Linda: An evil idea came to me when I woke up today, so I HAD to write it down. I am co-writing this with Kitaiko, just so everyone can know. Sasha has disappeared somewhere for no apparent reason so I need someone else to do the disclaimer... ah-ha! Ganondorf!!!
Ganondorf: NO, NO, N-O NOOOOOO!!!! I am NOT going to say something stupid and obvious for lawyers' satisfaction for you!
Linda: You will, or your bunny will get what it deserves! (puts her sword at the rabbit's throat)
Ganondorf: T.T Fine, I'll do the disclaimer, if you promise not to hurt Moony Boony.
Linda: I promise. (angel halo appears over her head)
Ganondorf: (sigh) Linda does not own the rights to the Legend of Zelda or any related indicia.
Linda: Thank you! On with the fic!
- - -
Mystic Water
Link ran straight for his treehouse, not looking back. He climbed the ladder quickly, then paused to check his progress. Two white hands grasped his legs and clung on tightly.
"Please, Linky, you HAVE to marry me! We're old enough, and my dad wishes to see us married before he passes away!" Ruto pleaded.
"Well, he'll have to wait, because I'm not marrying you even if you're the last fish in Hyrule!" Link shouted back before kicking the Zora off. He dashed into his house and locked the door with multiple locks (about 20 total).
[A/N: In this fic, Hyrule's more modern. So yes, the treehouse has a door that can be locked.]
Quickly, the Hero of Time checked the windows to make sure they were secure enough to withstand screaming fish-ladies. Next he sat down at his computer and turned it on. "At least I finally got away from her. How many times has she chased me down this week, Navi?"
"27 times, Link!" The little fairy promptly responded. She flew out of his hat and landed on top of the monitor. "This needs to stop, Link. For Din's sake, it's MONDAY today. And the count restarts every Sunday."
Link sighed and leaned back on his chair. "I know, but I can't seem to shake her off my trail for very long." The computer finishes booting up, and the Hylian sits up in anticipation. "Time to check my e-mail!"
Navi drooped visibly in disappointment. "Link, is that the only reason you got a computer? To check e-mail?"
"Nope!"
"For what other purpose did you purchase these space-consuming pieces of machinery?"
"To WRITE e-mail!" Link answered cheerfully. His eyes were glued to the screen; he had several new messages. The first few were spam and other junk e-mail.
Navi flew down to look at the screen just before Link deleted a message from Mido. She shook her tiny fairy head and asked, "Why don't you ever block him? All he ever does is taunt you through e-mail messages."
"You never know if he might write something important for once, Navi," answered Link. He was intrigued by the final message. It was from an unfamiliar e-mail address. The subject was short and simple: "Help!" Shrugging, Link moved the mouse pointer, ready to check the mysterious e- mail.
"What are you doing?!" Navi shouted. She whacked Link's hand off of the mouse. "Don't you know there are malicious codes commonly known as 'viruses' that can infect your computer and destroy it completely? You should NEVER check messages that you are unfamiliar with!!!"
Link opened the e-mail message anyway. "Since when did you become a know-it- all, Navi? How did you know that?"
"Zelda said so in her tutorial," Navi replied tersely.
"Hey, look at the message. I wonder who it's from?"
Navi surrendered and checked the words displayed on the screen:
'To: Link(at)Hyrule.com
From: mysticwater(at)Hyrule.com
Subject: Help!
Hello. I am someone in need of a person who is kind and caring-'
"More junk e-mail. Delete it, Link," Navi said in disgust.
"Navi, did you read it all?"
The miniature pixie continued reading.
'-to help me through my recent loss. I ask only for comfort, even if it is merely in the form of a simple e-mail message. I was conversing with the Princess, goddess bless her soul, and she referred me to you with a single e-mail address. She mentioned that you might be able to help me through my most recent bout of depression. I do not know who you are, yet I have a feeling that we might have met somewhere before. I cannot reveal my identity for security reasons, I hope you understand. I pray that you send a reply and assist me in my time of need.
Yours truly, Mystic Water'
Link sat back and stared at the words that seemed to come alive with grief. It stirred within him a desire to help whoever it was. Suddenly, a certain white fairy flew into view. [Hey, a rhyme!]
"Link, erase it," Navi said slowly and precisely. "You do not know who it came from. Delete and forget this message."
"Aww, Navi, are you sure?" Link complained. He looked back at the screen. "I don't think I should leave her without a reply at least."
"And how exactly do you know that this mysterious person is a she?"
"Male intuition."
Frustrated by the incompetent idiot before her, Navi retreated into the green hat. She silently wished the computer would get a virus so that Link could quit worrying about e-mail so much. Slow, hesitant typing could be heard, then the hat's owner called for her to come out and check what he's written. Navi peeked out from under her shelter, read it, then gasped in shock. "You call THIS an e-mail?!"
"Hey, I'm not good at typing yet," Link huffed.
"NO!!!!! It's not that, it's what you wrote that is the problem!" Navi exclaimed. This is what she read:
'To: mysticwater(at)Hyrule.com
From: Link(at)Hyrule.com
Subject: RE: Help!
hey i wuz wondring y r u so sad? dont b sad im here so tell me about ur problem and maib i can fix it cuz i am teh hero o tim w/ da tryforse o corage so i can help u just tell me wutz rong and maib me and my fairy can do sumthing aboot it. its nice dat celda refered u 2 me hope u feel bettter. sinseerlee, Link'
"There's nothing wrong with it to me," the green-clad Hylian said.
"Holy Nayru, can't you spell Zelda's NAME right?!" Navi shouted. "And your grammar is atrocious! Not to mention that you don't seem to feel obligated to protect your identity. You practically gave yourself away in this single message!!"
"Everyone knows me."
"Maybe this person doesn't! Link, you shouldn't take him or her for granted. That's it, I'm going to type the message myself!" Navi flew to the keyboard and began bouncing on the keys.
"Please, at least keep what I was going to say."
"Yeah, yeah, sure," Navi agreed without thinking. After agonizing hours of slow jumping on reluctant keys, she rested beside the keyboard. "There! What do you think, Link?" (Another rhyme!) The message now comprised of this:
'Hey, I was wondering, why are you depressed? Tell me your problem and maybe I can help you. It's nice that Zelda referred you to me. I hope you feel better.'
Link squinted at the message, leaned towards the monitor, cocked his head from side to side, then scratched his head. "I don't understand it anymore... and shouldn't it be signed?"
Navi facefaulted, then peeled herself off of the floor. "All I did was rewrite your message. Now send it while I go cool off."
"Ok!" As Navi headed for the kitchen, Link turned back to the computer, stared at the unfamiliar text before him, then put his fingers on the keyboard.
- - -
"LINK! You can't be tired now, Ruto's catching up!!!" Navi shouted over the heavy panting of her partner.
"Navi... can't... make it..." Link struggled to say before he collapsed. A female Zora galloped over, eager to pounce upon her unwilling fiance. Navi flew hard into the girl's face, effectively knocking her backwards.
"Will you ever leave Link alone? I mean, you practically made him fall over from exhaustion just now!" Navi yelled. She was growing sick and tired of this rediculous chasing. A day had passed since that mysterious e-mail, and the total number for the week had risen to a grand total of 49.
"No! I would never hurt my Linky!" Ruto shouted back.
"Well, you just did, girly, so I'd suggest you run back home to daddy."
As the fish ran away crying, Navi stuck her tiny fairy tongue out at Ruto rudely, then turned her attention back to Link. "Are you okay?"
"Ugh... I had to fight one gigantic Lizalfos, a revived King Dodongo, hundreds of deranged stalchildren, and one hyper Goron. Add the fact that I was just now chased by a crazed fishy woman. Now, do you really think I'm okay?!"
"Geez, SORRY if I hurt your feelings by caring," Navi huffed. "Maybe I shouldn't have gotten rid of Ruto."
"Speaking of Ruto, where is she?" Link nervously looked about himself as best as he could, considering the fact that he was still lying facedown on the grass of Hyrule Field.
"I scared her off. Now pick yourself up. We need to get you home."
When they finally got back to Link's treehouse, the teenager headed not for bed. Instead he flopped onto the computer chair and turned the mechanism on. Navi flittered about, warning him that he should get some rest after the recent chase, but he ignored her. Link was too intent on checking his e- mail inbox. "Look! I've got twenty new messages!" He pointed out.
"Let me guess, more junk mail," Navi grumbled.
"Let me check... an ad for Viagra, what the heck is that anyway, fourteen are invitations to dates from various girls in Hyrule, another ad for house insurance, and oh! A message from Zelda. Hmm, it says 'Warning' as the subject, so I guess it's nothing important. She's always warning me away from Malon and Ruto." Link checked off the aforementioned e-mails and clicked the delete button. "Now, what else?"
"Two threats from Mido. Will this guy ever give up? Block him, Link," Navi ordered.
Instead, Link simply deleted the two e-mails from Mido, after checking what they said. The final message was from someone else. "Hey, Navi, Mystic Water wrote back!" He exclaimed.
"Link, you will not-" Navi began before Link checked the message. "-open it."
"She's really nice. Maybe I should see her someday."
The white pixie read at the message displayed.
'To: Link(at)Hyrule.com
From: mysticwater(at)Hyrule.com
Subject: Thank you
Let me first take the time to properly thank you for your reply to my message. I am grateful that you would want to spend the time to write back. Unfortunately, my problem is not an easy fix.
My boyfriend has been rather unfaithful to me. He had proposed years ago to me, and I still await our marriage. However, he has been avoiding me every chance he gets. In fact, today just now I had finally found him wandering about and I called out to him to come over. Instead, my boyfriend- or should I say, fiance- fled away from me. I attempted to catch him, but when I was finally going to triumph a strange light chased me away.
I will continue to try to bring him back to me, but for now I am depressed again. I fear for my future, for I may become void of company for years to come. My father is not the healthiest fish in the sea, but at the moment he is doing quite well. I cannot seek the advice of my mother because she had passed away years ago. Therefore, my only sources of comfort are you and the princess. Please do not turn me away, Link.
Yours truly, Mystic Water
P.S. It's spelled "sincerely." '
Navi first stared, then reread the postscript note, then turned an unnatural shade of red. Growing more crimson by the second, she focused her attention upon her idiotic companion. "You... signed... your reply?! And with your name?!?!"
"I told you, letters should be signed. So I did that, with my name, 'cause that's how you're supposed to sign stuff, right?" Link answered before noticing his fairy's very dark red color. "Uh, are you embarrassed or sick? You're looking kinda pink."
"ARGH!!!! I CAN'T STAND THIS ANYMORE!" Navi yelled to nobody in particular before flying out of the window. She coasted the skies, contemplating on the two strange messages. "That last one sounded very familiar, but the attitude is completely off. Maybe I should check it out." She glided to Zora's Domain.
- - -
A week, then a month passed. Navi continued monitering her wayward friend as he continued replying to Mystic Water's e-mail messages. She also modified the spelling and grammar as necessary. Horrified, Navi watched as Link began to get excited every time he checked his inbox. He also began checking more frequently, sometimes once an hour. No, make that four times an hour. Several times Link sat at the computer, clicking "refresh" over and over, hoping that a message would show up. Navi grew concerned as the writing styles of both Link and his Internet friend became more and more romantic. The Hero of Time started to think about the girl more often, and sometimes made assumptions about her.
"Oof!" Link groaned as he tripped over a tree root. He was fleeing Ruto once again. Navi looked back to judge the distance between herself and their pursuer.
"Link, she's only a few yards away! Get up, we have to get to safety!"
"I know that, but don't you care that I just tripped?" Link stood up, brushed himself off, checked his gloves, dusted off his shoes, made sure his shield was shiny, and-
"HURRY UP!!!" Navi yelled. She rammed him from behind, effectively forcing him to run some more.
"Sheesh, I'm sure Mystic Water wouldn't be so pushy, and I'm sure she wouldn't chase me around all the time like Ruto!"
"Oh please, you barely even know her!"
Link dashed to his house, but for one purpose only: To check his e-mail. He held his breath when he noticed the single important e-mail, and he read it. Navi noticed that this particular message sounded more like a love letter. She decided that it looks like push will have to become shove.
"Link, you HAVE to stop this nonsense. You do not know this person, yet you act like you've known her all your life!" Navi shouted.
"Navi," Link began, his gaze becoming unfocused and a smile beginning to form. "I think I'm in love."
"WHAT?!" The fairy's exclamation can be heard all over Kokiri Forest and beyond. "You can't love her!!! You should at least meet her somewhere else first before you do something drastic like fall in love!"
"You're right. I'm going to ask her to meet me... I dunno, in the marketplace, I guess." Quickly, Link began typing a new e-mail message. Like all of the others, it contained the worst grammar and spelling mistakes ever found. He even destroyed the word "sincerely" again. Navi grumbled about not being appreciated enough, then corrected the teenager's writing. Once the e-mail was sent, all both Link and Navi could do was wait.
- - -
"NAVI!!!! She replied! She replied! Look, Navi, lookit lookit!" Link bounced in his seat like an excited schoolboy. His eyes were plastered on the displayed message, delight dancing within them.
The pixie was not in the best of moods. She groaned, stretched her little wings, then said, "Link, it's the middle of the night. You've stayed up all this time?"
"Of course I did, I wanted to see what she'd write back!"
Navi resigned to the eternal torture she was placed in and flew to the computer. "Let's see what we have here."
[A/N: I'm going to leave out the To, From, Subject 'cause it gets annoying.]
'I do not think that I will be able to meet you at the marketplace, Link. Therefore, I offer an alternate meeting place. Come near the entrance to Kakariko Village, by Zora's River. I love the water and I believe you do as well. I think this will be better for both of us.
Yours truly, Mystic Water'
"Short but simple! That's why I love her!" shouted Link, much to Navi's dismay.
"Don't shout. You don't want to wake up the neighbors, do you?" she scolded.
"Who cares about them?"
"Hey, stupid! Pipe down up there!!!" yelled Mido from below. His voice was unmistakeable.
"Oh, SHUT UP!" called back Link.
"C'mon. Let's go to bed," Navi advised, knowing he was listening with only half a pointed ear.
"Wait a minute. I have to reply first."
"Forget it, then!"
- - -
Link stood anxiously by the waters of Zora's River, close to the entrance of Kakariko. He fiddled, he twitched, he paced, all in all, he was a nervous wreck. Thoughts of what she might look like entertained his mind, but he kept rejecting them, reasoning that she would be much prettier. Link tried to come up with a good pick-up line, but failed miserably. Finally, he decided to sit down along the bank of the river. Nothing happened for a few minutes. Suddenly, a pair of familiar webbed feet stood in front of him. Surprised, Link fell backwards into the river.
"I'm sorry, Linky, did I scare you?" Ruto's voice, like Mido's, was very recognizable.
"Leave me alone, Ruto! I have to meet someone here!" Link did not like the fact that the crazy fish-lady came just before he could see Mystic Water.
"But I asked you to meet me here!"
Link blinked back his surprise. "You're not Mystic Water!"
"Yes I am. It's not like I'm uncreative, you know. Now that I know for sure that you love me, how about you give your honey a kiss?"
"HECK NO!!!!!!!!!!!" Link quickly turned and hightailed out of the clearing.
"Come back, Linky, I thought you loved me!! Link, come back to me!"
Navi flew beside Link. "What have you learned, Link?"
"Never meet anyone near to Zora's Domain!!!!!!!"
"Forget it. You'll never understand."
- - -
Will Link's IQ ever go up? Will his typing skills ever improve? Will I harm Ganondorf's rabbit? I can't say, since this is a one-shot. :) Read and review.