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On to the story ....

Chapter 5

Confidence

The hours after the battle with the spiders were hectic and extremely busy for the inhabitants of Rivendell and their guests from Mirkwood. As by a miracle nobody had been hurt , but there were some that had been quite badly injured , and some that were sick and sleepy from the poison of them . Among them were Elladan and Elrohir who were almost delirious , vomiting from time to time and between this they rambled nonsense. Legolas and Estel practically dragged them on their horses back to Rivendell.

During the rather messy ride , while they were handling four horses and two crazy elves , the man and the elf didn´t talk much , but the silence between them was comfortable and friendly. They didn´t need to speak many words to each other about what to do , somehow it felt like they knew what the other was going to do. Estel couldn´t stop marvel at this or to the fact that he felt like he had found a part of him that had been missing. But , as he looked at the gorgeous prince beside him, the memories were beginning to slip again, even though he clearly could recall that Legolas had agreed to talk to him.

He realized that they must look terrible , covered with the blood of the spiders from head to toe. Not until now did he feel how exhausted he really was, and he wondered how he was going to make it back to Rivendell.

He almost hadn´t finished his thoughts when he saw that Legolas was watching him with a worried expression.

"Mount your horse , Estel , you´re too tired to walk "the elf said , with obvious concern in his mellow voice.

"But how are you supposed to manage three horses and those lunatics by yourself ? "He nodded at the twins who still were out of their minds by the poison from the spiders.

Legolas smiled.

"You´re not of much help if you´re beside yourself with fatigue. And I will handle the rest better if I don´t have to worry about you as well."

There was no mockery at all in his tone , just plain and simple care .Estel felt a delicious shiver run down his spine hearing the elf´s voice. Confused by this and how it was possible that he could feel like that during these horrible circumstances he got up on his horse without further comments.

Back at Rivendell they were all immediately taken care of. Elrond´s healers examined them carefully to be sure that there were no hidden injuries. Except for some mild bruises and exhaustion both Estel and Legolas were remarkably unharmed. The most immediate care they needed was a bath.

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Legolas and Estel did not get a chance to talk until evening the following day , since Estel, being human , had been too tired and got to bed right after the bath . Then he had slept until early next morning. The elf , on the other side , of course, hadn´t been in need of that much sleep , but he found that he needed to be alone in the surroundings of Rivendell. He had stayed by a small pond near the border of Elronds garden. Here he had remained almost all of the night , gathering strength and dwelling upon the events of the day.

The prince mused on the fact that the stench from the slain spiders had made Estel remember him , at least for a while. He was pretty sure that the man already had begun to forget again. Anyway, Legolas knew that Estel hadn´t forgot the conversation they had had.

The elf closed his eyes.

"My dear Galadriel was right , I perceive you in a different light now than I did , and it can indeed bring complications..." he whispered to himself right out in the open air.

He also knew what he had seen in the humans eyes , the human that no longer was a child.

Estel´s sleep , on the other hand had been restless , filled with dreams of the golden savior of his childhood . A being he had, until this day, thought a dream. When dawn finally arrived he woke up, to his own surprise, feeling rested. He smiled to himself.

The day were busy for both Legolas and Estel , but they were doing completely different things so they didn´t see each other until the evening supper. Legolas assisted Elrond and the healers in the caring of those that had been injured and Estel participated in the cleaning of the weapons.

When the evening supper finally arrived, Estel , and he not the only one, was somewhat surprised to find that Legolas had joined them.

"It is a great honor that the youngest prince of Mirkwood indeed has greeted us with his shining presence , I thought that the Lórien elves were the only ones that you accepted to dine with ? Or shall I say the great Lady Galadriel ? "Elladan smirked.

"Don´t insult our guest , you may think what you like , but keep that to yourself "Elrond said sternly. Then he turned to Legolas : "Please apologize him , he sometimes talks before he thinks."

"Never mind , I know that my habits sometimes is considered rude, especially among you in Rivendell. I know how you value courtesy. "

"How come that you prefer your own company , even among your own kin? " Estel asked Legolas after the supper, when they were taking a walk in the garden of Rivendell , finally alone.

"I´m not always, but being alone sometimes helps you focus and sort things out , don´t you think ? "the elf answered . "And to be honest , I think the company of your foster brothers can be tiresome , not only when they´re poisoned by spiders . But I know they mean no harm."

"Well , I can understand that , all the teasing and gossiping. They admire you quite a lot , though and they talk about you often. It´s almost ....." he hesitated for a moment , but the serene look in the other´s face made him continue ..."like they´re in love with you".

And I can understand why now he thought , but *that * he didn´t say.

His statement made Legolas laugh , in a cheerful and lighthearted way.

"I guess that´s all there is to it "he said, "but now I want to talk about something else. Can´t you tell me about yourself ? I have heard about you of course, but I would like to hear it in your own words. Do you like it here in Rivendell ? "

The human felt slightly embarrassed.

"I guess I do , it is the closest thing to a home I ever had , but I also want to see more of the world on my own. I have done some traveling with Elrond and my brothers, but I feel like I want to discover things for myself . Sometimes I think maybe I should join the rangers , they are humans and I think they can teach me much. "

Estel was surprised of himself , he normally wasn´t very talkative , but it was something about this elf that made him feel at ease .Legolas was so easy to confide in and he seemed genuinely interested in what Estel said.

"I think that sounds like a good idea , being surrounded by elves all your life ; naturally you must be curious about your own kind ."

"Do you really think so ? Elrond is very skeptical about the idea , he thinks it´s too dangerous and he is suspicious about the ways of the rangers even though he always treats them with uttermost respect when they visit Rivendell "the human said , startled at the words of the elf.

"I think Elrond only is cautious, being your father for so long it is only natural that he is worried about you. "

Estel nodded and then he looked at Legolas with a piercing gaze.

"Now , please tell me why I can´t remember you. I did right after the battle , but now the memories has slipped my mind again. The only thing I can recall is what I said to you afterwards."

Legolas didn´t meet his gaze , instead he looked up in the sky.

"Elrond thought that you had had too many losses in your life already , you were only five years old , so I blocked your memory to spare you the pain of our depart ." There was an immense sadness in his voice when he said this.

"But I sort of did remember you , you were a being of light that came to me in my dreams and made me sleep peacefully. Never could I imagine that was the legendary prince of Mirkwood – the one that they say not even Galadriel herself could resist."

Legolas frowned at those words, it disturbed him that Estel had heard about this. It wasn´t too strange that he had , though.

"Those aspects of my relationship with Galadriel belong to the past."

Still , the human´s eyes widened in surprise.

"So it is true, then ! You were her lover ,,,,, how did that come to pass ? After all, she were married to Celeborn long before even your father was born."

They had reached the small pond in the garden where Legolas had spent the last night. The water glimmered like silver in the light of the rising moon. The elf sat down on a stone near the water and, before a moment of hesitation, the human settled on a stone beside him.

"Being raised among the elves apparently hasn´t changed that the fact that you think in the ways of humans. Among most immortals we deal with these things differently. And I can assure you , no one holds Galadriel´s heart like Celeborn does."

Legolas was not sure himself why he found it so important to point this out to Estel.

"I guess you would find it more convenient, had I only seen Galadriel as a mother "the elf said mischievously . "I mean , my real one is dead after all. "

Estel immediately followed that thread since the current topic of their conversation made him feel very uncomfortable.

"Yes , your mother ..... I have heard about Thranduil and the cave of course , and that she was a vanyarelf , but I have never understood how she did die ? "

"She died giving birth to me " Legolas answered with a heavy sigh.

Estel was stunned.

"I have never heard about that , an elf dying in childbed, how come ? And she – a vanyar . they are said to be extremely strong ? "

"Yes , that is strange indeed , but it is a fact that she slayed a balrog by herself and for that I think she paid a big price. "

"I have heard that – how could she manage that all alone ? At what price ? "

"She never told my father how , it was completely horrible for her, but I think she used the mind-healing abilities all vanyar have at various degrees , and used them in the opposite way. And for that she lost her immortality."

Legolas looked up at the moon and a single tear rolled down his cheek.

Instinctively the human laid his hand on the elf´s, deeply moved by the evident pain that glimmered in his face. The elves seldom showed any emotions at all , especially not Legolas. Estel´s touch made the prince lower his gaze and look him straight in the eye. The man didn´t know for how long they sat like that , neither of them making a move , but after a while he felt something change and his breath quickened. Almost unaware of what he was doing he bent forward and he let his lips touch those of the elf. He felt the other hesitate for a moment and then he returned the kiss, drawing the man deeper so their tongues met.

At this Estel´s felt like the whole world started to spin, and then disappear so that nothing else existed than those incredibly soft, moist lips against his. They kissed and kissed again...

Then , all of a sudden , Legolas seemed to manage to put himself together and raised himself so abruptly that Estel almost fell backwards.

"Let´s get back to the others before they start to wonder about us" only a small tremor in his voice betraying his inner turmoil. Then he turned and started to walk.

The man quickly got up and grabbed him by the shoulder with surprising strength , forcing the elf to turn around.

"I don´t want to go back , I want to......" he didn´t finish the sentence .

"Yours is a different way , my dearest friend. I shall not interfere, considering that , those kisses you better forget "he said in a soft , lilting voice.

"I´m not going to ...."and then his eyes narrowed "and don´t *make* me forget again , don´t you dare...."he said with iron in his voice.

"No , I will *never* do that , you are grown up so the choice is yours- but you must not see me in the light you do."

`In the same light I see the man Estel , but I´m not going to tell you this ´ Legolas thought.

The man never got the opportunity to answer, before Elladan and Elrohir came in to sight.

"Why are you two fooling around here ? "Elrohir said teasingly.

Neither Legolas nor Estel did bother to answer, they just followed the twins back to the house.

'I´m going to make you change your mind , Legolas, I´m going to make you change your mind ' Estel thought determinedly.