All characters belong to Joss and so forth...
Buffy is finished making the PB & J sandwich...finally! Dawn enters the Summers' kitchen. She looks older, somehow different.
Dawn: I'm back! I got pregnant...but then I had an abortion.
Buffy: Oh...Well...here's...your...sandwich...Dawnie...
Here endeth the flashback. Cut to the scene at the Magic Box, where Giles is telling Buffy in his usual melodramatic manner that Dawn has to die.
Giles: Did you hear me, Buffy?
Buffy: I...heard...you...
Willow: Buffy...
Buffy: Don't...
Giles: Oh bloody hell, we're going to die! The world is doomed! Doomed, I tell you!
Spike: 'Ave at it, why don't you, Buffy? Go ahead and beat up that O Skanky One and rescue Little Bit like you always do every Tuesday!
Buffy: Yeah...but...how...?
Spotlight lands on Anya as she moves towards the gigantic hammer resting on the shelf behind her. Vanna White-style, she points out the hammer to Buffy.
Anya: If you want to fight a god, use a weapon of gods!
Buffy: Good...idea...!
Spike: Bollocks, that thing's too 'eavy for anyone! (lights a cigarette and smokes it) Even Hercules couldn't pick up that thing!
Buffy: We'll...see...
Buffy walks over to the shelf...at one step a time.
Anya: We'll be here all night! By then, our skins will have been devoured by Gnarls, our nails pulled out, our viscera spilled out, our...
Xander: We get the picture, Ahn. (pounds another nail into the table)
Anya: Ooh! I nearly forgot about that Sphere...
Giles: (arches an eyebrow) A Sphere, you say? (takes a sip from his brandy snifter, which has somehow magically appeared in his hand)
Anya: Yes, the Dagon Sphere.
Giles: Ah! Well, Anya, you're just full of good ideas, aren't you, dear girl? If I recall correctly, the Dagon Sphere will weaken Glory considerably upon contact.
Xander: I think we put that in the basement. Let's check...
Anya: Okay! Ooh! And we can have five minutes of unbridled sex while we're down there!
Giles: Thank you for that most appalling mental image!
As Anya and Xander descend into the basement, Anya faintly calls out something.
Anya: Please remove your clothing now.
At the informal meeting table, Willow is stroking her lover's hair. Tara purrs, nuzzling the nape of Willow's neck.
Tara: I'm a kitty...
Willow: Yes, you are. I love kittens. They're so adorable with that, you know, whiskery thing and fluffy goodness!
The Magic Box's doorbell chimes and someone enters the shop. A redheaded woman in leather slinks in, grinning from ear to ear.
Vamp Willow: Hiya, cutie...who's this cute kitty?
Willow: Oh, she's Tara!
V. Willow: (seductively) Wanna have fun?
Willow: Hey! Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm roarin' for threesomes and stuff!
V. Willow: (pouts)
Willow: I need to work on finding a spell to restore my girlfriend's mind...
V. Willow: (seductively) I can help and we'll have fun.
Willow: (shrugs) Sure. C'mon.
Willow stands up and takes Tara by her hand, leading her into the training room with Vamp Willow trailing behind.
Buffy is...still walking to the critically acclaimed weapon of gods. Giles is now donning a smoking jacket along and is on his second brandy.
Giles: Bloody hell! Everyone else's gone off and had themselves bedtime fun...even Spike. (downs the brandy in one gulp)
Spike: (misty look in his eyes, remembering something)
Los Angeles, 1999
Spike and Angel are both naked in Angel's bedroom at the Hyperion Hotel. The room's door is locked and barricaded so no one will disturb them. Angel is lying on his stomach on his bed, the blood-red silk bed sheets caressing his frontal body. Spike is straddling Angel's hip, working the sandalwood-scented massage oil into Angel's back.
Angel: Oh, you're so good, Spike!
Spike: (massaging Angel's bare back) Yeah, I ate a masseuse back in Italy.
Angel: You're liking this, aren't you?
Spike: Oh yeah.
Time seems to have slowed to a snail's pace as Angel and Spike began interlocking...with Angel rocking into Spike's body. The scene looks like a something you'd see on the cable at 2:00 in the morning.
Spike: Oh...Angelus...!
Angel: Will...iam...!
Here endeth yet another flashback. In the Magic Box's basement, Xander and Anya are dressing. Sweat glistens on their flushed faces.
Anya: That was a freaking good sex! I'm all worn out. My energies will be replenished in, say, oh; about five minutes and we can have sex again.
Xander: (patting his stomach) We're supposed to look for that orby thingie...
Anya nods and shifts through the stacked boxes to her right. Xander does the same with the boxes to his left. Anya finds something and is quite pleased with herself...
Anya: I found the Dagon Sphere! And it's right next to a... Eek! A bunny! (picks up the stuffed bunny and rips its head off, tossing the head over her shoulder)
Xander gapes at the decapitated stuffed bunny, mouth hanging open.
Xander: Gee, don't you think that was bit... (gesturing with his hands) extreme?
Anya: All bunnies must be destroyed.
Xander: (shakes his head) Listen, Anya...
Anya: Bunnies! Hoppy, floppy bunnies! (clenching her teeth)
Xander pulls Anya into an embrace, stroking the top of her head.
Xander: Wanna marry me, Ahn?
Anya pushes Xander away from her, shock on her face.
Anya: You scum! You're only proposing to me because we're gonna die! That way you don't have to marry me...
Xander: (taking a ring box out of his pocket, opening it) No, Ahn! Look, the ring... I wanna marry you because I love ya...
Anya: (looks at the ring) A claddagh ring?
Xander: Huh? (looks at the ring) Oops... (puts away the ring, is mumbling, "Angel gave it to me...") Here's the real one.
Anya: Ooh! You selected quite a fashionable ring band along with a finely cut diamond! But no.
Xander: No?
Anya: We should wait until after this Glory/Dawn thing is done with and if we're still alive by then, you can propose to me again.
Xander: (smiles and pulls Anya into another embrace) Okay, Ahn, whatever you want.
They are interrupted by Buffy's voice upstairs.
Buffy: I...got...the...hammer... It's...gonna...work...
To be continued...
Well, guys? Should I continue or not?