Chapter Two: Pinball Wizard

The top slid open with a whirr and a beautiful woman with golden hair draped down her back, tied into a lazy but sufficient pony tail leapt down. She took off her sunglasses and tossed her head so that her layered hair swung out of her eyes and she surveyed them all curiously. "The name's Captain Arlene Rimmer. Friends call me Mace." She patted the badge pinned on her chest depicting the Space Corp. logo. Rimmer wanted to stab himself in the neck with a sharp utensil, but there were none available.

"Mace?" Lister managed to murmur, "B-but... how?"

"Don't quite understand the science behind it but it has to do with the theory that all realities-"

"Yes, yes, we all know that bit!" snapped Rimmer, making himself known to the gathering. "But you're a girl!"

Mace put her hands on her hips and gave him a dazzling smile that would've given a normal man a spontaneous orgasm. "Thanks for noticing. I did a double jump. Easy really, just had to re-route the turbo thrust engines and connect them to the dimension jump drive, learn cold fusion in the 20 seconds before the jump became active and set the computer for 6th dimensional space."

"Which means?"

"I'm from an alternate reality from your parallel self you met a while ago. I'm sure Skipper remembers the incident very well."

Lister's hands shot to his stomach and he found himself blushing. "So you're the Ace Rimmer of their world?"

"Got it in one, Skipper. When I heard of you guys I couldn't resist altering the ship so it could cross dimensions as well as reality."

"I'm sure that was all part of basic training..." Rimmer growled under his breath.

Mace slapped him on the back. "I figured you'd be a grumpy goit here as well. You should've seen the fuss Arleen made when I arrived."

Lister stared at Mace. For some strange reason, she was making him crazy. Was it all the years alone in space? Was it the lack of female companionship? Maybe it was because his right hand was losing its looks and charm. He tried to ignore the tightening in his boxers. He almost succeeded until Mace did the worst thing possible. She smiled at him. A pinball smile. Her whole face became poetically beautiful and illuminated with one twitch of a muscle. Lister fell in love with a smile yet again. Why I am such a sucker for smiles? he whined inwardly. He had to look away from her.

Unfortunately he looked in Rimmer's direction and he saw the look in Lister's eye. "Don't you DARE," he hissed.

"I'm just hot in this jacket," he lied. Rimmer didn't believe him one bit and continued his glaring at Mace.

Mace was undeterred and was about to tell them all about her adventures with Arlene and Deb when she paused to frown at the Cat who was holding onto her leg and sighing contentedly. "I love you. Your hair smells of dewberry, kiwi and... Is that apricot? I love apricot."

"Sorry old chum, but I'm strictly here on business" She patted Rimmer's shoulder.

Rimmer pushed her arm off of his shoulder and put a few steps distance between them. "What kind of business?"

She winked at him. "Never you mind. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go fetch some stuff from my ship." After whipping her shades back on she strode back to her ship. Lister cocked his head and watched her arse as she walked in her tight silver space suit.

"LISTER!"

"I'm sorry man, I'm sorry!"