X-Men, meet the Starr Brothers!
Chapter 3: Craziness and changes! Wild things galore!
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"Shipwreck." Ororo grumbled at the sight of the sailor. "Why me?" A grinning Shipwreck stood there, carrying a bottle of red wine in one arm, and baby Claudius in the other. This clown just doesn't give up!
"Hi!" Claudius waved cutely. Storm waved back.
"Out of you two, the baby is the one I'm happy to see."
"I got you a bottle of wine." Shipwreck happily placed the bottle of wine in front of the weather goddess. It was a bottle of Chardonnay with a golden bow on it.
"Charmed." Ororo said sarcastically.
"Hi Shipwreck!" Paul ran by again. The X-Girls chased Paul, and their jealous boyfriends were after them, Gambit screaming about Friday the 13th and waving a chainsaw like a crazy man. Logan ran past, yelling at Remy to put down the chainsaw.
"Cajun, put that chainsaw down! You're gonna slice off someone's fingers! YIPE!! Like mine!" Logan hollered, among numerous other things. Shipwreck laughed.
"That Paul. He's just like me." The sailor failed to notice Althea at the door. "Women swoon at his presence. Just like when I'm around." Shipwreck winked at Storm.
"If Paul was just like you, the X-Girls wouldn't be chasing him all over the mansion." Althea quipped. She took Little C. "C'mon, little bro. Barney's lookin' for you." She turned her head. "Todd, where's Baby Beak?"
"He's outside. He found some worms." Todd's voice answered back. "He won't leave 'em alone!" Althea sighed and walked off, carrying her seal-like little brother.
"That sight brings back memories." Hank sighed happily. "I was often seen running down the halls of my high school. A swarm of women would be chasing me, and a horde of jealous boyfriends were pursuing them, screaming 'McCoy must die!' Ahhh, I miss those days." They then saw the parade again. "I'd better help Logan." Hank got up and ran behind Logan.
"Every girl in the Institute has a crush on Paul Starr." Xavier sighed. "I see it, but I still don't believe it."
"Women love superstars." Hawk shrugged with a smile.
"Paul came up with a codename for Claudius." Shipwreck grinned. "He's now called Seal-dude!"
"Seal-dude?" Hawk shook his head. "Only that wacky kid could come up with that."
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A short time later, Jamie was spotted being chased by Trinity. He rounded a corner and ran down the hall. A door opened up, and a red-gloved hand grabbed the front of his shirt.
"Hey!" Jamie yelled as the hand pulled him in the room and closed the door. Multiple relaxed when he saw who it was. "Paul!"
"Shh!" Starchild shushed him. He listened to the door and heard the footsteps of Trinity as they ran by squealing. "There. That got rid of 'em."
"Thanks, man. I owe ya." Jamie wiped some sweat from his brow.
"No prob." Paul grinned. "Walk with me. Talk with me." Paul and Jamie walked to the courtyard, and they sat down near the fountain. "You have a gift, my young friend."
"I do?" Jamie said.
"Yeah!" Paul said with his trademark grin. "You saw how crazy Trinity are for you."
"Yeah, so?" Jamie shrugged.
"It's a sign." Paul explained.
"A sign?"
"Do I hear an echo? Of course it's a sign." Paul answered. "I have a feeling that you are going to be one of the greatest ladies' men of all time."
"Really?" Jamie asked.
"Yeah. Good thing I came along. You have great potential." Paul explained. "I'm gonna show you how to work your charms and become popular with girls."
"Alright!" Jamie bounced happily in his seat. "Paul, you got yourself a deal." Jamie thrust out his hand, and Paul shook it. "Sam, Ray, and Bobby are gonna hate me for the rest of their lives, but it'll be worth it."
"I think you shall be a fine pupil, Jamie." Paul chuckled.
"I can't wait." Jamie grinned. A voice called out.
"Paul? Paaauuullll? Where are you, you cutie pie?" Jean called out in a loud sing-song voice. "Hellooooooo honeyyyyyyyy…" Paul grinned.
"Gotta go. See you around." Paul jumped off and ran in the direction of Jean's voice. Jamie stared at the superstar.
"I'm gonna be a ladies' man." Jamie laughed. "An honest-to-God ladies' man! Whoo! Yeah! Alright! Look out girls, here comes Jamie Madrox, Love God! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!" He laughed like a mad scientist. Sam saw this from afar. "Yeah, baby, yeah! Whoo!"
"That kid seriously needs to lay off the sugar." Cannonball sighed to himself.
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Craig Allman Starr, the foul-mooded former gang member known as Darkstar, was alone. Just the way he liked it. He leaned against the wall, his head down and arms crossed. He stayed in the shadows, as he didn't like to be seen or looked at. He hated it when people looked at him. It reminded him of being in that ghetto, back when he was with that family. His "foster" father would constantly stare at him, with eyes that told him that he was there because the man made the mistake of feeling sorry for him. Ever since then, he saw the man's gaze in the eyes of anyone who looked at him. A bird landed on a branch near him and started singing. Craig looked up and sneered at the small animal.
"It's singing. That stupid bird is singing. What's it so happy about? All this hatred and pain in the world and it's happy. That bird is so naive, just like my brother." Craig thought to himself. "Hmph. If you only knew the truth about life, bird. In life, you are destined to be alone and in pain. We all are." Craig couldn't stand the bird's singing anymore. He fired his eye laser at the bird, making if fly off in fright. Craig smirked.
You really don't believe that stuff you think, do you? Paul's voice asked in his head. Craig growled. He hated having a telepathic link with his brother, despite the fact that Craig could simply "hang up the phone" in metaphorical terms.
What do you want, Paul? Last thing I need is to hear your voice, inside or outside my head. Craig answered mentally.
C'mon bro. Lighten up. Paul's voice answered back.
What are you doing? You sound like you're running. Towards one of those new X-Groupies of yours, I'll bet. Craig mentally grumbled. He wasn't fond of talking to Paul. He couldn't stand Paul's 80's-style clothes, cheery attitude and his tendency to flirt and joke.
You could say that. Paul snickered. See you around, bro. Paul cut off his end of the link. A grumbling Craig placed his hand in his jacket and pulled out a pair of plain black Ray-Bans. He put them on and leaned his head back down. Oh! And by the way………thanks for helping me out back there, bro. Craig only sent Paul a grunt, then cut off the link.
"God, he drives me nuts at times." He said to himself very quietly.
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"Hey Xi!" Althea ran to Xi, who was standing near the fountain, watching the water with fascination. She was carrying Claudius and had a look of concern on her face.
"What's wrong, Althea?" The snake-like mutant asked. She held up Claudius's flipper. A quintet of black points peeked out of the flipper.
"What's happening? Dad hasn't noticed, but I have. These things started growing out of Claudius's flippers a couple days ago. I have no idea what they are."
"Hmm………" Xi noticed the pattern in which the points were growing. He touched the flipper and concentrated. Claudius looked at the two in confusion. Xi smiled.
"There's nothing to worry about. Claudius's mutation is taking another turn." Xi told Little C's eldest sister.
"Huh?" Althea scratched her head.
"Look at the pattern in which they're growing." Xi pointed to the points. Althea looked at them and realized something.
"They're arranged like fingers." She realized.
"Claudius is growing claws, Althea." Xi explained. "The claws will have sharp ends, but they will be flexible, allowing him to use them like fingers. The ones on his feet are more like toes. They'll be very short."
"Are you sure?"
"That's what his DNA has told me." Xi said.
"Here that, Claudie?" Althea grinned. "You're gonna have claws." Claudius giggled, and fidgeted.
"Claws." He said happily, looking at his flipper. "Down! Down! Go Down!"
"Okay." Althea put down the seal-like baby. Claudius crawled away, searching for his brother.
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Jamie strutted down the hall, a big smile on his face. Paul was going to take him on as a student and teach him the fine art of womanizing. Multiple walked past Sam and Roberto.
"What's up?" Cannonball and Sunspot asked.
"Guess what?" Jamie grinned. "Starchild's gonna teach me how to get girls." The two older mutants went crazy with laughter.
"Like you could get chicks!" Roberto laughed.
"The day I see Jamie with a girl is the day that dinosaurs come back to life!" Sam laughed. Jamie glared at them.
"Well Cannonball………" Jamie mocked. "You better get ready to see a Stegosaurus walk down the street, because I'm gonna be a ladies man! I'm learning from the best. You guys are gonna be so jealous of me, so there!" Jamie razzed them and left.
"Man, that little punk's got an attitude." Roberto grumbled.
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Craig walked into the Mansion, finally growing bored of standing around outside. He decided to stand around inside.
"Is something wrong?" Xavier wheeled up to the teenage keg of gunpowder. Craig pulled his glasses down and let out a snarl.
"Go away, old man." Darkstar said.
"Do you wish to talk about anything?" Xavier asked.
"No. I wish to be alone, Baldy. And don't bother trying to read my mind. I don't like telepaths."
"I would not enter your mind without your consent."
"The mind is the only truly private place left in the world. I do have a right to keep what's in my mind to myself. I get annoyed enough with my brother."
"Do either of you possess telepathy?" Xavier asked curiously.
"We do have a link that allows us to communicate telepathically, but that's it." Craig said. "I hate it when Paul talks to me, either in words or in thoughts."
"Why? He is your brother, and your only family."
"None of your business." Craig said with some venom. Xavier sighed.
"If you need anything…" Xavier started to offer.
"I need to be alone, old man." Craig said. His eye started to glow. "Please." Craig's voice did have a bit of a threat in it, but Xavier ignored it.
"I'll let you be." Xavier nodded and wheeled away. Craig watched the X-Men's mentor.
"Chromedome." Craig muttered very quietly, smirking to himself.
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"Explain to Gambit. What in de name of God is dis?" Remy pointed at the catapult-like device that Ray was hiding in the bushes.
"It's a splatterer, duh." Ray sighed, rolling his eyes. "Daria said I could borrow it. I told her I was going to kill some bugs. When Paul gets the bait, I pull the string. The string activates the mechanism, causing the huge hand-shaped part to come flying down, splattering that lousy woman-stealer all over the place!" Berzerker then started cackling like a mad scientist. "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!" Gambit looked at him with major concern.
"Couldn't we just scare the living bejesus outta him?" Remy asked, sighing. He then noticed a huge flaw in Ray's plan. "What is de bait? None o' de girls will go for dis. Tabby would blow you to bits, homme."
"This!" Ray held up a CD case. "Kiss's Greatest Hits. Paul is the biggest Kiss fan alive. He'll never resist."
"Dis won't work." Gambit shook his head.
"Shh!" Ray heard someone coming. He quickly put down the CD, grabbed Remy, and jumped into the bushes. Berzerker's target, everyone's favorite superstar, walked by and noticed the CD. He smiled and picked it up.
"From Ray." Paul read the note on the CD and grinned. "Aww, how nice of him."
"Yes!" Ray pulled the string, insane grin on his face. Nothing happened, and his eyes widened. "Wha--?"
"I'll have to thank him next time I see him." Paul walked away. As soon as he was gone, Ray leaped out.
"How in the world did that happen!?!?" Berzerker wondered. Remy followed. Ray heard something shoot off. "Oh no." The device fired. The hand crashed down on Ray, making him go SPLAT!!! "OWWWWWWCH!!!!" Gambit burst out laughing.
"Remy knew dis not work." Gambit snickered. Ray was laying spread eagle under the device's hand with stars around his head. Tabby walked up.
"What happened?" She asked.
"Thunderboy tried to splat Paul." Remy laughed.
"WHAT?!?!?!?" Tabby screamed angrily, glaring at Gambit.
"Don't look at Remy." Gambit put his arms up in defense, grinning. "Gambit just hear noise and got here." She turned her glare to Ray, who came to.
"Uhhnnn…" The first thing he saw was an angry Tabitha. "Hi."
"Remy said you were trying to splat Paul." She growled, balling her hands into fists.
"Wait, Gambit was helping!" Ray yelled.
"Gambit just got here." The ragin' Cajun grinned. Ray glared at him.
"You lying GAHH!!" Ray was interrupted by an enraged Tabitha choking him. "Help me!" Gambit walked away, laughing quietly to himself.
"Still got it, Remy." Gambit thought to himself.
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Bobby, Fred and Kurt found Paul. They found the superstar sitting on a railing, strumming his beloved guitar. He also had a small CD player next to him. The sounds of Def Leppard's "Photograph" blared out of the speakers, and Paul played along.
"Paul." Blob called. Starchild didn't hear him. "Paul! Paul!!" Paul looked up and turned the stereo off.
"What's up, dudes?" Paul asked.
"Is it true?" Kurt asked. "Is it true you plan to teach Multiple ze fine art of womanizing?" Paul nodded.
"Yup." A smiling Paul nodded. "He's got potential. What can I say?"
"What makes you so sure?" Bobby crossed his arms. "The guy's the most inept person around women you'll ever meet."
"He's younger than you." Blob smiled. "He must have taken to Paul as a role model."
"I don't blame him." Paul grinned. "A lot of people idolize me."
"There he goes again." Blob laughed. "He believes he's famous at times."
"He has potential." Paul shrugged. "Trinity goes crazy whenever he's around. They act around him as the X-Dudettes act around me."
"No kidding." Bobby grinned. "I've never seen the girls go all ga-ga around one guy since I came along!" Kurt and Fred started laughing.
"Yeah right! Remember vhen Boom-Boom and Magma beat ze living heck out of you for freezing up ze bathroom?"
"When did that happen?" Paul wondered.
"Long story." Bobby grumbled. He then heard girlish screaming and explosions. Iceman quickly recognized it. "Berzerker."
"You mean those who gave me the Kiss CD?" Paul asked. "It was very nice of him. He left it on the ground by mistake, I think. Who's making the noises?"
"Ze girly screaming's from Ray, and Tabby's doing ze blowing up." Kurt laughed.
"Sheesh. Don't want to get on her bad side." Paul pulled on his shirt collar nervously. "What'd he do?"
"Knowing Berzerker, something stupid." Bobby shrugged. "You know, you seem to be a lot different from the other Misfits."
"Maybe it's because I don't hate anyone of you X-Dudes." Paul shrugged. "I'm a rocker. I have no need to hate anyone."
"I'm sure you don't." Fred agreed. "I'm sure you don't."
"OWWWWWWWWWWWWCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Berzerker's scream rang. "HELP ME!!!!"
"I think I'd better give him a hand." Paul ran to the screaming. Kurt, Bobby, and Fred watched.
"How does he do it?" Iceman sighed. "Maybe I should take a cue from Multiple and find out."
"That's our Paul." Blob grinned to himself. "That's our Paul, indeed."
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"OWWW!!! HEEEEELLLLLP!!!!" A soot-covered and battered Berzerker called out as a furious Tabitha kept screaming at him. Paul ran up to the screams.
"Dear God, man!" Paul's eyes widened. "What the heck is going on here?" Tabitha stopped and she had a look of concern on her face.
"PAUL!!" She ran up to Paul and hugged him. "Thank God that jerk didn't hurt you! He tried to splatter you with a catapult-thingy. I'm so glad to see you're safe! WAHHH!!!!" Tabby started crying. Paul looked over at Berzerker.
"Hang on, dude." Paul wriggled out of Tabby's grip. He used his eye laser to cut Ray free. "I'll get some help." He turned to Tabby. "Watch over him." He ran off, calling for Hank. Tabby glared.
"Just be glad he's alright." She growled. Ray groaned.
I'll get that Paul. Ray mentally fumed. I'll get that woman-stealer if it's the last thing I do!
Hoo boy! Looks like Ray won't give up. What'll happen to Paul? Will Claudius grow claws? Will Shipwreck's jaw survive his next attempt at flirting with Storm? Find out in the next chapter!