Disclaimer: I do not own, in any way, Rurouni Kenshin. Watsuki-sama does. I'm only borrowing his characters for a while.

This is probably one of the darkest chapters of the whole story. Some may say that, for now, I'm a little bit harsh on the poor Tokio but this will allow her to gradually change her mind about some things and start thinking on her own (and not just follow Asaki's point of view as she did before…). Just keep in mind that better days are ahead…

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Chapter 3 – Losses

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Pain.

That was all I could feel as I rushed toward the killer to take revenge. Behind me, some of Asaki's men emerged from the darkness, wanting to kill their leader's assassin.

Seeing that he was clearly outnumbered, the killer ran away, going back into the shadows as fast as he had came.

In an attempt to stop him, to make him pay for what he had done, I followed him. I followed the distant silhouette who was moving way faster than I was. We were going farther and farther. Sometimes, I practically lost his track, but I went running. I had to.

"Wait! Come back and fight!"

The rest of the troop had tried to follow me for a while but had soon stop, seeing that this was non-sense and sensing that I had to be left alone with my pain.

And now, indeed I was alone. In the narrow street where I had ended, there were no signs of the killer, no signs of the other men. It was only me, my pain and the darkness. Sensing my energy slowly decreasing, I stopped. I stopped running.

Alone in the middle of the darkness, I suddenly realised the extent of Asaki's death. Asaki… Thinking of him, tears began to fall. Small tears first but they fast turned into a real deluge.

From the moment I was born to this day, Asaki had always been there for me. I had admired his strength, I had respected his ideas, I had shared his opinions and I had followed his beliefs. He had been my model, the light that had guided me in tormented moments. The possibility that I might, one day, join him in the Ishinshishi had made bearable the two years he stayed far away from me.

The thought that I would finally be able to go to Kyoto and see Asaki again had smooth the pain of my father's death. But now… now that Asaki's was dead too, the feelings I had long ignored after my father's death were now coming back to the surface. I was now crying for two deaths.

Under the more and more persistent pain, I kneeled in the middle of the street. It had started raining, but I didn't care. I was almost unaware of the elements surrounding me.

My whole life was falling apart and the only clear thought that I could form contained the word vengeance.

***

A ray of sunshine awoke me. I wasn't feeling much better, but my mind was now clearer. I looked around and noticed that I had slept right in the middle of the street, under the rain. My clothes and my hair were covered with mud. My eyes were burning from the tears. I must have look like a real mess.

I stretched and quickly got up on my feet. I looked around only to discover that I was in a very remote district of the city. I had run much more than I had thought last night.

The city was still asleep. I headed back really fast to the headquarters before anyone could see me like this. Walking I started having the feeling that I had failed. No one had actually told me that I had to protect Asaki or end the killer's life, but I felt like if I had to. And I had failed…

Unlike last night, my thoughts were clear, but the idea of revenge was still strong. Not only revenge for Asaki, but also revenge for all the ones who had already been killed by this man and for all the ones who would been killed by this man.

One day, I would find him and I would stop him. I would stop this madness and really contribute to build a better Japan.

I was now in front of the headquarters. I quickly headed toward the backyard. I climbed to reach my room's window: no one needed to see me in this state. Once in my room, the consequences of Asaki's death on my own life hit me once again. The place was empty. In the last days, Asaki had not been there much, but it had been his room before it was mine. Now, he would not use it anymore.

All of his things were still in the room. Everything reminded me of Asaki. Of his likes and dislikes. Of the moments we had shared together.

I would not be able to live surrounded by these. I slowly picked every object belonging to Asaki and put them in the corridor. The memories I had in my mind were sufficient and someone would fing a better use for these. Once done, the room was now more bearable but I felt emptier.

I started changing clothes and I headed toward the bathhouse. Only there, submerge by the hot water, did I finally found a little bit of comfort.

***

"Nakane-san!… Nakane-san! … Takeru Nakane!"

I was on my way back to my room when Takasugi called me. As I still wasn't used to my new name, I hadn't reacted at his first call.

"Yes?"

"I would like to speak to you… about your brother, Asaki… Could you come in my room?"

I nodded and followed him.

"We brought back Asaki's body. As he was one of our best men, we are going to have a small ceremony later on today. Nothing much: we have to be discrete."

"I understand."

"We are still planning that attack at Murasaki's house tonight. I know you were supposed to be part of it. However, if you don't want to and prefer to rest, it's okay…"

"I truly thank you for the offer, but I would prefer staying busy than being left alone with my thoughts."

"I see… It must be quite hard for you…"

I really needed someone to share my feelings with. But as much as I wanted to tell Takasugi the whole truth about what this really meant to me, how Asaki had play an important role in my life, I tried not to. It wasn't time to act childish and reveal things I would regret later. I was alone here.

"I'm alright. I'll live through this. You don't have to worry too much." I said

"I'm glad that you feel that way. But if you change your mind, you can still cancel tonight's operation whenever you want."

I smiled to thank him once more. As I was ready to leave the room, Takasugi stopped me.

"Nakane-san… I know that you might want to blame yourself for Asaki's death, but you shouldn't. A lot of our best men were killed by that man. He is very skilled and there are good chances you would not have been able to stop him or to defeat him. As you are much more useful alive than death, stop thinking about revenge."

I only looked at him shocked. How could he have known…

"We will still be looking for him. We'll try to learn who he is and who he works for. However, as we have seen his face, he might be a little more discrete from now on. Stopping him might take time, but don't worry, we'll come to it. However, I want you to stay out of this. You would be to emotional about this. Is that clear?"

"Yes, it is."

"Good. You can leave now."

I would do as he had ordered. He was my superior and I had to obey. But deep down, I knew that it would be difficult. I would not forget what had just happened. And I knew that, if the man killed people in the back, than he wasn't that strong. I could defeat him…

***

I really don't know how I got through the small ceremony planned for Asaki. I was still under the shock of his death and here we were, ready to bury him. Everything was going fast as we didn't have much time to follow traditions.

"My apologies Nakane-san. Your brother was an honourable and brave man, you ought to be proud of him."

Another stranger's condolences, another bow. The same scene over and over again. Everyone was telling me practically the same empty words.

"Your brother is a great loss for the Chosu clan. He was brave. My apologies."

No one had anything more to say to me.

Strangers. The small crowd was filled with strangers The clan Asaki had consider his own wasn't even crying for his death. No one had cared enough to remember something more personal about him. A brave swordsman, an honourable man. That was all. No one here could even say how a good friend he was They regretted the lost of Asaki's fighting skills but not the lost of the man himself.

I closed my eyes and started thinking about how Asaki had given his life for the Chosu clan and how they were rewarding him now. I was the only one who really cared about him.

I thought of how everything had pushed Asaki on this path. The path he had freely chosen over his own family. Soon, he would become a ghost of the past. His actions would not be remembered by anyone.

If I died in this war, probably no one would regret me neither. And along with me would die the last person who had stay true to the memory of Asaki…

I don't know how much time I spent lost in my thoughts, but when I opened my eyes again, I was alone in the room.

Relieved about the fact that that this masquerade was finally over, I went in my room and put my training outfit. Finally, I would be able to canalise my energy.

***

We were in Murasaki's garden, waiting patiently for the right time to attack. We could see the seven ninjas through their room's window on the first floor. We observed them carefully, slowly judging their fighting skills.

Yes, the ninjas didn't looked skilled, but they had the advantage of being on their own field. There also were the three swordsmen, reputed to be a match for many. We could only count on the surprise effect.

2 o'clock.

As planned, the ninjas began their second patrolling tour of the evening. We saw a group of four ninjas coming out of the house. The other three seemed to be staying in the house in order to patrol there. The four ninjas began to head toward different directions of the garden.

I looked around to check on the other Ishinshishi members, but I couldn't see them in the darkness. We had gathered 20 men for this operation alone and they were all hidden in five small group of four. We clearly outnumbered the four ninjas.

The first round would probably be an easy one.

Some battle sounds could now be heard in another part of the garden. Soon enough, it stopped: the fight was over. In the dark, I hadn't seen anything, but I presume that there were only three ninjas left.

Alarmed by the noise, I saw one of the other ninjas run toward the direction from which it had come from. The other two ninjas did not seem to be aware of the events as they were on the opposite side of the house.

We waited a bit more in the dark. And a bit more.

As a saw a silhouette heading toward us, I looked at my three companions. We were all among the less experimented members of the Chosu clan, but I saw, as I looked at their faces, that they were all strongly determine to win this fight.

The man was not too far from where we stood. He was one of the ninjas we had identified as probably being the weakest.

I had been designated as the leader of our small group, so I would be the first one facing the man. Combat would always be one on one as most of us would never tolerate wining unfairly. Hopefully, during the last two days of training, I had improved my defence a lot. It would now serve me right.

I looked again at my three companions and they all nodded. We were ready to fight. We quickly started the attack. We fast encircled the man. Surprised, he looked at us for while before realising that I would be his opponent. Elsewhere, in the garden, I could hear again battle sounds.

He started attacking first, using a high kenpo kick. I avoided it promptly and replied with a lateral attack. He also managed to avoid it.

As he was getting ready to execute a second similar attack, I prepared myself mentally. I would do better this time. He began to use a variant of his previous attack while, simultaneously, I used a second form of my lateral attack. A more powerful one. I still manage to avoid his kick and he still managed to avoid my attack. Only, this time, I had scratched him. Nothing much, but it was a good start.

Also, I had noticed a little opening in his style. I had to use this against him before he noticed my own defence wide opening.

The ninja started attacking me for the third time. I remained calm while he began his first move. I had now witnessed this too many times to miss my chance. I waited until his foot pratically connected with my upper body and then, I took advantage of the opening and of his unbalanced position to quickly slash him.

Already unstable, the ninja hit the ground with a cry of pain, under the shock. I looked at the growing pool of blood surrounding the man's body. Sensing that he was in deep pain and that his life was near an end, I drew my sword once more and quickly put an end to his life. It was better like this.

For a short while, I felt the shock of having killed, for the first time, a man. But there was no time now for such thoughts. Around us, the night was silent again. The other battles seemed to be finished.

We soon heard the signal telling us that it was time to go inside the house for the second round. There were three ninjas and three swordsmen left. We had to act fast as the others would soon, not seeing the four ninjas returning from their patrolling tour, suspect that something had gone wrong.

It had been decided that the two strongest teams would go face the three swordsmen on the second floor while the two less experimented teams would face any remaining ninjas on the first floor. When the battle would be engaged, the fifth team would start looking for Murasaki.

We headed directly toward the window of the ninja's room. The other group was already fighting two of the three ninjas. The third one was nowhere to be seen. As, apparently, the other team needed no help controlling the two ninjas, I quickly said to my companions:

"Something is wrong. One of the ninjas is missing. He should have finished his patrolling tour by now. We have to quickly find him."

Surprised, but nonetheless eager to fight, they all nodded and we started a house search. We went out of the ninja's room only to discover that it would take quite a while to inspect the entire mansion.

"If we search this house in only one team, it will take the whole night. We better head in different ways and quickly warn the others if we find something."

By suggesting that, I was going against the general order saying that we had to remain in group of four. I had already disobeyed by proposing that we started searching for the other ninja now instead of waiting for instructions. But my companions had realised that I was right, and they accepted to follow my command.

I started looking in some of the rooms on the first floor. They were all richly decorated showing Murasaki's wealth. Everything was perfectly symmetrically arranged.

I entered another room and my attention was immediately caught by the way the occidental style curtains were nonchalantly placed. A wrinkle in a see of perfection. Somebody had used that window lately… I quickly headed toward the window and looked outside. In the garden, the last ninja was trying to escape, dragging what seemed to be Murasaki.

They were going to escape, I had to act fast. I jumped out the window and started running toward them. Murasaki was slowing down the duo so I quickly reduced the distance between us.

Sensing my presence behind his back the ninja turned around to face me. Thinking that he was only in front of a young boy, an amused smile appeared on his lips. I promised myself that, latter on, he would not be smiling anymore.

He took his battle stance while I did the same. Now that I had already defeated one of the ninjas, I was more confident. I fell that I would win this fight.

He started attacking me with the same technique my previous opponent had used, but with much more speed and strength. Knowing exactly what to do, I repeated the movement I had used to defeat the first ninja and… scratched him.

Seeing that his bodyguard was hurt, Murasaki began yelling. For sure, the whole house would be alerted and soon, the other Ishinshishi would come to help me. As this was my fight and I didn't want anyone to interfere, I would have to end it soon.

I decided to use the most powerful technique I knew. Still troubled to have been scratched by a "young boy" he was not prepared for this. At the last moment, he tried to block my move, but it was too late. He collapsed on the ground while the rest of the Chosu clan's members came running toward us. They quickly neutralised Murasaki who was too shocked to move anyway.

Behind us, the mansion was now dark and silent. The fight was over.

***

Back in my room, I started thinking of what had just happened and a feeling of disgust submerged me. Last night, I had thought that Asaki's killer was the most evil man in the world, but were we in any way different?

There is a difference in a loyal fight and a massacre. It is a thin line, but it is there. We had outnumbered them and the fight had been organized in a way that we would always fight four against one. Also, soon after my fight was finished, the mission's leader had killed Murasaki who could not defend himself and was not fighting back…

Suddenly, I started suspecting that the Chosu clan was not as pure and innocent as Asaki had told me. And most of all, I started wondering what kind of era could be built with blood. Could we really bring peace to a country by causing death and suffering…?

Maybe, but maybe not. I still could not form a clear opinion on the subject. But now that a doubt had crossed my mind, I would have to seek for answers.

***

Next evening, on my way downstairs, I was, once again, stopped by Takasugi.

"Nakane-san, could I speak to you?"

"Yes, of course…"

As we made our way toward Takasugi's room, I recalled my lack of obedience: I had disobeyed a direct order saying that we had to stay in group and that we had to stick to the plan … Problems ahead…

"Nakane-san, yesterday's mission leader complained about your behaviour. He said that you went against two of his commandments. He also said that, because of this, things could rapidly have got out of hands, but luckily enough, everything ended up rightly."

"But it was the right thing to do! We had to find the ninja fast and, if we had not split, there would have been good chances that he would have succeeded escaping with Murasaki."

"I know. So that is exactly what I replied."

I was under the shock. This had to be my day.

"Nakane-san… I think that your behaviour shows that you have courage, that you have brain and that you can lead a unit… Without you, Murasaki would have escaped and the mission would have failed."

Takasugi paused to emphasis his next words.

"I've talk about this with Katsura this morning, before he left, and we both agreed: Asaki's position has been left vacant and we want you to replace him. We are both aware of the fact that you still have a lot of things to learn, but we are ready to give you your chance."

Under the shock, I could not reply. I really did not know what to think of this. Just as I was beginning to doubt the Chosu clan's actions, they were proposing me a promotion…

"But… Isn't there anyone more experimented than I am who would deserve this position better than I do?"

"We have some experimented swordsmen among us, but either they are already playing an important role, either they don't want to lead a unit or either they lack the essential qualities of a leader. You are our best choice." Said Takasugi with a convincing look.

"I'll think about it before giving you an answer."

"Of course you can think about it… But as you are already following your brother's path, we both know what your answer will be… "

For once, Takasugi was wrong. Asaki's path and mine have seemed to take different directions lately.

"One more thing, Nakane-san. The man in charge of recruiting is in the headquarters right now. As it is quite late, and dark, I would appreciate if you would make sure he arrives safely at his house."

"It will be handled as you want."

***

"So your first days with the Chosu clan have been successful, as I see?"

I was kind of tired and in total disaccord with what the man said. My first days with the Chosu clan had been a real disaster. In a small lapse of time I had lost my brother, lost my illusions and I had played an active role in the killing of one of Kyoto's official. Maybe that official had not been the most honest one. Maybe that official had not been on our side, but he hadn't deserved to be killed cowardly.

Despite what I thought, it wasn't time to argue so I just lied.

"Yes, you could say that…"

"Don't be shy boy! You deserve the compliments you get!"

As we were now standing near his house, I was happy to finally be able to get rid of this conversation.

"Here you are… Have a good night, sir."

"Have a good night, boy!"

I started heading back toward the headquarters. It wasn't a long walk but I was taking my time, enjoying the silence of the night. Suddenly, shadows caught my attention. Some men were hidden in the dark. I looked more carefully and saw light blue haoris. Two Miburos.

As I was still unknown to the Shinsengumi, I tried to calmly pass my way, but the two figures emerged from the dark and block the street in front of me. We coldly looked at each other for a while.

Fools. I sensed that they were not very skilled. They would not last long under my attacks.

Everything happened very fast. In a few strikes, they were both on the ground. Under my feet, there was a growing pool of blood. The fight had been too easy.

I was still contemplating the results of the fight when I suddenly felt a new presence in my back. A more powerful one. I turned around ready, to face whoever it was.

Once more, my eyes met a pair a cold amber ones. Saitou, the captain of the 3rd division. Asaki had warn me and had told me to avoid him, but now here he was. I knew that, for my sake, the best thing I could do was run away but my feet refused to obey.

Saitou was looking at me, smirking. No doubt he had recognised me. I looked at him while he came closer, his sword in his hand. I looked at the blade and I couldn't help but wish feeling that blade on my skin, feeling the power of that man. Under his sword, I could almost swear that I would have died happily.

I looked at him moving closer and closer. I was literally captivated by the man and outside of him and me, nothing seemed to exist anymore.

Just before the contact was practically establish I, a strong hand caught my arm and started dragging me toward the headquarters. the battousai.

Behind us, some other Shinsengumi members had come to join Saitou. They started following us. Seeing that, I finally came back to my senses, wondering what had just happened to me, and I started escaping willingly.

Trying to make them lose our track, we took many detours. We waited here and there before rushing down a street. Finally, we were in front of the headquarters. The whole trip had been done silently.

We headed toward the second floor and Battousai finally pushed me in his room.

I stared blankly at him, while he was checking, by the window, that no one had followed us. From where I stood, I could hear the sounds of the Shinsengumi running in the streets. They were still searching for us. After a while, the sounds stopped. We were safe.

I closed my eyes, feeling somehow relieved. But, I opened them quickly as I was violently pushed into the wall and as a sword menaced my throat. Cold amber eyes were looking at me.

"Who are you?"

To be continued

General comments

Next time, Tokio and Saitou will meet again. And they will actually talk to each other!

About Asaki: when I first started this fic, Tokio was not supposed to have a brother; she was supposed to be on her own. I was already planning that she would gradually change her mind about the Chosu clan and the Ishinshishi in general. I had a hard time trying to determine how this would occur so I thought that it would be easier if, in the first place, she had been influenced by someone else. So, I created Asaki afterward. Asaki was also a big advantage because someone was welcoming Tokio in the city and I could introduce more dialogues… But Asaki's presence would have been a nuisance in further chapters, so I decided that he would die (sorry about that…). Killing him also allowed Tokio to start thinking on her own and allowed a change of perspective.

To the reviewers

Special thanks to L. Sith, Alexia, Leila Winters, Fuyutsuki Kisaki, JadeGoddess and Jbramx2, who took the time to review this story. (^-^)

À la prochaine,

Mary-Ann