Judgment

Email: buffsummershotmail.com

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, blah blah blah...

Rating: PG-13 It's currently pretty dark.

Thank you for all the reviews! Sorry this took me so long.

Song lyrics: "Tourniquet" by Evanescence.

Spoilers: season 5 "The Gift"

Chapter Five: Repercussions

Angel bolted upright in his bed in a cold sweat.

'Oh god. That couldn't have been real, could it? Did she really mean that? Was that even Buffy?'

Angel looked at the clock next to his bed. It read 3am. He wearily slid off the bed. Sometime during the night the blankets had all tumbled to the floor. He slowly made his way to the bathroom and got into the shower. He turned the hot water all the way up until it was hot enough to scald his skin. But he ignored the pain and remained in the shower for another hour, trying to wash away the grief, even though he knew it would always linger with him.

After his long shower, Angel went downstairs where Willow was waiting for him.

"Where is everyone else?" he asked.

"They went out. They figured you needed your space," she answered. Willow just stood there silently trying to figure out how Angel would be feeling and what he was thinking about, "how are you feeling?" Angel, however, was not in the mood,

"Willow- I don't want to talk about this."

"Angel..."

"NO Willow. Just leave it." At this, Angel walked out into the garden, the scent of jasmine permeating the air.

I tried to kill the pain, But only brought more.

I lay dying.

And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal.

'Did she really mean it? Was it even her? It could have been the first evil again...No it couldn't have been. It wasn't evil, I can tell. Face it. She doesn't love you. She never did. All along...she wanted Spike.'

I'm dying. Praying.

Bleeding and screaming

Am I too lost to be saved?

Am I too lost?

'What am I doing? Am I doing any good here? Buffy was the only person I ever loved. But now that she's gone...Do I have a reason anymore?'

My God, My tourniquet

Return to me salvation.

My God, my tourniquet

Return to me salvation.

Suddenly a look of resolve formed on Angel's face. He knew what he had to do.

My wounds cry for the grave.

My soul cries for deliverance.

Will I be denied Christ?

Tourniquet, my suicide...

The fire burned bright. As bright as his love for her. There would be pain, but it would be welcome. The flames lashed out, but Angel was calm. Angel took a step towards the flames and prepared himself for the end.

'Here we go. These endless days are finally ending in a blaze. I've tried to do this...but I can't. I can't live in a world without her.'

Angel took another step towards his escape the heat of the flames singeing the hairs on the back of his neck. He closed his eyes and began to take the final step.

To be continued...

I know this chapter is really short. It was longer but I thought it would be better to give you a cliff hanger :)

Please keep reviewing, I love the reviews. I know this fic is in a pretty dark place right now, but it gets lighter now that I got this chapter done. I couldn't resist adding that line from the Buffy musical. It called out to me.

In the next chapter of 'Judgment':

What happens to Angel? And somebody's got a plan.