Disclaimer: see previous chapters.
Author's note: I am explaining a few things right now. It seems some of you are a bit confused, and that's ok. I am always happy to clarify. This is very broad, I feel it's faster than doing the individual justifications.
~The first thing a lot of you have been asking me is "when does it get happier?" I warned all of you in the summary that it was going to get Angsty later on in the story. Well, this is later on in the story. Now it won't be forever, but it will last long enough, but it's only with the S/D story line. Well…….we'll see…….(oops, there's that evil woman again)
~ The next thing is the Diana/Arabella thing. Some of you don't understand this, but that is my fault. Ok, Diana's full name is Diana Arabella Renton. Arabella is her middle name. Lucius calls her that because he likes to have a "pet name" for her. It also kind of represents the person she turns into, so to speak, and it is, in a way, her alter ego. She is called that when she is among the Slytherins in general at this point in the story. That's what I meant by James' comment of "She's Arabella now." Also, you may have noticed that the name Arabella comes up somewhere else. Arabella Figg, anyone? Yes, some of you noticed :) I know it's not in canon now because of book 5, but I'm changing that slightly, but we are nowhere near that part of the story.
~But what is happening to her, and what WILL happen to her I have intended ever since I thought her up in the first place. I have told the people who have asked me who she is going to end up with, and if you've read the sequel you'd know right away (not that its any secret) its going to be Sirius, don't worry, I am not that cruel. I can't take the poor boy being heartbroken any more than you all do, but for now, it has to be done. I know she is not pleasant now. In fact, she's a fucking bitch to be honest, but people deal with grief in different ways, and I guess I'm trying to say something with her behaviour (I am giving myself too much credit)
~As for Lucius loving Diana……..draw your own conclusions. As for Diana loving Lucius……….hmmm…..I'll have to give that one some Sirius thought ;)…….but let's put it this way……she "thinks" she does……..and her friends aren't "letting her" do that to herself…..can't explain anymore. I'm just going to say read.
~As for Lily and James……..we all know what James is like now, but I just might give him more depth, because I don't think a smart woman like Lily could ever end up marrying someone like him (the arrogance and blatant stupidity). There has to be more (now I'm just thinking out loud, oh god)
~Narcissa is Bellatrix's sister (which I have yet to mention). So, yea, she's a Black. Bellatrix is Sirius' cousin, and a Slytherin (not confirmed by J.K.) She is going to marry Rololphus Lestrange, thus becoming Bellatrix Lestrange. If you've read book 5, this should be easier to understand. If you haven't, then I just made you understand:) And I hate her, you hate her, we all hate her, but, she is so much fun to write, and is essential to the plot. Well, at least she is now :)
I'm done for now. I hope I've answered your questions :) and I hate lengthy authors notes so I pity you all. But I love you guys, especially the faithful ones. You know who you are, the ones who will love me no matter what I write and how royally I screw up the characters and put them in so much pain. I happen to like drama and life isn't all snowbunnies and bubble gum all the time. The ending will be happy, just live with that :):) now for heaven's sake, get on with it! I didn't write the chapter so you could only read the author's note which by the way is a page and a half on Microsoft Word :)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*(For those of you who lost track of time…..this is about a second after the last chap ended)
"What in the hell does that mean?" Nicole spat. "That's not her name."
"Doesn't matter." Sirius sighed. "Can we please get out of here?"
"Not until you tell me why she wont be 'as we know her' anymore. What exactly are you suggesting?" Nicole asked.
She and Lily glared at Sirius, and hinted by the crossing of their arms that they weren't moving until he provided at least some sort of legitimate rationalization of what he was saying. James and Remus looked at him too, silently begging him to get them out of there as quickly as possible. The last thing each of them wanted was an unhappy girlfriend, and they still had time left until they had to return to school. Peter still sat back and shifted awkwardly in his chair.
"Well…." Sirius began. "You know that saying 'everything looks better in the Dark'?"
Lily and Nicole exchanged confused glances.
"Uh, no." Lily said. "Did you just make that up?"
"No, well, what I mean is that, once one side is presented to you, and it's blurred because you can't see clearly, but from what you do see it looks tempting, even though it's really terrible and a trap that you can't get out of and—"
"You're not making any bloody sense." Lily said, growing impatient.
"Well I'm trying to do this off the top of my head and it's not that easy—"
"Wait, I think I know what you're trying to say." Nicole said.
"You do?" Remus asked.
"I think the expression you're looking for is 'the grass is always greener on the other side.'" She said, matter-of-factly.
"Yes, exactly." Sirius said.
"But the 'Dark' thing works too. When things are in the dark you cant see them clearly, therefore making them look better then they are." Nicole said, shrugging.
"How did you do that?" Remus said, looking at her in awe.
"Well he wasn't speaking a different language, Remus." Nicole said.
"Still……Impressive."
"So what you're saying is that Diana sees the Slytherins as an 'ideal' group and she wants to be a part of them instead of us?" Lily said, incredulously. "I thought she knew better than that."
"No Lily." James said. "It's not that she wants it." Lily was slightly shocked at the way James responded. She thought she almost heard solemnity in his voice.
"It's just that sometimes……anything seems better than what's here, in front of you. It's like, no matter how horrible something may be, it seems always better then what you've got, because what you've got is shit, and you'll do anything to get away from it. She is better than that but, she doesn't know it. She doesn't have any self-respect, you can tell. She just wants to be, well, loved I guess. Everyone wants that. She is just looking for it in the wrong place. She's also impressionable right now. She's hurting, and when a person, uh, woman like Bellatrix comes and promises to fix it, then, she's going to go in that direction. Unless she realizes this, it's inevitable."
There was a pause for a few seconds, as they tried to interpret where this was coming from.
"Wow." Peter said, enthralled.
"Holy shit." Nicole said. "Someone call Freud, I think Potter just had an epiphany."
"Where the hell did that come from?" Remus asked. "You've thought about this?"
"A little bit." He said, offhand. "It just makes sense." James said.
"You think?" Lily blurted out, sounding harsher than she meant to.
"Yes, Lily, I think." James answered in the same tone.
"You'd never know it." she said, looking at him oddly.
"Thanks for the compliment."
"I was kidding." She said.
"Well, apparently, you don't know how to kid properly because we would both be laughing." He said.
She was a little bit taken aback at James sudden mood alteration. She wasn't expecting it.
"But, What's scary is that, she thinks it's her choice, but it's not. People like that, especially Slytherins have, how should I phrase this, an effect on people. They make certain things look, um, glamorous, let's say." Sirius said.
"So, she would rather be a Slytherin than a Gryffindor?" Nicole asked.
"She would rather be bad than good?" Lily said.
"It's like this." Remus interrupted. "Diana is smart, we know that, and she knows that. She's clever, she knows that too. Slytherins happen to be well, not smart all the time, but they are certainly clever. It's what they're known for. She could be considered one of those people who could have been in that house, but she's not for a very specific reason. Slytherins are conniving, and she's not like that, which is why she won't see it coming. She doesn't play mind games with people like they do."
"How did this happen?" Lily said, irritated, glaring at Sirius. Nicole seemed to feel the same way.
"Why are you both looking at me? I don't know." Sirius spat.
"Well, apparently you do, Sirius, or we wouldn't be having this conversation." Nicole fought. "This woman, this Bellatrix was it? What is she? Is she….one of those…..people, oh what are they called?"
"Death Eaters?" James said.
"And he knows another one." Sirius said. "You're on a roll."
"Don't change the subject." Nicole said. People in the pub were starting to look at the teenagers with interest now. The words 'Death Eaters' had been mentioned and they perked their ears up to get a better listen.
"I don't know." Sirius said.
"Liar." Lily responded.
"Listen." Sirius said, angrily lowering his voice. "You have to shut up now Lily. Do you really want to be overheard in a place like this?"
"Conversations spread fast here Lily." James muttered.
Lily looked around, and saw eyes quickly dart back to their tables and drinks. She nodded, although she was still troubled.
"Can we go now?" Remus whined.
"Ugh, absolutely." Sirius said, and was the first out the door.
Nicole and Lily looked at each other again, and joined him and the rest of the men outside. It seemed so dreary in the Hog's Head, Lily thought. You'd never know how sunny it was outside by the looks of it in there. Were the windows really that dirty? She thought. And all those people, listening to everything they were saying.
By the time they were down the street it was time to return to Hogwarts. The day seemed a bit of a blur to Lily and Nicole, and they both chose to give Sirius the silent treatment the entire walk back. Lily frantically searched for Diana in the crowd, but to her distress she didn't see her, or any of the Slytherins she had seen in the pub for that matter. This worried her even more.
They returned to the common room less happy than when they had left it that morning. It was almost dark outside, Lily noticed, and as she went into her room she realized she was alone. James hadn't even walked her up. The day had taken a strange turn that none of them wanted, and it even sort of depressed them. No one, however, more so then Sirius.
"You look upset, Padfoot." James noticed as he shut the door to their room.
"Yes, well, what are you gonna do?" he replied.
"You know what I think." James said, lying down on the bed. His muscles ached from the cold and the walking they had done.
"What?" Sirius replied, taking of his shoes.
"I think you're lying to yourself." James said, bluntly.
"Really now? And why would I do that?" he asked, half amused.
"Well because you're scared of the truth, obviously." James replied. "That's why people lie to themselves in the first place, right?"
"Truth? What truth?" he asked, annoyed.
"About Renton."
"Ugh, are we still talking about her? I thought we moved on." He groaned.
"You haven't. And you've been downright miserable." James said.
"No I haven't, I mean, I have, moved on that is. I am fine. I told you I was over her."
"No you're not, and we all know it too. You're worried about her."
"I am not." He defended. "She's just a woman."
"Well, not to you." James said.
"Can we drop this?"
"Nope. Not until you explain yourself. It'll make you feel better."
"Oh what is this Prongs? Suddenly you are the authority on how everyone is feeling? It doesn't matter! SHE does not matter! None of them do!"
"There you go. A big, fat, lie." James said, calmer then ever. "And it wasn't even believable."
"Fine. I'm a liar, happy?" he huffed.
"See, this is you avoiding it."
Sirius became increasingly frustrated that James did not understand his point, even though he knew James was right. Sirius calmed himself down and sat on the bed. He said nothing, nor did James. Sirius took a deep breath, immersed in his own private misery.
Why he pined for her he didn't know. James knew. He could tell. Remus knew too, but Sirius was delaying his disclosure by continually telling himself that she didn't matter, that girls in general didn't matter. Their sole purpose of them was for gratification, and he knew he could do that on his own whenever he pleased. It just seemed so mundane now, so trivial. Even the world was changing around him and evil and suffering seemed closer to home.
James was thinking the exact same thing. When school had started all they had cared about was pranking the so-called evil wenches that tormented them daily, but had the pleasure of getting even with. He thought about Lily, and how awful she seemed at first. He didn't remember what drew her to him, or vice versa, but he did know that after all this time, after the deaths of her parents, that she owed up to the flower that bore her name, and he would make sure he told her.
He respected Lily, and he never thought he would. Their relationship was still new, and in the infatuation stages, and he didn't like how he acted around her. Acting like the pompous playboy worked with other girls, and had worked on Narcissa, but would not work on Lily. He felt stupid, juvenile, and he knew he wasn't like that. At least he hoped he wasn't like that. Sure, he did well in school without much effort. He had always taken that for granted. But no, he had to change if he wanted Lily to last, and surprisingly he did. He had the oddest feeling that he would never get tired of being with her, a feeling he welcomed, but feared.
Sirius, now uncomforted by the silence, decided to smoke a cigarette to calm him down, because thinking happy thoughts wasn't working. He didn't really have any he could think of offhand. Happy childhood? Nope, he thought, and dismissed it. Pranks? Yes, but most of them included her. Damn it, he thought. Transforming? Yes, the thought, and smiled. He had always enjoyed their nightly conquests during their monthly full moons, but somehow, it just wasn't enough to avert his attentions for too long. James started to speak again.
"Why don't you just admit it?" James said, as he began to watch Sirius. James could tell he was trying desperately hard not to appear vulnerable in any way.
"Sorry?" Sirius said, pretending he didn't understand the question.
"Admit it." James repeated, not changing his tone, whatsoever. He did, however, straiten up and steal one of Sirius' cigarettes. Sirius then moved his spot from his bed to the window, opening it. A swift breeze blew in and it startled him. There was hardly any wind before now.
"Admit what?" He was staring out the window now.
"That all this, what you feel for Renton…….It's more than just lust isn't it?"
"What makes you think that?" He noticed it beginning to snow.
"If it was lust, you'd be over it by now. Like you're over it with Winters."
Sirius turned to him. He nodded, tired of himself, of everything. "You think so?"
"I know so. Winters isn't desirable to you anymore."
"Maybe you're right, but that doesn't mean I feel anything for Renton. Winters is just so uninteresting, and all she wants to do is well……..you know, and its boring. She makes it too easy for me."
"I can see that. When there's no chase it fizzles really fast."
"Like you and Narcissa?"
"Uh, yea. But see, I was right, wasn't I?"
"Ugh, don't compliment yourself." Sirius sneered. "You have…..no idea what I'm feeling, Prongs. You're my best mate, but there are some things you just don't understand."
"Like what?"
"Like pain. And I'm talking real pain."
"Oh my god." James said, exasperatedly. "Sirius…….you have got to stop this. I, and everyone else, have had enough. I love you, we all love you, but it's like everyone is turning all dreary and pessimistic and we are all falling apart. I can't take this!"
"Well poor you!" Sirius sarcastically yelled. "And I am perfectly fine!"
"No, not poor me, poor you!" James spat. "Say it!"
"Say what?"
"That you love her!"
"Love who? Winters?"
"Renton!"
"I don't love her! I told you!"
"Yes you do!"
"No I don't!"
"Yes….you…….do!"
"Uh, this is so tired. I don't love her I…..I…….I barely know her…." Sirius sighed.
"What are you talking about, of course you know her." James said, flabbergasted at his denial. "You spend practically every day together. You're Divination partners, you're on the same team………"
"Well yea….but……."
"But what?"
"Well, you know I……. It's other things…….she looks at me the same way she looks at you, or Remus or Peter. I'm the clown, the manwhore, as she so affectionately calls me. Yes, she flirts with me occasionally, but that's just her nature. She does it with everybody."
"Whoa, hold on, she does NOT flirt with me, or Remus, or Peter for that matter. She only flirts with YOU. And frankly, I think she likes it." James chuckled.
"That doesn't make any sense."
"Of course it does. You two, whether you want to admit it or not, have very similar personalities."
"We do not—"
"Lets see here." James said, using his free hand to indicate the measures. "You both find the same things funny, and she thinks you're a trip……."
Sirius chuckled at this.
"You're both hungry ALL the time. Why she isn't huge by now I guess we'll never know. You're both finicky and talk with your hands and when you both get angry, it's like no one can get within fifty feet of the both of you—"
"We're both fanatical. Nothing wrong with that."
"And, whether you want to admit it or not, you are the happiest when she's around, even if she's being a total bitch, which is quite often."
"Does this have a point Prongs?" he said, chucking his cigarette out of the open window and slowly closing it. "Because you have obviously missed mine."
"Ok then. Let's hear it. What exactly do you want to know about her, aside from what she is like in the sack?"
"You're going to laugh." He warned.
"Humour me then."
"Well, I don't know really. It's not so much getting to know her. Actually, when I look at her, I feel like I do know her. Its like……." He hesitated, and James sat back folding his arms, ready to listen.
" I know the curves of her hips and how they sway slightly when she walks, and, the way she hits her nails on the table when she's studying, and how when she has her hair back there are always those few wild strands that escape her ponytail and frame her face ever so slightly…….. I know she hates to clean and wake up early."
James laughed slightly at this."……….I know she loves Quidditch and has four cats. I also know, and this didn't occur to me until recently, that she is only difficult when provoked which is why she hated me for so long. I know that when she's frustrated she twirls her hair and how she takes her coffee black and smokes approximately five Parliaments a day. And I know that, when I'm with her, even if it's for a few seconds, that I am the best version of myself, even though I feel insecure. She makes me laugh and she can be sweet and…..I don't know Prongs. But as of right now, I look to the future and…..I just…..can't see myself with anyone else." He sighed and waited for James reaction.
James stood there contemplating what Sirius had just said. He also thought about Lily in comparison. Did he feel the same way about her? He would think about that later. It scared him at that moment.
"I told you, you love her." He said, smiling.
Sirius sighed. "Well, if that's what it is, then I'm not really liking it."
"Ha! You just admitted it."
"I did not!"
"Padfoot my friend……I am sorry to say…….you are totally and completely whipped." He said, and began to laugh out loud.
Sirius nodded and began to laugh along with him. He was tired of denying it anyway. It had become too much work. "Yep, I suppose you're right." He said, running a hand through his hair. "And you know what's funny?"
"What?"
"If it ever came to that, I'd let her in a heartbeat." He laughed.
"Whoa there, too much information." James said. "With the leather and everything?"
"Hey, just as long as it's not hard to rip off."
"Oh and by the way…."James started. "That'll be ten galleons."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"For your little confession right there. I sat back and listened didn't I? Not to mentioned that I dragged it out of you, you stubborn ass. And as your psychiatrist it is only reasonable—"
"Psychiatrist my ass. It is your duty to listen to me. I listened to you with your Lily problems." Sirius said with mock rudeness.
"Those weren't problems they were just……slight inconveniences."
"Mm hmm. Whatever you say."
But the conversation abruptly ended when Remus opened the door. They were slightly surprised, but not noticeably so.
"Do you guys plan on eating at all tonight?" he asked.
"Yea, why?" James said.
"Because it's dinner time, like, right now." He said. "You guys hungry?"
"Oh yea. After the day I've had…." Sirius said.
"After the day we've all had." James said. "Where're the girls?"
"Don't know. Nic's with Lily. I think she's in her room."
"Ok." James said. "Be out in a sec."
Remus nodded and went to meet Peter at the bottom of the stairs.
"Hey Padfoot?" James asked.
"Yea?" he answered, going over to the door.
"How do you think Lily feels about me?"
"What kind of a question is that? And I am not spending an hour talking about you now. I am too hungry for that."
"I don't know. Sometimes I think, that, well, she might be bored with me, or that, she thinks I'm immature or something. I don't really see why."
"You are immature." He said, bluntly.
"Gee thanks."
"Oh, what's the matter with you now? You've got the girl, haven't you? Now I know Lily and she's just as smart, maybe smarter than she looks. You have to treat this one right, Prongs, because if you fuck up, she's not going to be the type to beg for you back."
"I know."
"Good. Now lets eat already, I can feel my stomach doing summersaults." Sirius said. "Oh and Prongs?"
"What?" he asked, joining him in the hallway.
"If you so much as tell Lily a syllable of what I said in there I'll kill you."
"Hey, no need to threaten. I know your image and I understand it. Besides she already knows."
"Yes, that's true. You know she's the one who figured it out?"
"Well, women. They're like that." He sighed, and shut the door to his dorm. "I'm going to go check on her, see if she wants to go down."
"Fine. I'm leaving without you."
"Go ahead." He said, and then he paused. "Hey you know what?"
"What?" Sirius answered, still walking.
"I think I know something that might cheer us up, you know, get our minds off of this women business. We haven't been pranking in a while." He sneered.
Sirius stopped. "Lets hear it." he said, slightly amused.
"Well, I don't have a plan or anything. I just think we need to pay an old friend a little visit this week is all."
"Who?" Sirius asked, but when he thought for less then ten seconds he knew. "Snivellus." He said with a smirk.
"Exactly. See you down there." James said, and he slowly made his way to the other staircase, ascending the steps slowly and half-heartily. He rounded her hallway and found her door to be shut. He knocked carefully.
"What?" she answered rudely. He tried the door to find it was open, but he hesitated in opening it all the way. "Are you going to come in or not?" she spat.
He opened the door and her mood remained the same, but a smile twitched across her lips as he entered.
"Sorry Lily I just thought—"
"No I thought you were Remus again. He came knocking like fifty times when Nic and me were in here. He just annoyed me, that's all." James said nothing, a little unsure what to do. She, confused, started the conversation. " So what's up?" She asked, hugging her knees to her chest in a manner he found incredibly adorable.
"Nothing. Dinner's downstairs and I just wondered if—"
"Yes I know. I'm not really hungry if that's all right." She said with a sigh.
"Not hungry? Why not?" he said, taking a place next to her on the bed, she moved over slightly to give him more room.
She shrugged. "I just don't want to go down. I want to stay here."
"Do you want me to stay too?" he asked. "You know, keep you company. We could, get some work done." He said, saying the first idea that came to his head, knowing it wasn't a good one.
"Work? James, it's Saturday, and since when do you ever want to do homework?"
"I do homework. And I want to be with you so—" he stopped himself. Not too much honesty, yet, he thought.
"Aw, that's sweet. It's ok James. You can go. You are not obligated to stay here. I thought I might get some reading done, you know, be alone."
"Oh….." he said, getting up from his place. "I get it. Tired of me already?"
"Huh? What are you talking about? Its not you, you silly boy. And I'm tired, we did a lot of walking and—"
"Alright." He said. "Do you want me to bring you back some food?"
"Food would be great."
"Ok." He said. "Oh, and Lily?" he said, the door ajar.
She just looked up. "Yes?"
"I—uh……" he shook his head. "Never mind."
"You sure?"
"Yea, its stupid. See you later."
"Alright." She said with a smile. He returned it sheepishly and the next second her door was closed again.
The next instant Lily threw herself down on her bed and let out a deep sigh of provocation. James is acting awfully strange today, she thought. He's almost…. serious. She didn't mind all that much and it was a nice alteration from the self-centred boyfriend she had been dating. This morning he wasn't serious, with his stupid comment about getting a room. He is so adolescent, she thought. After all this time she sort of forgot why they and started dating in the first place. Then she remembered. He had been so sweet, and caring, and sympathetic… she had never seen that side, but, come to think of it, she never saw it again after that, until right now……
Well, sure he had been sweet lately and made it very clear to her that he cared for her, to some extent. And he did invite her and Diana to stay for the break. That was nice, she thought. But there was that little voice in the back of Lily's had that told her he was just using to fulfil some desire of his own. Conquering Evans would be a triumph…. She could picture him saying that, and it scared her.
When Lily realized that these thoughts were not going to make her feel any better she decided to surreptitiously change the subject. The problem was, she didn't know what to change it to. So, she went on her original intent and began looking for a book. She had finished Gone With the Wind a while ago. She was a fast reader, even if the book was 1024 pages.
She searched under her bed, which was where she kept most of her things, and began groping around until her hands rested on an object she didn't expect. She leaned her head over to get a better look and when she grabbed it she silently chuckled. It was a wrapped package, a present, and it was for Diana. They never did exchange Christmas presents. They had spent the whole day in their rooms, well, at least Lily had. She tossed the package aside, without much thought, and not wanting to think of Diana much anyway. She was incredibly angry with her for being so malicious and purposely ruining their friendship…for a guy….
Instantaneously the door opened, without Lily having time to protest the intruder. When she saw whom it was she held back, and grabbed the nearest book on the floor and began reading it.
Diana noticed Lily's attempts to ignore her and she didn't blame her. In fact, she was more than willing to participate in this game of indifference. She closed the door slowly and chucked her shopping bag down on her bed, before silently removing her shoes. The day had been a strange one for Diana and after about ten soundless minutes she couldn't quite take it anymore. She needed to have a real conversation, one with substance.
"Hi Lily." She said, in almost an undertone, and without a shred of sincerity. Lily didn't answer. She preferred it this way. Diana was about to speak again when Lily closed her book loudly and tossed it on the windowsill. Then she looked at Diana, who had by this time, cleared her throat vociferously.
"Oh, I'm sorry, am I being acknowledged?" Lily asked.
"Ugh, don't do that I hate it when you do that." Diana spat.
"What?"
"That witty sarcasm thing you're doing. Stop it, I have the hugest headache right now."
"Oh really, and why is that?"
"None of your goddamn business. I just don't want to talk about it ok."
"Fine with me. You brought it up." Lily said.
"I'm just trying to explain—"
"I don't care." Lily said, unsympathetically.
"Well thanks a lot."
"Diana……" Lily started. "Do you really want to pick a fight with me right now? Because I am more than willing to if it'll shut you the hell up."
"Well you're being really bloody rude. What's up your ass?" she asked.
"My ass? I think yours is the one in question, don't you think? Tell me, what exactly did Malfoy shove up there to make you such a heartless bitch?"
"I'm heartless?"
"Yes, you're heartless. You were the one ignoring us all day to be with your little posse."
"Well you were the one who started it, taking Potter's side with everything."
"I took no one's side!" Lily screamed.
"Yes you did! You let him; you actually let him talk to me like that!"
"I didn't!" Lily yelled pointing a finger at her. "You were both acting like children!"
"He kicked me off the team!"
"Well rightfully so!"
"What?!"
"You're always late! And for the record, I defended you!"
"Well you did a really shitty job showing me that!"
"Well how could I? You stormed out of the room for heavens sake!"
"Well I'm sorry if I wasn't go to stick around while he insulted my dead father!…………" she paused, and her eyes started to tear, but she wouldn't let herself cry. She convinced herself that tears never got anyone anywhere. So instead she took a deep breath and forgot what she had said.
Lily noticed this and tried to force herself to calm down. She knew deep down that Diana was not as strong as she thought herself to be. Suddenly, fighting didn't seem quite worth it anymore. Diana sat down on her bed and crossed her legs, looking in the other direction, while Lily got up and grabbed the book again. Silence.
When Diana was boring herself, having nothing to do, she got up and went to Lily's side of the room. She noticed the snow out the window. She didn't remember when it had started, but it calmed her in some mysterious way. She began to slowly pace and walk around, indifferent to her other surroundings, but was oddly reminded of something she considered to be humorous when she glanced at her shopping bag. Then she shook her head, remembered she was angry, and resumed her pacing.
Lily's dresser was piled with books and scattered clothes. Diana lifted up each item, and when it was not what she wanted, she threw it on the floor.
"What are you doing?" Lily asked, obviously aggravated. She had been watching her the whole time.
"Where is it?" she asked, not looking at Lily, her attitude still prominent.
"Where's what?" Lily asked, and returned her eyes to her book.
"Pride and Prejudice, what did you do with it?" She asked, turning around and putting her hands on her hips.
"It's up there." She replied.
"Well obviously it's not, Lily." She said.
"It's your book, Diana. I don't know where the hell it is. Now please stop talking, I am trying to read."
For the first time Diana actually caught the title of the book Lily was reading. All she saw was the binding and the name Austin and she snorted loudly, then walked over to Lily and pulled the book out of her hands.
"Hey!" Lily shouted.
Diana turned the cover around so Lily could see it. Lily, who had not been paying attention to the book anyway, let alone its title, simply shrugged.
"Sorry." Lily mumbled, feeling slightly embarrassed, but not enough to care.
Diana strolled back over to her bed and opened the book, trying to concentrate on it. It wasn't working too well because Lily, who now had nothing to read of her own, began to stare at her.
"What?!" Diana angrily asked.
Lily shrugged. "Nothing."
"Well then stop that." She spat, turning the page loudly, almost ripping it out of the book.
Lily continued to watch, noticing that Diana's eyes were skimming the same line over and over again. She wasn't reading either. Lily calmed down some more, not mad at all now, but she did feel oddly worried.
"Black went after you this morning." She said, knowing it had nothing to do with anything.
"Huh?" Diana said, her eyes perking up. "Did he?" Diana had found it funny that her thoughts lingered on him more than usual that afternoon, and again a couple of minutes before Lily had spoke.
"Mm hmm."
"What for?" she asked, closing the book and tossing it aside.
"Don't know. To see how you were I expect."
"Well it's really none of his business." She said, reclining on her bed.
"Why not? He's your friend."
"He is not my friend." She said quickly.
"Well, you too seem to be very friendly."
"I have no idea what you are trying to imply, Lily, but please, don't imply it." she said, looking around, as if she were afraid someone would hear her.
"Imply what? I was merely saying—"
"Just stop Lily, ok? I don't want to talk about this, least of all about Black."
"Why not?" Lily asked. "What the hell else are we going to talk about?"
"I don't know, think of a topic."
"You think of a topic, since you are so keen on changing it."
"Ok then. How about…….um……..well, you park in a Driveway and drive on a Parkway, and how that doesn't make any sense. There. Discuss."
"I don't have any thoughts on that." Lily said, smiling at the triviality of the comment.
"Alright. Well, how about the fact that no one has ever seen a fat squirrel, or whether or not Hawaii has an interstate highway."
"Hawaii does have an interstate highway." She said.
"Oh does it? An interstate highway connects two or more states, yes? Well, if Hawaii is an island, how can a highway connect it? It isn't connected to anything."
"Do you think about things like this?" Lily mused.
"Doesn't everyone?"
"You have way too much free time."
"So it would seem." She said, offhand, staring at the ceiling.
"So?" Lily asked. "Is the bug up your ass dead yet?"
"Huh? What the hell does that mean?" Diana asked, slightly annoyed by what she was inferring.
"The bug up your ass. The one that has made me hate you for the past twelve hours."
"Oh that one." She said, and paused. "No, not quite, still there."
"Damn. Well, you know what this means now don't you?" she asked.
"Enlighten me."
"We are going to have to smoke a lot of pot……"
"We don't smoke pot, Lily." She said, turning over and burying her face in her pillow.
"I know that, but I think we are going to have to start."
"And why is that?" she asked, stretching.
"To kill it, the bug. It's the only way, I see that now."
"Ok then. I'll ask Black later."
"You do that." Lily said. "So……..what did you do today?"
"Went to Hogsmeade, just like you." Diana said, turning over to face Lily.
"No, not just like me. You weren't at breakfast, and when I did see you, you were with that Bellatrix Black person. Where did you find her?"
"Library. She wanted to know, why, I was, um, upset."
"You were crying in the Library. How depressing."
Diana glared at her. "Yea, just a little."
"Listen, I tried and Black tried to run after you. Its not our fault you're like a mongoose."
"It doesn't matter." She paused. "Listen Lily, I'm uh, really sorry for this afternoon, and the past month and everything. I don't like this either."
"Don't like what?"
"Me. And I see it more and more too. I'm not myself and it sort of scares me, if you know what I mean. It's weird. Sometimes, its like, I want to get away."
"Form what?"
"All of it. Of this, my life, this school. I hate it here."
"Since when?"
"Since Christmas."
"Is it your Mum and Dad? Is that it?"
"Part of it, yeah. I'm just really confused, you know."
"Not really. What about?"
"Nothing. Forget it Lily. It doesn't matter. None of it matters anymore."
"Yes it does." Lily said.
"What would you know? You've got Potter, and he adores you, so it seems. It must be nice."
"Lucius doesn't adore you?"
Diana shrugged. "He's all I've got Lil."
"That's not true. We're young. There are other prospects—"
"No!" she said, actually yelling. She jumped up from her bed. "Lily," she took a deep breath. "You don't understand. And I hope, because I really do love you, that you never do."
"Are you a Death Eater, Diana?" Lily blurted out. At this Diana's eyes became wide and she started to laugh.
"What?" oh goodness no!" she giggled, putting her hands over her mouth. "Where on earth did you get that idea?"
Lily released a deep breath that seemed to be hiding in her throat the entire afternoon. "You mean—you're not?" Lily asked, flabbergasted.
"Well don't sound so disappointed." Diana joked, wiping her eyes, and still laughing.
"No, just relieved."
"Well I guess I should be happy you care so much then." She said.
"Well can you blame me? Jesus Diana, don't mock me."
"Ok, I wont." She laughed.
"Aren't you hungry?" Lily asked, noticing Diana's diminishing figure. Diana stopped laughing at this sudden switch in topic.
She sniffed. "No." she said simply. "I ate."
"When?" she asked curiously.
"Before." She said, and from her tone, Lily knew that that was the only answer she was going to receive. "I'm going downstairs."
"What for? Haven't you spent enough time away from us today?"
"I want to do work, Lily, is that a crime? I'm only going down the stairs."
"Oh….I thought you meant—"
"I know what you meant, and I'm only going downstairs." She repeated, slightly opening the door.
"Alright." Lily replied. "Hold on, since when do you want to do work?" she asked quizzically.
Diana stopped. "Since I started failing DADA. That's not a good sign Lily, so I've got to hit the books."
"There will be food up here when you get back." Lily said
"Yes, yes." She replied, lazily closing the door, and the eagerness in her step lessening with every second. She practically plopped down the stairs, and forced herself at a table in the common room. I have to work, she told herself, hoping it would motivate her. Instead, she walked over to the bookshelf and pulled out a book.
She skimmed the pages and found nothing of interest. She had to write a paper. She had to think hard about what it was, not really attending class much and not paying attention when she did. Then she remembered. It wasn't that difficult. Unforgivable Curses: Why are they Unforgivable? Who uses them? What is the punishment when one is caught doing one? What are the effects of each one? Explain one historic instance in which at least two had been used. It had to be at least three sheets of parchment long.
She had been working over three hours, reading what she could, remembering most of them from fourth year, but this one had to be in context. She had also become distracted a couple of times when she found old books on ancient magic carelessly discarded on tables and in the walls. She saw James passed by, and acknowledged him even though he had given her a look of resentment, which she returned. He remembered how he infuriated her, but he, under no means, provoked anything at that late hour.
Remus and Nicole cam back some time after, chatting, more like whispering to each other, and each gave Diana a polite nod and a smile before retiring to their separate rooms. They're cute together, a voice in Diana's head told her. I wonder why they don't just do it already. She dismissed the thought quickly when Lily came to join her for a while.
She had asked if Diana had gotten any work done, and when she replied "a little," Lily left her alone. She noticed she wasn't with James and when she asked why, Lily just shrugged, saying she didn't really mind much anyway.
"Why not?" Diana asked.
"Don't know really. I don't see a future, that's all. He's cute but—"
"So no more infatuation?" Diana asked.
"Don't know. He's got to give me a reason, don't you think?"
"I think nothing of Potter, and I am leaving it at that."
"Well I think less than nothing of Malfoy, and it is too late, so I leave it at that." She said, slightly offended, but not by much.
"Are you coming up?" Lily asked, when it was way past midnight and it was clear to both of them that the day was over. Diana shook her head no, saying she needed to finish her work.
"Is it still snowing?" Diana asked, starting her quill on the parchment again.
"Yes. You can barely see outside now. Its pretty, especially at night." Lily said, halfway up the stairs.
"Wonderful." Diana responded half kidding, and half trying to hide her enthusiasm. Not that it mattered. They would still have classes, blizzard or not.
She almost fell asleep over her parchment when she heard the door to the common room open again, and the loud creaking made her head spin. It must have been after two. When the door closed fully she caught who the person was, and gave a half smile, not forgetting what Bellatrix had told her only a few hours ago.
The way he treats his poor mother and brother…..ungrateful maggot— he had never told her he had a brother, not that it mattered, or even came up.
Do you see my cousin over there? He is so jealous of you he cant even stand it……being embraced by the same people who want nothing to do with him. Its sad really……..Diana didn't know what this meant. And she chose not to dwell on it. She tried to change her look of sudden distrust and careful consideration to one of indifference and casualness.
He just gave a nod, not really surprised to see her. In fact, he sort of wished it, privately, but without enthusiasm. He tried to walk right past her, but slow enough so they could make eye contact.
"No hello?" she said to him, putting her quill down. He stopped to face her, not knowing whether her attitude was of annoyance or the fact that she wanted to badger him and keep him from sleep.
"Hello." He said, and nodded, putting his hands behind his back and intertwining his fingers. She looked at the clock, obviously, pretending she was about to scold him.
"It's late Black." She said, in a mock-upset voice.
"I know. Are you the one keeping tabs tonight?" he asked.
"Yes, you have to sign in over there now when you walk in."
"So you're the new concierge?" he asked.
"Precisely." She said, chuckling. "So, what was your business outside of our fun-filled common room this evening?" she asked, shuffling her papers around
"I was out Renton. That is all you need know." He replied in a monotone voice.
"Why don't you sit with me for a minute. I haven't seen you all day." Diana entreated.
"You have."
"I have? Oh, that's right, this afternoon….." she trailed off. "Well, sit anyway, unless you're afraid I might hex you."
"Well is that a possibility?" he asked. "Because in that case it would be a yes."
"Do you see my wand anywhere? Sit, Black. I am bored. Entertain me."
He chuckled, but unfolded his hands and pulled out a chair, straddling it backwards. She, in turn, pulled hers out so they were facing each other, her homework now forgotten.
"I don't have any talents, Renton." He said.
"I didn't mean that. I know that any skill you do possess requires my legs to be spread open, and frankly, I like them crossed. No, I was just bored and tired. If I write one more word I think I'll jump off the roof of this building."
"Well, good luck finding it. It's a blizzard out there."
"So Lily tells me."
"Oh, so you two are talking?"
"Yes. Lily and me have the tendency to have very short, but very heated arguments. And I'm still mad at her, at all of you actually, for, well, there is no need for recreations." She said, waving her hand to dismiss her grief.
"Hey, I did nothing to you." Sirius said, in the midst of a yawn.
"That's true. But I don't want to talk about this, alright."
He nodded. "What do you want to talk about then?" he asked, looking at his watch, suggesting a 'make it quick' attitude. In reality, he would have sat there all night with her. Forget time, he thought, and sleep.
She shrugged, and then smiled. "So…..I take it out were with Winters today, and tonight, yes?"
"Yes." He said.
"So, why are you here then? Why didn't you stay? Did she get a little saddle sore up on that white horse of yours?" she said, laughing at herself. "Couldn't take you, could she?"
He started to laugh too. "It would appear that way, wouldn't it? No, I didn't see her tonight. I had enough of her during the day."
"Well that's not very nice." She said, her smile souring. "You shouldn't talk about girls with such coldness."
"I am not being cold."
"Yes you are. Saying that you had had enough is like saying she's not worth your time, which is a mean thing to even think—"
"Now hold on, you are taking this a lot more seriously then you ought to." He said.
"No I really don't think I am. You and your cocky manner and pureblood ideals, taking women for granted like they are pieces of property to be played with and discarded when not in use and practically crushing their hearts with your comments and—"
"Renton!" he said, louder then she should have, because she jumped back slightly. She paused and said nothing else, and he thought he saw pain flicker in her eyes for a second. He ran over what she had said, and stopped on something of interest. "Pureblood ideals?" he questioned.
She shrugged. "Well you are one, aren't you?"
"So." He said, seemingly offended. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"It has a lot to do with it. You are all the same. You want sex and power and dominance and—"
"Whoa there, slow down." He said. "Where the hell did you get that idea?"
"What do you mean, 'where did I get it'? You've been that way for years."
"I resent that." He said hotly.
"Well it's true. Toujours pur, honestly. Do you think I'm stupid?"
"Where have you seen that?" he asked, getting up from his chair.
"I haven't seen anything, but I know it's what you feel. If Bellatrix—"
"I am nothing like Bellatrix!" he yelled, startling her. "Ugh, who are you Renton, to suddenly be an expert on Pureblood ideals? You don't know what you are talking about."
"Oo, have I struck a nerve?" she laughed. He threw his chair under the table. "The truth hurts, doesn't it?"
"You know nothing of the truth." He sneered.
"Don't I?" she yelled back.
"I don't like this Renton."
"Don't like what?"
" I don't like you."
"Well that's just lovely, Black. Am I supposed to be hurt by that?" she called, after he was halfway up the stairs.
"You are vile!" he yelled.
"Well I know that!" she screeched.
"Goodnight you Psycho!"
Goodnight….you…..you….. Bâtard!"
He stopped. "What?" he crossed his arms and looked at her from the top of the stairs.
"You heard me—And I, couldn't think of anything else."
"And I understood it." he said, smugly. "Chienne."
"Ugh, you are so impossible! Get---get----!" she tried, fiercely.
"I think you're thinking Allez vous-en? Saprisi!" he said.
"Precisely!"
He was angry with her now, provoking him so, while enticing him beyond his desires. "Gladly."
" Haineux de femme!" she called after him.
"Prostituée" he called back, playing her little game.
"Ugh, you are so fucking annoying!" she screamed. "Je vous déteste!"
"I hate you too!" he yelled back, and thought he meant it, slamming the door and almost breaking it off its hinges.
James was awake already, over the covers and listening to the entire conversation. "Sounded good." He laughed. "She seems very, how do you say, fâché?"
"Shut up." He said. "Merde."
(Next chapter will be happier, I think. Oh well :) don't leave me yet ok? And sorry for the wait, but I was in Boston for a while, and working, you know, but thanks guys, love ya!)
Oh yea, sorry about the random French, but I was bored and felt like it :) here I'll tell you what it means:
" Haineux de femme!"~ Woman hater
"Prostituée"~ whore (or prostitute)
"Je vous déteste!"~ I hate you!
"fâché"~ angry
"Chienne."~ Bitch (loosely)
Toujours pur~ Always Pure
Allez vous-en!Saprisi! ~ Go away, for god's sake!
Merde ~Shit
Bâtard! ~ Bastard (yea, I'm sure she could have thought of something worse, and in English, but, like I said, boredom)