Author's Note: Wow guys, thanks for all words of encouragement and for the ideas! You know who you are. As always thanks to the few and the faithful… and in the fashion of others before you, I encourage all you closet readers to tell me if you like the story… b/c the more reviews I get the more likely I am to update!!! But I am v happy with 33… Thanks so much guys! Now, on with Chakotay's POV. I actually found this tough- I really didn't know how to capture him- he's so peaceful… so here we go I hope you like it! I wrote this listening to Michelle Branch - I love her music! Sorry for that interlude! "Very funny Scottie, now beam up my clothes!"
He didn't know why he felt they way he did. It seemed to him that these feelings, the intense passion he felt when he saw her had begun the moment he saw her. There she stood, eyes burning, arms crossed, as she addressed him. He found himself strangely drawn to her. He knew that he shouldn't have trusted her so easily; after all, he had trusted Paris and Tuvok and many other traitors and look what happened. Only this time it was different. There was no Starfleet; they were trapped in an uncharted part of space, alone. He had no choice but to trust her, and she had no choice but to trust him.
The first few weeks had been rough, he knew that. Their arguments were so heated; they were enough to power the warp core. He knew about B'Elanna's feelings for him. She had always been his closest friend in the Maquis and he knew that her feelings ran deeply for him as well. He could see it in the way she looked at him, the way she defended him from others, the way she was always there for him. He had feelings for her, he knew he did, but they had dissipated into feelings of brotherhood, so much more so when he came aboard Voyager. Kathryn Janeway was the most incredible woman he had ever met. She encompassed all the characteristics of perfection in his mind. She was beautiful, strong, stubborn and witty, and he found himself unexplainably attracted to her.
He recognized B'Elanna's jealousy; he had heard the malicious words she had directed at the Captain. "You could never understand how important Chakotay is to me! I have always loved him, but each time he gets close to me, someone else drives me from him". He had cringed at those words, his level of guilt rising… As B'Elanna had continued to talk, he felt as though he had abandoned B'Elanna for the Captain, but the B'Elanna was strong, and he knew that despite her façade, the Captain was not as strong. She wanted nothing more than to get her crew home, and with each word, B'Elanna was crippling her. Each word was knife in Kathryn's heart. He could see that in the way her eyes filled with tears and she nervously played with her nails. What hurt the most though, more than seeing the Captain hurt was what B'Elanna had yelled at him. A phrase, delivered so acidly, so full of hatred, it made him question his true place, his real relationship with the Captain… "Just go to her! Comfort her! Leave me always like you always have"
It was true, he had abandoned B'Elanna, many times, but this time he was not just involved in a fling. No, Kathryn was different, much different. He had found himself always seeking her attention, always looking for her approval. He found that on the bridge, his eyes often wandered in her direction, often lingering on her lips, her beautiful eyes and her hands. Those wonderful hands, her hands that grasped his, those fragile hands that he held, the perfectly manicured hands that lingered on his naked chest. He cherished every moment they spent together; every moment with her was like a gift from the spirits. His very soul cried out when she was not at breakfast, or when she spent time in her ready room rather than on the bridge. He realized that she was a part of him, a friend, and a part of himself that he could never relinquish. For without her he would not survive.