Chapter Four: A Dream Comes True

Mace pulled out one of the metal chairs and sat on it backwards with her head resting on her arms, folded on the back of the chair. Rimmer sat on the other chair. Properly. Arms folded and legs crossed. He couldn't have looked more defensive if he'd been waving a sword about and hiding behind a dragon-motif medieval shield. "Fancy a drink?" Mace offered.

"If it's a Wormdo I'll decline, thank you."

She shrugged. "What if," she said with a mischievous smile, "I told you I could give you the ability to drink a real drink."

"I'd say shut up you smegging liar." Pause. "You... you mean you can?" Rimmer sat up and decided that if she was telling the truth, he'd gladly drop to the ground and wash her feet with his hair.

Mace pulled out a small metal ball. "Indeed I can Arnie." He gazed at the small object for a second before clearing his throat signalling that she should explain what it was. She rolled her eyes. "It's a hard light drive. A technology developed that can give holograms a solid form. You'll feel real to others and everything will feel real to you."

"I always liked you, you know that? The others wanted to get rid of you but I insisted you should stay."

"Relax Arn, you dont need to kiss up to me. I'm going to let you have it." Rimmer nodded eagerly. "But..."

"Aha! I knew there was a 'but'." Rimmer folded his arms again. "Go on then, what's the 'but'?"

"Well, it's very boring in space. Rescuing people, saving civilisations, bringing world peace to all the planets of the universe is exciting while it lasts. But the days and weeks travelling between are unbearable. Even playing Tetris has lost its appeal."

Rimmer snorted. The great Mace Rimmer wasn't bored of her work. She was scared of it. Obviously she planned to hide here like a wimp. Like a real Rimmer.

"I want you to join me when I leave. So we can save the Universe together. We'd be unstoppable!" Mace concluded balling her left hand into a fist and smacking it into her other hand. Rimmer was silent. Then he began to laugh in a highly maniacal fashion. He laughed so hard he began to choke on his own saliva. Mace frowned as he slapped himself on the back, tears still streaming down his face.

"Ok ok ok," he spluttered. "Say it again but this time make it sound sensible."

"I'm serious Arn."

"Don't be daft. Me? The Robin to your Batman?" He tried not to picture the tights.

Mace shook her head; " We'd be equals, once you got some experience. Ace and Mace Rimmer. Twins of Salvation."

Yep, Rimmer thought, she's bonkers. Madder than a Mad March Hare that has had an illicit affair with the Mad Hatter and everyone else in Wonderland. But... this would mean leaving the Dwarf. Being free. Being able to touch. And no more constant humming from Lister, or twirling from the Cat, or apologies from Kryten. He'd be away from them. He could start re-organising his 20th Century lamppost notes. In proper folders with coloured dividers. His eyes sparkled with thoughts of all the things he'd be able to do again. He could write in his diary. Lister had filled in a few pages for him with notes like "I acted like a smeghead today as usual" and "I love Lister's guitar playing. He's better than anyone. I wish I was more like him" knowing it would annoy the hell out of Rimmer.

Mace watched his face go through all the emotions of these thoughts patiently.

"Do I have to decide now?" he asked finally.

Mace twirled the hard light drive ball on the table beside her chair. "Not really, you have until I leave."

"Why me anyway? Why not Lister? He and Ace were the best of friends. Surely you'd get on better with him," he said wryly, remembering the two of them and their homoerotic banter of praise and admiration. Actually, remembering Lister's infatuation, it'd be a very bad idea.

Mace shrugged. "It'll be good for you. I think you've got potential Arnie. You'll go from a coward to an Ace in no time."

"Do I have to be called Ace? It's such a stupid name."

She chuckled and swung her leg over the chair to stand before him. "Before you decide," she said and plunged her hand into his projection.

Rimmer fizzled and distorted. "Hey!" he managed to yelp in a static-ised voice. His hologram- body disappeared and all that was left was his light bee in Mace's hand. She flicked open the hard light ball and snapped it over the light bee and activated it. Mace threw it into the air and Rimmer appeared again. "You smeg!" he snapped. "I hate that."

Mace grinned. "Just thought you might want to try out the hard light drive."

Rimmer blinked. "It's... done?" He stamped his foot on the floor. It bounced back. Bounced off of the floor. He looked around for something else to verify this regained ability. What could he pick up? What could he move? Then he knew. He grinned mischievously and marched past Mace to the drive room. As he suspected, Lister was napping in one of the chairs. He had the uncanny knack of being able to sleep anywhere at anytime. He was more cat than the Cat was. Rimmer's grin widened as he lifted his foot, and with a deep breath, he kicked Lister off of the chair. "That's for all the humming and guitar playing and everything else annoying you've done since we met, hahaha!"

Lister landed with a thud and he sprang up in shock. "Rimmer? What do you want?" Rimmer stood grinning ever more inanely as he waited for Lister to cotton on. Lister rubbed his head, which had smacked against the console as he fell. His ribs felt a bit sore too and he rubbed his side. Then yawned. Rimmer waited. Lister scratched the back of his neck and took a swig from the beer can he had left next to him. He spat the beer onto the floor when he realised he'd used it as an ashtray before falling asleep. Rimmer waited some more.

Lister yawned again.

"OH FOR SMEGS SAKE!" Rimmer yelled.

Lister stared at him. "What?" he said as he continued massaging his ribs. Lister's eyes suddenly bulged from his head in surprise and he jumped back. "Hang on, you KICKED me!"

"Exactly, Listy!"

"What did I do to deserve that?"

Rimmer couldn't quite believe how long this was taking to sink in. "Lister, I kicked you. Physically harmed you."

"I know, that was really mean," Lister pouted. Rimmer was about to strangle him when Mace walked in.

"Enjoying your first act of violence then Arnie?"

Lister opened another can of beer and drank some.

"I would be if Lister here wasn't such a smeg-for-brains."

Lister chuckled, "Rimmer I was listening to your conversation a few minutes ago. I knew you were getting the drive."

"You always spoil my fun!" Rimmer growled.

Mace put her arms around them. "Relax fellows, and let's celebrate my new partner in silver."

"Y'what?" Lister exclaimed. He hadn't stuck around to hear the rest of the previous conversation and just assumed that Mace had given the hard light to Rimmer as a peace offering."

Mace ruffled Rimmer's hair. "Rimsy here is going to help me in my crusade."

"Really?" Lister exclaimed again.

"Well he hasn't decid-"

"Yes I am." Rimmer finished for her. Mace looked surprised but pleased.

Lister finished his beer. "Good for you man. But I thought you couldn't stand Mace?"

"Well, I can't stand you either. But in this situation I get a physical presence out of it."

"Your presence is annoying enough without an extra dimension."

Rimmer ignored the comment. Mace clapped her hands together. "So, celebrations?"