Disclaimer: I do not own, in any way, Rurouni Kenshin. Watsuki-sama does. I'm only borrowing his characters for a while.
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Chapter 9 – Isami Kondou
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I woke up next morning, my head filled with happy thoughts. Saitou trusted me. Saitou believed me. I streched and yaned lazily. I should have got up, but I only wished to stay here a little while longer. I didn't want my hapiness to be disrupted by any external events.
I looked at the rays of sunlight illuminating parcels of the floor. I had never realised before how beautiful they were. Today, I was seeing the world from new perspective. Even my mother's dagger was looking different. I had left it right beside me. I reached for it and grabbed it. What a fine and delicate piece of work… I raised it over my head and just admired the sun's reflection on the blade.
I was totally lost in my silent contemplation when the maid came into the room. Seeing me play with a dagger and realising that a sword was not too far away, she let out a small cry of fear.
I put the dagger aside and rapidly sat on my futon.
"It's okay. You don't have to fear anything. I won't hurt anyone."
Still, the maid looked unsure.
"These were mine. I simply got them back. I won't use them..."
Then, she understood. She shook her head in disapproval, but brought me my breakfast anyway.
"You should be more carefull, miss. You shouldn't be playing around with these. You know that your true identity shouldn't be revealed..."
"It worries you that much? So far, no one recognized me... I don't think that they ever will. It's too late now."
"It's never too late, miss."
"What do you mean?"
"You're begining to train, to dress in training clothes and now you're even having a sword... What would people think if they knew this?"
"No one saw me... And, if it bothers you that much, just hide my sword somewhere. I told you, I won't use it. But I'll keep the dagger with me. We never now what might happen..."
The maid sighed and shook her head in disaproval once more.
"I can't tell you what to do, miss. But I know what I would do. And I know what I wouldn't have done."
"You're blaming me for having been an Ishinshishi?" I bursted out.
"Shsss... You shouldn't speak so loudly..."
"You're blaming me for having been an Ishinshishi?" I repeated, almost whispering this time.
"Yes and no. Ishinshishi bring nothing but trouble. But young people have to make their own experiences. They always think that they can do better than the ones who preceded them. They think that they can change the world. How foolish…"
"You think that the new era won't come?" I said, on the verge of loosing my temper.
"Oh... It might come. But I doubt very much that it will be better than this one. From all times, there had been wars, useless deaths and sufferings. No one can change that. It's part of the human nature..."
"So, we should just simply stay there and watch? Is that what you do?"
"You're the one who's blaming me now... But no, I'm not only watching. I'm doing my share. I work in this place because people here are trying to protect what we have. They are trying to make sure that, at least, things won't degenerate... I might not be doing much, but I'm helping, in a certain way, these noble men to do their job."
"I'm sorry... I didn't want to offend you. And I didn't mean to lessen in any way the importance of your work."
"It's all right… Shall we hide the sword now?"
"Yes. But remember that you can hide my sword but you can't hide me… I'm not someone who simply stays in the shadows."
"You do as you wish miss, but remember that you are not the only one implied in this. People are playing their reputation to protect you."
"I remember it very well, thank you."
The maid picked up my sword and went in her own room to hide it. It would be very surprising if someone went there to search for it...
While she was away, I couldn't help wondering if she was right... Some of her thoughts seemed kind of logical. But to tell that it was totally true... Unlike her, I had always thought, and still did, that an era of peace could be brought to this troubled country. But was it just because I was young and simply had too many expectations?
I didn't know the answers to those questions anymore. What was once clear in my mind was not anymore. Who were the bad guys and who were the good guys in this war? Was the truth somewhere in between? This was becoming confusing...
The maid came back to see if I needed anything else. I was going to answer no when I remembered my soiled kimono. I went to pick it up and showed the dust covering the once richly coloured fabric.
"Can you do something about this?"
"Yes, I sure can. I know that wondering how that dusts went on your kimono when you're supposed to stay inside the headquarters is none of my business, but still..."
"No, it's none of your business..."
I had been a little bit rude, but I had heard enough. It was really nice of her to offer me her advice, but the things she had already said were confusing enough like that…
I had always thought that the maid was only a brainless woman unable to think of something else than her housework. But now, I knew better. She was totally devoted to serve these men because she believed in their cause. I shouldn't have judged her like that. I truly regretted it now.
A few minutes ago, I was totally happy. Now, I was even more confused than before. I tried to look by the window to find my internal peace back, but it was gone.
***
Forgetting what had been said took me a long time. Only reading one of the books my father had given me before his death helped me. It was a very short book, but I understood perfectly well why my father had appreciated it so much. It was the story of a man who was willing to do anything for his wife and children. It was the story of the love that man had for his little family. It was the story of his devotion.
Once I put the book down, my head was filled with romantic thoughts. I was dreaming that I was the happy wife and that it was Saitou who did those things for me... Then, I began laughing out loud. That was simply impossible. That was too much unlike Saitou. Yes, he had given me my sword and my dagger back. It was a small step forward, but it was still very far from the romantic words and actions described in the book.
I got up and put the book aside. One of those days, if I kept reading too much of these, I would forget how the real world was. As I had been sitting for a little too long, I streched while wondering what I should do next. My eyes wandered around the room and stopped on the kimono the merchant had gave me as a gift.
I start unfolding it and simply took time to examine the intricate pattern. I didn't heard Soushi come in the room.
"Tokio-san! I didn't know that you owned such a thing."
"Actually, I don't really feel like if I "own" it... But, you could say that I do."
Soushi seemed to be puzzled by my words, but then, he simply ignored what I had said and asked.
"Tokio-san, you look quite happy today. Something happened? Did you receive news from Aizu?"
I remained silent for a while. Of course I was happy. Saitou finally trusted me. But should I tell Soushi? No... There are some things we prefer keeping for ourselves.
"No, I didn't receive any news. I just woke up feeling happy. That's all..." I answered, evasively.
Soushi stared at me very sceptically. Decidely, he had a hard time figuring me today.
"Should we go train, Tokio-san?"
"Yes, of course..."
***
A few days later, we were once again in the training hall. Soushi had really helped me a lot lately. I really don't know what I would have done without him.
I had improved over the past few days. I think that I had regained about thirty percent of my original strength. It wasn't much, but it was very respectable. At least, I would be able to defend myself against unskilled or weak attackers.
I intended to leave for Aizu when I would have regained at least fifty percent of my original strength. That was what I needed to travel almost safely. If my estimations were correct, that would be in about a week from now.
"Good work, Tokio! That was a nice shot!" said Soushi, trying to encourage me.
If Soushi had only known how I used to fight, he wouldn't think that this was a nice shot...
"Thanks Soushi!" I answered anyway.
Soushi had been, for a while, shooting questioning glances toward something or someone behind my back. Curious, I turned around in order to see what was distrubing him. Saitou was leaning against the wall, smoking while observing my training session.
Saitou... What was he doing here? After that night in the streets, he had somehow completely vanished from the headquarters. Had he been avoiding me deliberately or was it just because of his work? It was hard to tell. But seeing him there, I was ready to forgive everything.
"Is there something you wanted to tell me, Saitou-san?" politely asked Soushi.
"No. I just have a few words to say to Takagi. But that can wait."
I stared at him, surprised and expectant. As he was observing me, I blushed under his gaze. Confused and looking forward to an excuse to escape this embarrassing moment, I turned toward Soushi to tell him that we could resume practice. But I felt even more embarrassed when I realised that Soushi had been closely observing during that short exchange. He looked amused by our behaviour. He seemed to know more about my strange relationship with Saitou than I myself did...
Soushi stopped grinning and we practise, but soon, Soushi understood that I was now more focused on Saitou's presence than on my training.
"Well, that's enough for today, Tokio-san. You're improving very fast. Saitou-san, she's all yours now."
I tried to keep my mind off the double meaning of these words as I walked across the hall. Soushi had done it on purpose, to tease us. I leaned against the wall right beside Saitou.
I remained silent. I was trying to catch my breath and to look as detached as I could, to match Saitou's behaviour. But in fact, all I really wanted was to hug him, and maybe a bit more than that, in order to thank him for his trust.
"You wanted to tell me something?" I finally managed to say, almost coolly.
Saitou stared at his cigarette and then took a deep drag before he finally deigned answer me.
"It's just a message from Kondou."
Kondou... Oh, yes: the Shinsengumi's head chef. I still hadn't had the chance to meet him.
"Oh…! And what does he want?"
"To meet you. He's giving a small reception, right here in the training hall, tonight. A few Kyoto's officials, their wives, the ten captains of the Shinsengumi and their wives, for those who have one."
"And, he wants me there?"
"Yes. In fact, as I'm the one who brought you here, he asked me to present you to everyone..." Saitou snorted disdainfully at these words.
"I supposed that it is a very formal reception?" I said, trying not to sound offended.
"Yes, it is." he answered shortly. "Try to be ready in time. I don't enjoy much having to wait after people."
"You don't have to worry for that."
I then produced a little head bow and I left the room, leaving Saitou smoking alone. I should have gone directly to see the maid. I had to ask for her help as I would be totally unable to arrange gracefully my kimono alone. But I had other worries. I wanted to know what was behind Soushi's mischievous grin...
I reached Soushi's room and knocked, hoping he was there. Hopefully enough, the shouji was quickly drawn aside.
"Oh! It's you, Tokio-san... come in."
I did as he told me and took the time to take a look around while Soushi rapidly tried to clean the place.
"So, what can I do for you?" he finally said.
"Is there something I should know about Saitou and me?"
Soushi suddendly looked totally embarassed.
"Tokio-san... I don't know if I should..."
"Soushi, I know that there was something you wanted to tell me the day I went to Saitou's room to get my sword back. And I know that you weren't smiling innocently downstairs. Please, tell me. It is very important to me."
Soushi hesitated for a while. Then he said.
"Yes, there might be things you should know. But it's a long story. So, don't just stand there. Sit and make yourself comfortable."
I did as Soushi told me and kneeled on the floor. Soushi kneeled right beside me. He waited for a while, searching for the right words. I was hoping that he would go faster. I was growing nervous. Soushi took a deep breath and finally began his story.
"I... I think that you disturb Saitou-san very much."
"Disturb?"
"Well, I think that you noticed the fact that he has been avoiding you. That is very unlike him. Generally, he doesn't care enough about people to trouble himself like that."
"Why is he doing this then?"
"You're seeking for a complex answer… When Saitou-san first noticed you in the streets, I think that you immediatly caught his attention. I was there, I saw it. Saitou-san doesn't normally look at women that particular way... Then one night, he told me that he saw you in the streets and that you were in fact one of the Ishinshishi. He was angrier than ever and I think that he wasn't too pleased by his previous inclination towards you. He swore that he would find you and kill you. Then I don't know what happened, but two days later, he seemed to have suddendly changed his mind about this commitment. I didn't dare comment on that."
I smiled shyly. I knew why. That was right after we saw each other that night at the Ishinshishi headquarters...
"Gradually, I came to realise that each time we heard that your unit was in a certain district of Kyoto, Saitou-san headed toward the exact opposite direction. I assumed that, somehow, he had developed some feelings for you and didn't want to have to kill you in a fight. But of course, he would never have admitted this."
So, that was why I hadn't seen him during those two long months...
"And then, one day, Kondou talked about your uncle's request. Saitou knew who you really were and knew exactly where to find you, but he didn't say anything. It didn't surprise me at all when one night, he came back carrying you. At first, I even thought that he had deliberately injured you in a desperate attempt to bring you here by force..."
I laughed at the thought. Soushi's laugh joined mine.
"He tried to explain to me that he had done this only for the Shinsengumi's sake. That it was to keep your uncle's support. It made sense, but I think that he was mostly trying to convince himself… I didn't say anything and let him have his way. His love life was none of my business. But I couldn't help noticing that, while you were uncouscious, each day, he went to see the maid to check how you were doing."
I knew what Soushi was talking about. I had witness one of these conversations.
"As soon as you got better, he stopped doing this. I think that he had realised that it was, according to his own standards, becoming insane. I think that his feelings for you might have frightened him so that's why he's been avoiding you lately. And when he sees you, he acts like a total jerk only to be sure that you'll also avoid him. Like that, he thinks that his life will, one day, come back to normal."
Soushi stopped. He had finished talking.
"Did he talk to you about all this?"
"No, not a single word. But I've known him for so long that I can tell what he's been thinking..."
"Thank you Soushi." I said, smiling kindly.
"It was only natural to help a friend."
A friend... No one had ever really considered me this way...
I was smiling happily on the way to my room.
***
The maid was helping me with my clothes as I had asked her. I had already took a bath and decided that I was going to wear the kimono the merchant had gave me. I probably wouldn't have another opportunity to wear it soon...
"What kind of man is Isami Kondou?" I asked to the maid.
"An intelligent man. Severe in his judgments, hard with the swordsmen, but he knows how to run this place. And he is always fair. He never takes a decision in a hurry. He thinks and analyse first."
"Saitou once told me that he wouldn't be too pleased to know that I was once an Ishinshishi..."
"He wouldn't. But I don't think that he would treat a lady badly..."
"You think that he would forgive about what I did because I am a woman?"
"No... Not exactly. He would not forgive you. But you would not get killed. That's more like it."
"Oh! That's a nice thing to know..."
I stared laughing nervously. I had spent more than a month in this place and no regrettable accident had occurred. Maybe going down there tonight would be playing with fire… I would have to watch my words closely.
"There you go. Your kimono is just perfect. Let me arrange your hair. It's too bad that we don't have any nice ornaments, perfume or even some makeup..."
"Yes... I know..."
While the maid was arranging my hair, I look at my reflection in the window. I couldn't beleive that it was me. I was looking at the most distinguished and beautiful woman I had ever seen. Of course, the kimono was totally responsible for this. But I couldn't help feeling proud, anyway. I had never paid too much attention to my appearance before, but tonight, it was different…
"There you go. You're totally breathtaking."
"You think so?"
"No man could resist this lovely sight."
The maid then left the room. I had only a few minutes left before the reception began. I made sure that no one was around and then, I picked up my hidden dagger. I put it carefully in my obi, just in case something happened.
Finally ready to go, I stood by the window for a while, starring out. Some people were already arriving by carriage. Some of the official's wives particularly caught my attention. I looked closely at their clothes. They definitely weren't as nice as mine were. I smiled of contentment: Saitou wouldn't have to be ashamed of having to be accompanied by me...
Finally, a heard someone knock on my shouji. I went to open it.
"It's time." said Saitou shortly.
I went out of my room, closed the shouji behind me and we headed downstairs. I could not go back now. I had to face the music. And I would.
While walking beside Saitou, I looked at our reflection in the window placed at the end of the corridor. Together, we looked majestic.
Of course, Saitou hadn't made a single comment on my appearance and he hadn't looked at all impressed at all. In fact, he acted like if he hadn't notice anything special. But, thanks to Soushi, I now knew why… Not too long ago, I would have be totally devastated by this kind of attitude, but now, I even felt glad that he reacted this way. It showed me that he was still too strongly attracted to lower his guard.
I cast sideway glances at him and thought how much I would love, right now, to be in his arms. But not used to this kind of business, I was too afraid to take the first steps. I was waiting, expectant. The best way to be deceived…
We made it to the training hall without exchanging a single word. The room was already filled with people. I immediately spotted all the captains. Even if we had come in early, we were probably the last one to arrive.
Saitou seemed to be leading me directly toward a small group of men. Soushi was among them. Right beside him, a taller man caught my attention. The others were talking to him only with great respect and their manners were somewhat stiff. I assumed that this man was Isami Kondou.
They all stopped talking as they saw us approach. We stopped right in front of Kondou. I was a bit nervous and unsure. But as I looked at the man's gentle eyes, I stopped worrying. The maid was right. This man would be fair with me if anything came to happen. And besides, nothing would happen.
"This, Kondou-sama, is Tokio Takagi." Said Saitou. I was supprised. It was the first time I heard him use a mark of respect while adressing someone.
"Takagi-san. It's a pleasure to finally have to chance to meet you."
"The pleasure is mine, sir." I said, bowing deeply.
"Takagi-san, I was just talking about how the support of the Aizu district is becoming more and more important for the Shinsengumi. With people like your late-father and your uncle, the Shinsengumi certainly have strong allies there..."
"My family always served the interrest of the Shogun with great devotion." Until this generation, I silently added.
"Okita-san, here, told me that you were going to leave us to go back to Aizu soon?"
"Yes, I have been away from my family for too long. I plan leaving in about a week."
"So soon? We just met... If you ever want to prolongate your stay here, don't hesitate. I'm sure that we would all appreciate it."
Kondou then stop looking at me to cast a short meaningful glance at Saitou. Then, he looked at Soushi and wispered a few words to his ear. Soushi giggled a bit... I would have to talk to Soushi about this...
Then, Kondou kindly told me.
"I really hope that you'll spend a nice evening."
"I certainly will."
I bowed again. Our discussion was over. That was all the time Kondou could accord me. But, as he had been very nice, I didn't mind much.
I understood, at Saitou's attitude that he already considered his job done for the night. He wouldn't introduce me to anyone else.
I started looking around. Some of the captains' wives were talking in a corner of the room. I knew them by sight, but I had never really talked to them. I walk over their group and tried to join their conversation, but only after a few minutes, I was deeply borred.
I looked at Saitou, who was still talking with Soushi, Kondou and a few others. I wished that I could join that group instead. But I knew that it wasn't my place and that I wouldn't be welcome there.
Finally, a small man came to talk to me.
"Takagi-san, I suppose?"
"Yes. And you are?"
"Most people just call me Iwasaki. I'm one of Kyoto's officials."
"Oh! Yes, your name remembers me something."
Yes, I remembered his name. It had appeared on one of Takasugi's wanted list… I wondered how he had managed to survive this long to the Ishinshishi's assaults.
"I am an old friend of your father. I come from Aizu... I was very sad to hear that he is dead. If there is anything I can do to help your family in these times of suffering, just tell me. It will be my pleasure to help you."
"You're very kind, but my father's brother is already taking care of us."
"I'm relieved to hear this. You had an older brother I think... Asaki?"
"Yes."
"Is he fighting for the Shogunate right now?"
"No... He's not... He died a while ago."
"Oh! May I ask how it happened?"
"You have the right to ask, but I am sorry to say that I still can't really speak about this. It's too painfull."
I simply couldn't tell the man that my brother had not fight for the Shogunate but for the Ishinshishi and that he had died fighting...
As the man started telling me some old stories about my father, I suddendly had the impression of being watched. I looked around and noticed Saitou, still standing beside Kondou, intensely staring at me.
I did the most mysterious smile I could and slowly turned away to face Iwasaki. I had the feeling that Saitou didn't enjoy much the attention that the older man was giving me. I had the feeling that he was going to react, no matter if he had decided to ignore me. But Kondou involuntarily stopped him from doing so.
"Tokio-san! Could you come here? There is something we have to ask you…"
I graciously excuse myself and quickly joined Kondou's circle.
"Here she is... We were wondering how the Aizu population was reacting to this conflict. Of course, we could refer to the official reports, but there is nothing like the opinion of someone who lived there..."
"When I left the city, the population still majoritarily supported the Shogun. Of course, everyone was a bit tired and was looking forward to the end of the war, but I think that the moral was still there."
"You see, that is exactly what I told you. We can absolutely count on the support of Aizu." said Kondou to a man I still hadn't noticed.
I looked at the stranger. I had already seen him somewhere before... But where? And when?
Suddendly, I remembered. This was Asaki's killer. It was the man who had killed my brother three months ago...
I tried to stay as calm as possible. I couldn't do anything stupid. Not now. Not here.
The discussion was still going on, but I wasn't listening. I had difficulties thinking clearly and I was only looking forward to the end of the reception. Once or twice, my hand instinctly tried to reach for my dagger in my obi, but I stopped just in time.
In my state of diziness, I hadn't notice that, unlike everyone else, Saitou had notice my discomfort and was strangely studying me.
To be continued
Notes
Isami Kondou was born in 1834. He was the owner of a dojo in Edo. That is where he met Okita and Hijikata. Latter in his life, he founded the Shinsengumi.
To the reviewers
Special thanks to C.G., Kamorgana, JadeGoddess, Alderine, Aiteane, Keito-chan, IceRain, L. Sith, Silver-wolf69, Wolf of Mibu, Befuddled, The Great Thing, Leila Winters, Charmed-anime, Bonessan and Dadsnavygirl831, who took the time to review this story. (^-^)
À la prochaine,
Mary-Ann