A/N: I want to thank Deb for her suggestions and help, not to mention her support and encouragement. Thank you so much. You're truly wonderful.

Geena, you've been a fabulous reviewer since the very beginning. Thank you for that and for your friendship.

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Chapter 18

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Horatio stood at the bottom of the stairs for a long moment after Calleigh had walked away - Entirely lost in his thoughts until Frank Tripp made him snap out of it.

"You okay there, H?" Frank's recognizable accent reached Horatio's ears.

Frank stood before Horatio who took a stance, resting a hand on his hip, "Yeah."

"I'm sorry about you and Calleigh," Frank had an incredible way of showing concern. Horatio knew his friend didn't show that side of him to just anyone.

"Yeah," Horatio answered looking away. The conception, he knew, had been as much an accident as loosing the baby. He changed the subject, "Got anything for me?"

"Yup. DB outside a club. Alexx is already on the scene."

"Alright, let's go." Horatio had switched into professional mode and started quickly for the front door.

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Calleigh was happy to find Eric and Valera in the trace lab. They seemed to be having a pleasant conversation when she walked in.

Eric was leaning in close to Valera and she was looking up at him smiling at whatever he was telling her. Calleigh couldn't quite grasp what they were saying, but when she approached they fell silent.
Calleigh had been recently through one of the hardest things in life and they felt bad that they were enjoying themselves.

"Guys," she said softly, "Don't stop talking because of me."

"We're sorry about what happened," Eric looked at Valera who nodded and she went ahead to give Calleigh a hug.

As Horatio walked down the hall with Frank, he saw Calleigh had sought comfort in another woman and felt a bit of relief.

"Thank you," Calleigh murmured leaving Valera's embrace. Wanting to launch herself into work straight away, she asked, "What did I miss and what can I do?"

Valera smiled at Calleigh's willpower and looked over at Eric for an answer.

"Not much," Eric re-appropriated his usual way of behaving, but instead of saying 'you'll be happy to know' he said, "You'll be glad to know that yesterday was a 32 and that today is a 30 and not the other way around."

Calleigh's face lit up, "A shooting. How many bullets to process?"

Eric eyebrows shot up, "Enough to keep you busy all morning."

"Great." Calleigh veered, "Well, I'll be in ballistics," she scuttered off.

"Alright, seeya Cal," Eric couldn't believe her thirst for work.

"Have a nice day," Valera said loud enough for Calleigh to hear just before leaving the lab.

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Horatio entered the ballistics lab, eyes stopping and staying on Calleigh.

"Hey," he said coming up to her.

"Hi," she gazed unsteadily.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, fine."

He tilted his head, "Did you have lunch?"

"No, I'm not really hungry."

"Hmm. Why don't you come up in my office to lie down?"

She was tired, but was it that obvious? She did appreciate him not pushing the eating issue any further and not asking for her to go home. She wouldn't have liked that idea.

"I don't need to rest, Horatio." The yawn after having said that gave her somewhat away.

Horatio smiled, "C'mon, I'll take you up."

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"I'm gonna go get some lunch - want me to bring you back something for later?" Horatio asked, crouching by the couch in his office where Calleigh had laid.

She nodded, "Please."

"I won't be long," he kissed her forehead.

"I'm just taking a short nap, Horatio. I'll be back in the lab before you get back," she presaged.

He nodded with a mysterious glint in his eye, "I'll take note of that."

When Horatio came back, he went straight to ballistics. Getting a pair of earmuffs in place, he watched Calleigh, legs apart shoulder width, gun drawn, pointing to the sheet ten feet away. Horatio leaned against the doorframe and stared at her.
This was Calleigh at her best.
He knew why she loved guns so much. She loved having the power, the strength. She had a way of thinking that differed from the way she had been brought up; she believed that every person, her included, was in control of their own life. You had to want to get out of the fatality and then you could. And so, she became what she wanted to become; a woman capable of anything and especially able to do her job just as well as any man.
From the moment she ran away from home at the age of eighteen, she truly believe that her life would be whatever she'd make of it. It was the unpredictability of life that made her suspicious about jumping into anything. She was careful, having been through many unpleasant and difficult events. Not careful enough; she had lost something that, like many other things, she wouldn't be able to get back. It was her fault... No one else was to blame.

With precision, she pulled the trigger then lowered her weapon, using her left hand to remove her eye and ear protection placing it aside on the flat surface in front of her.

Coming out of her concentration, she knew someone was watching. She sensed it and, before she turned to face him, she knew it was him.

She placed the gun down in front of her and turned.

He was gone.

A bouquet of blue flowers in a tall white vase caught her eye and she walked over to it. He had remembered the vase from Art&Home she had spotted weeks ago. Even she had forgotten about it.

She pulled the card out and read:

I knew you needed some blue skies.
Love, Horatio xoxox

She remembered the lyrics from the song she had made him listen to. Tears welled up in her eyes again. He was too good for her.

Putting the card down, she noticed the brown paper bag beside the beautiful vase. Blinking back tears, she unrolled the bag and found a muffin and a cup of coffee within. She removed the lid and the smell gave her back her appetite. Taking a sip, she hummed in delight at the good taste of the dark liquid. Sugar.

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That evening, they prepared dinner together in silence as Ella snoozed on one of the dinner table chairs.

Calleigh had thanked him for the flowers, the vase and the snack, but, even through hugs and kisses, she stayed detached. Something had changed and he tried to be patient and to give it time, but it was killing him to see her hurting herself; purposely holding back from him.

"Calleigh, I know there's something bothering you and I wish you'd tell me what it is - "

She looked at him, feeling that it would shatter her soul to admit that she had failed him and turned continuing to chop vegetables.

"If you won't talk, I will - " he placed the butter back in the fridge and straightened to close the door. Horatio kept his back to her, "I talked to the doctor and, even though he said it wasn't likely to be an error in my genetic makeup and that it's purely coincidental that I haven't been able to have a child with you or with my ex-wife, I think it's completely possible that there's something wrong with me... It could explain why I haven't been able to have a child with you or Gabrielle." He faced her, "Calleigh, I want you to be happy and if having a baby is what it takes, then I can't hold you back from that."

"Hold me back?" she couldn't believe what he was saying. A lump formed in her throat and her heart dropped to her stomach in fear.

"You said you wanted babies," he recalled the interview when they first met, "and if I can't give you - "

She interrupted, "Horatio, there's nothing wrong with you. I know it's not your fault."

"It isn't yours either, Calleigh."

"Yes, it is." She realized what he was trying to do. He had succeeded in making her open up. "You don't understand," she refused to lose at this and tried to close off.

"Yes, I do." He paused to make the next words out of his mouth more meaningful, "Calleigh, I love you."

She shook her head. Then unable to keep it from escaping her, she cried, "How can you? I lost our baby!"

"Stop taking the blame. Stop punishing yourself." He took her shoulders, "I love you."

She looked away. How could he love her when she hated herself?

"Believe me. I love you," he repeated, hoping it would sink in. "Let me love you."

How could she let him love her when she hated herself?

"Calleigh, look at me - " his eyes searched hers, "I love you."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"Trust me," he took her hand and held it against his heart, "I'm so thankful to simply know someone like you."

She broke eye contact.

"I'll tell you why I love you - " he brushed her hair back from her face. "You make me happy," he decided it was the best time to repeat what he had told her the night she stayed with him. "Everyone's in search of happiness and I found it with you. Don't you think that," he gazed at her, "that's a good reason to love you?"

She nodded and he resisted the urge to take her in his arms because he wanted her to make that step, to decide for herself what she wanted to do for them.

She reached up and smoothed his worrisome brow then placed a hand on either side of his face, over his sideburns to bring his face down to her level as she lifted her face to meet him halfway.

Their lips grazed lightly and Horatio tried as hard as he possibly could to not reveal the yearning inside of him. She lifted herself up on her toes and he took her up on that invitation, deliberately warming up to the kiss.

Horatio broke off, feeling his sense of control slip away.

"I'll always love you," he said in a gravelly, affected voice and she smiled.

He brushed a finger over her lip. He'd do anything to keep that smile.

TBC...