I know it's kind of short—but I'll write more if I know people want to read it. PLEASE REVIEW!
"New Opportunities"
Jane told me she can arrange a position for me to teach at. The orphans need education, and though the wages would not be very large, it was a good position. I told her I would think about it but I am definitely considering it.
I wonder what Mama is doing right now. I can't help but miss Monticello and… dare I say it… slavery. Not that I was a slave. I wasn't… I mean not really…
Oh I am so confused. I was—I mean I am a slave. I am a nigra. Nothing can change that… nothing at all.
I wonder how Bev is doing on the white side. I wonder if I shall ever see him again. Shall I ever see any of my family again?
No, I won't. I have to stop fooling myself into thinking I am. I am not Harriet Hemings, daughter of Sally Hemings and… Thomas Jefferson… I am Elizabeth Lackland, and I am a white woman, free of the bondage that held me my entire life.
Thad came to see me today. As soon as I heard the sound of a carriage I raced downstairs and waited as patiently as I could.
I tried to compose myself and I greeted him politely. He turned towards me and said, "Well… Elizabeth… it is wonderful to see you again."
I smiled and said it was good to see him also. Jane came in and we were not alone for long.
"Thad, oh I must tell you about the position I found for Miss Lackland," she started. She told him all about it and quite a bit more that I didn't listen to, but Thad seemed to like the idea.
Jane left for a few moments, leaving Thad and me to talk. I acted like a fool and sat in silence, for it is not easy to be alone after you have been taught to serve and then stand in the corner in front of a white man.
"Harriet," he whispered.
"Thad…" I said and looked down.
"You don't have to be afraid to meet my eyes Harriet," he said reading my mind.
"I'm not afraid," I said and met his eyes. They were warm and inviting, causing me to look away.
He turned my head towards him and smiled. His mouth came toward mine and we kissed.
It was not the way it had been with Bankhead, the way he forced himself on me. It was sweet—and short. He pulled away and said, "Forgive me, I am sorry. I am taking advantage of you."
I sat in silence. The truth was I wanted him to kiss me, it felt right. He apologized again though and took his leave.
I don't know how he feels about me… but I love Thad.