He felt Shawn's tense body tighten even more, if that was possible, and Jack hoped the boy wasn't about to implode. It wasn't how he'd wanted to tell him, and he was sure he'd done it about as badly as he could. Proving yet again why Jack wasn't the ambassador to some far off country. He was no good at sensitive stuff.
"I'm sorry, Shawn," Jack said, softly, even though his grip on Shawn never loosened.
Sorry? Shawn's very agile mind was numb and frozen. He had a million questions, but couldn't even get them to go through his mind, much less out in the open to ask them. All that he kept hearing was Jack's voice saying it was him. He was the boy Jack had been talking about. The one that Shawn had been so jealous of for only a few moments, but long enough that it'd seemed to be hours. Days, even.
It'd been bad enough when his mother had told him that James wasn't really his father. Shawn had thought the whole world was going to crash down on him, especially since she'd had more to say and he'd been afraid that it was going to get worse. That she was going to tell him that she wasn't... Then he realized that it did just get worse.
"Mom's not my mom, then, is she, Jack...?" Shawn said in a near whisper. She couldn't be. Not if he was Jack's son because of the machine that took his DNA.
"Of course she is."
Jack shifted his grip on Shawn, pulling the boy around into a much more comfortable position for both of them.
"But you said that the... the boy – me – is... I'm an alien?"
Holy shit! He was an alien! Shawn tried to draw back once more as that realization hit him as well. Really hit him. So hard that he felt all the blood rushing out of his face and he was suddenly light-headed.
Jack had noticed immediately, of course, and pulled Shawn even closer, pressing a tender kiss against his cheek before he could start to panic. He'd paled so quickly, it was scary, even for Jack, who was used to dealing with shocky people. Just not shocky little people.
"Shawn! Shawn..." Jack controlled his voice a little, calming himself so he wouldn't frighten the boy.
"Listen to me, okay?" He ran his fingers through the boy's hair, trying to calm him down, and trying to get that tense little body to relax a little. "First of all, Dotty really is your mother. She is. Remember those half Asgard, half Ancients we were talking about? She's one of their descendants. She's your mother. She's just not human." Not even a little human. "She gave birth to you." Did he feel the boy relax? Just a little? Jack wasn't sure, but he kept talking. "Yes, that means you're not all human, but does it really matter? You know aliens. You've seen some. Teal'c is an alien. Thor is, too. You know it's just a word. It has nothing to do with what kind of person you are. What kind of man you'll become..."
"I'm not human, Jack..."
"You're half human, Shawn," O'Neill corrected him. "Half me, half Dotty."
There was silence, but Jack was quiet, giving Shawn time. He'd needed time when he'd first learned this, as well, so he could understand the need to think things through. Since Shawn was pretty much sprawled on Jack, now, with O'Neill's arms tightly enclosing him, he wasn't concerned the boy was going to bolt, so he just held him, and waited.
Oh, God, oh God, oh God.... Shawn wasn't sure whether to panic, or to scream, or to be happy. He was an alien. An alien! An Ancient mixed with a little bit of Asgard. But also mixed with a lot of Jack. He was Jack's son. Like Charlie, only alive and able to be there for Jack like the other boy never would be. But he was an alien. His mom was an alien! She didn't look anything like the Asgard. He wondered if the Ancients looked so much like the Humans, then, or if she was wearing some kind of mom mask. Of course, Shawn didn't look like an alien – he knew that – so the Ancients had to look like Humans. Far more like them than the Asgard did.
His mind was taking over. Thinking things through like the Asgard had been teaching him to do. Okay. He was an alien, but it wasn't that bad. It wasn't like he had green blood, or anything. But he wasn't human. He wondered if that was going to keep him from joining the Air Force. That thought frightened him.
"What's going to happen to me, Jack?" The question was spoken softly, but O'Neill could hear fear in Shawn's voice.
"Nothing's going to happen to you, Shawn. Nothing." Jack put his hand under the boy's chin, forcing him to look at him, and he saw fear there, as well, in those brown eyes that everyone kept telling him were so much like his own. Of course they were. "This doesn't change anything."
"It changes everything..." Shawn tried to lower his eyes, but Jack's hand was stopping him from doing it. "I won't be able to go to the Air Force Academy. They're not going to let a freak-"
"Don't you ever say that, Shawn." Jack's voice was angry, and the boy flinched despite himself, even though he knew Jack would never hurt him.
"You're not a freak. If I ever hear you calling yourself that again, I'll..." Again he couldn't think of anything vile enough to threaten the boy with. Jack had always been terrible at empty threats. Great at real ones, but terrible at the ones he didn't mean. "I'll smother you in syrup and give you to Jaffer."
The black lab's head came up when he heard his name, and Shawn smiled despite his fears. Like Jack had hoped he would.
"Shawn, listen to me. You're not a freak. You're no different than you were this morning. You're a wonderful kid, who's going to go to the Air Force Academy, become an Air Force officer and do whatever you want to do with your life. No one's going to make you be anything you don't want to be, and no one – including your mother and me – is going to tell you what to do with your life."
"But what about the Ancients' plan-"?
"Not even that. If whatever it is involves something you're not willing to do, then you're not going to do it." Jack told him. "No one will force you to. No one can force you to, because they'd have to go through me first."
There it was. It had always been there, and Shawn had always known about it, even when he didn't recognize it for what it was. Jack always put himself between Shawn and whatever danger – real or perceived – might be out there. He always made sure he knew what was going on with Shawn and the Asgard, and while Shawn had always thought it was a subtle reminder of how he'd almost got himself killed screwing around with technology behind Jack's back, it wasn't. It was that fierce protectiveness that Jack felt towards him. He saw it all the time with Jack and Jaffer, and with Jack and Sam, too.
"How long have you known?"
He was finally starting to relax. Jack could feel the tenseness leaving his body.
"A couple months."
"Sam knows?"
Jack nodded.
"She doesn't care?"
"Nope. She loves you. Why would she care? I told you, Shawn. It's just a word. The person you are is what decides what people think of you. Like the difference between an Asgard and a Goa'uld. Both are aliens, right? But one I'd trust, and one I'd never go near, if I had my choice."
"But my mom is really my mom?"
"She's really your mom." Jack confirmed.
"I'm really your son?"
Jack nodded. "You can't really tell anyone, though, Shawn. It'd raise a whole bunch of questions that we're not ready to answer. Not even everyone at the SGC knows."
"Does Thor know?"
Jack shook his head.
"Then I won't tell him."
"Good." Jack pressed another kiss against the boy's cheek, grateful that he didn't seem to be too upset anymore. He was also relieved that it was finally out in the open. Good or bad, the boy had a right to know what and who he was.
"Does my dad... I mean... James-"
"He's your dad, Shawn," Jack said.
"Does he know?"
Jack shook his head again.
"Does he know mom's not human?"
"No. Which is why he doesn't know you're my son, because there'd be a lot to explain, and your mom isn't sure how to explain it. She wasn't sure how to explain it to you, either."
"Is that what she was going to do earlier?"
Jack nodded.
"I made a mess of that, didn't I?" He grimaced. "I reacted badly, and ran away. I can't believe how dumb I am, sometimes."
Jack smiled. The boy was far from dumb.
"You're young."
"Meaning all young things are dumb?"
"Meaning you're allowed to make a mistake, or fly off the handle sometimes."
"I'm sorry, Shawn," Jack said, softly, even though his grip on Shawn never loosened.
Sorry? Shawn's very agile mind was numb and frozen. He had a million questions, but couldn't even get them to go through his mind, much less out in the open to ask them. All that he kept hearing was Jack's voice saying it was him. He was the boy Jack had been talking about. The one that Shawn had been so jealous of for only a few moments, but long enough that it'd seemed to be hours. Days, even.
It'd been bad enough when his mother had told him that James wasn't really his father. Shawn had thought the whole world was going to crash down on him, especially since she'd had more to say and he'd been afraid that it was going to get worse. That she was going to tell him that she wasn't... Then he realized that it did just get worse.
"Mom's not my mom, then, is she, Jack...?" Shawn said in a near whisper. She couldn't be. Not if he was Jack's son because of the machine that took his DNA.
"Of course she is."
Jack shifted his grip on Shawn, pulling the boy around into a much more comfortable position for both of them.
"But you said that the... the boy – me – is... I'm an alien?"
Holy shit! He was an alien! Shawn tried to draw back once more as that realization hit him as well. Really hit him. So hard that he felt all the blood rushing out of his face and he was suddenly light-headed.
Jack had noticed immediately, of course, and pulled Shawn even closer, pressing a tender kiss against his cheek before he could start to panic. He'd paled so quickly, it was scary, even for Jack, who was used to dealing with shocky people. Just not shocky little people.
"Shawn! Shawn..." Jack controlled his voice a little, calming himself so he wouldn't frighten the boy.
"Listen to me, okay?" He ran his fingers through the boy's hair, trying to calm him down, and trying to get that tense little body to relax a little. "First of all, Dotty really is your mother. She is. Remember those half Asgard, half Ancients we were talking about? She's one of their descendants. She's your mother. She's just not human." Not even a little human. "She gave birth to you." Did he feel the boy relax? Just a little? Jack wasn't sure, but he kept talking. "Yes, that means you're not all human, but does it really matter? You know aliens. You've seen some. Teal'c is an alien. Thor is, too. You know it's just a word. It has nothing to do with what kind of person you are. What kind of man you'll become..."
"I'm not human, Jack..."
"You're half human, Shawn," O'Neill corrected him. "Half me, half Dotty."
There was silence, but Jack was quiet, giving Shawn time. He'd needed time when he'd first learned this, as well, so he could understand the need to think things through. Since Shawn was pretty much sprawled on Jack, now, with O'Neill's arms tightly enclosing him, he wasn't concerned the boy was going to bolt, so he just held him, and waited.
Oh, God, oh God, oh God.... Shawn wasn't sure whether to panic, or to scream, or to be happy. He was an alien. An alien! An Ancient mixed with a little bit of Asgard. But also mixed with a lot of Jack. He was Jack's son. Like Charlie, only alive and able to be there for Jack like the other boy never would be. But he was an alien. His mom was an alien! She didn't look anything like the Asgard. He wondered if the Ancients looked so much like the Humans, then, or if she was wearing some kind of mom mask. Of course, Shawn didn't look like an alien – he knew that – so the Ancients had to look like Humans. Far more like them than the Asgard did.
His mind was taking over. Thinking things through like the Asgard had been teaching him to do. Okay. He was an alien, but it wasn't that bad. It wasn't like he had green blood, or anything. But he wasn't human. He wondered if that was going to keep him from joining the Air Force. That thought frightened him.
"What's going to happen to me, Jack?" The question was spoken softly, but O'Neill could hear fear in Shawn's voice.
"Nothing's going to happen to you, Shawn. Nothing." Jack put his hand under the boy's chin, forcing him to look at him, and he saw fear there, as well, in those brown eyes that everyone kept telling him were so much like his own. Of course they were. "This doesn't change anything."
"It changes everything..." Shawn tried to lower his eyes, but Jack's hand was stopping him from doing it. "I won't be able to go to the Air Force Academy. They're not going to let a freak-"
"Don't you ever say that, Shawn." Jack's voice was angry, and the boy flinched despite himself, even though he knew Jack would never hurt him.
"You're not a freak. If I ever hear you calling yourself that again, I'll..." Again he couldn't think of anything vile enough to threaten the boy with. Jack had always been terrible at empty threats. Great at real ones, but terrible at the ones he didn't mean. "I'll smother you in syrup and give you to Jaffer."
The black lab's head came up when he heard his name, and Shawn smiled despite his fears. Like Jack had hoped he would.
"Shawn, listen to me. You're not a freak. You're no different than you were this morning. You're a wonderful kid, who's going to go to the Air Force Academy, become an Air Force officer and do whatever you want to do with your life. No one's going to make you be anything you don't want to be, and no one – including your mother and me – is going to tell you what to do with your life."
"But what about the Ancients' plan-"?
"Not even that. If whatever it is involves something you're not willing to do, then you're not going to do it." Jack told him. "No one will force you to. No one can force you to, because they'd have to go through me first."
There it was. It had always been there, and Shawn had always known about it, even when he didn't recognize it for what it was. Jack always put himself between Shawn and whatever danger – real or perceived – might be out there. He always made sure he knew what was going on with Shawn and the Asgard, and while Shawn had always thought it was a subtle reminder of how he'd almost got himself killed screwing around with technology behind Jack's back, it wasn't. It was that fierce protectiveness that Jack felt towards him. He saw it all the time with Jack and Jaffer, and with Jack and Sam, too.
"How long have you known?"
He was finally starting to relax. Jack could feel the tenseness leaving his body.
"A couple months."
"Sam knows?"
Jack nodded.
"She doesn't care?"
"Nope. She loves you. Why would she care? I told you, Shawn. It's just a word. The person you are is what decides what people think of you. Like the difference between an Asgard and a Goa'uld. Both are aliens, right? But one I'd trust, and one I'd never go near, if I had my choice."
"But my mom is really my mom?"
"She's really your mom." Jack confirmed.
"I'm really your son?"
Jack nodded. "You can't really tell anyone, though, Shawn. It'd raise a whole bunch of questions that we're not ready to answer. Not even everyone at the SGC knows."
"Does Thor know?"
Jack shook his head.
"Then I won't tell him."
"Good." Jack pressed another kiss against the boy's cheek, grateful that he didn't seem to be too upset anymore. He was also relieved that it was finally out in the open. Good or bad, the boy had a right to know what and who he was.
"Does my dad... I mean... James-"
"He's your dad, Shawn," Jack said.
"Does he know?"
Jack shook his head again.
"Does he know mom's not human?"
"No. Which is why he doesn't know you're my son, because there'd be a lot to explain, and your mom isn't sure how to explain it. She wasn't sure how to explain it to you, either."
"Is that what she was going to do earlier?"
Jack nodded.
"I made a mess of that, didn't I?" He grimaced. "I reacted badly, and ran away. I can't believe how dumb I am, sometimes."
Jack smiled. The boy was far from dumb.
"You're young."
"Meaning all young things are dumb?"
"Meaning you're allowed to make a mistake, or fly off the handle sometimes."