Disclaimer: I do not own, in any way, Rurouni Kenshin. Watsuki-sama does. I'm only borrowing his characters for a while.
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Chapter 4 – Friendship and attraction
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"Who are you?"
There was no way to escape this. I had seen it coming for some days… I would now have to tell the truth. I looked again into the strange amber eyes. They were somewhat menacing. I gulped and then started to say.
"I guess you figured out that I'm not Asaki's brother… I'm his sister… We really are related by blood, we did not lie about that."
The Battousai seamed to relax a bit at these words but he did not lower his sword and kept me pinned to the wall.
"Go on…"
"As you know, I came here about one week ago to fight for the Chosu clan in this war. Asaki and I always shared the same convictions about what better future could await Japan. He left my family two years ago to join this clan. I wanted to go with him, to fight for my convictions, but as I am a girl, I could not follow him: I had to stay behind according to my late father's wish."
"Is Nakane your real family name?"
"No, it is not… My father supports the Shogunate so, when Asaki decided to join the Ishinshishi, he was banned from our family. Asaki then had to change name. Two months ago, my father died. I was then free to do as I wished. So I joined Asaki and adopted his new name in order to respect my family's wish to not be associated with the Ishinshishi. So, that is why, for you, I will remain Takeru Nakane."
"I'll respect that."
"Thank you… Could you now lower your sword?"
"Not yet. I still have a few questions for you."
"Which are?"
"You said that you wanted to fight for a better Japan, but you don't seem to act like it… Why weren't you going to fight back in the streets?"
I couldn't myself quite understand my behaviour when I was around Saitou. This was all so unlike me. I didn't know what to answer.
"I don't know… I can't explain my actions… I wish I could, but I'm a bit confused right now."
"And what, may I ask, is confusing you."
"I don't know either. Since Asaki's death, a lot of things that used to make sense don't anymore… He had always been there to guide my path but now, I have to relate only on myself. Also… I think I miss Asaki. I'm still under the shock of his death and so, I'm not quite myself yet. He was so important to me… You would not understand…"
The Battousai suddenly let go of me. My words seemed to have opened an old wound. His eyes switched from amber to violet. Looking away and lowering his head, he sadly answered me.
"I understand better than you think… Loosing someone close to you is, for sure, something no one should ever experience…"
I could clearly see his pain. For sure, he knew what he was talking about. I had misjudged him. The man was not a heartless hitokiri but someone who had feelings…
"You lost someone?"
"Yes… my wife…"
"I'm sorry…"
"You don't have to be sorry… it's my own fault." he answered, with a sad smile.
I wasn't sure how I was supposed to interpret these last words, but I was sure that the subject was a touchy one. I remained quiet for a while. He suddenly began talking again.
"From what I've seen, you're a good fighter. Those two Shinsengumi did not last long…"
"No, they didn't." I said, with a clear and wide smile of satisfaction.
Taken aback, the Battousai asked me.
"You don't regret having taken their life?"
"No. It was a loyal fight. One warrior against another. Both had accepted the fight so, the outcome should also be accepted. If I died in such a fight, I would not hold any animosity against my opponent. It would have been an honourable death…"
"Asaki died this way too. So, I suppose you forgave his murderer."
"No. That was different. Asaki was killed in the back, when he was not prepared to fight and wasn't even aware of the situation. That was not loyal."
"So, you want to go after that man?"
"Yes, but not now… One day, the right time will come. For now, I can't do much about it as Takasugi clearly asked me to stay out of this. And, as I gave my word to this clan, I won't disobey such a direct order."
"But from what I sense, you are not totally with us either…"
"Well… I have some doubts about what we are doing and how we are doing it."
"I know what you are talking about… Sometimes, this all doesn't seem right… I've been part of this organisation for three years now and, believe me, I've seen many dishonourable actions and I committed some myself… If only I could take it back… If I could change what I did…"
"Why are you still here then…?"
"As you, I believe in the new era. I continue my job for the Ishinshishi as I know no other way to bring this new era. Also, it would be futile to stop fighting now: we would have killed in vain. So, that is why I go on, for now."
"I understand… "
He smiled warmly and then said to me.
"Nakane-san, I'm pleased to have finally met you."
"I'm also pleased… Himura-san." I said, forgetting the old nickname. He deserved better than that…
"Well then, I hope you forgive me for my previous behaviour."
I laughed a bit and then answered.
"Yes, I do. But, don't try that again…"
"Sure, I won't… And, as I think that you are a good person and an honourable fighter, I won't reveal your true identity to the rest of the clan."
"Thank you."
I bowed and left his room to go in mine. The man was very different from me. He was friendly and had a way to touch me, but we would never be great friends. Too many things were between us.
I recalled how he had pinned me to the wall and hold a sword at my throat. Yes, I forgave him totally for that. If it had been me, I would probably have done worse… I smiled and tried to forget the whole matter, but for an unknown reason, the events kept coming back, again and again, in my head. Each time I was pinned to the wall, Saitou's image strangely replaced the one of the red-hair swordsman. At first, I tried to ignore the vision but, rapidly, I found myself really wishing that he had been the one holding me and questioning me…
I sighed. It wasn't the first time I had strange thoughts about that man, but they were becoming more and more troubling. I quickly decided that taking a bath was the best way to forget this.
***
The next day, I started my training early. I had won my first fights but, things might not always be this easy. There would be more skilled opponents. I had been training for the last hour when a voice disrupted me.
"I see that you are improving. I'm quite impressed…"
I turned around to face the man who had helped me train three days ago. He was smiling at me, satisfied at the improvement he noticed in my style.
"Thank you… I trained a lot and I had a lot of opportunities to test my skills."
"I heard of that. You should be proud of yourself. There are not that many new recruits who could achieve as much as you did in only six days."
"I didn't do much…"
"Oh, believe me, you did. Everyone is talking about you now. They all say that you might take your brother's job. Is that true?"
During our whole talk, I had been practising. I was in the middle of a complicated move when he asked me the last question. Remembering the subject matter, I lost my concentration and my balance. I violently landed on the floor. Quickly after the impact, I kneeled on the floor. Then, I waited for a while, thinking, before answering.
"I don't know… I have not made up my mind yet…"
The man looked at while I got back on my feet. Sensing that I needed some words of encouragement, he said.
"Let me help you train. I could give you some more tips."
"Thank you. I really appreciate your offer."
After another hour of practice, I was even more meaning every word of appreciation I had told the man. He was efficient. In an hour, he had given me more tips that I ever wished for. He was helping me improving my style and I was improving fast as he had already tested these suggestions on Asaki.
I was now very tired and ready to take a break when some men passed by. They had clear anxious looks on their face. Something was wrong. I turned around to face my training companion and I asked.
"Do you have any idea of what might be happening?"
"No. Not one."
"Maybe it's time to call the training session off then and go found out…"
I took a few steps outside the training room and quickly noticed Himura, sitting alone in the corner of the main room. He had a concerned look on his face. He seemed to know what was happening.
I moved toward him and kneeled beside him.
"Good morning, Himura-san."
"Good morning Nakane-san." He had seemed almost surprise to see me. He had been lost in his thoughts. Knowing the man's reputation, it was probably something I would not witness twice.
"Is something wrong? Everyone seems to fear something."
"Well… We are not sure yet, but… There are a lot of Miburos patrolling this area. There were already a lot of them last night, I think you noticed that, but now there are even more of them."
"And, what do you think this could mean?" I said, while fearing the answer.
"Well… I think, and Takasugi shares the same belief, that they might be searching for our headquarters. They probably know, by now, that it is located in this district."
"You think that their discovery have anything to do with last night pursuit? Maybe they witness us enter this building." I said, lowering my head.
"They were already searching in this district and I'm sure they did not saw us come in here. But, seeing us disappear not too far from here probably confirm their doubts about our headquarters' location and now they are searching even harder than before."
"Oh!… I see…"
"Don't feel guilty about this. Things like that happen all the time. I can't count the number of times we changed location."
"I'll try not to… But if they do found our headquarters, what will they do?"
"I don't know… But I think that we have to be prepared for a precise and surprising attack."
"So better be ready for anything."
"Yes, but for now, they are still only searching. And when they will eventually find out we are living here, they will still have to learn a bit more about this place before actually doing something. Conducting an attack in our own territory could be a suicidal attempt if they are not well prepared…"
***
The thought that I might have been the one giving away our headquarters' location was keeping me awake. I was trying to ignore the guilty feeling and I was trying to sleep when an unusual sound caught my attention. Footsteps. Someone was walking very slowly, in the corridor, as if he was trying to go unnoticed.
I sat and tried to listen more carefully. I hadn't dreamt. The footsteps were real and, also, I could hear some voices in the backyard. A mere whisper. Something was fundamentally wrong. I quickly got to my feet and, like a cat, went to see through the window what was happening.
There were men inspecting the headquarters, from outside. I took the time to observe them. Under the moonlight, I was able to catch the sight of light blue haoris. Those men were Miburos. So, they had found the headquarters…
I returned my attention to the presence in the corridor. While I had looked through the window, the footsteps had come nearer and nearer from where I was. I rushed to take my sword, before it was too late, and quickly draw the shouji aside. I would not wait patiently here, I would be the one attacking.
I looked out in the corridor only to meet a pair of amber eyes inches away from mine. Saitou…
Recognising me instantly, the tall man smirked. He seemed amused by my presence. He started to inspect me from head to toe while I took conscience of my current appearance: I only wore a thin sleeping yukata on, revealing pretty much each of my womanly curves. My hair was loose and messy.
As Saitou finished his inspection, his eyes laid in mine once more. I saw a look of approbation in them. I suddenly felt like his toy but, I did not mind much. Amazingly enough, I somewhat wished to be play with.
None of us had move. We were both waiting for the other one to take the first step, to say the first word. I could hardly support the tension that was growing between us, so I was desperately trying to find something intelligent to say… But before I could even come up with something acceptable, voices coming from the other end of the second floor disrupted me.
"Sir, some Miburos are outside the headquarters. We fear that there might be some inside as well…"
"Start searching for them. If you find one, don't let him go away."
"As you wish, sir."
A group of men had informed Takasugi. I had not seen the scene, as Takasugi's room was located in the other corridor, but I guessed that there was four or five men now searching the headquarters. I could now hear them coming in our direction. A few more steps and they would see us.
I looked at Saitou but he only went on watching me closely, wondering what I would do. He remained calm, a bit amused by the situation, despite the growing menace. After all, he was not a man to be stop by a few unskilled swordsmen. But as I came to the conclusion that Saitou did not have to fear Takasugi's men, I suddenly realized that I should… I could not afford being seen dressed like this. My cover would be blown instantly. Also, I could not afford being seen, totally impassive, in the company one of our worst enemy…
Still two or three more steps and they would see us. Right then, I stop thinking rationally and did the first thing that came to my mind. I grabbed Saitou by the arm, pulled him inside my room and quickly closed the shouji behind us just before the small unit emerged in the corridor…
I ws nervously waiting for something to occur, but the footsteps soon faded away. The group of men had probably taken the stairs in order to go to the first floor. I let out a sight of relief. It had been a close call…
But that feeling soon faded as I remembered something else: Saitou was right behind me, in my own room. And I had invited him in… Damn! I should think and then act, not act and then think…
"I suppose that you are waiting for me to thank you…" he started, with a mocking tone.
"No… I'm not. There is nothing to thank me about. In fact I should not have done this so now, please, leave."
I said this without looking at him. I was trying to regain some composure. After what had just happened, there was no possible doubt left: I found him attractive and that was the problem. I had never really known what to do in such cases, but now one thing was clear: I had to stay away from the enemy… And, as it was just physical attraction, it shouldn't be hard.
"And what if I don't obey you?" he asked coming closer to me. He was still clearly mocking me. I could hear it in his tone of voice and I could see it in his body language. He was enjoying this…
I could now almost feel his body heat. My heart started beating faster. Ignoring him would prove to be harder than I had thought.
"Please… go."
I closed my eyes, not to look at him. When I opened my eyes seconds later, the room was empty. I was alone, again.
I went to the window and saw him in the backyard, talking with the other Miburos. One of them pointed at some details on the building. They were preparing their attack. Shortly after that, they left the place.
Even if there was nothing more to be seen, I went on staring at the backyard. Yes, my mind had told him to go away but my whole body had wished otherwise. I was beginning to understand my reactions better now. I was beginning to understand the power of attraction.
***
Next morning, I was still trying to pull myself back. Asaki had warned me about that man, but when he did, I'm sure he was not even aware of how deeply Saitou could affect me. And now, I knew that it would be hard to totally ignore my impulse, even if it wasn't love, but mere physical attraction. But I had to, I was not supposed to bind with the enemy.
I went downstairs and realised, unsurprisingly, that the headquarters was in a state of chaos. Word had spread around that some Shinsengumi were here last night. The few swordsmen's wives that were living with us were somewhat hysterical.
I looked at the whole scene, from the stairs and sighed. This would be a long day…
"So, Nakane-san, heard the news?" Takasugi said from behind my back.
"Yes. I presume that we are going to change headquarters."
"Yes. And not later than today. We can't afford to stay here any longer. Not with the panic that can be feel from miles around. We are now very vulnerable."
I did not reply anything. I waited for his next comment.
"Nakane-san, have you thought about my offer? I think that you are realising that we are missing leadership in this house. It takes more than three or four people to control such a troop. Your nomination would be very welcomed."
"…"
"Also, we need strong people to lead us toward victory. And a victory it will be, I can assure you that…"
I looked at him, surprised. No one had ever made such a strong statement before. The Shinsengumi were very powerful and they controlled this war. Also, they were supported by the Shogunate.
"I can see in your eyes that you are quite surprised by this affirmation, Nakane-san… But I received some news that makes me believe that we are going to succeed our mission. And, sooner than latter."
He paused to emphasis his next words while I only wished he would speak faster.
"The British government has decided to support the Ishinshishi's actions in this war. We are not sure yet how this is going to be concretised, but there are good chances that they are going to give us some sophisticated occidental weapons."[1]
"Oh!… I see…"
"So what do you say. Do you want to help us lead the Chosu clan to the victory or not?"
"Well… I…"
"If you are in a leading position when the victory comes, I can assure you that a great life is awaiting you in the new era. We will, then, need strong people to build a new country. And I think that you are proving to everyone that you will be able to do it. I wish I could but… I probably won't be part of this world anymore when the time comes: my tuberculosis is not going any better. Also, Asaki would have love to do it, I'm sure of it…"
I was still hesitating. I did not want to take the leadership of something I did not really believe in. But, it was true that Asaki would have wished to be in a leadership position when the victory came and take an active part in the new era. He would also have been please if I was playing such a role… Sensing that my refusal would betray Asaki's memory, I answered impulsively.
"I'll do it!"
"Good. Then, I'll announced it as soon as this matter is resolved." said Takasugi, pointing at the chaos downstairs.
***
Why?
Why did I accept?
Why? Why? Why?
That was all I could think of when the assembly Takasugi had called began.
"Thank you everyone for being here. I'll go straight to the point: yes some Shinsengumi were here last night. They found out about our headquarters so we are going to move. And today. So, stop worrying."
Sounds of relief could be heard in the crowd.
"We did not had much time to find a new headquarters. We chose the first building available, but unfortunately, it is not completely fulfilling our needs. It is much smaller than one… So, you'll have to share rooms…"
Sounds of complains quickly replaced the sounds of relief.
"As we are moving this afternoon, you all have to decide now with whom you are going to share your room. I don't want to here more complaints about this. So, starting from the right. Nakane-san?"
I had to be the first one on the right…
There was no way I could share my room. I would not be able to continue pretend being a man when someone would be observing me almost twenty-four hours a day. Asaki's presence would have prevented this kind of situation, but he wasn't there anymore…
"Nakane-san?" repeated Takasugi, adding a bit of pressure.
"…"
"I'll do it… I'll share my room with him." someone said. I knew that voice…
"Thank you Himura-san for speeding things up… Now, Matsuki. Who is going to be your room partner?"
As I looked around to face Himura, the voices all faded away. I nodded slightly, showing him my appreciation. The man had understood my embarrassment and had quickly solved my problem.
Not too long after that, the assembly was dissolved and everyone headed toward their rooms to start packing. I was left alone in the main room with Himura.
"Thank you. You did not have to sacrifice yourself…"
"Well… I would have to pair with someone anyway. Also, I think that in the state of mind you are in, it is a good thing that someone would look after you, a bit… If you would allow me to…"
"Sure, you can."
Yes, it could prove to be a good thing. Having him around, I would not be tempted to bring Saitou in my room again…
To be continued
General comments
Don't worry, I'm not starting a love triangle here… Kenshin and Tokio are just friends. Not great friends (as she points out there is too much differences between them) but friends… I thought I should point this out the make things clearer.
Notes
[1] The origins of the Bakumatsu come from the tension between foreign countries (USA, England, France, and so on …) and the Shogun. These countries wanted to have commercial agreements with Japan while the Shogun resisted to open Japan's boundaries to strangers. The year 1854 brought a new Shogun to the country and a new way to see the subject matter. Seeing that it was in the country's interest, the new Shogun quickly signed an accord with USA (you probably have hear of commodore Perry… if not see note [2]) and, latter on, with other countries.
Of course, this did not pleased most of Japanese who were not too eager to see foreigners in their country. By 1858, rumours were spreading all around Japan deforming most of the events that had led to these commercial agreements. As more and more people began doubting the Shogun's decision, a rebellion was starting to take form. So, from 1858 to 1866, violent events were often reported.
The districts in the south-west extremity of Japan (Chosu and Satsuma) had always been opposed to the Shogun. They took the opportunity to form an alliance in 1866 (the Ishinshishi) and try to restore the emperor.
In 1867, the British started supporting the actions of the Ishishishi. Their participation is said to have given the victory to the Ishishishi during the Boshin war (1868).
Of course, this is a simplification of the actual events…
[2] When Watsuki refers to the episode of the "black boats" in the Kyoto Arc, he is talking about commodore Perry's ships. Back in 1854, when Perry come back to Japan, leading 8 naval ships, the Shogun quickly decided to sign a commercial accord with the USA…
To the reviewers
Special thanks to Jbramx2, Mibu no Ookami, L. Sith, Midnight Scribbler, Deathblade, Keito-chan and Kamorgana, who took the time to review this story. (^-^)
À la prochaine,
Mary-Ann