Dedicated to Beriath. Thanks for proofreading again!
Warning: Some of the characters here might deviate somewhat from the real ones in historical context. I do try to adhere to history as much as possible, but only when it doesn't get in the way of the plot. Besides, that's what fics are about, right?
Kenshin's Brush with Art
Ch. 2: A Close Shave with the Law (newly replaced due to typos in old chapter)
At times like this one almost misses the Bakumatsu, thought Kenshin as he flitted through the deserted streets of Kyoto. Back in the old days, at 3 a.m. the city was just waking up and getting down to business. One could scarcely land on a rooftop without treading on an Oniwabanshu's feet or walk into an alley and not jostle a Shinsengumi. At those times a solitary shadow was unlikely to attract comment, whereas now Kenshin could sense a million fingers pointing with a "Hey, you!" at him.
His clothes probably had something to do with it.
Having arrived at the Harada mansion without much ado (Hiko believed in addresses), he once again studied the sketch of the pottery provided by his master. Kenshin had never felt anything for art, but Kageaki's final masterpiece simply moved the depths of his soul. It was one deuce of a shock: its corners jutted, the surface resembled lunar landscape; a hole went straight through one side and an overly enthusiastic thumbprint marked the other. Kenshin had heard of "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder", and decided that even so, it's not much of an excuse for Harada.
Looking on the bright side, a thing like this should be pretty easy to spot. Finding an open window, Kenshin launched himself onto the ledge, gingerly lowered himself into what appeared to be a study room, and found himself in a dilemma.
Should he switch on the light? It had never been necessary in assassinations, where people seemed just too eager to throw themselves onto his sword. Now, the darkness of the study held infinite possibilities, most of which involved him tripping over things.
Fortunately, Kenshin found himself on familiar terrain once more as the door of a nearby closet exploded outwards with astounding force. A timely side-leap to the right (onto a small ornamental chair) was all that saved him from being on the receiving end of a… Gatotsu?
"Saitou?" Blurted Kenshin in amazement as the dark figure skidded to a halt at where Kenshin had been standing a second ago. Kenshin was accustomed to meeting enemies at the most unlikely places, but Fate was certainly overdoing it by turning up one from the inside of a closet, and in pajamas.
"Battousai?" Said the other half of the conversation. Glowing eyes narrowed. "Hmm. I wasn't expecting you, but still, it all makes sense."
"What are YOU doing here?"
"I happen to be staying here." Said Saitou with a somewhat offended air.
"Oh." Said Kenshin, his face instantly turning a deep crimson. If Dr. Watson had run into Sherlock Holmes while doing a heist, he would have felt exactly the same.
"And I suppose," Saitou smirked. "You've come under the orders of your master Mr. Hiko Seijuro, alias Kakunoshin Niitsu, to illegally obtain the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki Yoshi."
There was a satisfying smash as his opponent fell off the chair. "How did you know?" Said a trembling voice after a long pause.
Saitou rolled his eyes. Even the least self-respecting criminal can put up a better fight than this, he thought. "For your own sake Battousai, if you don't know how to lie just keep quiet until the lawyer arrives. You're a disgrace to the dregs of the underworld."
"But how… why…?" Continued Kenshin wretchedly, as if in a trance.
In all detective tales there's always a part where the Investigator Reveals All and a part where the Villain Breaks Down and Confesses. Since Kenshin had done the latter like a shot, Saitou felt obliged to do his own part as well.
"Hmm." He lit a cigarette leisurely. "It wasn't that hard to figure out, really. After the Shishio incident, my intelligence reports informed me that Hiko Seijuro, who had intervened in the Aoiya crisis, was none other than the artisan known as Kakunoshin Niitsu. That immediately got my attention."
"So?" Said Kenshin, still looking clueless. He had never been interested in what his Shishou called himself during his spare time.
"I have heard much about Kakunoshin Niitsu…" Continued Saitou.
"Indeed?" Said Kenshin dubiously. Saitou didn't look like the kind of person who had a soul for art. Or a soul, to begin with.
"… from my father-in-law, Harada Reizo."
"Harada Reizo… your father-in-law…" Said Kenshin with a glazed look, as if Fate had just hammered it in with a lead pipe.
"Don't look at me like that," Said Saitou irritably. "It's one of the things one can't refuse when one gets hitched. He's one of those artist types, head in the clouds and so on. As far as I know, he's not entirely sure what my name is. If it wasn't for Tokio's insistence, I would sooner share a room with Usui than spend a week in this beastly place, as long as conversation topics don't include pottery. "
"So… he talks about Shishou a lot?" Said Kenshin tentatively.
A haunted look flitted across Saitou's face. "More than I can bear," He said. "In short, he thinks of Mr. Kakunoshin as the curse of modern art and an absolute tick. Lately he has been obsessed with this Final Insanity of Kageaki, some hideous relic that should have remained underground where it obviously belongs. I decided to get personally involved when he told me how he cunningly wrestled the vessel from Mr. Kakunoshin in an auction."
"Oh, sessha has heard about that," Said Kenshin, feeling himself on firmer ground here. "With the help of some street urchin and all that."
"What street urchin?" Said Saitou, giving Kenshin a look as if he thought the latter was talking in his sleep. He switched to the pragmatic tone of crime scene reconstruction: "Details are as follows: on the day of question, Mr. Harada and Mr. Kakunoshin were hoping to acquire the aforementioned item at an auction held during a ceramic artisan's gathering. Having taken my son Tsutomu along, Mr. Harada promised him a reward if he could--- with the aid of a magnifying glass--- set Mr. Kakunoshin's mantle on fire, an action which went unnoticed by its owner due to the intense bidding."
Kenshin was stunned. He could see why Harada deserved the Heavenly Justice of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu's now. He might as well have poked Death in the eye and spat in it.
"It was up until the smoke had gotten somewhat denser when Mr. Kakunoshin noted the blaze and rushed to quench his clothes in the nearest river, but not before fetching my son a sharp smack on the head." There was a snarl in Saitou's voice now, which resembled that of a wolf's whose cub has been batted around by a mountain lion. "You see why I am in this now Battousai? No Wolf of Mibu ought to live down this sort of outrage to his family. As soon as I had heard of this from my father-in-law and Tsutomu, I knew your master would be up to something to remove that piece of accursed art, and planned my revenge accordingly. You aren't part of the plan, I confess, but since you're here anyway I might as well let you have it. After all, you two are both of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu stock."
"You mean you're going to fight sessha?" Said Kenshin, eyes narrowing and crouching into Battou-jitsu mode. He had long expected that it would come to this, anyway. There was still the score back in Bakumatsu left unaccounted for.
"Fight you?" Said Saitou, looking amused. "No, I'm simply going to arrest you."
"Arrest sessha?" Echoed Kenshin. That was a new one to him. He wasn't even sure what defensive position he should adopt. "How bad can that be?"
"Five months prison or a 9,000 yen fine." Said Saitou automatically.
"That's it? Sessha has spent five months in worse spots." Said Kenshin with a somewhat scornful tone.
"Think about it, Battousai," A sadistic gleam entered the policeman's eyes. "a fine sight it'll make on tomorrow's news headlines: 'Former Legendary Hitokiri Jugged for Burglary'"
There was a pause as this sank in.
"But sessha can escape," Tried Kenshin. "Right?" He added, for reassurance.
"Then we'll add to that the extra charge of 'Resisting Arrest'."
"You won't be able to catch sessha."
"Ha! You lawbreakers all say the same thing." Said Saitou with a mirthless laugh. "Yet no one evades the Metrop Police for long. We'll have Wanted Signs posted in every single town all over Japan."
"Oro!" Quavered the ex-assassin. The look on his face alone was worth millions.
"And in every newspaper, as well. Even the Kamiya girl will recoil from you in horror."
"Oro." Kenshin sagged. He could understand how Shishio Makoto must have felt now. One had sweated and toiled for this country and what did it give you? Five months in durance vile. The world really wasn't fair.
If an anti-Meiji party had been on the spot, Kenshin would have gladly joined it. "But sessha hasn't even stolen anything!" He cried.
Saitou exhaled cigarette smoke leisurely. "Still, housebreaking is a serious offence."
"What about setting fire to people?" retorted Kenshin.
"Fortunately, Tsutomu is only eight, and therefore not accountable for his actions." Said the Wolf of Mibu smoothly.
And THAT'S the next generation I have been fighting my ass off for? Fumed Kenshin to himself. He tried to think of a counterattack. Nothing in his training was good against the machinery of the Law. BUT, he could appeal to Saitou's more humane feelings with Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu's Psychological Attack, which had worked against beings less humanoid than Saitou in the past. Here it goes:
"Listen, Saitou," He said. "Shishou just thwacked Tsutomu on the head, right? Sessha had it much worse when sessha was eight. Trust me, sessha has tried them all, thanks to shishou's 'excellent control'."
"I'm not interested in your childhood." Said Saitou, looking bored. "Although judging from the end product, it must have been pretty screwed up."
"So you ought to be proud that your son had done everything and still got out of it with all his limbs intact." Said Kenshin, a yearning look in his eyes. "Sessha wishes sessha could do the same, that he does." He said the last sentence with real feeling.
He watched the cop anxiously. Saitou might be made of marble, but even the most hardened chap is apt to soften when someone is offering a spot of praise to his progeny, especially if said person is the legendary Hitokiri.
The Psychological Attack seemed to have hit home.
"Very eloquent, Battousai." Allowed Saitou. "I am inclined to view the incident in a more positive light."
"Then you will drop the charges?" Said Kenshin hopefully. It was 4 a.m. already. No one enjoyed haggling over a lawsuit when sane people should be in bed.
"No." Said Saitou, his face once again an impassive mask. "Don't forget a Shinsengumi doesn't back down before an enemy."
"Dash it, Saitou, all you need to do is go back to sleep and forget about everything that has happened!"
The exchange seemed to have reached an impasse. At that moment, the door flew open, revealing a night gowned female holding a lantern. Upon espying Kenshin, her eyes lit up, which said a lot for her: many people's eyes lit up when they saw Kenshin, mostly with a murderous gleam. But the light in this gentler species' eyes was akin to that in an angel's singing 'Joy to the World'.
"Battousai!" She said with glee, as if she had finally met up with Santa Claus.
Kenshin was at a loss. No one had ever uttered his title with that much gaiety and abandon. Soujirou on pot would have come pretty close.
The other thing was that, owing to the drastic improvement in the room's visibility, he spotted the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki standing mockingly on an ornamental shelf next to him.
The female took his hesitation as a reply in the affirmative. "I'm Tokio." She said, coming forward with a big smile. "Hajime has been telling me so much about you!"
"Ah." Said Kenshin, not sure whether this was a good or bad thing.
"Is it true," she gushed. "that you enjoy doing laundry? And shopping? AND babysitting?"
Kenshin sweated. "It's sessha's pleasure to help Kaoru-dono." He managed.
"I happen to be arresting him, Tokio," Saitou pointed out. The rest of his sentence was drowned out by a squeal of delight from his wife.
"Kaoru-san is so lucky to have a man like you!" She said it so sincerely that if she had been anyone else, Kenshin would have thought of the remark as sarcasm. "Do you mind accompanying me to the market tomorrow morning? I'll go get your bed ready for the night."
"Oh, don't bother," Said Kenshin, who was thinking more on the lines of a jail cell in the Kyoto Metrop. Police Station, but Tokio had transferred her attention to Saitou.
"Hajime anata, goodnight!" She said sweetly, and then breezed out of the doorway.
"That's my wife." Said Saitou, by way of explanation.
"A very warm-hearted and affectionate lady, that she is." Said Kenshin, deciding it's never too late to butter up the arm of the law some more.
"Hmm!" Said Saitou, a strange look in his eyes. "You're totally wrong on the point. She has been particularly cold and aloof lately, as if there's something preying on her mind."
"Really?" Said Kenshin. It's hard to imagine how anyone could get more warm-hearted than this without bursting into flames. "Doesn't look that bad to sessha."
"Trust me, Battousai," Said Saitou, somewhat wistfully. "When you're married, you'll know it when the female species is miffed."
"Oro?" Kenshin wasn't quite sure why the conversation had suddenly taken this totally unexpected turn.
Saitou suddenly looked thoughtful. "I've been re-considering the charges against you," he said. "The law is the law, but it is also stated that a criminal can be released without a stain on his character by performing a service to the Metrop. Police."
Kenshin's sixth sense told him that this was leading up to something rotten. "Meaning you." He said.
"Tokio seems to have taken a great liking to you." Said Saitou. "No doubt she sees you as a sisterly soul mate…"
Kenshin's eyes momentarily flashed amber. "I'm not a woman!" He growled.
"… whom she can confide in while shopping together." Continued Saitou coolly. "And therefore help you figure out the cause of her suffering and report it to me."
Kenshin had had enough. It was all a chap could stand to be given two missions, each scalier than the last, in a single day. "Sessha's not doing it." He stomped to the window.
"Remember the News Headlines AND the Wanted Signs, Battousai." Said Saitou ominously.
"Um."
"And here's the Final Insanity of Kageaki," Continued the policeman, picking up the eyesore. "Personally, I believe stealing it will do a lot of good to everyone's peace of mind--- it'll practically be civil service. However, if it disappears while me, an enforcer of the law, is stationed in a closet in the same room, it'll look pretty bad on the Kyoto Police Force, won't it?"
"Can't you sleep in your own bed?"
"The snag is, I am sort of excluded from it at the moment." Said Saitou, the wistful look in his eyes once again. "Whether the situation persists is up to you, Battousai. But if I were you, I'd go shopping with Tokio first thing tomorrow and find out what's haunting her."
"So she will welcome you back to her fold, and sessha will be free to take the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki?"
"Thus rendering the Metrop. Police Force and humanity a great service." Finished Saitou. "Now, I'd better not detain you from your rest. I'm sure you'll need the energy in the morning."
*** To be continued
Next Chapter: Shopping the streets of Kyoto is not for the Weak-Hearted