((CAN: Well, if you're reading this, it's a good thing. It means you weren't entirely turned off by the last chapter. Ha, small victory for me! *does dance* Hey, I've said it before(not necessarily in previous CAN's, but believe me, I have), I write things my OWN way and nobody will ever stop me! Muahahahaha. I actually don't have anything of interest to say in this CAN, except. umm, visit my site! !))

((Wait. I DO have something to say. The Moblins are not supposed to be caricatures of New Yorker gangsters. They're like the Lizafos-their mouth parts just weren't made for human speak, so they sound weird. Just like the Lizafos got glucky, mumbled voices because of the way a lizard's mouth is set up, I can imagine the big jaw of a Moblin would create a muffled, slurred accent. Like a person with a cold! And, like the Lizafos again, their grip of human grammar isn't the greatest. ;) And about mid-chapter, feelings get verrrry tense between Link and Naomi. They're swearing at each other every couple sentences, just to give you fair warning. Also, you get a cookie if you know what puffy blue birds actually have to do with dragons. Muahahahaha.))

Spinning Slash, Chapter 14: The Moblin Fortress

"You and your comrades have been honored guests, Sir Blade. It has been a pleasure having you at our fort. even the Gerudo has been. pleasant."

Naomi muttered something through the pursed corner of her lips while Link offered his hand out to tempt the fin of the King of the Sea. Even as royalty, he genially accepted it and heartily jostled Link, who was grinning from pointy ear to pointy ear. Sun was beginning to whistle through fissures in the insofar damp-wool-tinted stormhead above. Lightning was beginning to cease its seemingly eternal report, dropping its rigmarole in favor of the hum of a cleansed-smelling wind. What little rain dared to fall slid right off the caramel roll Link clutched in his left hand, repelled by the fantastic magic of technology and the King's(albeit quite illegal) laminating machine. And his backpack may have smelled a little fishy, but that was only because it was no near to overflowing with delicacies from the King's own great kitchen.

"We're the ones who owe you thanks, Your Majesty," Link smiled glitteringly. "If it weren't for you, we'd all be wandering this forest like lost ducklings for who knows how long. probably starve to death." He withdrew his arm to scratch his head in a puzzled fashion.

"Thank you, Sir," Posie bowed, with a bit of the forced politeness children are known to heft with them. But she was truly grateful for the guidance his finest geographers had provided them with. "We owe you one."

"Two." Elaine added an addendum. "Direction and food." The more svelte cousins of the anthropomorphic fish that had just aided them had served them with a seafood breakfast that morning, and Elaine had become rather attached to an unusual shrimp dish served there, one with an almost nutty taste. She though one of the peculiar odors in Link's pack smelt exactly of them, though she couldn't be sure. Perhaps the cooks had simply made a dish including peanuts, in which case Elaine was very disappointed indeed.

"Yeah, and I guess. Hmm. Well, it may have been totally against the law, but that machine of yours was pretty clever. Putting that coat on the map and all. Neat," Naomi jumblingly complimented. The Gerudo instinct to detesting anything Zora still lingered heavily in her system, though their earlier guardian Knashi had freed up a number of those switches that morning. "Or do my words count for nothing, being Gerudo and all?"

"I think such prejudices are beyond us now," the King of the Sea dryly responded. "Considering that your company has accepted for you for what you are, I think it is safe for us to do the same."

Naomi's skin was too dark to show it, but by the way her cheeks rose, it was clear she was blushing.

"Best wishes to you on your journey, Link," the King of the Sea amiably clapped him on the shoulder. From its exceedingly immense size, it went a ways down his arm and up some of his neck as well. "As we Zoras like to say, 'May all the waters you swim be warm ones.' But, as I have heard it, you humans have an expression you favor as well; hmm, what is it? Ah, I know. 'Break a leg.'"

Navi laughed. "Dunno about breaking, but the little one here got hers bitten yesterday by an ugly little lizard," and Navi motioned backwards and down in Posie's direction.

"Figure of speech," Posie waved it away.

"So it is, young one. And those are perhaps some of the wisest ever spoken. So it is."

*************************

A crafty Zora hand had been wise in the path they etched across the sturdy parchment of the weathered map. The fine Octorok ink undulated across the crackly surface, dotting in some places and hiking steady in others, arching over a minor foothill and past one great ravine before splashing out in a grand "X" at the foot of their destination, Ipanajou. Scrawled beside the brilliant calligraphy of the map's legend were less graceful letters explaining the finer details of the path, ensuring that Link and co. would not be led astray. And it began by actually retracing some of their former steps, then hooking a sharp left and proceeding out into hilly, moor-like land, something which took up much of the rest of the day. They had no other guides to aide them this time, but Link's sense of direction was uncharacteristically well-honed at the moment and they managed to be well into the grassland most befitting Hyrule before the sky's diamonds were peeping over the tree-scarred horizon.

Link arranged a small cone of Deku Sticks in a patch of land where the grasses seemed to be at their lowest, the newly-designated center of their campsite. But just to be safe, he tore up what weeds he could and dug into the ground a little to help failsafe their fire pit. The storm, though wild, had not brought any heavy winds, and there were none now to incite fear of an inferno. When he was satisfied with his construction, he almost got up to fetch his crystal of fire, but found it wordlessly fetched for him. Ever since Navi had used her to siphon from for her spell, Posie had seemed eager to prove she could put her magic to use in her own fashion. Though it took her a few taps and shakes to coax any flame out of the relic, eventually she managed to make Din's Fire trickle down from its orb of reserve to bring their campfire to its burning life.

The good spirits were infectious. Navi was happily caught humming the Hyrulean National Anthem to herself, while Elaine and Naomi pitched in their share and helped to unroll the sleeping bags from Link's pack, of which there were only three, and all of which were very damp. But the night was warm, as Summer exhausted the last of its gusto before Autumn stole its reins and began to drive the chariot of the seasons for the infinith time this eternity. The ground itself was rather moist from the rain earlier, but the bedrolls would likely dry out faster if they were nestled a bit closer to the fire.

Elaine's hopes and prayers happened to have come true, as well. The fishy delicacy she had sampled back in Zora's Domain was included in luxurious amounts in the food pack the Wild-Zoras had given them, and she ate as many of them as she felt she could hold without bursting. Link found himself solace in a simple tuna salad, hardly different from the kind humans made, while Posie found herself surprisingly enjoying oysters on the half shell. Naomi had personally had enough fish for one day, and settled on a simple fruit concoction she had found sealed in a jar. (Looking at it, Link confirmed it had been something Saria had put together, having survived the lake depths because of its canning.)

With a round of "Good nights," the four of them blissfully collapsed on to their pallets, Posie cozying up against Link so Naomi could have one of the bags. Navi flew into Link's side-flown hat for her bed, and Elaine was the last to toss water on their fire before the lot of them drifted off from their second day of adventure.

Having slept alone many times during Ganon's reign and not suffering ill effects because of it, Link was not one familiar with the idea of a night watchman. Though it would have done him well, as there was certainly much to be wary of in what was so-called the "dead" of night.

In one of the sporadic bushes that exploded up in the middle of the plains, some dark form hunkered and watched with eyes half hidden by a ring of puffy, pouchy skin, the color of a bruise. Bristling, rotting-wood hairs grew every which colliding way from a face something of a cross between a pig and a bulldog's; four sets of hog's ears twitched like broken springs in time with the rising and falling of the watched ones' chests.

"Is dem's duh ones?" snarled the first Moblin, a terrific, bulky male with a bare, bald crown of skin worn so tough it could serve has his helmet. He was an older, chieftain monstrosity, with gorilla-like arms so crammed with muscle they put a strain against his rusty, grease-lined plate mail.

"Arr, the mistruss's never said nodins' 'bout no Gerudo, and nodins' 'dout no 'ildrens," the second, evidently a scout of some kind sent to bring this message to the field leader, replied. "All dem's said is just ter bring in Lingh, and take whats we gans offa him," he stuttered. His voice was reminiscent of the hiss of an angered cat, and among Moblins, that was what passed for pubescent. The spear he toted as his weapon was clean as a bone picked by Wolfos, unlike his commander's sword, which was orange with oxidization in some places, dirty red from poisonous old blood in others. Clearly, he was a rather new recruit.

"We can't take all of 'is swag, somes of it's too pure fer us Moblins ter lay hands on," the senior snorted, either having previous run-ins with Link or merely being very well lectured in the ways of the Hero. "'Is sword repels monster touches, see, and 'is little fire is d'essed by dem Goddesses demselves," he swallowed, terror rattling the bones of his deep, imperial voice. "In facts, most of dat stuff's too much fer us. But dere's one thing 'e gan't keep from us, and its that what's I'm betting the mistruss's wants."

The junior showed yellow, sharp fangs of understanding. "Dat Ocarina of Time."

Senior nodded, receiving his mission objective confirmation resoundingly clear. "Dat dere Ogarina is what dem mistruss's wants, and it's what dey gets. We gots to sneak up on dems while dey's fast 'sleep, soes dey don' get up and attag us. Joo gots all dat, roogie?"

"'Ut doss, wouldn't its just be eazer ter ambud dems an' tayges dems dag ter duh fert?"

Senior's eyes widened with astonishment. Stealthy, sneaky attacks were not in a Moblin's style, and to them, anything that required quiet and concentration was of high difficulty. In the twisted mass of nerves that was his brain, this most certainly registered as far easier. "Doh-I dunnoes why I didn't dinks of dat erler. Danks, roogie!"

She was jolted into consciousness by a breath, its passage of escape suddenly blocked by an immense paw with fingers that, though crudely jointed, could likely let it serve as a hand. The wind from her chest barely managed to seep out through the cracks between the enormous, sausage- like digits, and when she tried to draw it back, the stench of grime that matted the putrid hairs burned her nose and melted up against her tongue. Her lips were stitched up by the devastating pinch applied by her attacker's mitt-a scream would be nothing more than a worthless murmur stillborn in her throat.

"What the hell is going on here?!?!" The visage Link initially set eyes upon was the greasy, wet ashes of their fire strewn about like the maddened paints of a twisted artist, the feet of creatures more primitive than the lowliest caveman having left their gross imprints in them. He was yanked upright, head crashing about and loosing all sense of its balance-no sooner has his curses flown than an oily rag was crammed into his mouth, littered with tastes of dodgy origins he didn't much care to contemplate. Fighting to remove this obstruction, he found his arms shackled low on his back with a too-tight, chafing rope, and his legs snapped together just as neatly with shackles fashioned out of some thick, pliable wood.

He was rather murky on the case of what had just happened, but viewing Posie's dangerous predicament he could guess. She was nearly enveloped on the whole by the grisly claw of shadowy Moblin, its face a ghastly carving with a smile poisonous enough to give gangrene to its beholders. He tried to make choked but reassuring noises-her eyes, just visible over the plump forefinger of her captor shook like the similarly- colored sea beneath the mangling arm of a typhoon. Under the horrid creature's other limb was Elaine, wriggling fiercely and wailing like a starving ReDead underneath the cloth gag that had been put on her, much like had been done to him.

The animal that Posie had watched bind her father had to be one of the "old giants" she'd heard of from so many stories-rocking precariously on what had to be a mass of twelve feet and at least a ton, his head was a spiked dome of weather-beaten skin, surely a weapon if used in some sort of head-butt attack. The Moblin restraining her and Elaine was smaller, around Randy's size, but it still had hands the size of a healthy Chu-Chu, which was certainly far larger than she was or ever expected to be. Disgusting snorting sounds spurted out of his nostrils, a sound which she could only assume to be deranged laughter.

Naomi, for all her complaints about having trouble falling asleep due to the Freezair's singing, was apparently able to sleep through Armageddon right next door once she finally got into it. The wallowing hogs that had them in a deathgrip had miraculously left her an untouched entity, and only now did she find herself charmed waking by some internal complaint only her soul could register.

There was no sleepy double-take. She was fully alert in a blink's breath to the fact that something was astir, and her dear flesh and blood was in abysmal peril. And, she supposed, a few people that Elaine was rather close to, which did at least garner then some importance. Well, that Posie kid wasn't all that terrible, anyway.

"Sarry ter wakes ya, maym," the one clawing Elaine bowed, attempting to comfort her with a voice that was-well, to call it nails on a chalkboard would be to flatter it. "Dint mean ter cause youse any truddle. 'Ut, danks fer bring'n us dems Lingh, doh wes don' know wut youse is doin' outside yer fert."

Link shot a very deadly glance towards Naomi. Elaine's eyes were a melting iceberg of wonderment, and Posie's harbored more disgust than one would expect could be contained in all her body, let alone her eyes all by themselves. From the Moblin's familiarity, they seemed to deduce her a venomous traitor, one who had from their meeting been leading them into a pig-demon's trap.

"What are you doing with them?" Naomi sat up on her damp sleeping bag and sat cross-legged; a bargaining pose. If she had to argue her companions to freedom, so be it. "Put them down! How does kidnapping them help you?" Hopefully that would be a good, questioning ploy. Moblins, aside from a noticeable lack of I.Q. points, were extremely self-centered, and didn't like doing anything if there was nothing to be gained from it. Moreover, from their answer she could likely deduce why she still hung out there unbound.

"Dis 'ere Lingh is only duh most wanted crim'nal in alla dem mistruss's command, an' dere's a big cash load on 'is 'ere 'ead. We's'll mayg sure dat dem mistruss's give youse a part o' duh moolah, seein' as youse brought 'im to us."

"Mistresses? Who's that?" Naomi realized that she was locking her own shackles by asking these words and thereby giving away her alliance with Link; he still seemed unsure as to whether or not her banter came from genuine confusion and curiosity. Posie and Elaine, perhaps more trusting because of their unjaded youth, seemed to have found sparks of rekindled faith in their hearts.

The big Moblin to her right snarled at her, curls of his odiferous breath poisoning the night. "Whose is youse wid, Gerudo? Are youse with Lingh, or is youse wid Twinrova?"

Well, she couldn't let Elaine get taken without letting her have some sensible backup. She would fly her true colors in front of the swinelike duo and get dragged down with the rest of them. "Who do you think I'm with, bub? Now, like I said before, put my friends down or else I slice off your- butts-and make them into decorative bags to hold your heads."

Link's pupils flew apart as if some invisible spirit of Herculean strength ripped them open. All that was left of their miraculous blue was a frantic ring that suddenly engulfed all but a pinprick of blackness when his captor slung him up on a wharf of a shoulder, grasped Naomi by the neck and snapped her head on a nearby rock.

Junior felt a small, hot wet spot on his torso. He sunk a few claws into Elaine's back as a warning not to drop a tear again, while she could only hope that her mother's blackness had been sudden enough that she hadn't been able to feel the searing heat of the blood that started to rush from her scalp. In her fire-colored hair, and in the deep blur that night brought upon everything, it was next to invisible.

****************************

Posie's knees skidded and scuffed along the chilled, rough stone, rising and falling moisture coating the inside of the cell with what appeared to be a highly prolific colony of algae. True, being five she was prone to her quantity of scraped legs and elbows, but being thrown by a brawny young Moblin to slide across the floor was an overkill.

Elaine screamed over from Junior's other arm, careening into Posie and nearly smothering her under her weight. While the brunette child tried to extract herself as well as she could with a back that screeched blue murder, the slime-encrusted beast wrenched over the heavy steel-and-brass motley that served to keep prisoners in their place. The lock he set to it was small and subtle; not easily spotted, and not easily picked. Posie had noticed being dragged off into these depths that one of the Moblin's claws was oddly shaped and blunt; this turned out to be the very key that sealed them to these walls. In a place like that, it had an extremely low chance of being stolen. With one last bitter smirk, he left them to rot, humming and swinging his fingers at the ends of his fairly limp arms.

Fueled by rage, Elaine shredded the rank cloth constricting her lips, leaving the front of it rended and the knot still perfectly done. "This is beautiful," Elaine sneered, half her mind then choosing to become fixated on rubbing the fresh scabs doting her back. They were raw marks of her Moblin kidnapper's cruelty, etched into her skin for worrying about the fate of Naomi. In the skin? They didn't go deep. Though they had stung like a bee's nest, they barely scratched enough to bleed. But they were puffed, a possible sign of infection-even without an extensive learning in medicine, Elaine could tell they meant some form of trouble. And Posie didn't seem to be having the easiest time breathing.

Posie pulled herself up with aches permeating ever niche she could care to find on her body, the imprint of filthy Moblin hairs a temporary red-and-white tattoo on her cheeks. The air was stale but unobstructed; she tried to regulate her gulps from breath now that the threat of inhaling some muck was decreased. "We're doomed."

"And I thought you were the ray of sunshine."

"Usually I am, but I know when I'm fighting a loosing battle. As it goes, we've already lost that and things are looking pretty bad for the war as well." Deep sigh. Let out a heavy load of air, and take another one back. In and out, in and out, keep it steady and calm and don't panic.

"Elaine, I know I may sound cheeky, but. I'm terrified."

Fighting against the slimy floor for the right to equilibrium, Elaine trotted over, sunk into a kneel, and threw an arm around Posie. All shades of her usual empowered nature vanished. "I am too. So am I."

"I." Posie sniffed, drawing back the tears from both her eyes and her nose. "I want Daddy."

"I want Mom. Goddesses, do you think she's even alive any more?" The dam burst. Posie was given an impromptu saltwater shower, and did not feel restrained in adding what she could into the flow. Perhaps it would even do them some good, considering the squalor that dared to call itself a "floor."

"I-I-I-I'm. I'm s-s-s-sure your mommy is alright, Elaine. She's. really strong." And Posie wasn't just saying that to be reassuring. Somehow she had an unconscious feeling about it-head wounds always bled profusely, and somehow Posie could tell that, even though Naomi blacked out, she wasn't gravely injured. An untrained life-related power, inherited from Saria? Logic was strong enough on its own without a shove from intuition to say "yes."

One of the most powerful philosophies of childhood is the one of the stuffed toy-somehow, hugging one guarantees a little boy or girl everything will turn up, and Posie was just the proper size to serve in place of one. Elaine embraced her best friend and hefted her up off the ground, crying into her face as Posie wept at hers.

Ever since she had been grown enough to recall, Posie had felt. strangely old. Not in the aged sense, simply far too well-traveled, and burdened by the weight of extra knowledge and something invisible tickling her soul. Now she longed for that feeling to return-

For perhaps the first time in her short life, she truly felt what it was like to be her age. She was five, and alone, with only another five- year-old and no kind and caring adults to scoop her up, cradle her, and whisper in her ears that everything was going to be OK. Hardly idle flowed her tears now.

"I want to go home. I want Mommy, and Daddy, and Navi, and Atahl. and I want my Auntie Aryll too, and Click."

"I do, too. I want Dad, and I want Mom to come with me. And I want the rest of my family-Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Hayden, Uncle Oliver and Aunt Shala, and Perrin. Aunt Relina and Uncle Olerin. Anyone."

"Me, too. Notice I mentioned Navi."

"Even the Glowball would be a sight for sore eyes right about now."

Posie prodded at Elaine's chest a little. She seemed to get the message-she set Posie down on the floor, who sat down in the corner. Despite that part of a room's infamousity for being dirty, it was the cleanest bit to be encountered anywhere. She scratched her head.

"Well, for starters, we really need to think. We gotta get out of here and figure out where they took Daddy and Miss Naomi.-I mean, your mommy."

"How're we gonna do that? I mean, the key to this cell is a part of the thing that put us in here!"

"Moblin," Posie corrected.

"I know, I know, I'm just. really upset. can't think straight." Elaine massaged her forehead.

"Well, somewhere around here, there must be spares. What if one of the guards broke their claw? And what if it grew? I mean, when they carve their claws, there must be some key or mold they work from."

"Good point." Elaine dashed up to the bars best she could across the slippery surface she had to deal with, leaning into them and squishing her face between two of them to view their surroundings. "So, assuming we can get a hold of that key and escape, what do we got to deal with the guards?"

Posie inventoried herself quickly to make sure the Moblins hadn't taken any of her things. It didn't appear that they had, and since she was not tied up, they were not kept from her by some other means. "A very small sword, a very small shield, a very small bow with 30 very small arrows, a very small-oops, I mean, a normal-sized dagger and-do you still have that bag of magic powder?"

"If the water in Lake Lolita didn't kill it, yeah," Elaine said, reaching into her pocket. The small satchel still retained moisture, likely held there by the sodden dust within. "I'm not really an expert with this stuff. I don't know if it's water-proof or not."

Posie shook her head. "Don't think it is," she briefly answered, glum.

"So cut the magic powder, then." Elaine sighed and pulled back the bag's drawstring, which stopped in its tracks thanks to the beads knotted at its ends. Turing it over, a large, congealed lump fell out of it on to the floor. It held a slight resemblance to gelatin powder, slightly moistened. Posie stepped in it and, just as she had suspected, did not turn into a turnip.

"Now we only have my stuff and your dagger. d'you think we could stand up to a full-grown Moblin if we worked together?"

Elaine liked optimism as much as the next person, but she had to force herself to be realistic. "No; if we managed to attract a guard's attention. we'd be dead before you could say 'Bite the bucket.'"

"It's either 'Kick the bucket' or 'Bite the dust,'" Posie quipped, showing again her disregard for old adages and cliches.

Elaine raised an eyebrow at Posie. "You're really strange, Pose. Reeeeeeally strange."

Posie looked proud.

She flew up from her corner, the shield on her back wailing in the darkness of the cell, sparks shrilling out along the metal/stone lines. She tried to stride in a determined, confident fashion, one that suggested she had power that she could call upon to aide her in a fight. She tried to radiate an aura that would put all around her-which currently consisted of Elaine and Elaine alone-in a state of mentality that suggested they-she- could be her own savior if she needed to be, and their breakout would be simpler than saying the words.

Posie loped up to Elaine, giving her a smile of hope. "Do you have any idea what to do, Pose?" Elaine asked her.

The smile vanished, swallowed up by an air of sobriety. "Not really, no. But I know we can think of something! And when we do, I'm ready, I'm willing, I'm confident, I'm-"

Posie suddenly looked down at herself and then at the half-wall imprisoning them. Her face scanned up and down the bars; its expression suggested she had just been struck upside the head with a comet of inspiration from the hidden heavens. Those eyes of blade-blue sent ablaze their furnaces, as the feature for which she had so often been mocked saw a moment in which to ride the carousel of glory.

"I'm small enough to step through the bars," she breathed, almost incredulously.

**************************

"Oh-fiduss," Link snapped at himself, trying to watch his language even though there was no one conscious around to offend. "Oh fiduss, oh fiduss, oh fiduss," he stamped about, setting deep bootprints that would likely remain in the cell's slime icing for decades to come. Apparently these Moblins that had captured them didn't take many prisoners-the carton- like chambers they had been shoved into even lacked the ominous wall skeleton the classic dungeons were known for. Of course, there could be several meanings to that first statement, many of them dubious.

"C'mon, Nai," he nudged her with his foot. He dare not touch her body with his bare skin, in fear of finding it cold and ridged. "Y' gotta wake up. Nai. Nai! Goddesses, I'm sorry I doubted you. I."

He stopped abruptly and knelt by her side, holding up his hands in a silent plea to the Goddesses to let this woman, who had gone to prove herself a truer friend than many had, live. He stood perfectly still, holding even his own lungs shut tight in hopes of hearing hers toiling, no matter how labored they might be. But his heart, pounding a fearsome signal against the inside of his throat, left only the sound of his own rushing blood through his ears.

"Naomi. don't give me another reason to hate you by going and dying on me! That was the most noble thing I've ever seen anyone do. The least you could do for me now is survive!"

Naomi was, in fact, quiet wide awake and as well as one could possibly be who'd had their scalp split open. Her head pounded something awful, but it didn't disrupt her thinking, which was swift and abrupt. She had come to shortly before the Moblins had entered their castle, but realized for safety reasons she had best still pretend to be K.O'ed until the cost was all clear. Though she had heard porkish footsteps slap away into the distance, she held back when Link began to rant in case he drew that big hunk of demon flesh back.

But now she was surprised to hear genuine worry and distress in his voice over her state. It surprised her-she really didn't know he cared. Oh, she knew at one point he had been concerned for her well-being, but that had been before he'd found out what harridan she could be duress. But if he could put up with that and still end up fretful over her state-maybe the poor guy really was turning around in her favor.

"Chill, Linky-boy. I'm OK." Her old and famous shell of greasiness and slop jumped back on to her personage as if dragged there by a magnet as she coiled herself up in a crunch and swept up, green mingling with the soft and cakey reds of her hair. She flicked a patch of unusually ghastly- smelling algae from her shoulder and hugged herself against the cold rock floor. "I was just listening to what you were saying."

Link snapped back on a shocked reflex, sliding out of the way just snappily enough to avoid a faceful of Naomi's noisome locks. "Damn Gerudo! Why did you have to go and pretend to be all lifeless like that? You scared the living daylights out of me!"

Naomi painted on her best victorious grin. "No use hidin' it, Linky- boy. I ain't fooled. You were sobbing like a baby over me-what did you say then that was particularly good? 'That was the most noble thing I've ever seen anyone do.'"

"Well-" Link mumbled, towered over by the Gerudo's wit, "-It was. I mean, you don't even like us; at least, you pretend you don't-"

"Heh! I didn't like you, anyway. But, you know-I don't really think you're half bad, Link. I really don't. I just don't think-well, that you're the smartest fellow on the planet. But I suppose-I mean, if you agree to put a little more thought into your actions-"

"-And if you're not bih-whining about something every other second-"

Naomi's hand jumped out in front of her with a smile. "Friends?"

"If I'm in a good mood at the time." A steel-like gaze similar to what he had given her during what he had assumed was her moment of defiance. "OK, OK, friends no matter what mood I'm in. For as long as we can tolerate each other's presence."

Not every day it was that a Gerudo and a Hylean shook hands. But there they were, shaking in mutual agreement, making the best of their deplorable situation and vowing to work together to get out of it, as well as as far away from it as they possibly could.

"Ok, happy moment's over." Naomi jerked her hand back and shook it vigorously. Link bemusedly wondered if it was to get the "him" off of her hand or if it was to get her blood circulating through it again. In retrospect, he'd grasped on to it with rather more force than was needed. "Man, I should've stuck with the Moblin's story and followed you guys here in secret. I could've been with Elaine right now."

"Elaine? What about me?"

"Hey, you're important too, Linky-boy, but I originally did this for my daughter. And now I'm stuck in here, and she's down who-knows-where in this crazy construction."

"Oh, dear Goddesses," Link suddenly stuttered as though it had only very suddenly dawned on him. "Posie. Ladies of the Heavens. Where could she be.?"

"Well," Naomi stood up, "seeing as you and I had the same hijacker, and we're in the same cell, I'd say she's with Elaine wherever the shorter guy took 'em."

"That doesn't help if we don't know where that is! This wasn't supposed to happen, dammit."

"Well, did you think there was a chance that something like this might have occurred? I mean, if you did, and if you cared about you daughter's safety at all, I don't know why in heaven and Hyrule."

Link's breath rippled, rubber-ball-bouncing across the stillness of their confinements. It was loud, heavy, and balefully threatening. Limply, he collapsed fully onto the floor, looking up at Naomi with Hell itself roaring infernos behind his eyes.

"What. Did. You. Say," he demanded, in a reaper's tense and apocalyptic voice.

"I said, I don't know why you'd want to set off of this little romp if you knew these things could happen, and you cared about Posie!"

Link stood up by setting his feet down flat and snapping his knees back into place. He did not roll his torso, or shift his weight in any fashion. He never once took his gaze from hers and instant, head steady as if it were crafted from many multicolored pieces of marble. Jerkily, without any sort of warning signal, the statue sprung to life, flat palms striking brutally the flame mark on Naomi's left cheek.

"You idiot!" she roared. "What the hell is your problem?!?! Am I not allowed to make suggestions? Comments? Anything?"

"Never ever say things like that about me!" He made a swipe in an apparent attempt to choke her, but he came away instead with the lapel of her dirty purple blouse. "Don't you dare insinuate I don't do anything less than cherish Posie." With a snap of his wrist, he threw Naomi back forcefully. Against the slickness she was forced to battle over, she nearly tumbled back first into a puddle of septic-colored water.

"I knew this was dangerous when the idea came to me! I knew it was dangerous when we started out. And yet I did it anyway. But don't think that means that I don't love her! Posie is my baby angel! My sweet little girl! Do you think I wanted this to happen?!?! Do-you-think-I would not guard her with my very life, and give it, if she were in trouble?!?!"

Link was on the verge of foaming at the mouth, now screaming obscenities-in mixed Modern Hylean and Ancient-from the brinks of full- filled lungs. Sobbing a dry sob, he fell face first into the mucky floor, fists slamming with the force of Magic Hammers into the indelible fungal coat furrowed into the ground. And though Link had never before been brought to tears-by extreme happiness or extreme grief-his nose did drip a little as he whimpered. "I screwed up. I screwed up. I screwed up. this is terrible."

"Hey, Link, man, I'm sorry. I didn't mean." Naomi attempted to bend down and look into Link's face, but it was too low. She settled for speaking soothingly to the back of his neck.

"This shouldn't be happening. None of this. Posie shouldn't even exist. Goddesses this is all my fault."

"What?" She recoiled. Her hands snapped shut so suddenly and on impulse she nearly speared herself with her too-long nails, not bitten enough to be nonexistent but enough so that they were ragged and sharp. "Link, you're talking crazy."

"You're not calling me Linky-boy," her sniffled. "Go ahead, you know it's what you mean. because that's all I am, just a boy. still. I was way to young to have kids when Posie was born."

"But Link, you." Naomi could hardly believe what she was hearing. "You love her! You said it yourself! Love her; cherish her! You. you. say, how old are you, anyway? I dunno, you look. late, maybe mid-twenties, that's not bad."

He curled back up into a pathetic slump, balanced on his knees. "I'm twenty-four. Almost twenty-five; I turn in November." Solemnly, he looked up at her, every scar he'd ever garnered on his cheeks, forehead and chin standing out like the paths on a roadmap now in his dolor. "That would've made me nineteen when she was born. Nineteen. Too young, too stupid."

Naomi had to admit that he did have a point, but she could make excuses galore. What about royalty? They got married off at fifteen and their first children were born when they were both at least two years younger than Link had been. And all of Link's scars certainly made him look several years older than he really was. "Well, I guess you're right about being young, but. I don't think you've been stupid." Now, in its most literal sense that was a deliberate lie, but in the current context, it was at least a part of a truth. Posie was a very smart, very able-bodied kid. Link had to be doing something right.

"But."

"Now, no buts now." I feel like I'm talking to a gigantic preschooler, Naomi inwardly chuckled. What an irony. At first, she was hesitant about making the move she considered, but figured, what the heck. We're officially friends now, and I guess, between friends, this doesn't mean anything. It's friendly.

She hugged him and patted him on the back.

Link's eyeballs could have jumped out of their sockets and done a two- step on Naomi's slightly fractured crown. "Look. I realize you've kind of got 20/20 hindsight going on, but I don't think you've messed up at much as you think you have. Posie adores you, Elaine adores you. heck, you're starting to grow on me; I mean, look at me!" She tossed herself back, arms spread wide open to accept and invisible(but enormous) gift. Apparently that was Link himself, because she dashed right back into squeezing him tight. "Here I am, hugging you like you're some kinda doll. As far as people go. you're one of the best guys ever there was, Link. You're not quite RJ, but, hey, not everyone can aspire to godlike status like that." She sniffed a little.

"So I'm not godlike?" Something on his breath smelt of sarcasm. Good, he was lightening up a little.

"Not a bit; and I've never known anyone who was! Now, are we get out of this cesspool and help our kids or are we just gonna sit around on our butts and rot?" Naomi held Link out at arm's length, staring directly into his face.

"Dunno; gonna be difficult. after all, the guards are the keys."

"So? We can do it, can't we?"

Link jumped to his feet enthusiastically. "Oh, you bet we can! Link, Posie, Elaine and Naomi forever!"

This made Naomi remember something. "Uhh, say," she wondered, head swerving befuddledly, "where'd your little fairy buddy get to?"

****************************

Navi didn't normally like swearing. Fairies were supposed to be dainty and elegant creatures; falling into common curses broke that stately image they liked to carry so high above themselves.

Now, however, she let first thoughts take over. She screamed, "Fiduss!-"-the less friendly and more relieving Modern Hylean version-when something warm and sweaty pinned her to the wall.

Quite contrary to these actions was the voice that tickled her ears and made her, if it was possible, more enraged. "Navi! Thank the Goddesses it's you! How'd you escape those pig-dog creeps?"

"How'd I escape-Posie Cassandra Blade, how'd you escape?!?!"

"Shh." Her metal sword shlinkd into the floor, when she stabbed it into a groove between flagstones to free up her right hand. She brought a finger of silence against her lips. "Quiet. I haven't seen any yet, but I bet this place is just crawling with more of those Moblins."

"You didn't answer," Navi grumped, but this time in a much quieter tone.

"The bars of the cell were far enough apart that I could slide out," she explained, releasing the fairy to let her hover just above her head. "I asked first anyway, so now you owe me an explanation." Posie grabbed her sword up with a few nerve-splitting shrieks, and poked at the air where Navi had been before she had dived out of the way.

"Well, having more sensitive ears than even the keenest Hylean," Navi began on a little brag, complete with hand-on-heart gesture, "I was woken by the Sloblins rustling about in a nearby shrub. I tried to wake up your father, but nooooo, he sleeps like a log. So I dimmed my light and hunkered down in the grass where I could watch without being seen, and followed you here. Only, I couldn't get inside at first because they slammed the portcullis shut on me."

Navi was just about to re-word that last sentence so Posie could understand, until she recalled that a great deal of Posie's favorite book and novel was set around castles. Posie knew what a portcullis was. "Couldn't you have just flown through the grate? I mean, it couldn't have been that small, could it?"

"Um, well," Navi blushed. "It wasn't. I, ah, didn't think of that at first." Before she'd even begun, Posie had figured her out and was deeply rolling her eyes. "So, well, I finally figured out I could. And did. But I'd kind of lost you guys, so I've been wandering about here looking for you all."

"Well, you're pretty close," Posie informed her, firing a hitchhiker thumb over her back and down the stretched-like-rubber hall. "We're just down the hall a ways here. We're at the very end-don't know if Elaine can hear us, but I'll bet she sees you. You're kinda hard to miss-hint hint?"

"Oh." Posie likely had no desire to be tossed back into that cell again, even though she could easily escape. If the guards found her and managed to catch her, they'd probably tie her up this time. Navi dropped her light, becoming a small, humanoid shape wheeling in the blackness of the hall. Down by the very last chamber-the one Elaine was still contained in-there was a single, fluttering torch.

"So what are you doing?"

"Looking for a spare key," Posie whispered, head jerking back and forth along the walls, systematically scanning the crannies and heights for any sort of dull metal gleam that wasn't just another empty torch bracket. "You help. Keep a lookout for me, and maybe check up in those empty torch. thingies." Posie spiraled her wrist, even though her dribbling sentence didn't exactly roll off her tongue. "Just do what you can, please?"

"Aren't you going to tell the other half of your dynamic duo y' found me?"

"Actually, you do that first. Thanks." Then Posie went down on her stomach to inspect all of the individual stones cobbling the floor, in case one of them was loose and hid behind their means of release. Even though she knew that Moblins were a dull sort who kept their most valuable objects in totally obvious places, she figured in couldn't hurt to check in case this particular breed had chanced to evolve a little.

Sure, why not? Navi shrugged. She hadn't really formulated any stunning plans of her own while she'd fumbled around in the dark; anything to do was better than a flat-out nothing. Zipping down the hall at the quickest pace she could manage without exhausting all her strength in a single sprint, Navi banged off of empty cages and unkempt walls to where Elaine peered, convict-like, from between the poles of her prison. Her demeanor significantly kindled up when the fairy flew up into her face-Wow, someone's actually happy to see me for once, she inwardly chortled.

"Navi! You're here! You made it!"

"Yeah, well. couldn't just leave ya all here alone, could I?"

"Wouldn't put it past you."

"Umm" was the best response Navi could muster to that.

"So, has Pose had any luck finding us a way out of here?"

The little fairy shook her head; Elaine frowned. "Actually, I was just going to help her look up in the torches for a key or something. You seen anything that looks suspicious?"

Elaine's eyes narrowed. "This whole place is suspicious," she spat. "At least the castle dungeons are clean and not covered in slime! .Err, or so I've been told. I've never actually been there. Thank goodness."

Navi harrumphed. "I should hope not!" she trilled with her hands to her hips. Elaine shrugged at it and bent down, greasing the front of her dress with various unsavory algae as she scraped aside handfuls of the muck and peered deeply into any far-reaching cracks in the floor.

Navi cocked her head inquisitively at her. "What are you doing?"

Elaine spared a moment to look up. "Well, gotta do my part, don't I? I'm helping look for a key."

"But why would the Moblins hide a key inside one of the cells?"

"Because." She paused, flicking a bit of green stuff off of a fishy- looking roll on the ground. It turned out to be a twig, dragged in who knows when. But she'd been lying down on the ground earlier; it could've come from her hair. ".They're stupid."

Navi looked skyward, regardless of there not being any sky to look at. Face turning a color similar to puce under the yellow-and-orange light tossed around by the torch, she paraded her best "I-knew-that" look. Which she did, though she had perhaps been stupider in failing to recall it. "Good point."

*****************************

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

Naomi imitated Link, curling up against the floor and lending an ear to the gloppy, chill-stricken stone. She thought she could feel something crawling up inside of it. Desperately hoping her brain was not about to be intruded upon by a slime mold, she kept silence, attempting to pick up on whatever the hero had tuned in to. But all she could sense were the vibrations her own body pulsed into the floor-breath, heartbeat, mild nervous tremors-and besides, the bigger ears of the Hyleans gave them more finely-honed hearing than the rounded ears of the Gerudo provided.

"Link, I don't. hear anything."

"I know I just heard Navi down there. I'd know her voice screaming anywhere."

"What'd she say?"

"Uh." He conveyed, quite as politely as he could, exactly what Navi had said. Naomi cringed and replied with an, "Ouch. D'you think one of the Moblin's got her."

"No." Link repositioned himself along the floor, skittering about with his hind legs and bracing himself with his front. One whole side of his bangs became roughly the same color as Saria's hair and the path his head had taken left a visible streak. "Ahh. She got pinned by Posie. Remind me to strangle her for using language like that around my kid, will ya?"

"No problem." Naomi decided that, since she was deaf as a snake through their prison's ground, she didn't need to make a fool of herself any longer. Besides, it was uncomfortable, being tensed like a cat like that. She pulled herself upright, into a more pleasurable position, cross- legged and content to observe her partner scrambling around through the verdant mess they were entrapped in.

"Hey. Posie's free!" Link grinned broadly, jerking his head up in a flash to beam at Naomi before he returned to his affectionate eavesdropping. "Good going, kid!" And then, for Naomi's sake, he relayed, "I guess she was small enough to slip through the bars on these cells. Ha ha ha!"

"What about Elaine?" Naomi quickly asked when she realized that Posie had gotten out. "Do you hear her?"

"Nooo." He flipped his head over to get a good listen in on his other ear, as if he was cooking his head and wanted to get it evenly browned on both sides. "Wait. Hmmm. 'Cording to Posie, she's still in their cell, which is at the end of the hall down on the floor below us."

"Sure it's the floor right below us? Are you positive?" Naomi was anxious to get definitive answers.

"Look, Naomi, my hearing's good but it's not that good," he said, with a joking sort of adamancy. "I couldn't hear them through more than three feet of concrete, and that's only because they're talking loud. Gahdesses, I wish they'd quiet down. they're going to bring the guards blaring the horns of Hell!"

"Well, nothing much we can do about it, Linky-boy. Unless you'd like to have a shout at 'em and tell 'em to shut up."

"No way, Nai-oh-may," he rolled around on his tongue. "I like my head right where it is on my shoulders, thanks."

"Hmmm. Well, there's gotta be something. aside from just waiting here for Posie or Navi to find us. Huh. I guess I can say, for starters."

"For starters what?" Link was intrigued. He got back up into a more proper pedestal on his knees so he could peer directly at his Gerudian friend.

"For starters, you could never, ever call me Nai-oh-may like that again."

******************************

"No luck?"

Posie shrugged. From head to toe she was covered in patches of green glop, glommed from the walls and floor as she perused their niches for an aid to their breakout. She had a sort of fuzzy, moldy smell that would have been petrifying had it not been under her nose so long she'd come to ignore it. "Navi looked up in all the torch holders, and I searched all of the ground. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch." She soughed fully and streaked her fingers through her bangs. Normally, they were puffy; now they looked like spikes since the sludge had cemented them in a stable formation.

"This is wonderful," Elaine mumbled in a defeated fashion. "And there's nothing in here. did you try the other cells?"

"I gave 'em a good once-over," Navi said. "They're all empty. Looks like our only option would be to sweetalk one of the Moblins into opening the doors and letting us out. you out," she corrected. Posie and her didn't exactly have those same imprisonment issues as Elaine.

"Or kill it," Posie deadpanned. What with the vileness of those horrible, mephitic creatures, the option didn't quite dismay her as much as it would have for some other being. They were as fetid and awful as it was possible to be.

"With a fifteen-inch little girl and a fairy. Real great salvo we've got here!"

Elaine shifted her feet. "Uhh, Pose."

"No, she got me too," and Posie held up her hands, one in a fist and the other spread wide. She pulled in her thumb on the open palm and stuck it out on her bunched mitt. They'd both lost points and Navi had scored on them in the thesaurus war. "Navi, what does 'salvo' mean.?"

"Barrage! Fusillade! OK, so it means shooting a lot of stuff, but I'm using it here to mean our artillery. A minor malapropism. Gimmie a break!"

"Mal. a. prop."

"I misused the word. OK? Not like you don't do it."

Posie grumbled "No need to be so testy" disdainfully while she hugged herself closely. It was rather chilly in the freakish façade, and the wind blew in the disheartening smell of rain from one of the small slats of windows. The wet ground was still busy releasing its gamy scents. "Let's see. last night, at this time, we were running from Gerudos."

"Our parents were running while they. carried. meep," Elaine started boldly and them squeaked at her cutting off. Posie had fired her a volley so fiery it ought to have blackened her face to a crisp. Despite having reprimanded Navi for being in this very mood and showing it, Posie was teetering at an edge and did not want to be corrected.

"And now, our problem is not being able to run anywhere." She began to pace in front of the cage that had once tried to hold her, her friend's eyes dutifully following her steady back-and-forth march.

"Could be worse."

Those were always the infamous last words.

***************************

"So you can't hear anything more."

"No-oope." Naomi didn't know where Link was suddenly getting this tendency to roll the syllables of his speech from, but it was starting to- no, had long since driven her nuts. "There was some scraping, Posie and Navi said a couple things to each other, then they went away."

Suddenly seized by a panicky thought, Naomi asked, "Were they-taken?"

"Well, I know they walked away OK. but they're beyond my earshot now, so if something were to happen, I wouldn't have any idea."

"Thank you for making me feel so much better, Link!" Naomi admonished. "You're not the only one with a kid trapped down there, you know! How is it you act so calm?"

"I hold the Piece of Courage, Naomi," he said with crossed arms. "It helps me find the strength within myself not to panic, no matter how bad things may get."

Oddly playfully for such a macabre setting, she punched him in the shoulder(gently). "Oh yeah? Well then, what was that expression on your face back when we were running from my sisters back in the desert?"

"O.K. so maybe this thing doesn't work 24-7." he tumbled over as he massaged the area of his limb she'd smacked. Much harder than she'd probably originally thought.

Forgetting all of her troubles for a few blissful seconds, Naomi laughed, making the bricks around them shudder as a force tumbled into them they felt cripplingly weakened by. "Link Hiro Blade, I think you're full of hot air."

"Nukira 'Naomi' Scythebearer, I think you're a pain in the rear."

"What're friends for?"

She leapt up and dove to tackle him. With the lubrication of the slime on his side, Link slid out of the way and made her eat a faceful of scum. "If all friends are like you," he chuckled, "not a whole gliorion lot."

******************************
Despite what the author has mentioned before, there are a number of famous last words. Aside from "Could be worse," there are also, "What's the worst that could happen?" and, "Don't worry," and, "I have an idea!" As it would so happen, all four of these words came into play during the conversation that followed Elaine's original statement of the first.

After a few minutes of silent rumination, musing away their predicament beneath the single torch, Posie leapt up. Loudly, she proclaimed, "I have an idea!"

Elaine stuck her head as far as it would go through the bars, even though it was not necessary to help her listen. "What is it?"

Posie marched up into Elaine's face with gusto. "Well," she began, taking a deep starting breath, "See, the Moblin's keys are part of their bodies. Right?"

"Right."

"And we're not going to be able to talk one into letting us out, and with our current army, we're not exactly going to be able to take one down, right?"

"Right."

"So we'll have to trick one into setting us free! Right?"

Elaine pulled her face back from between the steel strips and shook it. "Not right. How do we go about this?"

"Way I see it, it's simple. First, Navi will go off and find a Moblin stalking the halls somewhere, and lead me to it. Then, when it comes up to chase me, I'm going to tell it to stop, real calm-like, and tell it I'm a powerful mage who has the power to make all its wishes come true."

"Uhh, Pose, I hate to burst your bubble, but you said it yourself! You can call up a couple pretty green lights and that's it. How will that help?"

"Well, see, Navi agreed to help me. I'll tell it first that I use my magic to make me look youthful and small, and I'll wave my hands, say some mystic words. that sort of stuff. Moblins aren't big on magic, so it ought to fool it. And Navi will-I'm gonna hate this part, but what has to be done- take some of my magic from me and conjure an illusion of a dragon or something big like that."

"Aaaaand.?"

"I'll tell it I came here because I felt this place was in great danger. See, the roof's about to come down, and crush everyone inside of it." When Elaine's eyes widened in terror, Posie quickly rushed in to reassure her: "Don't worry, it's only the story I'm gonna tell it! Anyway, I'll say that there's so much pressure forcing this thing to break that even I can't stop it all. but if I came to the weakest spot in the entire ceiling and had a pair of strong Moblin arms hold it up for a little bit while I fetched my wizardly friends."

"Ooooh!" Dawn came to Elaine's eyes. "The old 'Falling Roof' trick. Am I correct in guessing that the 'weak spot' would be right here in this cell?"

"He'd have to open it up to get in! And you could sneak out of here while I kept up some cheerful banter with our sucker. So tell me, is that not a perfect plan?"

"It's not a perfect plan," Navi told them. "I'll help you with this whole scheme, but even if Moblins are thicker than Atahl's blackberry custard, I have my doubts about this."

Posie shrugged, "What's the worst that could happen? Don't worry!"

"Oh, I will," Navi sighed. "I will."

"I've never had Atahl's blackberry custard before," Posie hummed to herself aloud. "Is it really that thick?"

"So thick you could use it as glue, kiddo," Navi snipped. "Now, hush. I've found our pigeon; make sure he doesn't hear you before we get to him."

"Sorry."

Bunched up like a caterpillar, Posie slunk along the mostly dark corridors, only rarely lit at intervals by a torch that spat waxy smoke. That stuff smelt almost as bad as the creatures that had set the fires bearing it! Almost. But not quite. Her nostrils were still being assaulted with an odiferous Moblin stench, enough to drive the oil-soaked flames out.

Up in the hall ahead of her, a proud young Moblin marched, his fur the sleek blue-gray that dignified the nobles of his culture. It would have gleamed in many pretty, pearly iridescent shades had any effort been put into keeping it clean. However, the coat belonged to a creature without even the merest fixation on hygiene, so instead, it had all the luster of a distant, dark storm cloud. Two gnawed leather straps spanned his massive chest, hooks on their backs supporting a thick, enameled shield fully as tall as Link was. Miniaturized on his belt was a cold, beige Magic Hammer, a formidable secondary weapon next to his combination axe-spear he was tapping along.

Posie gulped a little at the sight of him. If Randy was tall among men, this Moblin was tall among monsters-at least fourteen of them in height, if not more. Even the senior officer that had kidnapped her father and Elaine's mother was dwarfed by the creature a good two feet. Being on her own a slight 15 inches, she was going to have to talk bigger than she ever had before in order to seem intimidating, and to fool the guard into thinking she was much, much older than she really was. And that meant breaking out her greatest weapon-the massive vocabulary and pretentious airs.

"Ahem!" She deeply cleared her throat. "Good sir-I say, my dear fellow! Mayest I have a word; a small chat, if thou wouldst?"

Talk about unconvincing. She didn't sound pompous, she just sounded like someone overly repetitive with a compulsive need to be sublimely beyond polite. Still, the uncultured beast put a brake on his pace and jutted his dark gaze into Posie-it was do or die; she would have to try harder.

"Yes. Thy friend. So good of thou to listen."

"Wuh youse doin' 'ere, little gurl?"

"'Little girl?' Oh, thou meanest my disguise. well, dear comrade, I am actually a mage of great magicks from an immense faraway. fiefdom," Posie said, searching her mind at the last word for the most obscure governing system she could think of. Though she wasn't sure there were any feudal states left in Ebridane, she didn't expect the Moblin to know his geography. "I chose to use my awesome powers to remain eternally youthful, as it were, and, in all perfect honestly, I rather relish being of a miniscule frame, as it makes getting under my desk for lost scrolls all the simpler. No, I am really several hundred years old. I was certainly already an old woman when what we now call Year 1 was put into effect!"

The guard tilted his head in a perplexed manner. If he was already flummoxed, perhaps this trick would be allowed to go off without a hitch. "Wuhs youse name?"

"For shame! Thou know'st me not? Well then, my orcish friend, know now that the great enchantress, P-rosemetè Ca-iyanhra Castor stands afore thee!"

"Prosemetè wah? Wuhs youse sayin'? I don't un'nerstan youse none."

"Ah, it matters not. Perhaps thy curiosities and bewilderments would be better dispellèd with a simple enactment of one of my most powerful spells. .Let's see, what is impressive yet none too taxing? Hmm. Perhaps, my dear Mobish friend, thou hast seen a dragon before?"

"Dragon? Nuh-uh. Only heard stories, 'n' never seen no pigtures. Youse gonna gall a dragon?"

He'd never seen a true dragon before? Perfect. Navi could effectively call to being an illusion of any oversized, spiky reptile. Posie looked behind her to see if the fairy had caught this tip-she had, and nodded to indicate that their thoughts drifted down the same river. Even if the overdeveloped pig had seen a wyrm before, any other sort of image Navi could dream up would likely fool him. He'd likely believe a blue bird covered in cotton-puff clouds was a ferocious dragon if Posie told him it was. Hook, line, and sinker.

"Call a dragon? Call a dragon? Thou would'st set to me such a trivial, menial task? I was thinking more something along the lines of channeling a great wyrm's spirit and turning my very self into a terrifying Naga. but clearly, thy simpleton mind would be satisfied with some simple conjured beast. Very well. Now, stand back as I chant the mystic words."

Navi readied herself, dashing around vigorously as she etched an invisible magic transfer line from herself to Posie. It was not a difficult or taxing work and would take a very short amount of time, but Posie could speak quickly, and once she said the code-words-"Tomato, toe-mah-toe"-Navi would have to activate the spell.

"Abracadabra, Alakazam! Peeka-shu grumba gruntling! Wallawallawashington! Ehlvees levees! Rekard af yerk gaiv bahtl en vayhn! Tomato, toe-mah-toe!"

It was perhaps the most esoteric collection of "magic words" ever assembled, consisting of a number of familiar phrases Navi and Posie knew mispronounced in enough of a way to sound mystical. But it worked-the Moblin screwed up his face a little attempting to fathom the meaning of these twisted sounds, while watching the equally absurd hand movements Posie was making to accompany her speech. When Navi received her cue, she performed the familiar mental tug on her drain-string-and she cast the spell that would make an enormous magical lizard appear directly behind them.

Posie had expecting a feeling to cut through her chest exactly like it had the last time she had been tapped, but apparently, Navi didn't need as much extra magic for this simple specter than she had needed to move herself, five other persons, and one decrepit old log to the middle of the lake. There was a mild twinge in her lungs and she felt slightly breathless, but it was nothing compared to the excruciating pain that had nearly ripped her apart before.

Quite suddenly, a dragon appeared in the middle of the hallway.

Navi had performed one bag-up job of a mirage too; the creature she called into being was a dark purple, serpentine beast with yellow and crimson bands decorating its midnight-sky face like war paint. It had bulbous, multifaceted eyes similar to those of the famous monster Volvagia; its six muscular legs supported a mass of floating, undulating coils. Ivory spirals like a pair of twin green unicorn horns sprouted from behind enormous, flicking dragon ears. Its head was nearly as big was the Moblin himself was, and its body ran off into the shadows down the hall, though its tail was just barely visible. It had three rows of shark-like pure white teeth inside its humid, sticky maw.

Of course, the dragon was of some completely made-up species, but it was certainly everything that a really terrifying dragon ought to be. The verdant, mossy tuft at the end of its tail flicked menacingly as it eyed the Moblin with ravenous hunger, steam snorting out of its nostrils.

It looks awesome, Navi; good going, Posie mouthed at her glowing companion. Normally, a compliment from one of her least-favorite people would mean nothing to Navi, but the fairy looked as if she really enjoyed it. Her face radiated a light not entirely a result of fay magic in that moment.

"Woah! Dat. dat's a dragon! Uhh, please 'ell it not ter eat me, Ms. Sorsruss."

Posie turned around, dramatically drawing her sword. Sweeping it across what would have been one of the most tender spots on a real dragon- its face-she cried, "Foul wyrm, I banish thee!" Navi's reflexes were not even a second behind Posie's; she quickly contorted the image into shirking back from the blow and trickling small amounts of blood across the path of the cut. Their sucker was luckily dull enough not to notice that his "mage's" sword had gone straight into the "monster" instead of simply grazing the front. Obediently obeying its mistress, the illusion gave a squawking howl of reverence before bursting into a million shadow particles and vanishing.

Laxing into her typical routine on her few moments of relief that everything had gone well, Posie asked, "So, are you convinced yet?" This did not sound overtly magical, but the Moblin didn't care. He seemed to be in a state of shock. "Uh. uh. dat was a dragon! But dey's saying dere no dragons 'round here. uhh, I ain't never seen a dragon."

Picking up her character again, Posie nudged the huge, furry demon in the big toe. "Thou art ignoring me, my most odiferous comrade," hoping the hidden insult slid right under the Moblin's nose. So to speak. "My proof of my powers has been presented mostly plainly. Now wilt thou listen to the words I have to say to thee?"

"Youse wanted ter say somethin's ter me?" The slightly thick guard could hardly believe this insanely powerful magical being had actually been looking for him.

"I seek the aid of thy burly arms; thy chiseled physique and nimble form," rattled of Posie, making quick poetry of simple prose. Although she was very fond of her books, Posie never imagined that being well-read would come in so handy when her life was in danger. "Would'st thou lend thy body to my cause?"

"Wuh youse wantin'?" Typical Moblin. Find out what they were being cowed into first, then find out what was in it for them. How predictable.

"Ah, my dear, friend, 'tis but a bit of tragedy in itself, is it not?" Posie clamped her hands together like a stately, solemn priest, attempting to look as grave and somber as possible in relating her "news." "An ominous herald I bring thee, for thy life, and all the lives surrounding thee, are imperiled most pressingly! That very roof, which thou regard'st as stoic and stalwart as the sun itself, is about to come crushing down on thy very heads!" Posie noticed that she was saying thy an awful lot, but her Old English was fractured at best and she didn't know any other words for something like your. It would have to do-besides, who was going to notice? Their chump?

"Wuuuh?" Luckily, this seemed to invoke a reaction in the trundling guard, because he stood up at his full height and looked around neurotically. He even checked over his shoulder when he felt a gust of hot air there, wondering if Navi's fake dragon was perhaps back. It was actually little more than his own skin, prickling at nothing out of sheer nerves. "Wuh youse mean, dat da roof's gunna gom' grushin' down on usses?"

"Alack, thou that has built this structure hast not put all his effort into it, for the supports grow weak and convex bends the stone! If thou dost not act, thou mayest find tomorrow morning to be sleeping with a halo of stones 'round thy head! And, alas, my magicks let alone are not enough to stop this ceiling from coming down on its masters. .Though. I hast been pondering, and I hast seen it that a strong young Moblin might put his palms to the loosest spot and stop the great avalanche of stones from coming down before I may fetch my wizardly friends. Dost thou agree to assist?"

Not wanting to get beaned in the head with one of the heavy cement bricks, the Moblin quickly agreed with Posie's plan and followed her and Navi back to the cell where Elaine was held captive, several hallways down. The fortress was built in a very confusing manner that made it seem possible to make five right angle turns on one level, but in reality the floors were built into a very clever and gentle spiral that accomplished the illusion. Magic, though it certainly could have garnered the same effect, was not part of it.

When Posie told their pigeon that the weakest point of the entire roof was right there in that prison cell, her was expedient to open it and focused enough in his single-mindedness not to noticed when Elaine slipped past his legs into the open, and quickly and neatly relieved him of his prized Magic Hammer. Bracing his sturdy arms against the figure, he smiled and nodded as Posie scampered off in the direction Elaine had followed, briskly reassuring him that she would soon be back with a squadron of wizards to fix their plight.

It was a long, long time-well after sunrise that morning-before he realized he'd been duped.

****************************

Backs to the wall, Posie, Elaine, and Navi shuffled silently as possible down the wide corridors of the Moblin fortress, eyes pricked keen and ears opened wide to catch the slightest hints of movement. Their every step quavered with paranoia, deathly frightened that their ruse had been found out by their chosen guard or one of his peers. Posie kept her weapon drawn at all times, and Elaine had pocketed her knife in favor of the Magic Hammer she'd managed to steal off the evil creature. It felt light in the hands that wielded it, but it would prove a mighty bludgeon versus an enemy- one they hopefully did not encounter. Their plan, if such were to happen, was to have Navi blind it in a flash of light while Posie did her usual job of slicing open its ankles. Elaine would smash its toes. Then they'd run as far away as they possibly could, following the spiral of the fort upward until they(hopefully) found stairs to its roof so they could survey their location.

Around the cusp of the corner they were fast approaching, Posie heard a scuffling noise. At the heard of the parade, she put her empty left behind her, "Shhh"-ing her two companions. Navi dimmed her brilliant white light to a gentle, barely visible orange.

A few whispers of a familiar voice ebbed out around them. It was hasty and panicked, pacing back and forth over the wet limestone foundation. "OK, so we know that somewhere, in here, they've got a big monster that can roar reeeal loud. What do we do about that thing once we get out?"

"Mom!" Elaine joyfully squeaked, her voice so high-pitched from the excitement and the cloying hold of newly-forming bliss tears that it wouldn't have mattered if she remembered to whisper. "That's Mom! Pose, she's OK!"

"Sounds like she heard my dragon and thought it was genuine. Guess I put a bit too much oomph into that one..." Navi put one hand to the oozing wall, poised to listen.

"Well, whatever it is, it can't be much wider than these hallways, so giving a rough estimate of it's size. I'd say I could handle it pretty easily; it'd probably be around sixteen feet high and probably, oh, fifty feet long."

"Daddy!" Posie happily chirped while Naomi squawked, "That's your idea of easy?!"

Link bantered something in return about it all being a matter of perspective while Navi dashed up and bounced up and down a few scant inches from Posie's face. "Well, let's not just stand here awaiting for them to come to us! C'mon, what're we waiting for?"

"Well." drawled Posie, ".How're we s'pposed to let them out? We still don't have a key."

"No, but we've got a Magic Hammer and that's almost as good," whipped Navi. "We can smash that lock in an instant with that thing."

"OK, then." Posie looked over her shoulder. "Let's move, Elaine!"

Down in the cell, Link's head jumped up. "Hey, wait! I thought I just heard Posie!"

"Yeah. only the funny thing is, this time, so did I! And was she talking to Elaine?"

The both of them rushed up to the bars preventing their escape, the cold steel pressing into their faces as their eyes attempted to survey their surroundings without being able to turn their heads. A tell-tale orange speckle that might have been the flame of a torch crept along the messy stone walls, and at first the two of them thought they might have been mistaken and it was only their minds drumming hope out of some approaching Moblin's mutterings. But when the light upped its ante to a glimmering white, and when it source-the tiny, fluttering human body-came over the bend, their spirits rose again.

"Navi?"

In the flooding white light, a hundred golden highlights came alive in the tiny, straw-colored head that followed the shimmering fay person.

"Posie!"

"Don't worry, Daddy," she heralded. "We're gonna get you and Miss Naomi out of there! Elaine grabbed a-"

"Elaine! Where is she?"

"I'm right here, Mom," Elaine quelled her anxious mother's soul as she brought up the tail end of the chain.

Posie made a small check to assure herself Elaine really was there, even if her voice and Naomi's reaction had confirmed it. Then she re- fixated herself on Link, to finish her explanation. "As I was saying. Elaine grabbed a Magic Hammer from the Moblin we tricked into opening the cell for us, so we should be able to get you out of there!"

"Wow! How'd you guys manage to fox your way out of that one? That's pretty impressive," Naomi said with deep pride, despite the fact the even a normal five-year-old was probably smarter than your average Moblin.

"Posie actually had a pretty good idea-we fooled one of the guards into thinking she was a mage, and I borrowed some of her magic to conjure a huge dragon illusion."

"Was that the roaring sound we heard?" Link asked, with a raised eyebrow. "Must've been a pretty big illusion; I'd think after your previous experiences you wouldn't want to share any more of your magic, kid."

"Well, it was only an illusion, after all," Posie said, with a sort of "that-didn't-hurt" smugness other children might display after enduring a shot. "Navi didn't have to borrow too much magic, after all. It barely stung."

"I guess that it probably helped since you willingly lent it. Anyway, so you made him think you were a big powerful mage. So then what did you do?"

"Well, then I-we, Navi and I-convinced him that the roof was going to fall, but if he held up the one spot where it was weakest in our cell-"

"Ho-lee Hiploops," whistled Naomi appreciatively, "those gorillas really are dumb. The oldest trick in the book."

"And he fell for it," Elaine finished out loud what they were all thinking. "He's probably still in there, grinning his head off and thinking he's some sort of big hero. Helping to save all his little buddies."

"Thank goodness he did, too! It's a miracle they didn't kill any of us. They were definitely after us. me, at least. The two of you-"-he looked at the two little girls-"-were clearly expendable. They weren't expecting you, but that's license to slaughter in their books."

"My back's smiling and nodding right along with you, Mr. B," Elaine said while running her fingers over her shallow-but-ugly puncture wounds.

"I'm really sorry, guys," Link sighed apologetically. "It's all my fault we're in this mess. Look, if it's all right with you guys. I mean, this little escapade's really taught me my lesson about dashing off on adventures like this. So I was hoping you wouldn't take it the hard way if, once we got out of here, we just. went home."

"It's alright with me, Daddy," Posie nodded. "I'll just have to work harder at the spinning slash, I guess. I'll get it eventually, you know."

"Hey," he shrugged, "not like it was a complete loss, was it? We had fun, didn't we? We helped out the Zoras, met a couple of new friends, got ourselves scared silly just enough to be exhilarated."

"And what am I, Lyonel sweat?" Naomi barked bitterly.

"And of course we rescued Naomi," Link grinned. "And, I daresay, made your dad a very happy man," Link said to Elaine.

"RJ." Naomi swooned. "I can't believe I'm finally going to be seeing him again after so many years."

"You won't be seeing anyone if we don't stop the chitchat and get to work getting out of here," snipped Navi. "Elaine.?"

The child nodded, knowing her job without having it spoken aloud. She approached the bars of the prison with a deep excitement welling up in her chest, filling up her heart with gusto. Tossing the mallet of her Hammer above her head, she bade Link and Naomi to "Stay back" while she unleashed its power. Once they were out of harm's way, she brought down the weapon with an eager whistle against the offending lock. It near disintegrated when she hit it, sparks erupting from the point of collision.

Stepping up delicately, Link tossed open the cell's door. He brushed his hands together, sweeping off the rust that had rubbed off on him from the door. "Thanks, Elaine," he praised her. "Now, I think it's time we played ourselves home, eh, crew?"

".'Play ourselves.?'"

"Music magic," Posie told Naomi. "Some melodies are directly connected to places, and by playing them on a magic instrument of some kind, you can teleport there. It's kind of uncomfortable, but it's quick."

"Thanks for sparing me the explanation," Link mumbled as he became absorbed in searching his backpack for his Ocarina. Navi looked curtly in Posie's direction, as the latter had clearly stolen the former's thunder away from her.

"Funny," Link spoke only half to himself, "I coulda sworn I had my Ocarina in this pouch last. Maybe I moved it and forgot. I'll check here then."

He closed the flap he had been picking through and began to rummage in the one in front of it. He pushed aside various heaps of junk in hopes of locating the pearly blue sweet potato, but it did not appear to be under any of the things kept in that part of his knapsack.

"Ok, it's not in there. Must be in here!"

He pulled out the few things in some of the side flaps to no avail.

"Umm. OK! Not there either! It has to be, then."

He tried several of the few pouches left, getting some of the wonderful delights cooked up for them in the feral-Zora King's kitchens, but no Ocarina.

Link looked reckless not to let the desperate truth set in, but even with repeated perusing of the various parts of his traveling pack he could not deny the inevitable. His Ocarina was gone.