Dedicated to Beriath: Sorry that nothing new is happening in this chapter. It was supposed to be part of last chapter, but I was just too slow in typing…
To all reviewers: Thanks for being so patient!
Ch. 4: The Woes of Being a Mole.
"Irasshaimase!" Called Okon as she greeted another couple passing through the doorway of the Aoiya. Her next words, however, were caught in her throat as she saw who they were.
"Are you alright, Okon-san?" Smiled Tokio, waving a bouquet in front of her coquettishly. "Table for two, please."
"Himura-san!" Gasped Okon at the sight of the swordsman. He seemed to be walking along Tokio in a trance.
"Do you know him?" Said Tokio, pleased. "Isn't Himura-san sweet? He bought me such nice flowers!"
"Himura-san!" Okon was speaking with a hint of disbelieve now. "Where's Kaoru?"
"Sessha… sessha will explain later, Okon-dono!" Said the rurouni with a squeak as he was nudged sharply in the ribs by Tokio.
"No, we're going to the movies later, remember?" Said Tokio playfully. "Where's our table?"
Moving on automatic, Okon directed the duo to a table.
"Himura-san," Whispered Tokio, once Okon had departed to fire off the gossip chain reaction. "Can you stop looking so jumpy? The way you're acting, people'll think I'm holding you hostage! You did agree to help me, didn't you?"
"Sessha did, but sessha rather prefer doing it in a way that doesn't involve having Saitou come through the wall for sessha's throat!" Said Kenshin, his hand creeping unconsciously to his sword hilt.
"Good, I want him to get angry." Said Tokio gleefully. "It'll be instrumental in making him a better person in the long run."
"Sessha's somewhat concerned with the consequences in the short run, that he is."
"Why worry? You beat him once, didn't you?"
"No."
"Really? I thought Hajime's just too ashamed to tell me." Said Tokio with a laugh. "Still, you're alive, which says something."
"Yes, it says sessha wishes to stay that way!"
"Himura-san," said Tokio with a somewhat disappoint tone. "Do you know why I asked you to help me? You're the only one who can stand up to Hajime. I asked Chou to help me once, but the man was too stupid to comprehend my plan."
"Smart of him."
"Himura-san, my future happiness is in your hands!" said Tokio imploringly. "Our plan might as well be scratched if you are already prepared to cringe before Hajime like a salted worm. I know how you feel, but you did say you wanted to sic some pain on Hajime! Will any self-respecting warrior forgo his vengeance on a sworn enemy just because it's likely to get a bit hazardous? Of course not!"
Kenshin felt a chill travel down his spine. Thank god Kaoru's nothing like Tokio, he thought silently, or Kami-sama knows what she'd be up to, probably plotting my downfall with the likes of Jin'eh and Enishi…
"Anyway," continued Tokio, "Our efforts will be all for naught if we give up at this point. We must therefore continue lunch with a will of iron. No cringing, all right? We'll keep at it until Hajime snaps."
"But still…"
"Shush! Here comes the waitress…" Tokio's face lit up as she saw Omasu approach.
"Can I take your order now?" Said Omasu coldly, eyeing the couple with a look of disdain.
"Let me see… we'll have that 'Lover's set meal', thank you!" Said Tokio, patting Kenshin as he choked on his tea. "No cringing, remember?" She said fiercely.
"Isn't that going a bit too far?" Said Kenshin, his eyes darting around the room like those of a trapped animal. He suddenly caught sight of a shadow behind the paper wall. "Wait Tokio-dono, sessha has to see to something…"
As he had expected, Saitou was lounging at the corridor with a nonchalant air. "Well what are your findings for this morning Battousai?" He said briskly. "Report."
"Tokio-dono has revealed to sessha that she is unhappy because you are a callous, heartless and insensitive jerk. These are her exact words." Said Kenshin perfunctorily.
Saitou's eyes narrowed in annoyance, as if an inept underling had failed him. "Ask her some more--- she's hiding something. Anything else?"
Kenshin gulped. "Er--- she has devised a scheme to instill kindness and sensitivity into you, which mainly involves getting extremely matey with sessha until you crack under the strain."
Contrary to Kenshin's expectations, Saitou merely looked amused. "I see." He said.
"The prudent course for you to pursue now, Saitou," said Kenshin
urgently, "Is hurry off for a purchase at the nearest florist and throw
yourself at her feet for mercy."
"Indeed? I'll do no such thing," Said Saitou with a laugh.
"What makes her think I'll fall for a trick like that? You two might
as well go ahead--- after all, I enjoy a challenge. I'll see how long
she'll keep up this façade before she becomes the laughing-stock
of Kyoto."
"Sessha doesn't think this is wise, that he doesn't!" Said Kenshin, a tremor in his voice now.
"A Shinsengumi never yields to his enemy. I thought you knew that." Said Saitou matter-of-factly. "In fact, tell her to bring it on."
This doesn't bode well, thought Kenshin uneasily as he returned to his seat. Irresistible force and immovable object: which will give? Tokio threw him a questioning glance.
"Well, did you talk to Hajime?" She said sharply.
"Yes, he asked you to bring it on."
"You see Himura-san, this means WAR!" Said Tokio passionately. "Ah, here comes the artillery…" She picked up a sushi from the Lover's Set Meal that had just arrived. "Open your mouth, Himura-san."
"O---"Before Kenshin could finish his trademark exclamation, a sushi was stuffed down his pipes.
"Your turn," said Tokio, handing Kenshin the chopsticks once he had stopped spluttering.
"But Saitou---"
"It'll take a while for him to crack," Said Tokio with a wicked smile. "In the meantime, why not just take the opportunity to torture him?"
There didn't seem to be much of a choice now. Moreover, Battousai seemed to relish the idea of exacting revenge simply by sitting on one's butt eating sushi. "You have a point, Tokio-dono." He said slowly, a grin coming over his face.
Keeping one hand on the sakabatou hilt, Kenshin started the task of feeding Saitou to the green-eyed monster.
***
Despite Saitou's calm and unperturbed exterior, his fingers managed to
shake a little as he lit his 30th cigarette. The repetitive action kept his
mind off one thing, which was that his body was getting too hot for comfort.
It would probably be quite accurate to say that he's seething. But of
course, Saitou would be the last person to admit it, even if red mist started
curling out of his gloves.
He strolled another round in the corridor and examined the ghastly scene through the window once more…
I've seen things more terrible than this, he consoled himself. But the sight of it still filled him with a nameless horror: there was his wife, feeding sushi to his enemy the Battousai demurely, while the latter was consuming it with obvious gusto. The people of the establishment, while looking on the scene with disgusted fascination, did ABSOLUTELY nothing to stop or denounce them, as if such things were practically run-of-the-mill events in Kyoto.
It practically screamed for Aku Sok Zan.
And the more he pondered on the matter, the more his rage was geared towards Battousai:
How Battousai must be laughing at him right now!
Wait, suppose Battousai complied with Tokio just to spite him for that time he was nailed to the ceiling? Or was he the one who had been behind the plan all along? Surely, Tokio was too gentle and mild to think of such a cold-blooded scheme. It must be Battousai who had devised the whole thing for revenge. Yes, his wife could not be capable of such heinous treachery!
If looks could kill, Kenshin would have been a chalk outline on the floor right now. But, much as Saitou yearned to go through his enemy like a barbecue spit for personal and philosophical reasons, doing so would be equal to admitting his defeat in the hands of Tokio, something any self-respecting Shinsengumi member would frown upon.
"Must. Stay. Cool." He commanded himself, with effort.
It just didn't seem to be working out as well as Aku Sok Zan.
***
Feet pounding the streets of Kyoto urgently, Kaoru finally reached the place she intended to visit for reinforcements: the Aoiya.
Having thought over things on the Kyoto train, she had come to the conclusion that if Kenshin and Hiko were to have a fight with someone, it wouldn't be a bad idea to enlist the Oniwabanshu's help.
"Misao-san!" She yelled breathlessly as she spotted the ninja standing at the door. "I need your help! Kenshin's in big trouble!"
To her surprise, the ninja didn't appear to be flustered by the news at all.
"I bet he is," said Misao, a strange look in her eyes. "He's inside right now, if you want to know."
Kaoru emitted a gasp of anguish. "How--- how is he?"
There was the strange look in Misao's eyes again. "Fine at the moment, but probably not for long."
Brushing the ninja aside, Kaoru ran past the rooms where customers were served and pulled to a stop in front of one of them, eyes wide in disbelieve as she watched her Kenshin smugly pop a sushi into the mouth of a female.
"Ken---"
"He bought her flowers, too. Oops, I shouldn't have told you that…" Said Okon helpfully.
"---shin---" The wooden handle of the bokken started to splinter.
"Makes you lose faith in half of the world's population, doesn't it?" Opined Misao. "Face it, men are all like that. Look at Aoshi-sama!"
"What did he do?" Growled Kaoru, still trying to digest the horrific scene before her.
"Nothing, that's the problem." Said Misao, suddenly bursting into tears.
"Sounds good to me." Said Kaoru enviously. "Do you know of any way I can paralyze that baka from the waist down such that he won't be able to do anything but laundry from now on?"
"I suppose we'll find out soon," Said Okon hopefully. "Misao, let's not get in the way of Kaoru-san." Taking Misao by the hand, the two exited with the speed of people evacuating from a volcano on the brink of eruption.
Kaoru was rolling up her sleeves as a preparation to wallop her rurouni to next century when she spotted her most hated policeman leaning against the wall with his foul cigarette.
"What are you doing here?" She demanded. If Saitou was here to settle some petty score back in the Bakumatsu, he had better get in line.
"I'm wondering whether I should gut that adulterer Battousai like a fish." Said Saitou, a dreamy look in his eyes.
"Please go ahead," said Kaoru acidly. "And, if you have time, do that to his luncheon partner, too."
"I can't. She's my wife." Said Saitou, somewhat remorsefully.
"Oh!" Kaoru felt her esteem of the cop rise several notches. "Poor fellow!" She said sympathetically, all personality clashes momentarily forgiven. "Um… how about if you take care of Kenshin and I tackle your wife?"
"Tokio is just misguided." Said Saitou firmly. "No doubt enticed by--- whatever it was you saw in him, absurd as it sounds." Somewhere in the Wolf's mind, a plan was already forming.
"Then I suppose we're both in the anti-Kenshin alliance," Allowed Kaoru. "Let's hope there's enough of him to go around."
"Wait." Snapped Saitou, as Kaoru surged forward like an angry tide. "What are you going to do?" He asked.
"Beat some sense into him, of course!"
"And what will be the effect, you think?" Smirked Saitou. "If you rush out there and make a scene now, I take it that he'll probably drop what he's doing and apologize for the sake of honor."
"I guess you're right. Isn't that good?"
"Think about it, Tanuki," said Saitou, secretly delighted that Kaoru's following his cue. "Has he ever stopped doing something just for the sake of YOU?"
"Once or twice…" Said Kaoru grudgedly. That struck a particularly sore spot.
"I take it that he has never tried to understand how you FEEL before he does anything." Added Saitou. "Right?"
"How perceptive you are, Saitou-san!" Exclaimed Kaoru, slamming her bokken onto the floor in enthusiasm. "But there's nothing I can do to change that! How frustrating!"
"Not anymore," Said Saitou with an evil grin. "I know the way by which we can mount a perfect retaliation against him."
"And let him know how I feel?" Said Kaoru eagerly. "How?"
"Simply," said Saitou, eyes aglow with savage delight. "By doing unto him what he is doing unto us…"
***
Next chapter: The (sigh) Inevitable Alt. Pairing