even want to start upon the harem pants. His feet were much too wide for the curly- toed Gerudo slippers, and then there was the matter of his face...

There was no effectiveness in trying to make them look like true Gerudos, Elaine pointedly noted as Posie tightened the waist sash that came with her outfit. Even with the sunburns they were all patchworked with, there was no chance of their skin ever being dark enough to pass enough for the rich mocha of Gerudo skin. And they had nothing of which to dye their hair red with, unless they wanted to streak their swords through it, an idea which appealed to none of them. And then there was turning Link into a convincing woman-he had to use the black river mud mixed with burn salve for mascara, he actually bit his own lips to redden them, and then there was the fact that, Posie pointed out giggling, he was far too flat chested. Link refused to do anything about this, and Elaine rebutted with the fact he had no choice. Embarrassed beyond belief, he discreetly waded up some bandages and, face a brilliant red, completed his outfit. It looked a little lumpy to be sure, but it would have to suffice. Their typical clothes he stuffed in his backpack with the rest of their materials.

Link couldn't help but notice, once the girls emerged from the cave finishing together their outfits, the individual build of each. He was surprised how well the Gerudo clothes fit Elaine. With her long arms and legs, sloping shoulders, upward-scything nose so contrary to Randy's, and limber build, one might have thought her long-missing mother was a Gerudo. Even if everyone knew she had his face, it was interesting to see that Posie had much more of her mother in her body. Though it couldn't be said of her now, when Saria was a Kokiri she'd had large, glove-like hands, a round, tubular torso, and those pudgy limbs of Posie's. He never really realized how much in their appearances he'd taken for granted before now.

"Alright," he began in his normal baritone, then quickly shifted to a practice falsetto, "I mean, alright, we've got the looks, now what's our story?"

"Elaine and I have already got it covered," Posie told Link. "We're sisters, the three of us, from a noble family. But we're tired of all the nobility and want to let our bad-girl sides free. Can we all agree to that?"

"I don't know... are you sure they'll believe us?"

"If we can prove we truly want to be Gerudos," said Elaine. "But that means we have to know everything about them, or at least act like we do. We have to present our story in Gerudo language. Mr. B, since you're the oldest, you'll have to do the talking. But don't worry. I can tell you exactly what to say."

"And presently, just how exactly do you know?"

"I have my ways," she said enigmatically. "Anyway, we have our code names. I'm Kimiria, Pose is Ludores, and you're going to be Linèrick. Sounds like 'limerick,' only with an N. OK?"

"Oh... kay." Link nodded, a bit unsure. "What do I have to say to this guard person if they stop us."

"Alright," began Elaine, "Here's what you say-make an effort to remember this, or we're going to look totally false-Mayen uuthor Linguists-Greetings fellow Gerudos-kest ryu te fenum.-We come in peace. Hexo quwen Linèrick, thess ner Ludores chirrn Kimiria.-I am Linèrick, these are Ludores and Kimiria. Kest garn moki bsy iirip pallon.-We wish to join your camp. Do you have that much so far?"

"Mayen uuthor Linguists-wha?"

Elaine hung her headed and "Tut tut"-ed Link under her breath. "Never mind, I'll tell them. Speaking Gerudo is as easy as breathing for me. It will look a bit weird, but they can't expect us to be perfect, can they?" She shrugged. "And we have to try and think of us by our Gerudo aliases. Although all Gerudos pick a regular name to go by outside of their lands, inside their fortress, they all go by their Gerudo names."

"Do they?" Link only half earnestly questioned. "Do these names we're using mean anything, perchance? Something that might give them some outward perception of us?"

"Yeah," said Posie. "See, Ludores here means 'Purple Flower.' I chose it for myself, since posies are purple flowers. Kimiria is 'Sun Child,' it's also Elaine's middle name. By no sheer coincidence, either, I might add, her-"-she coughed a word that was incomprehensible-"-chose it for her because of its Gerudo meaning."

"And what about Linèrick?"

Posie hacked again. "It, uh-it means 'Insanity is Punctual.'"

"What?!?!" Link was indignant, reduced to a child not much older than they were. "How come you two get the cool names?"

"Because we know what we're doing," Elaine told him. His face was sullen. She attempted to perk him up by saying, "Oh, don't worry about it! Just play by ear; go with the flow! They all talking in Hylean once you get inside, and then, nobody will give a darn. They probably won't even notice we're missing."

Link fiddled with the hair hanging by his temple. He had let it down in an attempt to look more feminine. "Speak for yourselves, sisters!"

"There's the spirit!" exclaimed Elaine. "Now, let's do this! L-P-E? Link, Posie and Elaine?"

"Ahem!" Navi was harsh in her face. "How about L-P-E-N? Link, Posie, Elaine and Navi?"

"Oh, we don't need you," Elaine told her. "In fact, you'd best hide in Mr. B's backpack. Gerudos have almost as little tolerance for fairies as they do for their arch-rivals, the Zora. They let the Great Fairy of Magic hang out near the Spirit Temple, but only because Nabooru makes them. So, yeah, go and flitter off and shut up and all that."

"Humph." The light obliged, reluctantly. Slowly the humdrum song of her wings pattered away as she made herself scarce beneath a brown cloth fold. Link tittered. Seeing Navi getting told by a five-year-old was almost as satisfying as chasing after the flying mouth with a sword. Even the wind joined in with their merriment, and one could almost catch it muttering. Oddly, it seemed to be saying, "That makes this chapter significantly easier."

"Nowwww... where to find this gate..." Link, despite his inexperience with inside Gerudo culture, was leading the way down the stream to scan the other side. Unlike his boots, which would have crunched in the congealing sand, the silky Gerudo slippers made no noise on the earth. Just the stealth way they were intended to. Swish-swish; his pants were awfully loud, though; legs scraping away against each other and muffled notes ringing out as the crimps collided. He tried to sight anything that might show them a guard, be it a crop of red hair, a gleam of mocha skin, or the flash of the blade stacked on a glaive.

He had been meandering left and right as he sauntered, and nearly slipped and fell into the fast-racing water when he took a misstep onto the slick river rocks. He tried to avoid doing it, but he couldn't help it: As he was falling, he cried, "Woah!"

"What was that?"

Too late. He'd been caught just as he caught himself. A sharply accented voice accused from somewhere around a knot in the trickle. He had managed to dodge the embarrassment of voicing his presence with a splash, but his stray tongue had been a turncoat in its place. Three choruses of shifting pants pealed in a triangle around him; two softer from behind, and one much more swiftly to the northeast.

Link's eyes drifted upward and saw the Gerudo guard sprinting toward them. She wore a traditional guard uniform, with off-white harem pants, a blue sleeveless blouse, and a flowing red scarf tied around her stomach. Her hair was cropped boyish short, and every inch of her face was embossed in green makeup. Her right hand was woven about a quarterstaff, its blunt yet hard and polished ends reflected in her reddish forehead jewel. It was set into a brass circlet, capping the entire dome of her cranium. She wore sandals instead of slippers; Link winced seeing red hot sand scrape into them. Her nails were painted the color of blood.

She gave a nasty chuckle. "What has Rohmerla here, she supposes?" she asked sarcastically, laced with war-lust. She poised to pounce, wand held in a threatening gesture.

Link looked into a chin view of her prickly face, mouth an "O" of surprise and eyes glassy with momentary panic. He tried to remember everything he'd been told to say-the door had been left open, information was fleeing in packs of dogs-

"Stop," came the granite order to his rear. Of course, it had not been any command Link could understand, for it was spoken in Gerudo. But he knew the voice, and the speaker was surprising; it was Elaine. Even if her words were not to his mind, her emotion was not unlike his when he told a young trainee at the castle(or perhaps even Posie) just how to use a sword. Or a bow, or a Hookshot, or a hammer. It was like this desert facade was her element, and now she had returned to it.

The Gerudo Rohmerla's tense tendons relaxed, and she stood up straight. She raised an eyebrow curiously and looked faintly amused. "And who are you to tell me what to do, little one?" The unfamiliar-sounding sentence went straight through one of Link's ears and out the other, but the children grasped it perfectly and just smiled even broader than they had been doing before. "I am Kimiria Telenor, these are my sisters Ludores and Linèrick, Guardmistress," the brown-haired one informed.

"Hmmm. And where did you learn how to speak Gerudo? You're not one of us, I can see that clearly, and neither are your... 'sisters.'" She looked at Link doubtfully, rubbing her biceps with her sickled nails.

"We observe," said Posie, whose grasp of the language was considerably more broken than Elaine's. As a result, her speech was gnarled and must have sounded funny to the ears of this sleek Rohmerla. "Learn for years, many, come. Telenor family big, rich, pampered. We are tired. We want to be Gerudo."

Rohmerla scoffed. "All of you? We won't say no to ferreting away a few youngsters who take the time and effort to run away from home, but this one?" The butt of her staff whipped through the air with a frightening whoosh and came to rest just in front of Link's nose as he started to rise. He shrunk back, eyes crossed and focused on the rounded but deadly tip.

He had understood those last words, for they were spoken in plain Hylean. "Umm, I-"-he coughed, his voice cracked-"-I had this idea in the first place! Yes, it was mine. Our father, uhh, he... was trying to get me to marry a man I had absolutely no interest in whatsoever! Yes, that's it! He was a horrible, horrible person, all he cared about was money! Why, if I ever get my hands on that sneaking, good for nothing, son of a-"

"Oooooookay Linèrick-or are you Ludores? Ahh, screw it-we get the picture." She withdrew her weapon. Much to Link's confusion, for she had reverted back to gibing in her homeland tongue. "So, you all want to be Gerudos, do you? Well, you can speak the Lingo, so that's one in your favor. But what makes you all think you're cut out for this?"

"We have Gerudo blood," said Elaine. "Our great-grandmother was one."

"But that means you're also illegal according to Gerudo law," replied Rohmerla. "Gerudos are barred from having families outside the Gerudo blood. Your great-grandmother was probably an Undertaker."

"If so, we proud," said Posie. "She still great-grandmother. We care not. Let us in."

"Pu-shy! Douse your fires, small one," nodded the guard. "You've got to give me more than your word for me to let you past here. And even so, it's up to Lady Nabooru whether you stay or go. What else do you have to show that you are markable for membership in the Noble League of Desert Warrior Pirates?"

"This," Elaine said in Hylean. The Guard took a step forward and used Link's head for a footrest, shoving his view into the boiling earth momentary. He heard a turning of cloth, but couldn't see much for Rohmerla's powerful leg above him. He heard a muted gasp and his face was free again, letting him swallow a few gulps of scathing, but much-needed air. He saw how that Gerudo was molded when she reversed-stunned, and pounded down into disbelief. In awe, she uttered(Gerudo again), "Well... I suppose... perhaps I was a bit quick to judge. But I had reason to doubt, I mean, of all three, only you-I'm truly sorry. I cannot make any promises, but I will do what I can... your names... please, one more time?" Mid- sentence, she reversed her dialect yet again. She seemed to be suspicious of Link's ability to comprehend even half of her words. He sighed with ease and started, but was quickly interrupted-

"Kimiria, Sun Child."

"Ludores, Purple Flower."

"Errrm... Linèrick, Insanity is Punctual?"

She was not reassured by Link's wondering at his own name.

"Well, I'm Rohmerla: Music. And welcome to the fortress, much as I can guess. You picked a ripe time to run away from home. There's a rather hefty celebration going on in there."

"Why?" asked Link.

"Dunno," Rohmerla answered. "I don't think the Gerudos have practiced the same holiday more than three years in a row since, oh, 125 whereabouts..." She scoffed. "But who cares? A party is a party! I heard a couple of ladies say they were going out to find a few men to kidnap. Teasing them is so jolly, they make such funny noises when the wriggle..."

Link gulped, rather unplacated by that statement.

"Hey, hey, why the pale face? No need to be nervous, sister! I'm sure the girls will love ya!" She threw her arm around his back. "C'mon, I'll show you around. I have a bit of authority over some of the gals myself. I'll get you a room, then warm you up to the crowd... whaddiya say?" She tightened her half-embrace.

Sure, sure, they'll love me alright. Once they find out who I really am.

"Yes, Linèrick," he could hear Posie reassuring him, thankfully with an account he could comprehend, "There's no need to be fearful. They are our family now. Families love and trust each other; and they are also our new friends, and friends do the same. Don't they?"

Link's chosen response would have been "Perhaps a bit too much, they do," but he didn't want to arouse suspicions in the guard or sever his faith in the plan his daughter and her ever-crafty friend had set. Instead, he sighed, pried Rohmerla's arm off his waist and looped it over his head, a mumbled a little. "You're right, trusted younger sibling, it is indeed what they do. And to think, age is supposed to bring wisdom!" Oh, how awfully cheesy that sounded. And false. "Trusted younger sibling?" "It is indeed what they do?" Was he reciting lines from some Shakespeare play gone horribly wrong? There was that Gerudo eyebrow again, arching beneath a stuffed curl of her short and bouncy hair. Link attempted to feign a girlish giggle to cover his vermilion face. He ended up squawking like a sick canary.

Sardonic woe put a crimp in the side of the guard's face. She took a few steps back as Link stepped forward, kneeling beside to trap the approaching Elaine. "I'd steal a straightjacket for that one if I were you, kid," she hushed while pointing at the staggering lunk in front of her. (Whom she had fortunately failed to notice, when she grasped "her" midsection, that "she" had unusually well-molded abs for a woman.) "But, like they say, can't judge someone by their family... so maybe you and your little sis here will end up a bit more sane." Her terrible pun(and personal attack on her height) caused Posie-Ludores to "Uuuuhg" and throw up her hands in disgust.

They were fast coming upon a slice of the stream, tied in a snarl by the Goddesses when They had formed the land of Ebridane eons ago. Slick, shiny smooth boulders, carved into almost perfect domes by the erosion of water, were scattered liberally here and there among this junction, nearly forming a natural dam not even the most muscled of beavers could have thrust into place. Those rocks were a little dented, too; centuries of wear from Gerudo feet leaping nimbly from stone to stone saw to that. It was clearly the only way to cross the river, or at least the closest. No matter how shallow it looked, anyone who tried to step into those hurricane-fast darting needles of icy water would instantly be felled and dragged down, down, down the brook's length.

Rohmerla apparently expected them to know what to do, for wordlessly she skipped off the bank onto the first stone, then to the next to make her way across the bridge. Just as silently Elaine accepted her task, limbs in all their gangly being serving her well for balance and agility. Posie had to make larger bounds, but she could find her balance much better than the two before her, and in proportion to her body, her legs were much stronger than her friend or even the Gerudo's.

Link, still so very lost, was naturally last. Tenaciously he tried to place a foot on the first boulder-and lost his footing immediately, his light slippers having zero traction whatsoever. He swung back his arms to shift his weight and mercifully landed on the solid earth, on his back. Rohmerla heard the thump and looked over her shoulder. "Yo, Blondie," she called to him, and Link winced, knowing very well that this was obviously meant as an insult, "are you coming or not?"

"Come-"-oops, too low-"-Coming!" He foisted himself back up and attempted the rock again, even slower than before. He just barely managed to drag his other leg up upon it, standing straight up and near paralyzed, frigid liquid lashing at his ankles and soaking the frills of his outfit into clingy bunches of cloth.

Even Posie was across the river now. "Da-Linèrick," she almost snarled impatiently, "we haven't got all day!"

"Get your rear over here, sister!"

Well, it was funny when it happened to Navi, at least. Hoping the guard wouldn't notice his unusually thick ankles, revealed by his wet pants, he made a large and tangled stride to the next boulder in the series.

In order to nudge himself over the stream he had to keep his mind on everything except the foamy white water beneath him. Its tongues were icy in spite of the region's heat, and would have been a comfort were not the biting wind chilling it further. He tried to make himself laugh... tried to think of something amusing... his trip to that faraway kingdom, that was it. He'd stayed at that one inn for the night, and his roommate had told him in the morning... about the bubble coming out of his nose... sheer embarrassment, at the time, but now, a riot. But the mentality of memories and the physical battering of river water were extremely unbalanced, and he wore a painfully strained mouth until his feet were on firm land again.

"I don't see how the three of you got across so quickly!" He hoped he sounded feminine enough phrasing that, he was too overcome with relief to pay much attention to how he acted out his disguise.

"Well, sister, you're just not built like the rest of us ladies, for sure. Weaker, like a man."

Ouch. That had hurt. But he had to keep from showing it in his face... good, Posie looked more offended than even he felt. Elaine had the tense look of someone restraining hysterics.

"Oh, no need to be so morbid about it," Rohmerla remarked. "I was just funning! If you're gonna hang around us, get used to people pushing you around. Besides, nothing a few aerobics won't fix. Right? One, two, we'll have you in shape in no time. And you could use with a bit of muscle- building yourself, short stuff," she grinned, looking down her arm at the young warrior wannabe.

"Put a sock in it," she retaliated. "What? Don't look so shocked. You said Gerudos were used to getting bullied, right?"

"Yeah," mumbled the astounded guard, "but you usually don't expect it from the kidlings."

"Oh, come on, gang, let's not get off on a bad foot!" The more and more he opened his mouth, Link was convinced, the more and more false he sounded. "Chin up! We've got to exist in harmony from now on, right?"

All three of the genuine females rolled their eyeballs. Exasperated, Rohmerla said, "Oh, come on, let's just go inside."



The more Link saw of the inside of this compound, the sicker he felt in the pit of his stomach. There was simply no way in all of humanity they were going to pull this off. He'd have a better chance if he were disguised as a barrel, and sneaking through a crumbling fortress! Actually, he'd done that once, and gotten away with it. Which was not a reassuring thought. The piercing green eyes of the Gerudo, staring at him and his companions as Rohmerla lead them through the grounds, pounded his hopes even further down. If there ever was a rare occasion on which he felt pessimistic about something, now would be it.

The gate their guide had been protecting was as close to a "back door" to the Fortress of the thieves as their could be, poking itself into a smooth, gray brick wall with the courage of a lion. The quiet, empty passageway was bare, save a couple of crates set there to store provisions, but all around it was a thrum of white noise and activity. If he stared at it for too long, he might have started to swear the ox-skull wall hanging, above a flaky-looking door, was vibrating.

Their head looked left and right, as if to avoid getting run over by someone suddenly sprinting the halls, and gazed back at those who blindly followed. She had asked them, "Alright, where do you ladies want me to take you first? You rather go to the heart of the action or your room first?"

"You already managed to secure us a room?" awed Elaine.

"Well, not exactly, no," she confirmed, "but believe me, you girls'll get it if you want it, by Goddesses. It's Nukira's room!"

Link knew on the spot that he didn't like the way she'd spit out that last name, there. There was something of a decidedly bitter accent permeating it. Was it mockery? He'd always known that Gerudos were less that decent with their underlings, and he didn't know if he wanted that room if someone else was getting... wait a moment, what was he griping about? They weren't staying! They were going in and out. But it still wasn't fair...

Get a hold of yourself! It's only a Gerudo! They're vile, seductive creatures, remember?

But injustice was something even more noisome than they were.

The room they entered after that was heavily crowed, and overhung with the smells of roast, sweat, and smoke. He was easily aware that not all the perspiration dripping off of him was strictly because of the Valley's natural temperature, either. The girls(the little ones) could easily duck underfoot, but he and Rohmerla had to shove their way through, and there were various parts of the group's anatomies bumping up against him that he'd rather not think about...

He had meant to think it, but he ended up blurting out anyway, "Good Goddesses are we out yet?!?!"

He recoiled the moment it left his lips, for the voice that spoke it was definitely not a lady's, but quite luckily for him it fell on deaf ears.

Rohmerla carved a road for them that led to a weathered wooden table, around which was seated a posse of about four or five Gerudos apparently of Guard rank. It was near impossible to tell them apart even from their leader, for all wore the exact same loose-fitting yet hip- hugging clothes and had the same facial makeup. About the only visible differences obvious to Link was that some had tighter curls in their short locks. He tried to distinguish them by height-yet even their heads cut even. Yes, there was that Gerudo inbreeding, alright.

"Yaow, Rommy," hailed one, spinning a goblet full of sloshing green liquid in her spindly fingers, "Is your shift finally done? Come and relax with us, sister, and chill your soul!"

"No can do, Lai-Mae," she shook her head. "I just snagged myself a couple of new recruits and had to bring them to a group I can trust. I hope you'll be that group?"

"We're down, sister," replied the one to the left of Lai-Mae. Her voice suggested that she might have a cold, or perhaps an allergy to the dust skirting over the barren desert lands. "Boy, does she look like a sorry catch!"

"Them," corrected Rohmerla. She pointed down at the floor. The two sitting immediately in front of them swiveled round, and the three behind the bench leaned over the hard surface. A haze of chuckles broke loose almost instantly.

"What?" asked a very cantankerous Posie, who was getting fed up with all the "short jokes" she'd heard today. "How'd you all like it if I stuffed you in a crusher and squeezed you down to my size, huh? HUH?"

"Aww, how cute," mocked one, "the littlest one has the biggest mouth!"

"Hey, you just leave my dau-sister alone!"

"You can't speak! What 'choo talkin' bout, girl, what with them manly shoulders and all?"

"Not all of us inherited out mother's graceful good looks!"

Which really wasn't true. If you compared a photograph of Link's mom right before she had died with one of him now, you'd find that Link took after his mother in shape as much as he took after his father in face. And the same sort of situation applied to Posie, as well. But Link wasn't the least bit ashamed to say parents didn't bear any semblance to Gerudos, thank the Goddesses for that. If they did... ha, forget destiny, he'd never have been accepted as a knight, the Royal Protector, or even a citizen at all.

"Yeah, but not all of us inherited our burly papa's, either."

Link suddenly became very interested in his feet as his ears turned beet red, while the group of sentry buddies of Rohmerla's howled and hooted with laughter. "You go, Shaki!" said the one called Lai-Mae, playfully punching her friend on the shoulder.

"Hey, hey, go easy on 'em!" The head of these hoodlums finally spoke up, patting the air with he hands in a "calm down" gesture. "They're new, after all. Listen, I have to get back to my post now, so see to it these guys don't get into too much trouble, OK? Get 'em some kinra cider, a bowl of hot xingyr, you know, the basics. And show them up to their room when they're done eating, alright?"

"They're new, and they've already got a room?"

Rohmerla clenched her hands and stamped her feet. "You idiots, you know what room I mean! And if that lurker tries to stop you-"

"We know," they all replied in an eerie harmony. Simultaneously they drew their fingers across their throats and made a gut- wrenching noise.

"Good. Ciao!" She gave a brief saluted and started to hustle back through the fog of her kin.

Getting left with a bunch of rambunctious(and pugnacious) Gerudos was definitely the last thing Link wanted at that moment. Especially if one of one of the other ladies really did manage to secure an outside man for their "entertainment."

"Goddesses, help me," he mumbled, feeling helpless, to himself.

That table of ruin was doing an ominous-sounding group snicker. He daren't find out what they found so funny. He'd turned away for more reasons than to watch Rohmerla leave-oh, how he hated those looks Lai and her cronies shot him! It felt like they were staring lasers that burned off his ruse and left him standing bare and revealed in front of that entire encore of slime from the sands. Was the heat turning him delusional? He looked down and thought for a moment this nightmare had become a reality, but he blinked and all was right again. A cough below his waist made him swivel.

"Uugh!" Elaine had covered he nose and mouth over with the collar of her suit. "They're barbecuing with leiba leaves!"

Perhaps that explained his sudden hallucination. Every child in Ebridane knew from even the earliest age about leiba leaves. Rare imports from Kjurum, in the Derxelholmian Peninsula, they were even better than mesquite chips for adding flavor to the grill, but the smoke wafting from their cinders did a pretty trippy number on anyone who inhaled it. He was mused to wonder their rationale for cooking with them, and followed Elaine's suit. No, things were certainly not looking up. If Gerudos were bad when they weren't almost completely drugged...

It was already starting to get to one of Lai-Mae's. Her pupils dilated, her eyes were bloodshot, her face was looking pale. She seemed to have lost control of one of her hands, and was spilling draughts of the green mixture in her goblet as she wobbled. The rest of her crew seemed to be taking it with less of a struggle-quite luckily one exposed to leiba effects for prolonged periods over time built up a resistance. No one he knew used them because of the danger involved, so he'd never had that experience. Only moderately slurred, Lai chuckled. "You'll get used to it, mark me. Don't be strangers... sit down... that's right... you look thirsty. Kinra cider?"

Too much information! In the sense that it was a bit over the line of easy comprehension. And what in the name of Heaven and Hyrule was kinra cider?

Gratefully, he didn't have to ask. Posie was kind enough to answer for him, however muffled her powerful(if not a bit sticky at times) voice was. Most likely trying to be impressive, she told Shaki, in almost fluent Gerudo: "Two glass. One goblet. Best kinra. Clear." She had to stand on the bench to be seen above the tabletop. Link drummed his fingers on the table, afraid again they were going to blast into another conversation he wouldn't be able to track.

Elaine replied in a more sensible tongue. "Since when did you learn the distinction between clear and burdened kinra? Considering you've only ever seen one kind, I didn't think you were aware the other sort existed!"

"I wasn't. But I figured that since the bottles of the stuff at your house are all marked 'Clear,' and I've had it with no ill effects, it must be safe. And honestly, I haven't ever heard of burdened kinra. But I think I can make a guess why they call it that." She pointed at the collapsing-no, make that now collapsed-body that had flopped down next to them. Her body heat was overwhelming. She hadn't been overdosed on the smoke wafting from the giant pit a beast of undetermined origin was roasting over-she was utterly drunk.

Link was more than just a bit repulsed. Not to mention offended by the slightly alcoholic odor her living corpse was emitting. Hopefully discreetly, he disgustedly shoved her under the table headfirst. She was flung into the dust with a noise anything but inconspicuous. And her feet were still propped up.

One of the four still standing put on a bitter crack between her blue-dusted lips. "Yes... well, you know, not all are as strong as us. Plenty of our troupe have... certain weaknesses... you will learn quickly not all our race are worthy of the place they hold."

What a lovely and reassuring moment. They were so doomed.

Lai herself left the table and merged into the throng, disappearing for about seven minutes and then squeezing out again with a large wooden chalice and a pair of yellow-crafted pieces of poor glassware suspended in her arms. They swam with some of the same potion that had KO'd the misfortunate girl sitting beside them, though it smelled quite different and was fairly obviously harmless. Like a bartender she slid them their respective cups, but Link just peered blankly into his. Was it safe? Dare he draw from it in faith? Well, Posie and that ever-surprising friend of hers accepted the drink and were slurping it down in gargantuan gulps, and suffered no ill effects. Almost with the air of someone taking a dare, he lifted the clumsy tumbler to his lips and took an experimental sip.

"Arrrrg!" was about the easiest way he could sum up the flavorful maelstrom he'd poured into his mouth that instant. It was like taking a swig of undiluted lemon juice! He was sure his eyes were watering. And those kids were inhaling the stuff! Hmm, but despite the almost vile acid twang of it, it had a curious and satisfying flavor. Like a pure, high ocarina whistle distilled into a drop of zest. It satiated his mounting thirst adequately. But he'd best lap it up slowly, or else he'd put his tongue out of commission for a week.

Stop grinning so smugly, you! The ringleader of this guard brigade was really starting to irk him. Every new discovery he made of this bizarre culture was like a terrific joke to her. It was always hard to tell the age of a Gerudo, for they didn't show the signs of the years much, but something told him she'd seen a fair share of newbies come and go. And they weren't usually in their early twenties, either.

Elaine had already drained her glass, and despite having more in proportion to herself Posie was close at hand. How was that possible?! Did they not feel the atomic power of their senses gaining on them? It was almost disgusting. It would have hurt him to drink his cup as quickly as they did.

"Perhaps your needs ain't pleased with our cider," Lai mumbled while giving him a sly look. "Why don't I lead you ladies up to your room, so you can unpack? Then you all can get that load off your back and party like you mean it. Is this a deal?"

Oh, to get away from the bustle down here! "Yeah, let's do that. Ludores? Kimiria?"

Posie wiped a green bit of kinra from her upper lip. "Huh?"

"Why don't we let this nice Lai-Mae take us up to our new room? I'm sure it will be lovely, and much more pleasant than it is down here." Hint, hint; nudge, nudge; wink, wink. In other words, let's get the heck out of here before we're stoned as that one was.

"D'oh. Ok. If you say so."

"Come on, let's get out of here. I think it's making you heady already." Elaine set down her empty glass and tugged at Posie's colorful collar.

*************************************

The blushing skies shed winds of vibrant pigment through the air, voluminous clouds smudged with orange and cherry as the sun began to retreat into its bed. Had one whole day really gone that fast? Up in the teetering, musty parapet, warm zephyrs gentle as a breath caressed Link's flowing golden locks. But the very presence here swelled with death and agony, and no warrior could ever mistake the smell of rancid blood. Where were they being lead, exactly? Their guide, Lai-Mae of course, had been silent ever since they began to ascend the stairs at the end of the corridor. He'd only been too happy to get away from that horrid celebration, but the dust he whiffed here and there sent frozen thunderbolts up his spine.

They were approaching a dead end, it seemed-no, wait, there was a small bend here. But it didn't look like the hall on the other side of the corner went very far.

"So where are we going, anyway?"

Goddesses bless your little soul, Posie.

"Hmmm. Well, like I told you, despite the fact that most of our chicks know where their places is, there are some of 'em who just don't play by the rules. And this would be where we keep them till their dying days, right after the morgue."

Link gasped. Had they been ousted from their prank? "You're taking us to a prison chamber?!"

"Aww, no. We're not that hostile with out guests. But rules is rules, so till you ladies get yourself evaluated by Lady Nabooru herself you're gonna be sleepin' with the Undertaker. That's why she's so close to the dead folks. Her name'd be Nukira Scythebearer, but most people just call her 'Hey, you' or 'Get your sorry hide over here.'"

"Ouch," winced Posie. "What'd she do, exactly?"

"I dunno! Something or other; had some sort of affair, I think. I never pay attention! But she's a troublemaker, and troublemakers gotta be put in their place. I warn you, she's a bit hostile, so... don't try to bite her just yet."

No worries there. They'd be long gone before the sun laid down its flaming head. But that was enough to put a pang in his mind again. Not only did she get shoved around, but this Nukira was apparently being punished for a crime no one remembered. If only there was something he could do to ease the pain on her shoulders...

Lai came to a stop in front of a crimson red door rotted from a battering of sand and just barely managing to hang onto its brass hinges. She made an overly polite and meek knock on the door and called to within. "Oh Nukira, honey, you've got company! Couple of greenhorns gobbled up by your dear older sister Rohmerla."

"Go away!" Now, where had Link heard that tone of voice before? She sounded like Posie might, feeling upset and locked away in her room. A few gasping noises-sobs, undoubtedly-furthered the image of a distraught child. And comparing this total stranger to his daughter wasn't helping the empathy molding on his heart.

"Now sweetie-"-ugh, how transparently false her honeyed voice sounded-"-you know the rules! At least now, don't you?"

"Ha-Ha-Ha. I'm so amused! Really! Find some other pigeon!"

"They're not approved yet, love, you really need to share your room!"

"MAKE ME!"

"Nukira!" Earnestly brutal. "Even you demand some privacy, but if you don't let me in this instant I'll-"-she rattled the doorknob, glued firmly into its socket. "SCYTHEBEARER! UNLOCK THE DOOR THIS INSTANT! I'LL SLIT YOUR THROAT WITH MY OWN BLOODRED NAILS AND I WON'T HESITATE TO DO IT EITHER!"

"AND THEY'LL BE NO ONE TO SWEEP YOUR CORPSE AFTER I MURDER YOU!"

"INGRAAAAATE!"

"NOT HALF OF ONE AS YOU!"

"SHUT UP!" Make that a double blessing for her, Immortal Ones. Posie shrieked with unleashed rage and hands slapped over her ears. "Honestly! Shut up! Look, Miss Nukira or whatever, and Lai-Mae, act your age! Both of you! Even I'm more mature than you are, and I'm less than a fourth of what you both must be at minimum! Or something like that. My math is really bad."

Blood-curdling silence swept the hall. The withered door squealed ajar, shattering that silence easily as a stone shatters glass.

Glancing out from the sliver between wood and stone shot a skewering green eye, blotched and red around the edges and slimed over with saltwater. Beneath the puffy lids curved a cursed black crescent, not a product of make-up as the other Gerudo's paintings were, but permanately etched there by some flaming needle. A few threads of dull, oily red hair wafted in front of it. Her nose was sharp and shoved upwards, framed on both sides by an arching gradient that melted to yellow from red in the black outline of a bonfire. Her lips were plain and brown, chapped and whitening. She was rounder about the middle than most of her kin, but still shapely-and her wind-beaten arms were long and slender, but not in the same sinewy sense as the others. Her plain dark purple shirt was flat and patched many times, and her lavender pants had lost their lovely billow long ago.

If you couldn't tell that she was the local scapegoat just by looking at her, you had to be blind. She had an emaciated voice sanded threadbare from weeping. It cracked like weathered rubber. "Yes?"

"May we come in?" asked Elaine timidly.

Nukira Scythebearer scanned Lai, and those in front of her. Link, frown. Posie, double frown. Elaine-well, it set those crushed lips straight, at least. They twitched at the edges, like they wanted to smile- but had forgotten how.

"They're sisters," Lai explained. "Noble girls, you know, who ran away to join the Gerudos. Until they get their own room they're staying here. And no arguments. Yes?"

"Pssh, yeah, whatever. Just so long as they stay out of my stuff, they can stay for tonight only. After that I want them about of my sight. Can you say 'yes?'"

"Ehh, don't have a cow, Nukira. If you say so. And do be a pleasant hostess!"

"OK, OK, it's a deal! Now go, go, off to your wretched party." Then she mumbled minutely to Link, "Watch out for them. They think they know everything and can rule you."

"Errm..." Nukira swung her arm around Link's torso and ushered him inside. The two girls cemented themselves to his legs. Somehow feeling it a good idea, Posie paused when she entered the dilapidated little room and prodded the door shut behind her with a kick.

Only the dwindling red flush filtering in from a tiny cleft in the barren stone walls provided any light. Everything was bathed in an ethereal twilight glow that would put a rose in even the palest cheek. Against the wall with the window was a bare, near-collapsed mattress riddled with rips. The stone confines were barren and sapped heat away from the warm bodies that touched them. It could barely hold the four of them as it was, yet it felt so very empty and... lonely. It was missing something, the one thing that could make even this rended mess feel cozy.

"OK. Are you a crazy fetishist, insane transvestite, or have you just plain lost your marbles?" Oops. Quixotic philosophy would get you nowhere when it came to Gerudos.

"Heh, heh... why would you think I was any of those things?" The intimidating female force inched at him, fists balled, while he tried to back up and slammed into the wall.

"I'll admit I know nothing about you just yet, but there are at least three things I've gathered so far-one, those aren't your sisters, two, you aren't here to join us and three, you aren't even a woman!"

"Damn you! How'd you know?" Link just couldn't help it any longer. The barrier had to break sometime! Well, if someone knew them out, no point in disguising his voice any longer.

"Careful, there are tender young ears in this room." She looked at Posie and Elaine, who were not staring about dazedly for once and were actually standing straight and still in a shadowed corner of the chamber. Backs were transfixed to-hmm, he hadn't noticed that chest when he first walked in. It seemed impossible not to notice, now; it drew his eyes like wine draws bees. He wanted to stab something in that keyhole, even his sword, and try to pry it open... "So come on! What's the deal?! Don't worry; I mean; telling on someone who'd show up those snobs? The last thing I'd do!"

"Huh?" Blasted distractions. "Oh. Well, why should I trust you? You seem rather moody. How do we know you won't snitch on us in a fit of angst?"

"Men. Dirty chauvinists. Don't think you're so smart. What makes me less trustful than you?"

"You're not telling me anything! And is that an accusation, missy?"

"Don't missy me! I'll slice you into a million pieces before you can blink."

"With what? A rusty bed-knob?"

"Don't go there! Don't go there!"

"I'll go wherever I want to, you little b-"

Intervention time! Posie grinned inwardly, knowing how very much Navi would have loved to be a part of this conversation were she not sworn to silence, but she herself had better butt in quick before her father's temperament and mouth dug him into a deep, deep hole. "OK! OK! We get the picture. Obviously you two aren't going anywhere. I'm willing to negotiate and tell you what we're up too, since I have the feeling you're holding some sort of grudge against them down there-right?"

Nice timing! And a well-aimed splash, drizzling out the emerald blaze consuming Nukira's eyes. Her twitching green radar relocated west and down. "Nice try. But what does a little girl know about negotiation?"

"Now you shouldn't go there," warned Link. "I'd ask the same thing of little girls and Gerudos. But do you think this was my idea? Do you think I got us into this place? No, it was the brown-haired one! I could swear she was a Gerudo! Goddesses!" His hands vividly cleaned the motes that swam in the slanting rays of sunlight.

"Hmmm. Well, I suppose maybe there's more to you than I can see- "

"-Mainly a very small yet very sharp little sword cleverly concealed behind that vest of hers, and a dagger in mine in case you do something stupid-"

Nukira gave a questioning eyebrow behind the blonde lass to surmise Elaine. "Cocky little thing, aren't you? Under the impression you can get away with anything? Well, let me tell you this, bub. Lightning couldn't be fast as a Gerudo if it wanted." She snapped her fingers, grinning coyly. "A spider, with all eight of its eyes, couldn't see all the things a Gerudo sees. Me? I'm young, but years of inactivity have sent me to seed. Those sixty-something guards, who snap their staves every day? You wouldn't last a minute out there." So passionately and frighteningly she could speak, enunciating every word in just the right way to tap the nerves. She forced the words from her lips to make them hiss, flew them softly and calmly to rupture normal emotion. It was enough to set off a paranoia time-bomb. "Go ahead! Try. Just try. Go and stab the next guard you see. Guaranteed it will be the last thing you do."

Elaine was unperturbed. Even that should have been more upsetting than Nukira's gruesome speech. Posie's heavy, stress-laden breathing was painfully obvious.

"Hey, would you shut up? You're scaring her!" The temptation to smack that painting-faced witch was almost overwhelming. He settled for a karate chop down, but not touching, her front. He smirked in vengeance as she blenched back in momentary shock.

"Well, blame it on them for being smart! I hope she ain't your kid, 'cause if she is, you better teach her a thing or two."

"Not the brunette, no. But the smaller one is mine, and if you value your life you'll keep your mouth closed over her. And let me tell you something; I don't blame them for the way they reacted, seeing as you are being totally unreasonable. They aren't the only ones with hidden blades, know that now..." He pointed to himself with his thumb and made a slicing gesture, not over his throat but in a big, jagged diagonal over his stomach. Any remorse he'd felt for the outcast had faded now.

"Look. I understand it's natural for you to want to be protective of your daughter. But you're too tense, man! If you really want to fight me, then like I said, have at me, no one will care. I'm fated to die anyway in thirty years, after my sentence is through. But if you assume the rest of my family will fall just as easy, then you got another thing coming, pal-"

"I won't fight you if you just drop your stinking attitude! Look, rejoice in the fact that the three of us won't even be here after tonight, as we plan to escape through the Haunted Wasteland. Just a momentary inconvenience in your life!" Blast it all if he cared whether she knew or not now, if she was as low on the rungs as she claimed to be, there would be no one to trust in and believe her anyway.

"How?"

One simple word, and only the crickets starting to cheep rapidly beneath the first few diamonds sparkling in the sky could be heard now. One simple word, and even the party raging below seemed distant. One simple word, and Link was left without an argument. She was right-they still had no way of getting past the barrier presented to them in the form of an eternal sandstorm. "Uhh... well..."

"Why don't you help us? After all, you're the Undertaker! You could walk across the Wasteland in your sleep, right?"

"Honey," she flailed a little wave at Posie, "When they kill me, I'm gonna drag myself to the stupid Temple. And if I do choose to lend you a hand, what's in it for me? What's my incentive?"

"A very nice Lizafosian dagger? It's a bit rusty, but nothing a high-speed sand polishing won't fix!"

"Thanks for the offer, kid, but I have my own swords. Granted, I can't exactly get to them as they're locked away in that chest behind you- "

Elaine took a step forward and craned her neck around to get a good look at the big wooden thing she was standing in front of. "Oh. So that's what this is... Hey! I'll bet we could open it for you. Then, if we got your swords back, you could help us!"

Nukira knotted her arms on her heart. "Nice thought, but then they'd murder me for it. They're gonna notice if I suddenly have a pair of blades at my side that aren't supposed to be there. Strictly forbidden from carrying weaponry, you know?" She sauntered over to her mattress and sat herself down, cradling her chin in her palms and bracing her elbows on her thighs. "Nah, I reckon there's nothing you can do for me. There's only one thing I want, and I'll never get that again in a million years."

"Nothing's impossible for me. Ask, and it shall be granted."

The condemned soul shot him a telltale glance. Then, Posie and Elaine. She lifted her face high and pointed at them-"You kiddies wait outside. This ain't a story for your ears."

"Aww, is it bloody? Don't worry. We've seen plenty of it already, you should have seen what my daddy did to these Lizafos where she got that dagger from-"

"No," she fiercely interrupted. "It's not that. I can't even tell you what it is. But trust me, if I tell you you'll be all 'Ewwww' and... yeah. So, shoo! Go downstairs, get yourself some xingyr or something." Reluctantly they obeyed, and to Link as Elaine slammed the door shut behind them: "You. Down. This could take a while." Her arm was erect and her finger on line with a spot next to her on the bed. Shrugging his shoulders and making a "Feh" noise, he swung his arms as he plodded over and sighed as he sat down.

"Okay, you. What do you want?"

Nukira closed her eyes and let her mouth hang, giving a depressed, deep breath. She began to massage the back of her neck, and began in a subdued tone. "'Kay, you; you look someone who works for the government am I correct about this?"

"Closest person other than her father to Zelda herself," Link perkily answered. "What's it to you?"

"Well, that's helpful, then. Did you ever hear of-a Gerudo ambassador?"

"A Gerudo ambassador? Zelda'd cut off her own head before trying something like that. Why?"

"Always with the questions! Just-stop it with the snappy remarks and listen for once. Now, the Royal Family did try this once, and they knew it would cause an uproar so they kept it pretty much under wraps. They picked out, from a sea of about 100 eligible men, this one... guy. Yes, guy. I can fathom not why they chose a male. So they sent this dude to live off in the desert of the Gerudos for a long time. Following so far?"

Silently Link nodded, biting his tongue.

"Good. Now, one of the top kin decided everyone should pick a Hylean codename. Nobody was allowed to know everyone's except the leaders, and at the time, I was one of them. A real Gerudo-my old clothes were ten times this fancy, I had the most elaborate makeup, my jewel was huge- everyone respected me. What names do you know so far?"

Link looked up at the ceiling as he searched his mind. "Rohmerla... Lai-Mae... and Shaki. The only ones so far."

"Ahh. They called themselves... if I remember correctly... Lessian, Susanna, and Sheryl. Myself, I was the great Naomi. But I thought the whole business of this ambassador person was completely ludicrous, so I refused to speak to him. Even to meet him. He was given free range of our entire kingdom out here, so, it was sort of inevitable that I ran into him, one day-I was at the Spirit Temple, doing a 'routine cleaning.' In other word, I was slashing at everything that moved."

"Sorry, but I gotta ask something," Link butted in. "How'd you do it with just swords? Some of those monsters in there, they can only be beaten with fire."

"My swords were powerfully magical," she answered, gripping herself as if she was cold. Her sight diverted out the window. "One enchanted with fire, the other with ice. A gift from my grandmothers, the Twinrova, who thought me the perfect example of a Gerudo."

"You're Ganondorf's daughter?"

"Yeah, me and every other Gerudo under the age of thirty," she snarled. "I always hated him. He was far too stuck up for his own good; and he abused all of our precious few resources. I'm glad he died, or at least got changed into a demon. Death is too good for him, really."

"Can I agree," Link mumbled without really meaning to be heard. "So you were saying..."

"Yeah. Well, like I was telling you, we met at the Spirit Temple. I tried to pass with just a smile, maybe a wayward 'Hi,' but you know, I just couldn't keep my eyes off his face. Which wasn't easy, considering he topped me by a couple heads. But... I'd never seen anyone so handsome in my life, and no one with eyes like that... so full of kindness and hope..."

"So... I take it that wasn't the last time you 'accidentally' ran into him?"

"Hardly the last! It was only the beginning! It was only about a month before he started to flirt with me-what he saw in me, I can't fathom. I was just another lowly scuzzbag back then. But he was so kind to me, like no one else was, so... what can I say? To make a long ordeal short, we flirted, we dated, I ran away with him when he had to leave. But of course I couldn't stay-a couple Gerudos came to his house one day, searching for me, and I couldn't hide fast enough. That's how I got demoted to where I am now, and why I'm on the Gerudo death row."

Link's eyes were gleaming and the back of his throat itched painfully, but he wasn't actually crying. Perhaps this whipish creature had some good in her yet. "That's so awful. How could they punish you just for loving someone? Maybe it was a bit of an unconventional paring, but heck! If I told you Saria's story, your hair'd become as curly as most of your sisters' is. Did he ever write you?"

"Just once. And after that nothing. The King found out; and a bloody horrible incident for him it was. He'd been fired from his ambassador status and dismissed to a mere town guard, but they let him keep..." She swallowed and said no more.

Fired and turned into a guard? Something was fishily familiar about that story...

"Well, that's an unimportant detail." She dismissed the point with a flapping of her hands. "So, do we all understand where I'm standing now? Those are my issues. Now, what're yours?" She then pointed at Link.

"Me? Uh, well, huh..."

"Come on, out with it! I got through my whole painful ordeal without ever busting. You can at least start without stuttering!"

"Well give me a moment! Sheesh!" Link brushed back his hair and forced his bangs out of his eyes. "So... me. Yeah. I'm... Link. I'm not kidding! Really, I am. And I DO have a reason for dressing up like this." Distractedly he pulled out the edge of his undershirt to show it to Nukira, though she'd already seen it. She looked sideways at him and replied with a "Suuuure you are," but whether he was lying or not this promised to be an interesting story. She'd hear out his tale before interrogating further.

"Now, there's a thing... in my family... an old magical sword trick that, supposedly, only we can do. But two different members of my family give me two different stories, so who you gonna believe, huh? Well, if it's a family thing, then it's all probable, and if it's an everyone thing, well, then there's simply no excuse..."

"For what, prithee?"

"I was getting to that! You know that really little kid; that's my daughter Posie. I said that already, right? Wants to be my little shadow. But her talents are lacking in the skills of just that one move. And it's so simple, when you break it down! She gets so upset over her failures, I had to do something to help her... and I found this old book, and part of it told about the Sword of Obedience."

"Never heard of it. What's it do?"

"'Cording to the book, gives the first person to touch it command over all swords. I'd think that would fix the problem, yes?"

Nukira sighed and made a sick face. "And have you considered exactly what that means?"

Link shrugged. "Sounds pretty blunt to me. They've got a sword, they can do anything with it. Right?"

"I dunno. The way it's worded... it sounds to me like it could also mean that they can make any sword do anything, no matter where it is- and perhaps, all swords. 'Course, I'm only speculating, but I'd suggest you stop and think for a moment before you-"

There way a knock at the door. "Can you hurry up and let us in?" a muffled voice asked from behind the screen. "These bowls are really really hot!"

"Coming!" cried the Gerudo as she strained to foist herself from the sagging bed and stand firmly on her feet. She fought with the rusty knob for a few seconds until it actually came out, and, moaning, she tugged it in to make way for the two girls. Such acute timing. Poised in Elaine's arms was a rocking ceramic bowl filled to almost overflowing with the xingyr, a hot, pungent mass of porridge, beet soup, beef and pepper sauce. Very warming on a cold night, but Nukira'd never cared much for the stuff, despite it being a staple part of the Gerudo diet. The girl walked with a bit of a hunch, due to the fact she was trying to help Posie support her own, messy bowl. Nukira ushered them in, then heavily urged them to sit on the floor and eat.

Posie lifted a spoon resting on the rim of her saucer and took an oversized bite of the sloppy concoction, obviously not delighted but certainly grateful for finally getting a little food in her stomach. The group hadn't eaten since midmorning; before leaving Darunia behind they'd had a quick brunch in his quarters. Link's stomach rumbled and he realized how hungry he was, but rather than beg the girls for some of their stew he opened one of the many flaps on his backpack and pulled out a sandwich. On a spur of instinct he only half-consciously grabbed and extra and passed it to Nukira. She looked shocked, but smiled a little at the first good thing done for her in a long time. She watched the others eat in silence for a little before taking a bite of her own sandwich and speaking.

After a few seconds of complacent chewing, she surveyed the ground and mattress. "OK, ladies and gent, for the low low price of her freedom, you've hired yourself a Gerudo. Use her wisely, 'cuz after you get to the Spirit Temple, she's gonna split."

"Great!" Link exclaimed. "Now, how do we get out there without those boneheads getting suspicious?"

"Oooooooh no, Mr. Hero. I run on a strictly B.Y.O.P. basis."

"B.Y.O.P.?"

"Yeah, Bring Your Own Plan." She waggled her finger in Link's face. "And bring it quick, because if we're not out of here pronto, we've got no chance in all of heaven and Hyrule. All the floozies out there are getting drunk off burdened kinra, so they're out of commission for tonight, and tomorrow morning they'll be too hung over to worry about anything but their migraines. But let me tell you, after that all their hackles will be raised and mark my words, you do NOT want to mess with them then. So lay something on me... and idea, anything."

"Hey, I know! We'll make ourselves look dead and Nukira can drag us across the desert. Then we sprint! People die from foreign diseases all the time, so there's our excuse for that bit."

"Nice thought, Posie, but I don't think it'll work. We wouldn't get picked off that quick. And besides, I'll bet they always have someone follow her out there. Right, Miss Nukira?"

"Tell it like it is, girl," sighed the Gerudo as she slumped over the edge of the bed and took another bite of her sandwich. "Every time I leave the vicinity of the fortress, they make someone follow me to make sure I don't run off."

"I could follow you. Your sisters'd have no problem with them being the dead ones. They're just kids," offered Link.

"Thanks, but you're not a senior officer. It'd have to be one of them. Sad thing is, I used to work among a lot of them... a lot of them don't repent a thing about me and the whole RJ incident, but a couple of them empathize when we're well out of bounds of the camp-you know?"

"Sort of," shrugged Link. He had only been half listening, trying to come up with another scheme. He hadn't even noticed the name she identified, RJ-a pair of initials he would have found sickeningly fishy if he'd managed to hook into them. But one person in the room did hear them, and you could almost feel the buzzing of the tips of her ears as her head rocketed up from her bowl. Not even the slightest bit embarrassed by the beet-colored blob hanging by her lip, she gulped and asked, stuttering: "Y- y-you... y-y-you didn't... this RJ incident... you never... on any occasion... knew a very tall man, brown hair, brown eyes, deep voice?"

Nukira's eyes made locked contact with Elaine's. "How do you know my RJ?"

"Y-y-your Hylean name... it's not... Naomi, is it?"

How did she know? She'd never heard any of Nukira's story! Unless... RJ... Guard... Old job... Oh no. This Gerudo wasn't; she absolutely couldn't be...

"And your name... is it... E-E-Elaine K-Kimiria Parkerstine?"

No one even drew a breath for a few tense seconds. A soft wheeze escaped Posie's mouth and, like a cue, both Gerudo and Gerudo-like child began to nod, even movement suggesting that their spines might have instantly rusted over.

"She never told me what her real name, her Gerudo name, was, but I didn't care. All I knew was that she was simply Naomi."

"She's of both worlds, so shouldn't her name match? Kimiria. I like that. Exotic and beautiful. But she's a Hylean too, so let her Hylean name be... Elaine. Kimiria is Sun Child, Elaine is Light. Doesn't that flow together elegantly?"

"It was a horrible incident... everything was flying around, breaking, as they tried fitfully to find her..."

"I cannot image what it is like to be in your shoes, but I know your greatest pain must be separation from the daughter you barely know... well, fear not, for I shall keep to my promise of bring her up as much Gerudo as Hylean..."

Time was standing still. No one moved. No one blinked. No one did anything except think, and each had a different set of thoughts churning in his or her brain. Link had just come to the possibly awful revelation that Elaine was half Gerudo, and that her mother was sitting right in front of her, next to him on the bed. Posie had known about Elaine's heritage for years, and was stunned to actually be meeting the supposedly lost mother of her best friend. And Elaine and Nukira were facing each other down, acknowledging, for the first time since Elaine's birth, that one crucial element of their lives that had left an astronomical gap. It was not the weepy-eyed gushing mother and child reunion so often pictured in books; it was quite, contemplating, and far more of a shock than a heart-warmer.

Somehow the tan woman managed to pull her face away. She turned to Link, glazed and ceramic. He wondered what she would say. His heart thudded, nervously, at the chance of finding out. Her lips snapped open; the pictures flooding past made him chuckle with agony and groan with relief.

"Link, you have made some VERY fortunate friends."

A combined flux of laughter mounted near the ceiling, rising up from the miscellany club near the floor. Good to see everyone was still in light spirits after the revelation made there only a snap of the fingers ago. Funny how everyone looked so unaffected, though Link's bones could feel the fragile thread of emotions had bent in a totally different direction. Just knowing that he had a perpetual ally forming in front of him, all because Elaine happened to be her daughter, was reassuring. Surely they could trust this thief not to bilk them? Hmm, but unlike swords, tongues had a tendency not to dull as easily... balk, maybe, but not bilk. He could live with that.

"So... anyone managed to get any real thought in the silence of the strange?"

"Doubt it," mumbled Elaine. She finally noticed the goo hanging by her chin, and scooped it up with the tip of her tongue.

"Ah, blast. I had a thought, but it's wild. First I'd need my swords back, then you all would need to blow your weapons, and it would involve serious risks to us all, mainly decapitation. But if for some strange reason any of you have ever had the urge to play Slice-A-Gerudo..."

"A chance to give those slimy little bastards what's coming to 'em? I'm sold," shrugged Link.

"There goes your mouth again... and I'd like to know just how you plan to pry that thing open." She stuffed the last bit of her ham and cheese sandwich into her mouth and arrowed at the chest. The wooden hinges were rusty, probably brittle, but it would take more than bare hands to pry them loose. The outer wooden surface was nicked in more places than one, chipping away foul-smelling old paint to show that simply hacking into it wasn't much of an option either-that box was made out of stone-hard ebony. Not even swords could stand up to a couple inches of that midnight wood. A conundrum, indeed. Link scratch his head.

"Ummm. Well, there's a problem. There's gotta be something we can do. No way we can cut through, that's for sure. The lock's rusty, but we might be able to get it open... you don't keep any hairpins, do you?"

"Fuh! Last time I did anything to my hair was well of a year ago. They pick on me anyways, so why should I care how I look?"

Perhaps a bit too much information... well, one old trick down the drain. Link massaged his chin in thought. "If only we had something slender and pointy we could slip the catch with. Like a needle; that would work. Or-"

"An arrowhead?"

"No, that wouldn't work. Arrows are too large and they'd never fit inside! No, what we need-"

"No," Elaine interrupted again, "one of Posie's arrowheads! Because they couldn't be large, you had 'em made so that getting pierced with one would be like getting a porcupine quill jammed into your arm." Or, in more colorful terms that even Elaine's fairly advanced(for a little kid, anyway) vocabulary could not illustrate-each of the thirty arrows prepared for that small quiver was like a miniature hypodermic needle, though they did not serve as benevolent a purpose for those on the receiving end.

"Oh!" Realization dawned on Link's features. "That's right! She hasn't had a chance to use her bow yet, has she? Well, at least we know those arrows won't go to waste?"

The expression he struck on Posie's face was pure gold. Her pupils went tight despite the waning light and her lips made something of a pout combined with comically slanted eyebrows. This wasn't exactly how she'd wanted to use her weapons, picking locks. But what had to be done... ennuyé by the proposal, she exhaled and gave a weary nod.

Link grinned and nodded back, and bent over to pick through the backpack he'd set on the floor. Tunics, potions, food... amazingly, Navi, lulled into sleep by the swaying of the bag as he walked. And there were Posie's arrows and her bow! So far, they'd proven useless on their travels. He hoped he had not made too frivolous a purchase in them. He withdrew one from the sack, closed it up, and turned to the imposing casket.

He'd never had to pick locks before. Contrary to what his agent would have the world think, most doors in dungeons were unlocked, and if they were shut, the corresponding key could be found somewhere nearby. He plunged the glinting flint tip of the arrow into the dark hole and wiggled it, just to see what would happen.

A couple minutes of fruitless squirming around in the dark pushed Nukira, master thief in her yesterdays, to the limits. "Oh; amateur!" she whined. "Give me that thing. I'll show you how to pick a lock."

With a titanic thrust she knocked him out of the way and snatched up the toothpick arrow where it fell as he'd dropped it. She cradled the giant and perhaps a bit overly adorning padlock in her left palm while, with great concentration, she threaded the little spear in with her right. She bit her tongue and stuck it out, sweat emanating from her forehead and nose, while she methodically twitched and swiveled over her pick. Her ears buzzed, listing for even the slightest hint of a click that would betray her success...

A tiny clack. She could feel the brown, chilled twist slip loose above her fingers. A small glimmering of success in her eyes? Obviously she'd broken into so many of these seals triumphing one was no mounted achievement, but this had to have special meaning for her. It meant the end of her own imprisonment, as well as that for her twin scimitars. Almost emotionlessly(though her slight trembling betrayed her heart) she tugged at the heavy bond that kept the latch in place. It wrenched free with a squealing sound that yowled like a pack of Wolfos in the incipient night.

Nukira slipped her fingers gently under the heavy wooden lid and slowly opened the trunk.

********************************

"I feel like the main character in some bad spy novel."

"Sush. You want those drunken fools to hear you?"

The instant her hands had cupped around the hilts of the pair of glowing knives, Nukira(now demanding to be called "Naomi") had, at the same time she renounced everything Gerudo about her life, become even more of one to the hero-worshipping Elaine, smug Posie, and still slightly bewildered Link. The two magnificently polished artifacts were imbued with an iridescent glimmer, that caught best in the suffocating moonlight and showed hints of incinerating red and frostbitten blue. The atom-thin edges seemed to bite vacuums in the air as she moved stealthily, swords hanging what an ordinary person might take for unassumingly by her thighs.

"Naomi's" hand rested on the hilt of her right blade, whose inner hue was the ashy color of smoke. The gem encrusting the middle of the cross was a dusty ruby. Her other one was held to her lips, holding up a finger of silence. It was already eerily quiet inside the fortress, most of the Gerudos dropped in their seats in an inebriated sleep. They had made relatively good time in getting out of there-the sisters had all either fainted or gone up to their rooms around eight. Now the task set before Link, Posie, Elaine and their new aide was sneaking out and around to the Haunted Wasteland.

"I don't know why I never thought of this in the first place," murmured Naomi as she straddled over a fallen woman who, Link thought, looked suspiciously like Lai-Mae.(Not like that made her anything special, she and the rest of her mucked-up family all had exactly the same looks.) "After all, on party days, not even the night watch bothers standing guard. No one this stoned is going to be up to leaving."

"Tip-toe, through the Ger-u-dos..."

"Posie! Don't sing! You're gonna wake 'em up!"

"Sorry."

Which reminded him... "Say, Nu-I mean, Naomi, would you happen to have a plan B in case one of us steps just a little too hard on someone's stomach?"

"Uh, run like hell! And bring out those swords, because we might have problems..."

Link groaned and tucked a fluttering lock back into his cap. It was such a relief, to be back in his normal clothes. After the heaviness of the Goron tunics and the sheer embarrassment of wearing Gerudo garb, his classic Kokiri clothes were like a sanctuary in cloth. Plus, they made far less noise when he moved. "You are a tactical mastermind, honestly. And what was that you said earlier about me having a salty mouth...?"

"'Hell?' How is that a bad word? It's the name of a place for crying out loud! And where I'm supposedly heading once I kick the bucket, you know."

Posie glanced behind her, holding her arms out to feel her route in the descended darkness. "Please don't talk about kicking buckets, we're gonna bet jinxed!"

Elaine stumbled while her friend cried out distressed, "See?" She wobbled to her feet and smoothed out her dress. "Oh, come on, you don't believe in jinxes, do you?"

"Daddy told me he's been jinxed before! I know they're real!"

Link smirked uneasily. "Yes, but, Elaine's right, sweetie. A jinx is a kind of spell cast by creatures like Anti-Fairies that makes your sword get too heavy to lift. Though that certainly is inconvenient, they don't actually bring bad luck. Temple bells! Explosions! Thunder! Shattering glass!" Every time he rattled off another loud noise, Posie winced and clamped her hands over her ears. She chanted nonsense words she apparently believed to be some kind of countercurse. "See? Nothing bad happened."

"Ok, but please don't do that again! I'm scared!"

"We're all a bit jumpy, kiddo, but do you wanna be stuck here the rest of you life?" Posie shook her head while she bit the white puff sticking out from her collar. "Thought not. We gotta get out of here. Don't worry, we'll be absolutely fine!"

Somewhere out in the undulating gold-blue dunes of the desert, an emaciated tan Wolfos spouted a mournful howl as the legendary Purple Leever, lathery spittle flying from its circular mouth, consumed the rubbery beast for its supper.

Every eye in the room that had been closed before sprung open.

"Well, I guess jinxes work on reverse psychology, then," Naomi sighed sardonically.