Disclaimer: I do not own, in any way, Rurouni Kenshin. Watsuki-sama does. I'm only borrowing his characters for a while.

Ten thousand times thank you (and even more) to Kamorgana. Your comments, suggestions and corrections on this chapter were more than welcomed. -

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Chapter 11 – Days of loneliness

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I spent the next few days waiting. Hoping that certain things, that would more than probably happen, would not. I had wished of wining Saitou's heart in a completely different manner.

I had felt attracted to Saitou at first sight. It wasn't love yet. You can't love someone you have barely seen. But, after he saved me in the streets that night, slowly my feelings evolved. A connection had been established. I owed him. I was grateful to him. And finally, for those reasons, I fell for him. Did he feel the same way? I could not tell.

Of course, Soushi had told me that Saitou was deliberately avoiding me because he felt that I had too much power over him. Was it really true? Was it only Soushi's imagination? I wasn't sure. Of course, this theory made sense. But, after I had provoked him a few days ago, I had the feeling that Saitou should have reacted by now. Maybe he would have, if it hadn't been for Kondou's intervention.

Since my meeting with Kondou, Saitou was not avoiding me like he did before. Instead, he was coldly ignoring me each time we met. And, if I dared speak, he would look down at me, clearly telling me that I was a pure nuisance. It was worse than before. With this attitude, I had the strong feeling that even if he had felt attracted to me at a time, it wasn't the case anymore. And obviously, he had never loved me, like I had hoped…

Morally down, I was trying to cheer myself up by learning other things about my brother's killer. After all, I had to gather more information if I wanted to fulfill my need for revenge. But I did this with less enthusiasm than before. Somehow, my mood had been spoiled.

During these long days, Soushi spent some time with me. He was always cheerful and was acting like if nothing important had happened. I truly regretted that he was putting on this masquerade. Maybe hiding behind a mask of fake joy was doing him good, but it didn't worked with me. I was depressed and the last thing I wanted to do was laugh.

We continued training, when not too many people were around. I was gradually improving. I had finally regained more than half of my original strength: exactly what I had sought for before being able to leave for Aizu. But now, it didn't really matter anymore. I had to retrieve even more strength if I wanted to defeat my brother's killer.

On a few occasions, I went outdoors with the maid. I had very few belongings and, as I was going to stay longer than I had expected in Kyoto, I really had to buy a few more things. On one of these trips, while the maid was paying for our purchases inside the store, I was waiting in the street. That is when I spotted a familiar figure. There, standing in the middle of the public market, Himura was observing me.

I smiled nervously, wishing that the Shinsengumi guard who had accompanied us would not choose that precise moment to speak to me. Fortunately enough, he did not. Himura smiled back at me, before worryingly looking at the guard. He seemed to be worried for me. Afraid that the guard might recognized me as being Takeru Nakane. If he only knew…

Finally, seeing that I was going to be fine, he left the place. Less than ten seconds later, the maid came out and the guard quickly picked up our purchases. It had been a close call. I was happy that he had not found out. It was better that way…

After a few days of this regime, my uncle's answer finally came. It was positive. In less than three hours, everything was settled. We went through the ceremony and our fates were sealed.

Saitou didn't look at me during the whole process. Not even once. Someone else could have taken my place and he would probably not even have noticed. He was too busy trying to look pissed off.

Finally, when the night came, we went back to his room. Well, our room now. I waited for him to say something, anything. But he only put on an older light blue haori, picked up his sword and went to the door.

"Hajime…?" I started, using his first name as I thought that it was more appropriate now.

He didn't answer but at least, he looked down at me and waited for me to talk.

"You are going out?" I asked, not really knowing what else I could say.

"I have work to do. Things don't change because of Kondou's political plans, Takagi." he answered shortly, insisting on my last name.

I received it like a slap in the face. I didn't mind if he said that this wedding was purely a political one. I was aware that it was the case, even if I wished that things were different. But that he dared used a name that wasn't mine anymore... He was indirectly denying me the right of being called his wife. And, after I had used his first name, it was even more a cheap shot…

"No, things don't change, Hajime. You're still a coward, as I see… Running away like that…" I said, venom in my voice.

He wasn't exactly acting cowardly. After all, no one wants to spend some time with people they despised. But I felt that bringing this up now was the best way of insulting him. To tell I was angry would have greatly minimized my true state of mind. Until now, I had understood, to a certain extent, his reactions. But there were limits…

He glared at me, furious. Incredibly enough, he didn't answer back: he simply went out of the room.

The next day, we were both still in the same state of mind. We didn't speak much, difficulty accepting each other's presence. And days went on like this. A succession of nothingness. Of indifference. Of silence.

After three days, I concluded that things could not go on like this forever. We had to try to move on and deal with the situation. And besides, I also realized that getting mad at Hajime had only been a way of hiding the pain his rejection had caused me. Maybe Soushi was hiding his pain behind a smile, but I was hiding mine behind a frown…

During the next few days, I tried to talk a bit more with my incredibly stubborn husband. Asking him questions, trying to make him talk on different aspect of his work. All I got in return was a yes or a no. Sometimes three words in a row, but that seemed to be the maximum. I was looking forward to the day when it would stop. The day he would admit that things were the way they were and that he only had to accept it. Then, we would maybe be able to make something out of this union.

Since the wedding, Soushi had left us alone. I'm sure that he was doing this out of good intentions, but it didn't helped at all. A few days ago, his smile and laughter was annoying me, but now I realized that I missed it. His cheerful presence would have done us good. Things were too tensed around here.

And it went on like this until January 1st, when Hajime abruptly came in our room and announced.

"Takagi… One of Kyoto's officials is giving a formal reception tonight. We are both invited."

"Okay." I answered simply, unaware of the fact that I was mimicking his attitude.

He snorted and left the room, leaving me wondering how I would manage to go through another boring reception.

That afternoon, I finally received Soushi's visit. He was acting more cheerfully than ever and started chatting like he always did. But he soon noticed that I wasn't giving in the discussion. Finally, his smile faded out and he asked me, on a serious tone.

"Things haven't improved with Saitou-san…?"

I sadly smiled. I was glad he had decided to stop avoiding the subject. I understood that until now he had thought that we needed to be left alone. To settle this on our own. But as it didn't worked out very well, he was finally going to try to help us.

"No, it didn't… It's even worse than before. It's like if I didn't exist anymore."

"But you do exist, Tokio-san. And Saitou-san knows it."

"It's nice for you to say so, but I'm beginning to think that Kondou's plans ruined everything between us… That is, if there was something in the first place."

"Of course, there was. I'm sure of it. I've seen you together, and no one can deny the fact that there is a mutual attraction. Even now, there is still one. You just have to be patient. Saitou-san will eventually calm down. He just didn't appreciate the intrusion in his private life. He likes to be in control…"

"You think so?"

"Yes. I'm sure."

I truly wanted to believe in those words. But I was afraid that this hope would only bring me more pain.

The night came, we had to go the reception. I left the Shinsengumi's headquarters in Saitou's company. The night was peaceful. I could even have enjoyed the walk, in spite of the winter's cold, if Hajime's presence was not such a burden.

We finally arrived at the official's residence. A lot of people were present. It was supposed to be a New Year's celebration party and that was why the wives had been invited. But, as soon as I came in the room, I understood that it was only a cover. Most of the Kyoto's officials and the different groups supporting the Shogunate were there. It was in fact a reunion during which the counterstrike against the Ishinshishi's imminent attack would be prepared.

The men soon started talking about how things should be handled. They also talked about what they thought was going on in the Ishinshishi's headquarters…

I wished I were somewhere else. This was none of my business. I didn't belong here. And, most of all, I didn't want to hear any of this. I knew too much about the Ishin's actions to be left indifferent by what was being said. They were talking about attacking men I personally knew. I hadn't liked all of them. Some had followed blindly Takasugi's not too honorable commands. But that made no difference: they all had been my comrades.

I sat down with the group of wives, joining the chat. I was trying to ignore what was really going on in the room. But, as hard as I tried, I couldn't help catching glimpses of conversation.

Finally hearing Kondou's imperative voice for the first time this evening, I completely forgot about my resolutions. I raised my head and looked at the group to check what was happening.

"I've received news from the Shogun's army. They are going to join us. They already left Osaka and should be here in two days… We won't be able to launch our official attack before that. In the meantime, we'll just go on patrolling as the Ishinshishi presently outnumber us. Attacking now would be suicide."

"And what if they start attacking before that?" asked one of the officials.

"Well, we'll try to limit the damages, protect what we have and try to gain some time…"

"Will the Shogun's army forces be enough to assure us victory?" asked another official.

"Probably, though I can't guaranty it for sure. The Ishin are now way more organized that they were, but we have experience."

I stared blankly at the group. So, it wasn't just a vague plan. They were going to attack. In about two days from now. But I knew that things would probably not be as easy as Kondou thought they would. I knew that the Ishinshishi were not only more organized than before: they had gained some support and, above all, if the British had stayed true to their words, they had gained some sophisticated weapons.

I then noticed that Hajime was directly looking in my direction. He seemed to be wondering how I would react to the current conversation. Our gazes remained locked as I heard Kondou's next words.

"If we ever come to loose this battle, there will be other ones. We have the support of many fiefs around the country and lately, I was assured that we still had the unconditional support of Aizu. So, if anything goes bad, we'll always be able to retreat there."

Yes, that was because of me… I went on, looking at Hajime, staring defiantly directly in his cold eyes. He smirked and finally returned his full attention to the conversation going on.

Knowing that everything important had already been said, I tried to focus on the wives' current preoccupations, which were very far away from my own. I politely nodded from time to time, to show that I was interested, but I was not. Some things were just more vital.

The evening was near to an end and some people were starting to leave when a young man rushed into the building. I recognized one of the messengers the Shinsengumi sometime discretely used. He was sweating heavily, clearly exhausted by the run. I looked at him, while he walked toward Kondou, clearly terrorized. He didn't even wait to catch his breath before speaking.

"Sir… There is… an emergency…. There are a lot… of Ishin… in the streets…"

Some of the wives tensed at these words and I was left wondering. Had it already started? Right in the middle of an important reunion? The Ishinshishi must have known about this and plan to act right now. It was certainly not a coincidence: it served their goal very well. They could spread terror before the masterminds of the Shinsengumi could even react.

I quickly looked at the Miburos gathered in the room. Only Hijikata and two of the captains were missing. For now, all was in their hands.

After a quick reflection, Kondou asked.

"Are some of my men already fighting?"

"Yes. Hijikata-san asked me to tell you that unit nine is fighting in the south. The men of units one, four and six are with them. Unit seven is in the west. The men of units two, five and eight are with them. Units three and ten are missing: they had an evening off."

Kondou remained pensive only for a short while. He had to act fast. He first turned toward the leaders of two small groups supporting the Shogunate.

"Could you and your men stay here and protect the officials? They are all gathered in one room…"

"Yes. Sure." the two men nodded.

He then turned toward the captains.

"Find your men in the districts Hijikata mentioned. We already discussed about what you have to do in such circumstances. I won't repeat myself. Saitou-san, Harada-san, go back to the headquarters and wait for your men's return. Then, join the others in the streets…"

Hajime nodded discretely but Harada seemed to hesitate.

"Sir… I'll have to wait until dawn. They had planned an excursion in the pleasure district…"

"Well, go there and find them!"

"Yes sir."

I looked around, not too sure of what would happen to me… Some of the wives had started crying hysterically, panicked. I really wished to leave the place. I wouldn't be able to stand this all night long.

And this whole situation felt so awkward to me. Two months ago, I would have been one of the Ishinshishi launching the attack. But today, I was stuck in a building with our former enemies and I was almost feeling sorry for them. It might seem strange, but during the last month, I had come to appreciate these people. And now they were in deep trouble. I knew most of the Ishinshishi's plan. And I knew most of the Shinsengumi's plan. And I knew that the latter was the lamest one…

It was strange. When I had been fighting with the Ishinshishi, I was on the weakest side. And now that my allegiance had changed, I was again on the weakest side. How unlucky I was…

Finally, Hajime made a small head sign, telling me that I should accompany him. I got up and followed him as quickly as I could. I was too eager to be far away from the weeping to stay a minute longer.

We walked in silence, once again. Hajime was alert, checking the surroundings, walking as fast as he could without running. He was eager to be back at the headquarters. He wanted to find his men and join the fight as soon as possible. I could perfectly understand him. I had been like that not too long ago. When I still had a goal.

"Hajime… Could you slow down a bit? Following you while wearing a kimono is not an easy task…"

"I would have left you behind if I had known, Takagi." he said abruptly, but reducing his pace anyway.

"With all of the weeping going on? Better die… That's not a way to affront such a situation. Crying gives nothing. It only affects the way your mind works."

"And it affects the other's nervous system…" conclude Hajime.

"That's true."

I suddenly realized that this exchange could almost be called a discussion… I was following him, smiling inwardly and not paying much attention to our surroundings, when Hajime suddenly stopped walking. By chance, he had been more focused than I had… A group of men was within sight. I counted six. In the obscurity, I couldn't really see who it was.

Hajime put a hand on my shoulder, smirked and said, lowering his voice.

"Leave them to me."

I nodded and obeyed. It was no time to argue and, anyway, I didn't want to. If, as I thought, these were any of my Ishinshishi comrades, I didn't want to be part of this what would inevitably follow…

He walked toward the group of men without taking another look at me. Not wanting to witness the action, I sat on a pile of debris, near a building. From where I was, I could not see, but I could still hear… The first few clashes of swords distinctly reached my ears and, each time I heard a cry of pain, I felt uneasy. This situation was way too strange for me. I was wishing for Hajime's victory, but I didn't want the others to loose.

"Well, well… It looks like the Wolf of Mibu has a little weakness after all…" said a voice I knew too well, in my back.

I sighed, got up and slowly turned around, resigned. My hand was already searching in the pile of debris for something with which I would at least be able to try to defend myself. I faced my opponents, ready to face the inevitable.

Eight men. Their leader, the one who had talked, was one of the Ishinshishi units' leaders. The one who always did Takasugi's dirtiest jobs. I had always felt despise toward him.

He looked at the weapon I had found and asked, mockingly.

"Do you really think that a defenseless woman can do something against eight skilled men?"

"Skilled? That word doesn't really apply to you or your men…"

Hearing my voice, the man frowned and looked at me directly in the eyes. After a while, he stopped scrutinizing me and paled. It took a little while before en managed to mumble a few words.

"Nakane-san… How…?"

The other men gasped behind him, establishing the link as they heard my name. I looked at them amused: they had been all too blind to realize that I was a woman before this day…

"Traitor!" said the unit's leader, menace filling his voice as he regained his senses.

I hadn't enjoyed it when he had called me a defenseless woman. But being called a traitor made my blood boil. I was not a traitor. But explaining that to a bunch of idiots, just after they had seen me with Hajime, was useless. They would not listen to me. They would attack and I would have to defend myself...

I tightened the grip I had on the wooden pole I had found. It wasn't a great weapon, but it was better than nothing.

The men launched their attack. I was not in the greatest shape, but I managed to block their earlier strikes quite successfully, thanks to the training sessions with Soushi. Only, after a few moves, I came to realize that I was quite limited in my movements. With the kimono, I couldn't do much.

And what had to happen, happened. Trying to block a strike coming from my left, I twisted my ankle. I fell on the ground, emitting a small cry of pain.

"So Nakane… I think that now, I'll be the one joking about you strength…"

I tried to get up, but I couldn't put my weight on my right foot. My ankle was swelling up very fast. What I truly needed right now was to rest. Definitely not fight.

"So, what are you going to do now?" asked the man mockingly…

"You should ask what I am going to do." someone answered for me.

I looked up, and noticed with great relief that it was Hajime. I had never been as relieved before: without him, I would have most certainly lost and died right here…

His eyes were filled with cold anger. With the strong determination that filled his aura, I knew that it was the end of the eight men standing in front of him. I closed my eyes as he quickly began to dispose of my attackers. They had still been my Ishinshishi's companions after all… I had only tried to defend myself, not to kill them…

When silence fell upon the dark alley, I opened my eyes. Hajime was standing in the middle of the corpses, cleaning his sword. I was still a bit dizzy, but I couldn't help feeling gratitude. He looked at me and, as I opened my mouth to thank him, he cut out.

"They were Ishinshishi… I would have killed them one day or the other. So better do it now."

I didn't answer anything. I only smiled slightly. I had witnessed his expression when he had launched his first attack: and I now knew for sure that Soushi had been right from the start… But, if he wanted me to believe that it was not the case, I would not argue with him.

In the darkness, he did not realize that I was smiling almost tenderly at him, so he went on and ask.

"Can you stand up and walk?"

"No. Not at all. I twisted my ankle because of this restraining kimono."

He didn't answer, but kneeled beside me. He took the time to examine my ankle and then said, while lifting me up.

"Well, you definitely can't go anywhere tonight, Takagi."

I silently looked at him while we started heading toward the headquarters. In his strong arms, for the first time in months, I felt completely secure and sure of what I really wanted in life: him.

He was a jerk, that was for sure. He was heartless, that was the least you could say. But he was the man I loved, and for that, I was ready to forgive him anything.

"Hajime…"

"Hmmm?"

Right now, I didn't care if he didn't want me to acknowledge the fact that he might have fight for me, and not only for the Shinsengumi.

"I forgot to thank you for what you just did."

Not letting him time to answer back and ruin the moment, I shyly leaned my head against his shoulder.

He didn't reply anything at all. Neither verbally nor physically. He just went on walking toward the headquarters. But he did not protest about my doings.

To be continued…

General comments

This chapter marks the end of the story's second part. Next chapter: we enter the third, and last, part.

There are two main reasons why I didn't give much detail about the wedding. First, I know nothing about Japanese weddings during the Bakumatsu. Second, the ceremony itself is not that important: only the result is… -

Remember that the events are seen through Tokio's eyes. It's a first person POV. So, she guesses what Saitou's feelings are, but she can't always know for sure what is going on in his complex mind…

Notes

January 1868 was the set of the Toba-Fushimi battle near Kyoto. Officially, if my sources are correct, the battle started on Janurary 3rd when the Shogun's army reached Kyoto. Here, I twisted the events a bit and added a first disturbance on January 1st.

I have no idea if there were other groups fighting, along with the Shinsengumi, for the Shogunate in that war. I assumed that there might be some. That is why I mentioned them here, without giving precise names or saying how many.

Sanosuke Harada, as most of you probably know by now, was the 10th captain of the Shinsengumi. Watsuki based Sanosuke's character on him… Which explain the little bit goofy personality I gave him in this chapter and in the previous one.

To the reviewers

Special thanks to Wolf of Mibu, Kamorgana, JadeGoddess, Dadsnavygirl831, Charmed-Anime, me me and only me, Aiteane, Bonessasan, Hotaru, Muemosyne, Kochou570, Leila Winters, Akuma no yoru, L. Sith and Serenity, who took the time to review this story. (-)

À la prochaine,

Mary-Ann