Hahaha!!!!! XD Now, THIS is where the action comes in! My dad took me to Starbucks the other day and I was able to get a MAJOR portion of this chapter done. Anyhoo, I've checked out a copy of the actual Much Ado About Nothing from the library and looked over it. Some of the stuff in this chap will be strongly influced by the MGM version of the film, but I just thought that some of the stuff was so Timon-ish, so I put it in. Enjoy! XD
Disclaimer: *snore*
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Chap 2: On the Boys' Side
That afternoon, Timon decided to talk a walk through the oasis to where he had his hammock hanging over the water. It would give him some time to cool off some steam after his fight with Saria. Along the way, he continued to question himself about love and women. "Females…" he seethed to himself. "Who? What? Where? When? Why? …I don't know!! You can never tell with these broads."
He walked over to a large boulder just small enough for him to flip over to the side where he found several bugs crawling around underneath. He picked up a grub and popped it into his mouth. "I don't get it!" I mean, why couldn't have things stayed the way they were before? Simba and Pumbaa and I lived a great life before! We were three best pals batchin' it and living the true meaning of Hakuna Matata! We raised that kid as if he were our own son. He was a true Hakuna Matata champ! He even beat me at snail-slurping for crying out loud! But suddenly the girl shows up and WHAM!! Then comes the hugging and the nuzzling and the kissing…" He shuddered and slapped his forehead. "And we all live in a house that Jack built. But me myself, I can't have what he has now!" He whimpered pathetically. "Why?? Doesn't anyone love Timon the meerkat? Why is it that I can't find a girl? I mean, I'm a nice guy." He picked up a fat millipede and slurped it into his mouth. "I'm sociable, I'm level-headed, I'm dignified." He suddenly let out a huge belch, and then covered his mouth in surprise. He laughed sheepishly. "Ha…Heh-Heh…Heh… Okay, well, maybe I have an itty-bitty flaw here and there, but what the hey! Who needs girls??"
He stopped and rubbed his chin. "If I had a girl of my own, what would she be like?" He smiled to himself a little. "Well…she would be pretty, she'd appreciate me…maybe she'd have blonde hair…no…red?" He shrugged. "Ah, hair isn't really an issue. I'd want her eyes be brown or blue or something like that… Her fur would be really soft." He stared and wondered if there really was a girl out there somewhere for him. But he quickly shook it off. "Argh! C'mon, Timmy, stop kiddin' yourself. Start bein' a meerkat! You don't need a girl to live your life! You are the consummate master of Hakuna Matata, so start acting like it!! I'm gonna die a bachelor, ya hear that Simba?! HA!! I'm gonna leave this world as an independent man, dog-gone it!!!" He sighed and muttered. "Geez, I'm glad I got that off my chest."
Suddenly hearing laughing and voices, Timon walked over and parted the limbs of a bush. In the distance, he saw Pumbaa, Zero, and Uncle Max all walking through the jungle together, talking. Timon rolled his eyes. "Oh…If it isn't the old man Zero, and his two fellow stooges." He shook his head and walked over to where his hammock hung over the water. He stretched out on his back, crossed his legs, and closed him eyes.
Pumbaa, who had noticed Timon when he had peeked at them through the bushes, turned his head and gave a silent wink at Uncle Max.
"Now what is this I hear, Zero…" Uncle Max started, raising his voice just enough for Timon to hear. "…About your daughter Saria falling in love with my great-nephew, Timon?"
His eyes popping open, Timon suddenly jerked up in shock. He suddenly lost his balance and fell off the hammock into the water with a yelp.
"Oh, my poor girl…" Zero said. "I don't know what I'm going to do with her!" Timon lifted his fore body out of the water and onto land, listening with wide eyes. "She hasn't been eating or sleeping for so long! She thinks about that boy day and night, night and day!"
Timon crawled out and crept into the foliage a little ways behind where they were talking, but being careful not to be seen.
"But seriously," Pumbaa said. "Timon's such a little guy. He's…well, he's, uh… I can't find the word I'm looking for…"
"Insignificant?" Uncle Max put in. "News flash, Ein-Swine. Growing up, Timon was the runt of the pack! And besides, Saria is a beautiful and sophisticated young meerkat. I mean, Timon doesn't deserve her. The only look of adoration he's ever gotten from girls was when he was 2. I mean, Urkael gets more looks of adoration than Timon!"
Timon put his hands on his hips, offended. "Oh!!" he yelled, forgetting that he was not supposed to be seen.
Pumbaa, Zero, and Uncle Max all stopped and looked around, pretending to be looking for the source of the sound.
Timon quickly ducked behind a bush where he couldn't be seen. Thinking quickly, he cupped his hands around his mouth. "Caw!!" he called as if he were a bird. "Caw!"
Pumbaa, Zero, and Uncle Max all looked around a few more seconds before looking at each other. Then they just shrugged in unison and chuckled.
Timon sighed in relief, thankful that 'they hadn't noticed' him and that he had 'tricked' them.
"But, Zero!" Uncle Max started. "How do you know that she so desperately in love? I mean what has she been doing that makes it so evident?"
Zero froze. "…Uh…" He shifted uneasily. He hadn't thought about what to say if he was asked a particular question like this. "W-Well, she told you herself, remember?"
Uncle Max gave him small glare. "No." he said matter-of-factly. "Pray-tell. Please inform me."
Zero's face began to pale. Uncle Max gave him a look as if to say 'C'mon! Just say something!' Timon cocked an eyebrow, practically on the edge of his seat. Finally, Zero smiled and motioned for Pumbaa and Uncle Max to lean in closer. The three of them huddled together and Zero whispered something into their ears.
Afterwards, Pumbaa and Uncle Max drew back in shock and gasped. "No!" Pumbaa gasped, sounding very surprised.
"Yes!" Zero said to the warthog. "She's gonna kill herself pining over that boy!"
Timon's eyes widened, unaware that Zero was using just another metaphor.
"Has she told him? Has she confessed her love to him yet?" Pumbaa asked.
"No!" Zero said, putting on his best worrisome voice. "She cannot bring herself to admit it to him!"
"Zero…" Uncle Max put an arm around the old meerkat's shoulders. "I hate to be the barer of bad news here, but she doesn't stand a chance with my great-nephew. Timon doesn't understand what it is to love a girl. He…He can't learn to love!"
However, Pumbaa stepped in to put in his two cents. "But you don't need to worry about it, Mr. Zero, sir. Just as my good buddy says, Hakuna Matata!"
"The pig's right for once, Zero." Uncle Max said. "Don't you worry. She'll tell him one of these days. You just watch. In the meantime, I'm hungry!"
Pumbaa leaned down his head, allowing the two meerkats to climb on. "Who's up for liftin' a log?" He turned and began trotting back into the jungle.
Still hiding in the bushes, Timon turned around and thought. "This had got to be a trick… It's just like them to do this to me. But…" he watched the three of them ride off. "…Uncle Max is in on this! That's gotta count for something! He wouldn't play along with something like this…would he?"
As Zero, Uncle Max, and Pumbaa all rode off, they snickered silently to themselves. "It worked!" Zero whispered with a big smile on his face. "Now it's all up to the girls."
Suddenly, Uncle Max straightened up as if he had just been struck by lightning. "Wait a minute!" he put an arm around Zero's shoulder and grabbed Pumbaa's ear with the other hand. He whispered to the two of them. "Let's send Saria to invite him to dinner!"
Zero smiled. "Good thinkin', Max!" he whispered.
Pumbaa chuckled quietly as the three of them rode off and disappeared into the foliage.
Back by the brush, Timon paced along the ground. "This…is definitely not a trick." He smiled goofily to himself. "She loves me!" he said, spreading him arms wide. Then, keeping his grin, "…Why? What have I got to give her?" He thought and rubbed his chin. "Oh, I get it. The reason she's been acting so irrational around me is because she's too nervous to confess her love to me! Ha! She thought she could fool old Timon, huh? No way! I can see right through her!" He glanced to the ground in thought. "You know, now that I think of it…I think I appeal more of brown hair and green eyes…I mean, a guy can change his taste every once and a while, right? And I have to admit, I like a girl that's a bit of a rebel. W-When I said I would die a bachelor, I didn't think I would live to actually get married. Heh…Yeah, that's it… But… is she really killing herself?" He twiddled his thumbs nervously, and then began to walk off back towards where the colony was.
"Maybe Uncle Max is right. Keeping away from a relationship like that would really save me a butt-load of--" He suddenly stopped and gave a girly shriek, stumbling back. "Here comes Saria!!" He quickly dove behind the brush and ran over to a log. He sat himself down on it, crossing his legs and brushing a hand through his hair to settle it. Then, he folded his hands together on one of his knees and put on a savvy grin.
With a ticked-off expression on her face, Saria approached Timon, who was sitting on the log looking rather suave.
"Against my will," she uttered dully. "I have been sent to invite you over to dinner." She finished her sentence with a sarcastic smile.
Timon cleared his throat and grinned. "I wholeheartedly appreciate your invitation, Saria!"
"Well, believe me, it wasn't my idea."
"I-I apologize for our little fight earlier today. I, uh, I tend to get a little out of control with myself…"
"I'll say."
Timon laughed. "Ha-ha! Heh, you're a keeper!"
Saria stared at him like he was crazy. "…Listen Timon, if you're trying to be charming, it's not working. Okay?"
"Oh, no, Saria. And once again, I thank you for your troubles of coming out here."
Saria rolled her eyes. "Unless you don't have a stomach, I suggest you get yourself off your tail and get on over so my father can humor you. Good day." With that, she turned and walked off.
"…Bye!" he called. As she walked off, he rubbed his chin. "Against my will, I have been sent to invite you over to dinner." Timon repeated. He smiled to himself. "…I believe she means that in more ways than one. Oh, yeah, Timon. You are good, my man." He smiled wider to himself. "You are good!" He stood and looked to the sky. "It's finally happening to me!" He began to walk through the jungle. "I thought it never would, but it's happening!" he sighed in his entered-my-dream-world look. "I'm in love!" He ran out to the edge of a nearby ridge that gave a fantastic view of the entire oasis. He spread in arms out like he was in the middle of a scene in 'The Sound of Music' and yelled loud enough for the whole oasis to hear.
"I'M IN LOVE!!!"
Disclaimer: *snore*
~*~
Chap 2: On the Boys' Side
That afternoon, Timon decided to talk a walk through the oasis to where he had his hammock hanging over the water. It would give him some time to cool off some steam after his fight with Saria. Along the way, he continued to question himself about love and women. "Females…" he seethed to himself. "Who? What? Where? When? Why? …I don't know!! You can never tell with these broads."
He walked over to a large boulder just small enough for him to flip over to the side where he found several bugs crawling around underneath. He picked up a grub and popped it into his mouth. "I don't get it!" I mean, why couldn't have things stayed the way they were before? Simba and Pumbaa and I lived a great life before! We were three best pals batchin' it and living the true meaning of Hakuna Matata! We raised that kid as if he were our own son. He was a true Hakuna Matata champ! He even beat me at snail-slurping for crying out loud! But suddenly the girl shows up and WHAM!! Then comes the hugging and the nuzzling and the kissing…" He shuddered and slapped his forehead. "And we all live in a house that Jack built. But me myself, I can't have what he has now!" He whimpered pathetically. "Why?? Doesn't anyone love Timon the meerkat? Why is it that I can't find a girl? I mean, I'm a nice guy." He picked up a fat millipede and slurped it into his mouth. "I'm sociable, I'm level-headed, I'm dignified." He suddenly let out a huge belch, and then covered his mouth in surprise. He laughed sheepishly. "Ha…Heh-Heh…Heh… Okay, well, maybe I have an itty-bitty flaw here and there, but what the hey! Who needs girls??"
He stopped and rubbed his chin. "If I had a girl of my own, what would she be like?" He smiled to himself a little. "Well…she would be pretty, she'd appreciate me…maybe she'd have blonde hair…no…red?" He shrugged. "Ah, hair isn't really an issue. I'd want her eyes be brown or blue or something like that… Her fur would be really soft." He stared and wondered if there really was a girl out there somewhere for him. But he quickly shook it off. "Argh! C'mon, Timmy, stop kiddin' yourself. Start bein' a meerkat! You don't need a girl to live your life! You are the consummate master of Hakuna Matata, so start acting like it!! I'm gonna die a bachelor, ya hear that Simba?! HA!! I'm gonna leave this world as an independent man, dog-gone it!!!" He sighed and muttered. "Geez, I'm glad I got that off my chest."
Suddenly hearing laughing and voices, Timon walked over and parted the limbs of a bush. In the distance, he saw Pumbaa, Zero, and Uncle Max all walking through the jungle together, talking. Timon rolled his eyes. "Oh…If it isn't the old man Zero, and his two fellow stooges." He shook his head and walked over to where his hammock hung over the water. He stretched out on his back, crossed his legs, and closed him eyes.
Pumbaa, who had noticed Timon when he had peeked at them through the bushes, turned his head and gave a silent wink at Uncle Max.
"Now what is this I hear, Zero…" Uncle Max started, raising his voice just enough for Timon to hear. "…About your daughter Saria falling in love with my great-nephew, Timon?"
His eyes popping open, Timon suddenly jerked up in shock. He suddenly lost his balance and fell off the hammock into the water with a yelp.
"Oh, my poor girl…" Zero said. "I don't know what I'm going to do with her!" Timon lifted his fore body out of the water and onto land, listening with wide eyes. "She hasn't been eating or sleeping for so long! She thinks about that boy day and night, night and day!"
Timon crawled out and crept into the foliage a little ways behind where they were talking, but being careful not to be seen.
"But seriously," Pumbaa said. "Timon's such a little guy. He's…well, he's, uh… I can't find the word I'm looking for…"
"Insignificant?" Uncle Max put in. "News flash, Ein-Swine. Growing up, Timon was the runt of the pack! And besides, Saria is a beautiful and sophisticated young meerkat. I mean, Timon doesn't deserve her. The only look of adoration he's ever gotten from girls was when he was 2. I mean, Urkael gets more looks of adoration than Timon!"
Timon put his hands on his hips, offended. "Oh!!" he yelled, forgetting that he was not supposed to be seen.
Pumbaa, Zero, and Uncle Max all stopped and looked around, pretending to be looking for the source of the sound.
Timon quickly ducked behind a bush where he couldn't be seen. Thinking quickly, he cupped his hands around his mouth. "Caw!!" he called as if he were a bird. "Caw!"
Pumbaa, Zero, and Uncle Max all looked around a few more seconds before looking at each other. Then they just shrugged in unison and chuckled.
Timon sighed in relief, thankful that 'they hadn't noticed' him and that he had 'tricked' them.
"But, Zero!" Uncle Max started. "How do you know that she so desperately in love? I mean what has she been doing that makes it so evident?"
Zero froze. "…Uh…" He shifted uneasily. He hadn't thought about what to say if he was asked a particular question like this. "W-Well, she told you herself, remember?"
Uncle Max gave him small glare. "No." he said matter-of-factly. "Pray-tell. Please inform me."
Zero's face began to pale. Uncle Max gave him a look as if to say 'C'mon! Just say something!' Timon cocked an eyebrow, practically on the edge of his seat. Finally, Zero smiled and motioned for Pumbaa and Uncle Max to lean in closer. The three of them huddled together and Zero whispered something into their ears.
Afterwards, Pumbaa and Uncle Max drew back in shock and gasped. "No!" Pumbaa gasped, sounding very surprised.
"Yes!" Zero said to the warthog. "She's gonna kill herself pining over that boy!"
Timon's eyes widened, unaware that Zero was using just another metaphor.
"Has she told him? Has she confessed her love to him yet?" Pumbaa asked.
"No!" Zero said, putting on his best worrisome voice. "She cannot bring herself to admit it to him!"
"Zero…" Uncle Max put an arm around the old meerkat's shoulders. "I hate to be the barer of bad news here, but she doesn't stand a chance with my great-nephew. Timon doesn't understand what it is to love a girl. He…He can't learn to love!"
However, Pumbaa stepped in to put in his two cents. "But you don't need to worry about it, Mr. Zero, sir. Just as my good buddy says, Hakuna Matata!"
"The pig's right for once, Zero." Uncle Max said. "Don't you worry. She'll tell him one of these days. You just watch. In the meantime, I'm hungry!"
Pumbaa leaned down his head, allowing the two meerkats to climb on. "Who's up for liftin' a log?" He turned and began trotting back into the jungle.
Still hiding in the bushes, Timon turned around and thought. "This had got to be a trick… It's just like them to do this to me. But…" he watched the three of them ride off. "…Uncle Max is in on this! That's gotta count for something! He wouldn't play along with something like this…would he?"
As Zero, Uncle Max, and Pumbaa all rode off, they snickered silently to themselves. "It worked!" Zero whispered with a big smile on his face. "Now it's all up to the girls."
Suddenly, Uncle Max straightened up as if he had just been struck by lightning. "Wait a minute!" he put an arm around Zero's shoulder and grabbed Pumbaa's ear with the other hand. He whispered to the two of them. "Let's send Saria to invite him to dinner!"
Zero smiled. "Good thinkin', Max!" he whispered.
Pumbaa chuckled quietly as the three of them rode off and disappeared into the foliage.
Back by the brush, Timon paced along the ground. "This…is definitely not a trick." He smiled goofily to himself. "She loves me!" he said, spreading him arms wide. Then, keeping his grin, "…Why? What have I got to give her?" He thought and rubbed his chin. "Oh, I get it. The reason she's been acting so irrational around me is because she's too nervous to confess her love to me! Ha! She thought she could fool old Timon, huh? No way! I can see right through her!" He glanced to the ground in thought. "You know, now that I think of it…I think I appeal more of brown hair and green eyes…I mean, a guy can change his taste every once and a while, right? And I have to admit, I like a girl that's a bit of a rebel. W-When I said I would die a bachelor, I didn't think I would live to actually get married. Heh…Yeah, that's it… But… is she really killing herself?" He twiddled his thumbs nervously, and then began to walk off back towards where the colony was.
"Maybe Uncle Max is right. Keeping away from a relationship like that would really save me a butt-load of--" He suddenly stopped and gave a girly shriek, stumbling back. "Here comes Saria!!" He quickly dove behind the brush and ran over to a log. He sat himself down on it, crossing his legs and brushing a hand through his hair to settle it. Then, he folded his hands together on one of his knees and put on a savvy grin.
With a ticked-off expression on her face, Saria approached Timon, who was sitting on the log looking rather suave.
"Against my will," she uttered dully. "I have been sent to invite you over to dinner." She finished her sentence with a sarcastic smile.
Timon cleared his throat and grinned. "I wholeheartedly appreciate your invitation, Saria!"
"Well, believe me, it wasn't my idea."
"I-I apologize for our little fight earlier today. I, uh, I tend to get a little out of control with myself…"
"I'll say."
Timon laughed. "Ha-ha! Heh, you're a keeper!"
Saria stared at him like he was crazy. "…Listen Timon, if you're trying to be charming, it's not working. Okay?"
"Oh, no, Saria. And once again, I thank you for your troubles of coming out here."
Saria rolled her eyes. "Unless you don't have a stomach, I suggest you get yourself off your tail and get on over so my father can humor you. Good day." With that, she turned and walked off.
"…Bye!" he called. As she walked off, he rubbed his chin. "Against my will, I have been sent to invite you over to dinner." Timon repeated. He smiled to himself. "…I believe she means that in more ways than one. Oh, yeah, Timon. You are good, my man." He smiled wider to himself. "You are good!" He stood and looked to the sky. "It's finally happening to me!" He began to walk through the jungle. "I thought it never would, but it's happening!" he sighed in his entered-my-dream-world look. "I'm in love!" He ran out to the edge of a nearby ridge that gave a fantastic view of the entire oasis. He spread in arms out like he was in the middle of a scene in 'The Sound of Music' and yelled loud enough for the whole oasis to hear.
"I'M IN LOVE!!!"