One benefit of the beginning of summer was that the sun set much later now. At 8:00 it was still very light out, and as Jack drove through the streets looking for the very familiar figure on his bicycle, he didn't have any trouble seeing the people around him, and he didn't have to use his headlights. He checked the park that was closest to his house – one he and Shawn and Jaffer frequented often, and then checked the local stores, asking around to see if anyone had seen the boy, but no one had.
He was definitely worried, although he was trying very hard to suppress it. First of all, panicking wasn't going to do any good, and Jack knew it. More importantly, though, was the fact that Jack knew when he got worried, he tended to get angry at the source of his worry, and that was going to do even less good. There'd been a few times when Shawn – or someone else, for that matter – had done something foolish and had risked their lives doing it, and Jack had chewed them out without even thinking twice. Which hadn't fixed anything, of course. But it was the way he was.
They drove around for an hour or so, about the length of time Jack had decided he'd give himself, then headed for home. He used his cell called Dotty's cell phone to see if she'd heard anything from Shawn – or the police who were supposedly out looking for him – but she hadn't seen or heard anything, and Jack hated to hear the worry in her voice. Maybe he should have been with her when she told Shawn, whether she'd wanted him there or not. It might have kept the boy from taking off. Hindsight was 20/20 and all that. He asked her to call if he heard anything – again – and then hung up. A moment later, he pulled into his driveway and saw a very familiar bicycle laying in the middle of his front yard, and an even more familiar figure sitting on the front step, his head buried in his arms which were crossed over his knees.
Relief that he was all right was immediately turned to anger that he'd managed to scare so many people who loved him, and Jack slammed the door far harder than necessary when he and Jaffer got out of the truck. Shawn looked up at the sound, and was buried under a greeting from Jaffer, who stuck his nose into the boy's hand, wagging his tail furiously and whuffling him joyfully.
"Jaffer, down."
It was Shawn's first indication that Jack was angry. Never would he have interrupted a greeting between boy and lab if he'd been in a good mood. Jaffer went over to Jack's side, and Shawn's tear-stained face looked up at the very angry Colonel as he stalked towards him.
"Are you out of your mind?"
He didn't stop to say hi. He didn't stop to make sure he was okay. He immediately yelled. Shawn knew Jack well enough to know that this meant he'd been worried – Jack's anger was always in proportion to his concern – but it didn't make the anger any easier to take. Especially since he was already having a rough day. He didn't answer. He couldn't think of anything to say. It didn't matter, though, since Jack still had plenty to.
"Do you have any idea how worried your mom and dad are?" His face was still hard, his eyes flashing, and his voice just below an actual yell. "They've been-"
"He's not my dad..."
Shawn's voice was soft, but it interrupted Jack as easily as if he'd screamed it. Not the volume, but the absolute misery in the tone. O'Neill's eyes softened as he took in the tears smeared all over the boy's face, the running nose that he'd obviously wiped on the sleeve of his shirt more than once and the truly haunted look in those oh so familiar eyes.
"What?"
Shawn sniffed, and shook his head.
"My dad... I mean... James... he's... he's not my real dad, Jack."
Fresh tears welled up in Shawn's eyes, and the last dregs of Jack's anger faded immediately. He knelt down in front of the boy, and even though he expected to be chewed out some more, Shawn couldn't help but fall into Jack's arms with a sob.
Jack sighed, and wrapped his arms around the boy's trembling body, picking him up a little and shifting so he was sitting on the step and Shawn was more or less in his lap – although he was getting a little big for Jack's lap. Shawn buried his face against Jack's chest, sobbing, and Jack held him tightly, giving him a chance to cry himself out for a few minutes, knowing that sometimes, you just had to cry. But Jack didn't want him to cry himself hysterical, so he didn't allow him a chance to weep for long.
"Shawn..."
The sobs quieted a little. Enough that Jack's soft voice could be heard, and the wet face turned from his now damp shirt to press against his neck.
"Does it really matter?"
There was a surprised hesitation in the sobs, and Shawn hiccupped.
"Wh-what?"
"Does it matter?"
"He's not my dad, Jack!" Shawn's voice was higher than normal, and despite Jack's best efforts, it was slightly hysterical.
"Do you love him less now than you did this morning?"
There was a sob, and Shawn sniffed, loudly, although he was otherwise quiet, and Jack knew he was thinking that question through before answering.
...............
Shawn hadn't considered that. All he'd been thinking about were the horrible words his mother had told him only hours before. She'd come into his bedroom, looking a little nervous, and had asked him if he had a minute to talk. Of course he had. Shawn was always willing to spend time with his mother. He'd patted the spot next to him on the bed, and she'd sat down next to him, running her fingers lightly through his dark hair for just a moment. Then she'd opened her mouth, and had torn his heart out with a simple phrase. A blow she'd tried to soften, but had failed miserably.
'You need to know something, Shawn... James and I met after I was pregnant with you... he's not your biological father...'
She'd planned to say more. Shawn knew she had more to tell him, but he'd become terrified. Not by what she'd already told him, which was already so bad that he felt like he was having trouble breathing, but he was afraid that the next thing she was going to say was that she wasn't really his mother – as dumb as that might have sounded. He'd bolted. Ran out of his room and down the hall and out the door before she could say anything more. Had ignored her calling his name as he'd jumped on his bike, and finally pedaled so fast that he couldn't hear her calling his name anymore. Not over the pounding of his heart, the harshness of his breath, and the sobs that were already escaping, stealing his breath.
He'd only had one place to go. The Asgard were gone for the summer – and besides, as much as he liked them, he wouldn't ever go to one of them for comfort. He headed the first place he thought of. The only place he even considered going, because he knew that Jack would fix it. Jack was the best, and he could fix everything. Shawn always felt better when he was with Jack, no matter how bad things got – and they'd been bad before – and even when Jack wasn't home when he got there, Shawn had never considered going anywhere else. He'd simply sat down on the step and waited for him to come home and take care of things. And cried while he'd waited.
Sure enough, eventually Jack came home. He was angry, and he had yelled, but he'd also immediately held him when Shawn needed to be held. Then he'd asked something that Shawn hadn't even thought of. Did it change how much he loved his dad – James – just because he wasn't really his dad? His grip on Jack tightened as he debated that, but there wasn't really anything to debate – not even to himself.
"No..."
He was definitely worried, although he was trying very hard to suppress it. First of all, panicking wasn't going to do any good, and Jack knew it. More importantly, though, was the fact that Jack knew when he got worried, he tended to get angry at the source of his worry, and that was going to do even less good. There'd been a few times when Shawn – or someone else, for that matter – had done something foolish and had risked their lives doing it, and Jack had chewed them out without even thinking twice. Which hadn't fixed anything, of course. But it was the way he was.
They drove around for an hour or so, about the length of time Jack had decided he'd give himself, then headed for home. He used his cell called Dotty's cell phone to see if she'd heard anything from Shawn – or the police who were supposedly out looking for him – but she hadn't seen or heard anything, and Jack hated to hear the worry in her voice. Maybe he should have been with her when she told Shawn, whether she'd wanted him there or not. It might have kept the boy from taking off. Hindsight was 20/20 and all that. He asked her to call if he heard anything – again – and then hung up. A moment later, he pulled into his driveway and saw a very familiar bicycle laying in the middle of his front yard, and an even more familiar figure sitting on the front step, his head buried in his arms which were crossed over his knees.
Relief that he was all right was immediately turned to anger that he'd managed to scare so many people who loved him, and Jack slammed the door far harder than necessary when he and Jaffer got out of the truck. Shawn looked up at the sound, and was buried under a greeting from Jaffer, who stuck his nose into the boy's hand, wagging his tail furiously and whuffling him joyfully.
"Jaffer, down."
It was Shawn's first indication that Jack was angry. Never would he have interrupted a greeting between boy and lab if he'd been in a good mood. Jaffer went over to Jack's side, and Shawn's tear-stained face looked up at the very angry Colonel as he stalked towards him.
"Are you out of your mind?"
He didn't stop to say hi. He didn't stop to make sure he was okay. He immediately yelled. Shawn knew Jack well enough to know that this meant he'd been worried – Jack's anger was always in proportion to his concern – but it didn't make the anger any easier to take. Especially since he was already having a rough day. He didn't answer. He couldn't think of anything to say. It didn't matter, though, since Jack still had plenty to.
"Do you have any idea how worried your mom and dad are?" His face was still hard, his eyes flashing, and his voice just below an actual yell. "They've been-"
"He's not my dad..."
Shawn's voice was soft, but it interrupted Jack as easily as if he'd screamed it. Not the volume, but the absolute misery in the tone. O'Neill's eyes softened as he took in the tears smeared all over the boy's face, the running nose that he'd obviously wiped on the sleeve of his shirt more than once and the truly haunted look in those oh so familiar eyes.
"What?"
Shawn sniffed, and shook his head.
"My dad... I mean... James... he's... he's not my real dad, Jack."
Fresh tears welled up in Shawn's eyes, and the last dregs of Jack's anger faded immediately. He knelt down in front of the boy, and even though he expected to be chewed out some more, Shawn couldn't help but fall into Jack's arms with a sob.
Jack sighed, and wrapped his arms around the boy's trembling body, picking him up a little and shifting so he was sitting on the step and Shawn was more or less in his lap – although he was getting a little big for Jack's lap. Shawn buried his face against Jack's chest, sobbing, and Jack held him tightly, giving him a chance to cry himself out for a few minutes, knowing that sometimes, you just had to cry. But Jack didn't want him to cry himself hysterical, so he didn't allow him a chance to weep for long.
"Shawn..."
The sobs quieted a little. Enough that Jack's soft voice could be heard, and the wet face turned from his now damp shirt to press against his neck.
"Does it really matter?"
There was a surprised hesitation in the sobs, and Shawn hiccupped.
"Wh-what?"
"Does it matter?"
"He's not my dad, Jack!" Shawn's voice was higher than normal, and despite Jack's best efforts, it was slightly hysterical.
"Do you love him less now than you did this morning?"
There was a sob, and Shawn sniffed, loudly, although he was otherwise quiet, and Jack knew he was thinking that question through before answering.
...............
Shawn hadn't considered that. All he'd been thinking about were the horrible words his mother had told him only hours before. She'd come into his bedroom, looking a little nervous, and had asked him if he had a minute to talk. Of course he had. Shawn was always willing to spend time with his mother. He'd patted the spot next to him on the bed, and she'd sat down next to him, running her fingers lightly through his dark hair for just a moment. Then she'd opened her mouth, and had torn his heart out with a simple phrase. A blow she'd tried to soften, but had failed miserably.
'You need to know something, Shawn... James and I met after I was pregnant with you... he's not your biological father...'
She'd planned to say more. Shawn knew she had more to tell him, but he'd become terrified. Not by what she'd already told him, which was already so bad that he felt like he was having trouble breathing, but he was afraid that the next thing she was going to say was that she wasn't really his mother – as dumb as that might have sounded. He'd bolted. Ran out of his room and down the hall and out the door before she could say anything more. Had ignored her calling his name as he'd jumped on his bike, and finally pedaled so fast that he couldn't hear her calling his name anymore. Not over the pounding of his heart, the harshness of his breath, and the sobs that were already escaping, stealing his breath.
He'd only had one place to go. The Asgard were gone for the summer – and besides, as much as he liked them, he wouldn't ever go to one of them for comfort. He headed the first place he thought of. The only place he even considered going, because he knew that Jack would fix it. Jack was the best, and he could fix everything. Shawn always felt better when he was with Jack, no matter how bad things got – and they'd been bad before – and even when Jack wasn't home when he got there, Shawn had never considered going anywhere else. He'd simply sat down on the step and waited for him to come home and take care of things. And cried while he'd waited.
Sure enough, eventually Jack came home. He was angry, and he had yelled, but he'd also immediately held him when Shawn needed to be held. Then he'd asked something that Shawn hadn't even thought of. Did it change how much he loved his dad – James – just because he wasn't really his dad? His grip on Jack tightened as he debated that, but there wasn't really anything to debate – not even to himself.
"No..."