A/N: due to the floods of reviews we have received (and no I am not
schizophrenic, there are actually two of us) we have decided to put up
another chapter. Read at your own risk.
They began to make their way through the lands, in the treacherous light. Why is light evil? Two reasons, Gollum, and light creates shadows, and shadows are evil. It's logic!
Gollum and the ring went away from Mulldor - the place with the best wine in the whole of middle earth (not to be mistaken for Mordor) - onwards to Gondor. Where there WAS a king, a captain, a ..and oh a Broom, and you can look up the scene for the rest.
But then they changed their mind and went to Rohan instead.
Smeagol and the ring, skipped down to the Entwash, or technically just Gollum. Smeagol looked at the water, sighed, and jumped in splashing around like a little kid crying out "Fishesesesse!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh dear" said the ring
Sadly Smeagol did not find any fisheseseseses, but he found a trout.
Smeagol held the fish out before him..and stared.
A few minutes passed.
"Are you actually going to do anything with your. Er,Fish?" asked the ring
"I'll hangsess it on the walleseses!"
The ring looked around. They were by a river, with marsh surrounding. But there wasn't a cliff-face, a rock, or a wall in sight. Only a leaf could be mistaken for a wall, and only by something very small.
"Erm, what wall?"
"Thiseses one!!" said an excitable Gollum, he took the fish and placed it in mid-air. It dropped to the floor.
Gollum paid no attention to this and picked it up and tried again.
It fell to the floor, again. (What a surprise!)
"We needseses nailseses"
"No, Gollum, I don't think even that will work."
"Damnsesses!"
Gollum took the fish and stared at it some more. A few minutes later he said. "I'll hangseses on the wall"
"Can we continue?"
"NO!"
"SMEAGOL! PUT THE FISH DOWN!"
"NO! preciousesesses."
"PUT IT DOWN NOW!" The ring looked at angrily at Gollum. Smeagol gave a small, petrified squeak, looked at the fish, and swallowed it whole. The ring winced.
The Entwash was a long and fearsome river, with rapids, waterfalls, and sea monsters. All of these things, whether animate or inanimate had safety guidelines to follow, so actually a trip along the river could be described using one word only. Dull.
There could have been a boat conveniently misplaced next to the river with a sign saying "steal me", which would have solved all of our adventurers troubles for a maximum of two minutes. But there wasn't. There was however a rock with a sign saying "steal me". This would do fine.
"Looksesesesse!" squeaked Gollum
"WHAT!?" The ring said startled at the sudden noise, it had been polishing itself, minding its own business, and now it had a smudge all thanks to Gollum. It better be good.
"Lookeseses" Gollum pointed to something.
The ring turned at looked, at the marvellous, magnificent sight before him. So wonderful it made Gollum giggle with glee.
The ring paused, and took a deep, slow breath.
"It's a rock."
"Yeseseses. But lookseseseses"
The ring looked
"it's a rock with a sign?"
"Readsesseses!"
"Some prankster put steal me on it?"
"Yeseseses. It good!"
Gollum ran up to the rock took up a handy flint lurking in the river and began to chip away at the rock, obviously trying to make something. Perhaps Gollum had some hidden artistry and he regularly used to carve rocks in hidden places away from sight, and therefore for absolutely pointless reasons.
The ring asked Smeagol what he was making
"BOATESES!" he screamed
The ring touched the place where its ears should have been, or maybe are. I do not know of the body of a ring..it might be well developed. At any rate that's what it did.
"Out of the rock?" questioned the ring
"Yeseseseses!"
The ring felt a great pity for Gollum. He soon overcame it, in a matter of 0.0000000000000001 seconds actually.
"It won't work."
"Yes it will, precious! Gollum! Just you waitseses. we've made boats before!"
The ring blinked, or would have blinked.
"It won't work."
"Yes it will!"
"Gollum, rocks sink. You know sink?"
"Yes. But this won't be a rock anymore when it's done. It will be a boat!"
"Made out of rock?"
"But a boat!"
The ring felt a sudden urge to have hands, even if just for the simple reason as to show Gollum that in the laws of physics, even in middle-earth, rocks don't float. He longed to throw a stone, just one, into the Entwash. Sadly a ring has no hands, so he just gave in and watched Gollum make his creation.
Two years passed...
"ITSESESES ISESESESE DONESESESE!!!!!!"
He revealed a well crafted ship. Turrets, and decorations beyond belief. A mast, with two grey sails, made out of rock. A gangplank, and even a little dragon decoration at the front. It had a crow's nest, and a titanic front with a little Leo and his love on it waving. Goodness knows how it was going to fit in the Entwash though.
The ring was stunned.
"It won't float, and even if it did. It's a tad big"
Gollum looked disappointed.
"Fineseses" he took down a badly crafted lifeboat.
"It won't work. It'll sink."
"No it won't precious!"
He grabbed hold of the rock. It didn't move. He pulled harder, his bony structure tugging with all its might. It didn't move.
Gollum sighed. "It would have workseses."
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight" said the ring, and made Gollum grab a log and put it in, before they hopped aboard.
It is to be noticed that in the future, when the world was full of water, a boat was seen once by some sailors. Not just any boat though. A beautifully hand crafted ship, complete with sails that blew magically in the wind. The only thing about it was, it was grey.
Another thing is that it was driven by a fox, a badger, and a few other creatures claiming to be the future's animals of farthing wood. Evolution really does exist.
Oh and the boat was floating without magic.
And yes it was the boat made of rock
Seriously??
They began to make their way through the lands, in the treacherous light. Why is light evil? Two reasons, Gollum, and light creates shadows, and shadows are evil. It's logic!
Gollum and the ring went away from Mulldor - the place with the best wine in the whole of middle earth (not to be mistaken for Mordor) - onwards to Gondor. Where there WAS a king, a captain, a ..and oh a Broom, and you can look up the scene for the rest.
But then they changed their mind and went to Rohan instead.
Smeagol and the ring, skipped down to the Entwash, or technically just Gollum. Smeagol looked at the water, sighed, and jumped in splashing around like a little kid crying out "Fishesesesse!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh dear" said the ring
Sadly Smeagol did not find any fisheseseseses, but he found a trout.
Smeagol held the fish out before him..and stared.
A few minutes passed.
"Are you actually going to do anything with your. Er,Fish?" asked the ring
"I'll hangsess it on the walleseses!"
The ring looked around. They were by a river, with marsh surrounding. But there wasn't a cliff-face, a rock, or a wall in sight. Only a leaf could be mistaken for a wall, and only by something very small.
"Erm, what wall?"
"Thiseses one!!" said an excitable Gollum, he took the fish and placed it in mid-air. It dropped to the floor.
Gollum paid no attention to this and picked it up and tried again.
It fell to the floor, again. (What a surprise!)
"We needseses nailseses"
"No, Gollum, I don't think even that will work."
"Damnsesses!"
Gollum took the fish and stared at it some more. A few minutes later he said. "I'll hangseses on the wall"
"Can we continue?"
"NO!"
"SMEAGOL! PUT THE FISH DOWN!"
"NO! preciousesesses."
"PUT IT DOWN NOW!" The ring looked at angrily at Gollum. Smeagol gave a small, petrified squeak, looked at the fish, and swallowed it whole. The ring winced.
The Entwash was a long and fearsome river, with rapids, waterfalls, and sea monsters. All of these things, whether animate or inanimate had safety guidelines to follow, so actually a trip along the river could be described using one word only. Dull.
There could have been a boat conveniently misplaced next to the river with a sign saying "steal me", which would have solved all of our adventurers troubles for a maximum of two minutes. But there wasn't. There was however a rock with a sign saying "steal me". This would do fine.
"Looksesesesse!" squeaked Gollum
"WHAT!?" The ring said startled at the sudden noise, it had been polishing itself, minding its own business, and now it had a smudge all thanks to Gollum. It better be good.
"Lookeseses" Gollum pointed to something.
The ring turned at looked, at the marvellous, magnificent sight before him. So wonderful it made Gollum giggle with glee.
The ring paused, and took a deep, slow breath.
"It's a rock."
"Yeseseses. But lookseseseses"
The ring looked
"it's a rock with a sign?"
"Readsesseses!"
"Some prankster put steal me on it?"
"Yeseseses. It good!"
Gollum ran up to the rock took up a handy flint lurking in the river and began to chip away at the rock, obviously trying to make something. Perhaps Gollum had some hidden artistry and he regularly used to carve rocks in hidden places away from sight, and therefore for absolutely pointless reasons.
The ring asked Smeagol what he was making
"BOATESES!" he screamed
The ring touched the place where its ears should have been, or maybe are. I do not know of the body of a ring..it might be well developed. At any rate that's what it did.
"Out of the rock?" questioned the ring
"Yeseseseses!"
The ring felt a great pity for Gollum. He soon overcame it, in a matter of 0.0000000000000001 seconds actually.
"It won't work."
"Yes it will, precious! Gollum! Just you waitseses. we've made boats before!"
The ring blinked, or would have blinked.
"It won't work."
"Yes it will!"
"Gollum, rocks sink. You know sink?"
"Yes. But this won't be a rock anymore when it's done. It will be a boat!"
"Made out of rock?"
"But a boat!"
The ring felt a sudden urge to have hands, even if just for the simple reason as to show Gollum that in the laws of physics, even in middle-earth, rocks don't float. He longed to throw a stone, just one, into the Entwash. Sadly a ring has no hands, so he just gave in and watched Gollum make his creation.
Two years passed...
"ITSESESES ISESESESE DONESESESE!!!!!!"
He revealed a well crafted ship. Turrets, and decorations beyond belief. A mast, with two grey sails, made out of rock. A gangplank, and even a little dragon decoration at the front. It had a crow's nest, and a titanic front with a little Leo and his love on it waving. Goodness knows how it was going to fit in the Entwash though.
The ring was stunned.
"It won't float, and even if it did. It's a tad big"
Gollum looked disappointed.
"Fineseses" he took down a badly crafted lifeboat.
"It won't work. It'll sink."
"No it won't precious!"
He grabbed hold of the rock. It didn't move. He pulled harder, his bony structure tugging with all its might. It didn't move.
Gollum sighed. "It would have workseses."
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight" said the ring, and made Gollum grab a log and put it in, before they hopped aboard.
It is to be noticed that in the future, when the world was full of water, a boat was seen once by some sailors. Not just any boat though. A beautifully hand crafted ship, complete with sails that blew magically in the wind. The only thing about it was, it was grey.
Another thing is that it was driven by a fox, a badger, and a few other creatures claiming to be the future's animals of farthing wood. Evolution really does exist.
Oh and the boat was floating without magic.
And yes it was the boat made of rock
Seriously??