Disclaimer: I do not own, in any way, Rurouni Kenshin. Watsuki-sama does. I'm only borrowing his characters for a while.
Hi everyone! Thank you for your patience. Updating this took me way more time than what I first thought. It was a difficult chapter to write as the story has entered a delicate phase. But soon, the difficulties should vanish and I should be able to update more regularly. (Note that I used the word "should"…)
Special thanks to Kamorgana, who graciously offered to pre-read this. I truly appreciate your comments, your corrections and your support. ^-^
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Chapter 10 – Wicked games
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Finally able to leave the reception, I went directly into my room. I was still very confused. I didn't know how I should react to this. I started walking back and forth, trying desperately to find a solution to my newest problem.
Apparently, Asaki's murderer had not recognized me. After all, he had barely seen me that night. So, the wisest thing to do would be to simply stay here for another week, as stated, and then leave for Aizu, also as stated. That was what my mind told me. But my heart said otherwise.
I was living with people who were on a friendly basis with my brother's killer. Of course, I should have known that this was a possibility. After all, the murderer had been fighting for the Shogunate. I had been so focused on Saitou that I had almost forgotten about these sorts of things. What a shameful oversight. And what a disillusion...
I simply couldn't stay here any longer. I had to leave this place. But also, I couldn't go back to Aizu before satisfying my long forgotten need for revenge. A need stronger than ever, now that we had met face to face.
The only remaining option was to leave the Shinsengumi headquarters, find an inn somewhere in Kyoto and stay there until I found a way of accomplishing my vengeance… Yes, that was it. That was what I should do and that was what I would do.
My uncle had sent me enough money to put this plan into action. That wasn't a problem at all. The only thing that bothered me was that I would now have to leave Saitou's side just as things were beginning to escalate between us. But wasn't he also one of his supporters? I shouldn't keep feelings for him then…
I rapidly changed kimono. It was too flashy to go unnoticed. Anyone could have tracked me down. Unfolding and folding the fabrics, I was keeping my hands busy, my thoughts were almost clear, but my heart was sinking. I had decided that I should forget my feelings for Saitou. There are some things that can't be forgiven. He might even have played a role in my brother's death. But still…
Finally wearing simpler clothes, I had to take the next step leading me out of this place. I had to get my sword back. The maid was not in her room as she was probably downstairs, erasing every trace of the reception. So, without any further delay, I entered her room and tried to guess where she could have hidden my sword. It didn't took me long to find it. Then, I went back to my own room and I began packing my stuff. My kimonos, the training clothes from Soushi, the sleeping clothes from the maid, the books from my father. I put my mother's dagger in my obi and slowly took a last look around. That was it.
"Running away?"
When I had came back from the maid's room, I had left the shouji opened, thinking that picking up my few belongings wouldn't take long enough for anyone to notice what I was doing. But now, Saitou was standing in the doorway and was watching me closely. I could see his strange amber eyes shinning dangerously in the dark.
"I already stayed too long at this place. I shouldn't have. I don't want to impose myself."
My cheeks turned red. I was deliberately, and clumsily, lying to Saitou only a few days after I had urged him to trust me. And after he had trusted me…
I was starting to feel more and more uncomfortable under his persistent gaze. As I cast him furtive glances, I could read in his eyes that he didn't believe me at all. He knew that I was lying. He knew that I was hiding something important. He could so easily read all of my thoughts...
"Tell the truth, Takagi. I'm no fool."
Yes, he was no fool. But I couldn't freely answer his questions. I couldn't reveal my true intentions as they concerned his friend… I remained silent, hoping that he would leave me alone. But I knew that it wouldn't be the case.
"If you don't speak freely, I'll start asking questions... So, what's with tonight's guest? You looked like you could have killed him right on the spot."
I looked at him, stunned. So he had realized it. I thought that I had successfully hide my feelings... Who else might have noticed?
"No one else noticed, Takagi. You don't have to fear anything, but I still want to know the truth." said Saitou, reading me once more like an open book.
The truth… Should I really tell him? I slowly raised my head to observe him more attentively. Yes, he looked severe and judgmental, but I still couldn't see him as an enemy. I couldn't. It was Saitou…
Besides, as he was blocking the doorway, I wouldn't be able to escape before providing satisfying answers to his questions. I had to answer: I had no other option. He would understand... Maybe… Probably not…
"That man, that guest, is my brother's murderer." I said with great difficulties.
"How did it happen?"
"Asaki was supposed to find the cause of suspect deaths among the Ishinshishi. His investigations led to that man. Three months ago, one night, they both met and fought. Asaki died..."
"So, just the normal course of events in every swordsmen life..."
"No. Not at all. Asaki was killed in the back while he was not looking and not prepared to fight. I saw it and I know that that was totally disloyal. No honorable swordsman should ever behave that way." I said with passion.
"Oh! I see! So now, the little sister wants to take revenge?" said Saitou, mockingly.
"Say what you want, but I won't stay any longer under the roof of that murderer's friends..." I said coldly, irritated by his lack of understanding and compassion.
Saitou's teasing words had suddenly reinforced my wish to leave. I shouldn't have expected understanding… Not from an enemy. I picked up my stuff and walked directly toward the shouji. Saitou moved and let me pass but followed me in the corridor.
"Don't follow me like that!" I burst out.
"I'm just trying to prevent you from doing stupid things, Takagi." answered Saitou, calmly
"I won't do anything stupid! I'll just do what I have to do!"
"That's exactly what I said: something stupid." he answered with a snort.
I abruptly stopped walking and brusquely turned around to face him.
"Stop messing with my life! Last time you interfered, I ended up in the Shinsengumi headquarters..." I said disdain filling my voice as I pronounced the last words.
Saitou apparently did not appreciate that last outburst. I knew that it was ungrateful and that the Shinsengumi's honor was something important to him… He couldn't let my last words pass. Our eyes met and we both glared angrily at each other. As I had been almost yelling, people were beginning to get out of their rooms to check what was happening.
I looked defiantly at the small crowd and noticed that Soushi was there. He looked quite concerned. I think that he had seen this coming for a long time. There had been too much tension between us. For too long. A confrontation was inevitable now. With our respective strong personalities, it would have end up this way, one day or another.
Saitou was casting murderous glances around. After what seemed to be an eternity, but probably lasted less than a few seconds, he grabbed me by the wrist, dragged me to his room and pushed me almost violently inside. There we would be able to finish our discussion in peace.
I was massaging my swollen arm when Saitou started talking, sharply.
"First, you should be a little more grateful that I saved your butt. Second, we are not friends of your brother's assassin."
I crossed my arms and waited for the explanation.
"The man you saw downstairs, and that you identified as your brother's killer, is not related to us. He receives orders from a group coming from Osaka. Tonight, he was sent here by that group's leader to offer us an alliance. But, even before the evening started, Kondou had made up his mind. He is going to refuse the proposition."
"Why?"
"Because, even if we are fighting on the same side, we don't appreciate their methods."
"So you are not related to him?" I asked hesitantly
"Not at all." answered Saitou, abruptly.
Slowly my mood changed from fury to remorse. My first impression had been correct after all. These people could be trusted. And they were not associated with my brother's killer. I sighed. I had overreacted again...
While I silently thought about this, Saitou kept staring at me. Finally, he asked me, on a neutral tone.
"Do you think that the man recognized you?"
"No... I don't think so. He had barely seen me, in the streets, the night Asaki died. And I was dressed very differently..."
"Yes you were."
I looked at him a little bit more intently. His eyes were no longer flashing with anger. His sharp features had regained their normal expression. Of course, he was still far from looking kind, but I somehow found comfort at his sight…
"I… I really apologize for my behavior tonight. I shouldn't have doubted the Shinsengumi's honor. It's only an old reflex resurfacing…"
As Saitou didn't answer anything, I continued regretfully, as I slowly realized the consequences of my previous behavior.
"I guess that I'll have to leave this place really soon anyway. After I threw a tantrum in the corridor, yelling and carrying my sword around, I think that my cover won't last long. I'm sorry."
I looked at Saitou and waited for a reaction. There was none. I had expected that, but still, I had hoped that, when the moment would have come, he would have stopped me from leaving. But he was probably only happy to be able to get back to a more normal life. A life without me.
"So… Tomorrow morning, I'll leave this place. I won't bother you anymore."
I regretfully went to the shouji. I waited for a while and took, what I thought would be, a last glance toward the man I loved. I smiled briefly. That was my way to tell him goodbye. And a sad goodbye it was.
I truly regretted that things had not evolved between us. Saitou had not wanted them to and maybe he had made the right choice. But still, I wished that things were different.
I slowly turned away from him and raised my hand to grab the shouji.
"I always thought that you had more courage than that, Takagi."
My hand stopped its course. Those words rooted me to the spot.
"What do you mean?" I asked without looking at Saitou.
"You are running away."
I swiftly turned around, under the accusation, and blankly stared at him. Was it true? Was I acting like a coward? In my head, I a little voice said yes, yes. I was indeed leaving a week earlier, afraid that someone might discover the truth in the next few days. I was running away….
"I… I didn't mean to…" I started in a vain attempt to justify myself.
"But you did."
Yes I had… I remembered Saitou's words that night in the streets. He had thought that I had become a harmless kitten. Was this really me? Was this the person I had hoped to be? No.
Maybe Saitou had been right. With my injuries and with the fact that I might have been discovered, I constantly feared both the Ishinshishi and the Shinsengumi. This had softened my temper and had, partially, turned me into a coward. I didn't want to be a coward. I would have to change a couple of things.
Hiding swords and training only when no one was around were not acts of bravery. I hadn't chose this behavior, but I hadn't objected it either. Also, the couple of things I had to change definitely included the way I had handled my relation with Saitou until now. I had to stop hiding my feelings and let him have his way… But thinking of this, made me realize something else.
"You are also a coward. You've been deliberately avoiding me for weeks now..."
I looked at him directly in the eyes, but I did not really dare take a step forward. The words were already a serious threat to my life. For a minute, I thought that I had gone too far, but then, Saitou smirked.
"You call me a coward once more Takagi, and you're dead meat."
"Prove me wrong and I won't have to repeat myself…"
He didn't react to this invitation. Maybe I had been hoping a little too much. He only took a cigarette out of his pocket and slowly, meticulously, lit it. He seemed to be totally in control of himself and really not ready to give in to my challenge.
"Go play somewhere else, Takagi. I have other things to do." he finally said.
I turned around to leave the room. Nothing had happened, but he now knew exactly where I stood. The ball was in his court. He was the one who had to react.
"If you change your mind, you know where to find me. I'll stay here, as I first said I would."
My words only met a wall of silence and of indifference.
***
During the next few days, I tried to chase any thought of Saitou that came to my mind. I had walked halfway, I had done what I had to do. The future would tell what would happen next, so why trouble myself imagining possible scenarios?
In the meantime, I had other preoccupations. I still hadn't forgot about my thought of revenge. How could I have? The world would definitely be a better place without men like the one who had cowardly murdered my brother. And it was not only a personal vendetta: it was also for all the ones he had probably made suffer and for all the ones he would probably make suffer.
But, while thinking about revenge was easy, putting those thoughts into action would be quite a challenge. I was still very weak and the murderer was quite skilled. A fight now and I would be defeated for sure… I had to wait for the right moment. Become more powerful and learn a few things about him and his group.
That is why I spent all of my days on the first floor, and not in my room, like habitually. After my training with Soushi, who was really impressed by my sudden urge of becoming stronger, I always went into the main room and tried to listen to the discussion going on.
During those long days I spend faking reading books, I was quite relieved that no one even dared mention the incident with Saitou. They all knew better. Being afraid of blowing my cover had been foolish. They were definitely not on the verge of finding who I really was…
Learning a few things about the murderer's group was a way much easier task than I had first thought. In fact, Captain Harada, the leader of the 10th division, always talked a lot without bothering much about who was around…
That's how I learned where the whole assassin's group was staying, here in Kyoto. And exactly what they were planning. A few months ago, when I was still an Ishinshishi, that kind of information would have brightened my day. But now, not really knowing on which side I should be anymore, only the parts about the murderer truly interested me.
But what I learnt next finally caught my full attention. The man who had took Takasugi's job, as leader of the Choshu branch in Kyoto, hadn't lose his time. He had prepared his troops for what everyone thought would be a massive and well-organized attack. And it would probably come soon. That is why there were more Ishin than ever in the capital.
I remembered Takasugi's words: the British would bring their support to the rebellion by providing occidental weapons… Suddenly, weirdly, I started worrying for my Shinsengumi companions. Not necessarily for Saitou and Okita. They were strong enough to defend themselves in any circumstances. I was worried for the others. They had been so kind to me. They were all so devoted to their work. They were great men. I would definitely be very sad when even one of them would die.
But then, I shook my head. I had other things to worry about. And Asaki's murderer was on the top of that list.
I had to stay a few more days in Kyoto if I wanted to be able to defeat him. I would have to prolong my stay in the capital. I had announced to Kondou that I would leave in a week. There were only two days left before that fatidic date. It was December 21st and my family was waiting for me, soon, in Aizu. I would have to find a good excuse to stay longer…
***
I slowly opened my eyes next morning. My eyelids were still heavy with sleep, my mind was working slowly. I was going to go back to sleep when a knock on the shouji definitely woke me up. That must have been what had disturbed my precious sleep in the first place.
"Tokio-san! Open up! I have something really important to tell you." called Soushi.
Something important? At this hour of the day? Anxious, I quickly got up and opened the shouji.
"What's wrong, Soushi?"
"It's Kondou-sama…"
Soushi stopped, unsure of how to say this without worrying me. But it was already too late…
"What does he want? What happened?"
"He wants to see you. Now."
"Now? But it's still very early in the morning…" I said becoming more and more nervous. That really didn't sound good to my ears.
I was about to close the shouji to get ready. It was probably not the right time to make Kondou wait. But, before I could act, I noticed that Soushi wanted to tell me something else.
"Is there something else I should know?"
"Kondou-sama saw Saitou-san late at night, yesterday. When Saitou-san came out of the room, he looked quite mad. In fact, he looked just like if he was going to kill the first person who would be on his way… That's all I know."
"Thanks Soushi." I said before finally closing the shouji in a hurry.
I was worried. Anxious. But, knowing that I would learn all there was to be learned soon enough, I tried to forget about this and calmly get dressed. Ten minutes later, looking almost presentable, I began walking toward the room in which Kondou spent almost his entire days. The room in which you didn't go without being formally invited. And now, quite unfortunately, it seemed that I had received such an invitation.
As I walked, I became nervous again. Facing the shouji, I knocked with hesitation. I was ready to face anything, but I was unsure of what would happen. Had Kondou discovered the truth or was it just a cordial invitation? I was still deliberating when I heard Kondou's voice.
"You can come in!"
I delicately pushed the shouji aside, discretely went into the room and closed the shouji behind me. Then, I faced Kondou and bowed as politely as I could. I silently thanked my mother for having taught me some rules of etiquette.
"You wanted to talk to me, sir…?"
"Yes. Sit down, please."
I did as he told me. I noticed that Kondou didn't seem to be angry. Annoyed and eager to be finished with this, but not angry.
"Tokio-san, I have a small problem with you."
I did not like the sound of these words. Not at all. I tried to remember that Kondou did not seemed angry, but I couldn't help feeling nervous anyway.
"Saitou-san and Okita-san may think that I'm not aware of what is happening in this building, but I'm no fool. I'm fully aware of some things. I was ready to close my eyes, but I might have found a use to this particular situation. "
My mind suddenly started working very fast. If Kondou was talking about Saitou and Okita trying to fool him…
"I suspected that something was weird as soon as I was informed of your uncle's request. Aizu officials' daughters don't disappear like that, with no good reason… And, when Saitou-san brought you back from the streets, greatly injured, my suspicions were even more aroused. I started investigating on your case and what I found out bemused me."
Hearing Kondou's words, I realized how we had all be foolish. How could we ever have thought that hiding the truth from such a man was something possible?
"But, as I told you before, I would have closed my eyes on this. You are a woman, you are not in a great physical shape, you were going to leave this place soon and, from what I've heard and seen, you are not going to attack any of us. So, that is why I had decided to let you go. And I was even ready to forgive Saitou-san and Okita-san for their actions."
"But you found another use for me?" I asked a bit relieved, but still worried about what would come next.
"Exactly. What can you tell me about the Ishin's plans?"
I went pale for a while, and gasped. I couldn't do that. Yes, I knew some things, not much, but I knew some things. Telling them now would clearly betray those who had once trusted me.
"I won't tell you." I said shortly, looking at him defiantly in the eyes, shocked by this attempt.
Kondou smiled warmly before telling me.
"Good. That's exactly the kind of answer I was seeking for. You can be trusted, there is no doubt about it. Once you give your word to someone, it seems that you won't back out."
"Of course not." I said outraged that he had doubted it.
"Then, tell me where you stand in this conflict right now?"
I looked at him a bit puzzled. I had the impression that he was presently manipulating me. Making me say the exact words he wanted to hear. I didn't like this, but I went on anyway. I didn't really have the choice.
"I don't really know. I think that right now, I'm on no one's side. What I saw here made me realized that people fighting for the Shogunate were not as bad as I had thought they were. But I still think that the Ishinshishi might be the one fighting for the right cause."
"So you are neutral."
"Yes."
"You didn't deliberately stop fighting with your group, but you also enjoy staying here."
"Exactly."
"Then, you wouldn't object if I asked you to stay here longer than what you had first planned?"
I paled again. Yes, he had trapped me. Indeed, objecting seemed to be the right thing to do, but staying here longer was exactly what I wanted. I needed time to go after Asaki's murderer and Kondou was offering me that time on a silver platter.
"It depends of what you want from me. There must be a reason behind this proposition…"I answered with hesitation.
Kondou smiled and said.
"Yes, there is. You might be aware of the fact that things are not going very well for us right now. Ishin's forces are gathered in Kyoto. They will launch an attack soon. Even if I believe in my men, I fear that we might be outnumbered. If we are defeated, which is a possibility, we'll probably have to retreat and leave Kyoto. So, I'm seeking for other fiefs' support."
"That is why you asked me those questions about Aizu's allegiances the other night? You think that I can help you gain more support than what you already have from Aizu?"
"Yes."
"How?" I asked puzzled.
"Blood alliances are quite strong. Even more when large sum of money are exchanged in the process."
"You mean that…?" I asked, already fearing the truth.
"I mean that a wedding between one of my best men and the daughter of one of Aizu's most important official would be a nice way to reinforce the already existing alliance between the Shinsengumi and the fief of Aizu."
I stared at the floor for a while, thinking. I had left my parent's house to become independent. To make my own choices. And now, someone was toying around with my life. I didn't like it.
"Takagi-san, I already talked to Saitou-san about this. He is the best choice I have. He has quite a reputation and has a really important role in this organization. So, your fief should be flattered by the proposition. And, I think that it would even be better this way: with what happened the night of the reception. A reputation can be so easily lost… Besides, I noticed that you were not totally indifferent to him. "
No, I was not indifferent to Saitou. Kondou probably thought that I would accept his proposition without further delay. But… I had never wished of a pure political marriage. I wanted to feel wanted. Really wanted. And I was still waiting for that.
"And what did Saitou replied to your proposition?"
"It's not a proposition. It's an obligation. He doesn't have the choice. He can pester as much as he wants, it won't change the fact that he is going to marry you" Replied Kondou, on a harder tone.
I looked at him, surprised.
"So, you were not really seeking for my agreement…?"
"No. I hope you will agree, but your opinion doesn't really matter here. In fact, I took the final decision the other night, after the reception. Immediately, I sent a large amount of money to the Daimyo of Aizu, so that he takes care of the negotiations with your uncle. As soon as I have a positive answer, in a few days, we'll go forward."
I really, really didn't like the sound of this. It had been planned in my back. For a while, I thought of refusing and facing the consequences, but… I needed to stay in Kyoto. The perspective of marrying Saitou was not totally a dark one. And, I was at the mercy of Kondou: he knew I had been one of the Ishinshishi.
"Okay, I'll do it."
"Good. It is settled then."
I got up to my feet and left, knowing that our conversation had been brought to an end. Maybe it was the end of the story for Kondou, but for me, it was only the beginning…
I did not really want my relation with Saitou to evolve that way. Even if hoped that part of him was attracted to me, I would never have wanted to force him in a union he didn't necessarily wanted. He was too wild to be tamed. But now, I couldn't back out: I had given my word.
Halfway toward my room, I stopped walking. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. That was too much for me. Way too much.
The characteristic smell of cigarette getting nearer and nearer made me open my eyes again. I turned expecting Saitou. Somehow I would have wished to clear a few things out before having to see him. I was really not ready for a confrontation right now.
But he didn't pay me the slightest attention. He only passed his way, as if I was not existing.
Normally, I would have been offended by such an attitude. But this time, I could only understand him. I was intruding into his private life. Something he clearly didn't want.
To be continued
General comments
I decided that at least one fact about Saitou and Tokio relation would be historically correct: their wedding would be an arranged one. I guess I just can't picture Saitou actually proposing to someone…
To the reviewers
Special thanks to dadsnavygirl831, mvdiva, charmed-anime, Alice, Alderine, Hiss, Keito-chan, Crystalshower, aietane, Lord vampire, The great thing, Lasaire, Kochou570, Bonessasan, Kamorgana, Wolf of Mibu, Leila Winters, JadeGoddess, L. Sith and IceRain, who took the time to review this story. (^-^)
À la prochaine,
Mary-Ann