The mistake at the end of the last chapter was purely due to haste in copying from Works into a Text document - though it obviously worked quite well as a cliffhanger. It was supposed to end there, but being as people are keen on the story, I'll carry on.
...struggled not to cry
"Denial"
All connection between her brain and her body had been completely lost, and she was stunned into silence. She remained facing away from him, knowing that turning round would be her undoing. He was waiting for an answer, she could tell, but it was an answer she wasn't sure she could give. Not without giving too much of herself as well. Why couldn't he just have let himself be pushed away? Why did he have to be so stubborn?
"Well?"
It was clear he was trying not to sound impatient. She prayed for an intervention, anything that would prevent her having to answer until she'd gathered her thoughts. With the pressure building up inside her, her own expectations and his threatening to rise up and smother her, she wanted to run. She wanted to run away and hide somewhere he couldn't find her. But she couldn't hide from him, he knew everywhere she went to be alone, he knew her inside out. And he loved her. And the whole situation was terrifying. She turned round to face him, challenge him.
"Well what? What you just expect me to jump into your arms?"
"A man can live in hope,"
The joke died in seconds and fell flat. There was no levity in this situation, although Abby wished there could be, because the pressure was sending her insane.
"I'm just not sure,"
Her tone was so small, so ghostly, she thought it almost sounded pathetic. She was crystally aware of her feelings for him, so aware that every time she thought of him in hurt a little. She was in love with him, but she wasn't ready to be with him. She'd only end up hurting him, and that would be the end of what was a very good friendship.
"Not sure? What of?"
"Has Luka completely slipped your mind?"
She said suddenly, exasperated. There had to be another card she could play to keep them apart, and he seemed to be it.
"Since when is he an issue in our relationship?"
"He's my boyfriend, or has that fact completely escaped you?"
That fact had all but eluded her all day too. She'd been so tangled up in her own feelings, and dealing with his, that she hadn't even considered who else stood to get hurt.
"He wasn't last night,"
He snapped back. And he was right. Last night, during the kiss, it had been like nothing else existed, like they were the only two people on the planet. That never happened in her relationship with Luka. The intensity of first lust had long since gone, replaced by a modest but genuine affection. He couldn't make her feel like that anymore. She couldn't picture a time she had been happier than those few seconds. But she wasn't sure she deserved him, that she deserved that. She didn't feel worthy of what he was willing to give her.
"Dammit! Please don't do this. Don't make me choose,"
At the very edge of tears, she tried to keep her voice from cracking. She couldn't possibly make him understand what was going on in her head. She didn't understand it. She had no way to voice the confusion.
"So. We both have to keep hanging on until you make up your mind who you dislike least?"
"It's not like that,"
The denial came too quickly. It wasn't. She didn't want to make him think…She wanted to be with him, more than anything, but she just couldn't bring herself to. Everything they would face seemed too insurmountable.
"I don't want to hurt him,"
Abby answered flatly, well aware that her hesitance was the only thing separating them and keeping them apart. It had taken a lot for him to say what he just had. It was right there in his eyes, the depth of his feelings for her. He couldn't hide anything from her, not anymore. It was all there.
"But it's okay to hurt me?"
The tone of his voice told her everything. He was distancing himself from this situation. He'd said something that was supposed to mean a great deal to her, and she was throwing it back at him. What else could she do?
"That's not what I meant, you're twisting my words,"
Frustration rose in her at not being able to articulate her feelings properly. It was too late though. She had succeeded this time. He was leaving.
"Get back to me when you know what you want,"
The parting shot came over his shoulder, almost an afterthought. It stung, embedding itself under her skin, and she knew that this was far from over yet.
...struggled not to cry
"Denial"
All connection between her brain and her body had been completely lost, and she was stunned into silence. She remained facing away from him, knowing that turning round would be her undoing. He was waiting for an answer, she could tell, but it was an answer she wasn't sure she could give. Not without giving too much of herself as well. Why couldn't he just have let himself be pushed away? Why did he have to be so stubborn?
"Well?"
It was clear he was trying not to sound impatient. She prayed for an intervention, anything that would prevent her having to answer until she'd gathered her thoughts. With the pressure building up inside her, her own expectations and his threatening to rise up and smother her, she wanted to run. She wanted to run away and hide somewhere he couldn't find her. But she couldn't hide from him, he knew everywhere she went to be alone, he knew her inside out. And he loved her. And the whole situation was terrifying. She turned round to face him, challenge him.
"Well what? What you just expect me to jump into your arms?"
"A man can live in hope,"
The joke died in seconds and fell flat. There was no levity in this situation, although Abby wished there could be, because the pressure was sending her insane.
"I'm just not sure,"
Her tone was so small, so ghostly, she thought it almost sounded pathetic. She was crystally aware of her feelings for him, so aware that every time she thought of him in hurt a little. She was in love with him, but she wasn't ready to be with him. She'd only end up hurting him, and that would be the end of what was a very good friendship.
"Not sure? What of?"
"Has Luka completely slipped your mind?"
She said suddenly, exasperated. There had to be another card she could play to keep them apart, and he seemed to be it.
"Since when is he an issue in our relationship?"
"He's my boyfriend, or has that fact completely escaped you?"
That fact had all but eluded her all day too. She'd been so tangled up in her own feelings, and dealing with his, that she hadn't even considered who else stood to get hurt.
"He wasn't last night,"
He snapped back. And he was right. Last night, during the kiss, it had been like nothing else existed, like they were the only two people on the planet. That never happened in her relationship with Luka. The intensity of first lust had long since gone, replaced by a modest but genuine affection. He couldn't make her feel like that anymore. She couldn't picture a time she had been happier than those few seconds. But she wasn't sure she deserved him, that she deserved that. She didn't feel worthy of what he was willing to give her.
"Dammit! Please don't do this. Don't make me choose,"
At the very edge of tears, she tried to keep her voice from cracking. She couldn't possibly make him understand what was going on in her head. She didn't understand it. She had no way to voice the confusion.
"So. We both have to keep hanging on until you make up your mind who you dislike least?"
"It's not like that,"
The denial came too quickly. It wasn't. She didn't want to make him think…She wanted to be with him, more than anything, but she just couldn't bring herself to. Everything they would face seemed too insurmountable.
"I don't want to hurt him,"
Abby answered flatly, well aware that her hesitance was the only thing separating them and keeping them apart. It had taken a lot for him to say what he just had. It was right there in his eyes, the depth of his feelings for her. He couldn't hide anything from her, not anymore. It was all there.
"But it's okay to hurt me?"
The tone of his voice told her everything. He was distancing himself from this situation. He'd said something that was supposed to mean a great deal to her, and she was throwing it back at him. What else could she do?
"That's not what I meant, you're twisting my words,"
Frustration rose in her at not being able to articulate her feelings properly. It was too late though. She had succeeded this time. He was leaving.
"Get back to me when you know what you want,"
The parting shot came over his shoulder, almost an afterthought. It stung, embedding itself under her skin, and she knew that this was far from over yet.