Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki and some company that doesn't belong to me.

Dedicated to Beriath.

To all reviewers: thanks again for reading and reviewing!

Kenshin's Brush with Art

Ch. 5: The Inevitable Alt. Pairing

Kenshin was so busy for the rest of the day that, unbelievable as it sounds, he totally forgot that Saitou would be springing a gatotsu on him any moment. After all, the man was nowhere in sight. Kenshin was beginning to suspect that Tokio had been wasting her efforts.

After emerging from the end credits of a horror movie, the subject of clothing popped up again:

"Himura-san," began Tokio, "I'm seriously considering confiscating your sword--- It's the Meiji Era after all, and the man sitting next to you in the cinema kept praying every time you sprang up all of a sudden and did THAT stance. Himura-san?" She tapped him on the shoulder.

Kenshin whipped around with god-speed and shifted automatically to Battou-jitsu mode.

"Yes, I was referring to THIS stance," giggled Tokio. "How many times do I have to tell you it's not going to come after you? You really ought to go to movies more, Himura-san…"

"Oro!!!" Quavered Kenshin, who was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. "Please, no more movies, Tokio-dono!"

"Don't worry Himura-san, we're going to a nice secluded spot for dinner later… You'll like that, won't you?" Said Tokio soothingly.

"Sessha would love to spend a quiet and peaceful evening, that he would." Said Kenshin gratefully.

"The snag is, it's one of those classy foreign restaurants." Continued Tokio. "You'd have to leave your sword at the door, like as not."

"That's fine with sessha." said Kenshin, who was still in a dazed state after the movie experience.

"And don a white tie." Added Tokio cautiously.

"Anything you say, Tokio-dono." Kenshin said, and hesitated. A sense of foreboding stole over him, but for the life of him he couldn't understand why.

"Excellent!" Tokio chirped happily. "Let's do that once I've fixed Tsutomu some dinner, shall we?"

***

It's a universal law that women can spend hours on getting dressed and still make it all worthwhile. It wasn't true for Kenshin who, after spending two hours on getting into the evening clothes (of which one hour consisted of the rental shop attendant attempting to get him out of his old ones), now moved through the streets of Kyoto like a strangled corpse. Much of this had to do with the overly stiff collar and the thing around his neck that looked too much like a hangman's noose for comfort. And there was the matter of the pants. Kenshin could understand perfectly why foreigners used walking sticks now.

"There's no need to hurry, Himura-san, I made a reservation!" Called Tokio, looking back at the rurouni lurching through the streets stiffly. She was dressed in something that would have made Yumi blush. Kenshin focused his gaze on his shoes.

"Hai!" He said softly. Shoelaces had never looked this interesting.

"You know, evening dress certainly becomes you," said Tokio, cocking her head a little. "If only Hajime could see this!"

"Sessha would rather die," said Kenshin despondently. It's not as if he had a say in the matter anyway. Western dinner jackets were built with no regard for the needs of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu users. But, he suspected that Saitou would die of a laughing fit if he'd seen him anyway.

The scenario never came to pass. Tokio, who was walking in front of Kenshin, suddenly stopped dead. Kenshin stopped too, and espied his enemy Saitou, seated at a table with the same wardrobe handicap.

Unlike Kenshin, the Wolf of Mibu seemed quite at ease in his evening dress, as if he was confident that he could strangle Kenshin in them, if necessary. Kenshin began to tense.

That is, until he saw occupant B of the table, a girl dressed in a lacy outfit that exposed too much thigh. She lowered the fan in front of her face, revealing eyes strikingly similar to---

"Kaoru-dono… " Kenshin gave a deathly gasp, then emitted another heart-rending cry. "Kaoru-dono!!!!!!!"

It wasn't very loud, but the tone alone was enough to put to rest all of Kaoru's suspicions that there's actually any chemistry between Kenshin and Tokio. Her eyes, previously hosting murderous intent, now shone with renewed happiness: so that baka does care about me! I really should do this more often… she thought smugly, and suddenly reminded herself that a little pain was the least she could give Kenshin for sailing under false colors. The sparkle in her eyes died, replaced by a look of annoyance.

Although unable to perform anything closer to god-speed than a trot, Kenshin managed to skid to his knees in front of Kaoru. "Kaoru-dono!" He wailed. "Sessha doesn't mean any of this, that he doesn't!"

"Who are you?" said Kaoru coldly. "Waiter! Can you tell this gentleman to return to his own seat?"

"Some people just don't know how to behave in an establishment of high repute." Smirked Saitou. As two men approached in an attempt to uproot Kenshin.

"Kaoru-dono! Please say something, or hit sessha!" Pleaded Kenshin.

"This man must be mentally unstable," Said Saitou evilly. "Shouldn't his woman put him in some sort of home?"

Tokio, who was looking on the scene with an air best described as sizing up an opponent, walked forward gently and, with astounding strength, hauled Kenshin back to her table by his tie.

"Himura-san!" She whispered to the still 'oro-ing' rurouni, "Fear not! Kaoru-san knows all, I can see it in her eyes!"

"Oro?!" Whimpered Kenshin, still rubbing his neck painfully.

"Humph! I can't imagine how you can read an opponent when you don't even have a clue what your own woman is up to." Whispered Tokio. "Anyway, it is imperative that you stop this silliness. I could have sunk through the floor out of embarrassment!"

"But Kaoru-dono… and Saitou… " Kenshin's eyes darted between Saitou and Kaoru with growing alarm. A lamb among wolves would have fewer things to fear than Kaoru at the moment.

"Copy-cat!" Tokio said disdainfully at the general direction of Saitou. "Himura-san! Can you see how he defies us? We must redouble our efforts!"

"Yes, I'll kill him!" Snarled Kenshin, and suddenly remembered that he's rather lacking in sword to back up his words.

"That's for the toast, Himura-san." Said Tokio firmly as she wrenched the knife from Kenshin's grip. "Let's do it MY way, shall we? I have planned a little surprise that is sure to make Hajime's hair stand on end. Now sit down and eat… "

The first three courses were endured painfully. Needless to say, the sight of Saitou and Kaoru smashing wine glasses merrily was sufficient to turn food into ashes in Kenshin's mouth. Kenshin's only consolation was from stabbing the overly tough steak in front of him like a hated foe.

Then the cavalry Tokio had spoken of arrived. He was a balding man with a strange long-handled box and a misshapen-looking bow.

"For you and the gentleman, madam," He bowed, and started performing "Beautiful Dreamer" on his stringed instrument.

Kenshin shot Saitou a glance. The man was leaning forward with a somewhat interested air, as if he was watching Shishio perform some new style of acrobatics. Kaoru whispered something in his ear, and he nodded.

"Minstrel," He said. "I want you to perform for us."

"Sorry sir, I only do that for customers who have made a request in advance!"

"Indeed?" Said Saitou, his voice low and dangerous. "Then I suppose I'll give you a minute to consider my request."

One look at Saitou's eyes persuaded the violinist that music should be free for all. "Um… I can make an exception this once, sir." He quavered, and moved over to their table.

'How romantic, Saitou-san!" Simpered Kaoru, a little too loudly.

The unfortunate musician had barely started on the refrain when a hand tapped him smartly on the shoulder. He looked back to see the mentally unstable man, whom he had been cautioned about, glaring at him with eyes the color of liquid fire.

"Come back here." Said Battousai softly.

"Yes, sir!" Whimpered the unhappy man, whose feet automatically slid a few inches towards Tokio's table, apparently without bending at the knees.

"I HATE inconsistency." Sneered Saitou, whose gaze was going through the musician like a couple of gatotsus. "Make up your mind."

Fortunately for the minstrel, a string took the opportunity to snap. "Technical failure!" He yelped jubilantly, before making for the door like a Christian slave escaping from the coliseum.

Tokio stood up abruptly. "How disappointing, Himura-san." She said. "Let us leave."

The dinner concluded with a draw.

***

At the Aoiya…

Kamiya Kaoru turned around expectantly when a thud notified her that someone had just flitted into her room through the window.

"Kaoru-dono!" Said Kenshin softly. "Please, allow sessha to explain!"

"It had better be good…" Said Kaoru stiffly.

(1 hour later)

"So, in short, you have to make Saitou a better person so that Tokio won't banish him from the bedroom any more, SO you can steal the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki for Hiko-sensei?" Said Kaoru incredulously.

"Sessha is so glad that Kaoru-dono believes him!" Said Kenshin, cheering up a little too soon…

That's Kenshin, thought Kaoru, one can always count on him doing things for some noble cause…

It irked her beyond measure.

"Oroorooro…" A second later, Kenshin found himself sliding off a crater on the wall slowly, the imprint of a bokken on his head.

"Kenshin no baka!" Fumed Kaoru, brushing plaster dust off her bokken. "You always have a good reason for running off, but have you ever thought of my feelings?"

"Sessha… sessha has no intention of hurting Kaoru-dono's feelings!" Squeaked Kenshin weakly, still trying to shake off the stars currently orbiting his head.

"I'd rather you have the intention to NOT hurt my feelings!" pouted Kaoru.

"Sessha promises not to run off again in the future, that he does!"

"Mou!" Said Kaoru irritably. "You have misunderstood my point… you can run off as often as you like, but…"

"Sessha has to care about your feelings?" Piped Kenshin. The bokken therapy seemed to have done its job in giving the brain the wake-up call all right.

"Exactly!" Yipped Kaoru.

"But… how?"

"Such as…" Kaoru twirled around dramatically. "If it was my birthday, I'd want you to spend the evening with me."

"Wait a minute," said Kenshin, as some piece of critical memory stirred. "It IS your birthday tomorrow!"

"Well, then you know what to do." Said Kaoru demurely. "I don't care what you happen to be doing, just be at Saitou's place at 8 p.m. sharp tomorrow night."

"At Saitou's? Why?" Said Kenshin, a trifle warily.

"I've thought of a way to help you with your plan, Kenshin." Said Kaoru, with a hint of mystery. "But don't tell anyone it's my birthday, all right?" She added, shyly.

"Sessha won't fail you, Kaoru-dono!" Said Kenshin solemnly.

"Good. 'Cause you know what'll happen if you do." Said Kaoru, smiling darkly. "Or maybe you won't want to know…" She suddenly remembered one other thing:

"By the way," She said sweetly. "Can you wear the suit again tomorrow?"

***

Next chapter: Darkest Hour