Dedicated to Beriath.
To all reviewers: My thanks always for reading and reviewing!
Kenshin's Brush with Art
Ch. 6: Darkest Hour
The next morning Tsutomu saw yet another stranger at the breakfast table.
"Father," He eyed Kaoru curiously. "How much did you pay
for this one?"
"Nothing, Tsutomu." Replied Saitou.
"Oh! I thought as much." Said Tsutomu proudly. Fortunately for him, the meaning of it all was lost on Kaoru, or tomorrow's headlines would probably be something like "Girl Throttles Kid, 8, to Death".
It was unclear what Harada thought about Kaoru. He wasn't there because he had left the night before to visit a friend. But, being Harada, he probably wouldn't notice even if Saitou had brought along the entire geisha house ensemble for breakfast.
"So what are you going to do for today, Hajime?" Said Tokio, with the tone of a military sergeant exchanging notes with his nemesis.
"Kamiya-san and I are going shopping in the afternoon," Said Saitou crisply. "And to a fair at night."
"Not the fair," interjected Kaoru. "We're staying home for the night." She gave Saitou a wink that meant, "Just do it my way, OK?"
"That is the plan, then." Agreed Saitou.
"Then we're also going shopping in the afternoon." Said Kenshin immediately.
"That's so nice of you, Himura-san, going shopping with me twice in two days!" Appraised Tokio.
"And we're also staying here for the night, right?" Added Kenshin.
"No, Himura-san," Said Tokio, her eyes alight again with the mischievous glint that intelligent men would take as a sign to start fleeing. "That would be so boring!"
Speaking leisurely, as if savoring the effect of her words, she added, "Let's go to the bathhouse tonight."
She stole a triumphant glance at Saitou, who had flinched visibly, then quickly regained his composure.
Kenshin and Kaoru were both pale-faced, staring at her with their mouths hanging open.
"B-u-u-t Tokio-dono!" Stammered Kenshin, not sure what to say without injuring Tokio's dignity. "Sessha has--- some business to attend to here tonight! At eight, to be precise."
"That's all right," Said Tokio breezily. "We'll start at six. That should leave us plenty of time."
"Tokio-san," said Kaoru, her hands clenched in silent fury. "Just in case you're interested, I'm going to do something INCREDIBLY fun with Saitou-san tonight, too." There's something known as an eye for an eye. If Tokio dared lay a finger on her Kenshin, Kaoru would give her a man for a man.
"Oro!!!"
"Do take your time in the bathhouse, Tokio," said Saitou nastily. "I'll be so busy with Kamiya-san, I won't want Battousai to crash our little party."
"Sure, we've all got SUCH a lot to look forward to tonight." Said Tokio, her tone somewhat more syrupy than usual.
Tsutomu was deep in thought. Any intelligent kid knows that when Daddy and Mummy start fighting, it's the perfect opportunity to sneak off for some quality time at the friend's house.
"Father, Mother, can I sleep at Takuya-san's place tonight?" He whined. "He always wants to show me his father's shotgun collection."
"That sounds educational," approved Saitou. "Permission granted."
"Come Tsutomu," said Tokio warmly. "Mother will help you pack."
"Hurray!" Cheered Tsutomu.
***
(6 p.m.)
Tokio and Kenshin walked into Fuji Bathhouse, as scheduled.
"Perseverance, Himura-san, perseverance!" Whispered Tokio. "I don't know what vile deed Hajime is up to with Kaoru-san, but we must stand firm! In terms of vileness, we hold the trump!"
Kenshin nodded without much enthusiasm. He did not know what Kaoru had planned to do to Saitou, but it was the fact that he did not know what Saitou would do to Kaoru that got him worried. Supposed…
Ironically, if Kenshin had known what Kaoru's plan was, he would have worried about Saitou, instead.
They arrived at a bathing room. It consisted of two separate rooms: an outer one for hanging clothes and storing valuables, and an inner one for bathing.
"Here's the plan, Himura-san," said Tokio. "Since we've already paid, we might as well take advantage of the facilities here."
"Oro?!" Cried Kenshin, who would gladly pay in order not to use the facilities with Tokio.
"Hey, it's not what you're thinking of!" Said Tokio sharply. "What I meant was, you bathe while I sit outside. We have to keep up appearances, you know. If none of us bathe the manager will bung us out."
"Why don't you bathe and I sit outside, Tokio-dono?" Said Kenshin courteously. "After all, you are going to foot the bill."
"Don't be absurd," Said Tokio sensibly. "If Hajime dashes in--- and I daresay he will pretty soon--- and finds me undressed, he's apt to have some funny thoughts about you and me."
"What about sessha?"
"Oh, you're all right. Hajime's not interested in what you wear or don't wear. Now get in the bath. I'll go out while you undress."
***
(6 p.m.)
As a rule, Saitou had never stepped into a kitchen, but today he was compelled to do so, just because he suspected that someone had died inside.
"What's that smell?"
"I'm cooking." said Kaoru, who was attacking some radishes furiously.
"I saw you bring sand from the garden outside." Said Saitou, slipping into his cross-examining tone.
"Yes, that's because the pan caught on fire," said Kaoru stoutly. "I had to put it out, see?"
"I see." Said Saitou. "So you are, in a broad sense, cooking. What does this have to do with our plan of provoking Battousai?"
"Can't you see, Saitou-san? I always cook for Kenshin. If he sees me cooking for you, why, he'll be so mad that he'll hit the ceiling!"
"So will I if I eat this, by the look of it." Said Saitou dryly, prodding a bowl of red chili stuff that just moved in a way liquid should not.
"There's another dimension to my plan, too!" continued Kaoru, undaunted. "Let's call it gutting two birds with one gatotsu strike."
"Does it involve me--- eating this?"
"I was referring to Tokio-san," said Kaoru earnestly. "I've noticed her shameless advances on Kenshin, and I think THIS will be the ideal wake-up call for her. Think about it: if she finds out that I, a perfect stranger, am taking over a wife's sacred duty of cooking for her husband, it will most certainly rouse her deepest womanly instincts and fill her heart with shame, making her come back to you like a shot!"
Saitou peered into another bowl of unidentifiables carefully. "I bet she will, if only to save a human life." He said with a sigh. "How can you be sure that Battousai will come?"
"Oh, he will," said Kaoru confidently: of course Kenshin will keep his promise! "He can smell this from a mile off, trust me."
"If I were him, I'd choose to stay that distance." Said Saitou sarcastically. "What if he doesn't come?"
"If he doesn't come---" Kaoru's eyes narrowed as she landed an extra-hard strike on the radish. "---let's just eat this and pretend it's a romantic candlelit dinner. We mustn't show any sign of weakening!"
Saitou nodded glumly. Not for the first time in the day, he found himself wondering what Battousai and his wife were doing in the bathhouse. Funny now the pain of the thought was nothing compared to the pain of awaiting his grisly fate.
Let's hope Battousai comes back on time to bail me out, he thought bitterly.
***
(7:30 p.m.)
The bath was getting rather monotonous, and Kenshin hadn't been enjoying it that much to begin with, as he was constantly on alert, waiting for a berserk Saitou to burst through the door.
It wasn't the best thing to go with a relaxing bath, especially when he had nothing to defend himself with except possibly a lot of hot water and the magazine Tokio slipped him under the door.
"Tokio-dono, do you think Saitou will come?"
Tokio's voice wafted through the door from the outer room. "Yes, of course he will! We're in a bathhouse together--- it's not something husbands tend to ignore, right? If THIS doesn't get his hot blood flowing, why, he ought to be certified dead."
"But, isn't that just what Saitou's capable of?" reasoned Kenshin.
"Just wait a little longer, Himura-san--- this is the moment of truth! If you desert your post now, our two-days' effort will all go down the drain!"
"Tokio-dono, sessha has to leave now, that he does." Said Kenshin apologetically. "How about if we come again another day?"
"Don't leave me, Himura-san!" Pleaded Tokio. "Hajime's going to snap soon--- it's a matter of minutes, I swear!"
"Sessha--- sessha has an appointment with Kaoru-dono, that he does!" Said Kenshin, a little more urgently. "Sessha is most sorry for this, but sessha is sure there must be another way of moving Saitou!"
"Are you really leaving now, Himura-san?" Said Tokio heartbrokenly.
"Yes, sessha regrets that most deeply, that he does."
"There appears to be a slight problem," came Tokio's voice through the door.
"What is it?"
"I've locked your clothes and sword inside this iron locker here, and carelessly lost the key."
There was a long pause.
"How can you have lost it, Tokio-dono?" Said Kenshin, now with genuine panic. "There's only so much space in the room for you to lose things in!"
"Nevertheless…"
"Tokio-dono," Said Kenshin, reaching the painful conclusion that he'd have to, for the first time in ten years, descend to the level of using threats. "If you don't give me back my clothes soon, sessha will--- um--- open the door and come out." He finished lamely.
"You are welcome to do that, Himura-san," Replied Tokio tearfully. "Actually, I've lost the key down the inside of my kimono. I'm looking for it now, why don't you come out and help?"
"Oro?!?"
***
Next Chapter: Taming of the Wolf