Disclaimer: I do not own, in any way, Rurouni Kenshin. Watsuki-sama does. I'm only borrowing his characters for a while.

As always, special thanks to Kamorgana for her useful comments on this chapter.

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Chapter 14 – And in the end

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August 1868, eight months later

A whole year had gone by since I had left Aizu, since I had gone to Kyoto. A tough year. Life is like that. Two shots of happy, one shot of sad, they say. But in my case, it would be more like one shot of happy, two shots of sad.

That's exactly how I could describe the last few months. Since January, the Shinsengumi was going from tragedy to tragedy. Our lives were almost daily shaken by some bad news. But at the same time, those months forged me into someone morally stronger and they were also a blessing for me: once alone with Hajime, our relation could finally evolve into something great. Something I would cherish forever.

What happened exactly during those few months? It's a short question, but the answer is long and complex. In fact, I was, and I still am, unable to understand why things turned out the way they did.

For about four years, the Shinsengumi had been the dominant figure of this war. They had the power and the Ishinshishi could only dream to scratch them. But since Toba-Fushimi, things had dramatically changed. Every time we thought that we had hit the rock bottom, we would fall even deeper.

The travel from Kyoto to Edo hadn't been an easy one. In appearances, my strengths were back, but in fact, I would get tired fast. Well, faster than Hajime would.

While this probably annoyed him to some extent, he let me stay with him and never suggested again that I directly went to Aizu. He knew that soon, I would get better, so he gave me my chance. He even started planning longer halts.

When we finally reached the little village where we were supposed to spend a few nights, I was very glad and relieved. Even if Hajime had taken some precautions, I still really needed to rest. And I was very grateful to Hijikata for having wisely estimated my strengths.

During the few days we spent there, we didn't talk much. But now, every night, when I would put my head on his shoulder, like I had done at the camp, he would not protest. However, things never went farther than that. It was too soon. We still had to get used to each other.

Once in Edo, we ended up in a small room in the heart of the city. We didn't have much space, but I couldn't have cared less. I was with Hajime and that was all that mattered to me.

We soon learned that other Shinsengumi members had also arrived in the city, but we didn't try to contact them: we couldn't. Shinsengumi were now outlaws and we couldn't risk blowing up our cover by publicly being seen together. No one knew that the survivors were in Edo, ready to fight. Every one thought that Kondou and his men had left the battle for good.

The money Hajime had collected at the headquarters before leaving Kyoto had been divided among the thirty-three remaining Shinsengumi members. It wasn't enough to cover our expenses for several months, or possibly more, so, Hajime had found a part-time low-job in the city, a thing he didn't really enjoyed. He intended to quit as soon as there would be a new disturbance. His salary wasn't much, but with what we already had it allowed us to live decently.

Things went on like this for a while. Despite the fact that we had become closer to one another, Hajime and I would often argue. We had different views on a lot of things, and particularly the war. After such verbal fights, we generally didn't speak to each other for a few days. We were both stubborn and we both didn't want to take the first steps.

But eventually, when necessity arose, we would speak again to each other. Getting some news of the other survivors was a particularly strong incitement.

We received some in March. Not all the remaining Shinsengumi's members had made it to Edo. Some had been caught on the way. Of course, there were Miburos left, yet not enough, considering the battles still to come…

I was still trying to get over the deaths of our companions when other bad news came: the Emperor's army was on its way to Edo. They had decided that they would also take this city.

Hajime was more than eager to fight again, even if he knew that the chances of success were limited. It would probably be a second Toba-Fushimi. The Emperor forces would, once again, use their occidental weapons, while the Shinsengumi and the Shogun's forces would only use their swords: using foreigners' tactics and not fighting like a real samurai wasn't considered an honourable thing to do. Moreover, with the growing legend of the Toba-Fushimi battle, the other troops still fighting for the old Japan were ready to surrender at the first strike. About twenty Miburo wouldn't make much difference, yet they were ready to try.

Unfortunately, Hajime's views on the war proved to be right. In April, the Emperor's army won the battle. And, most of all, in spite of all the precautions he had taken, Kondo had been clearly identified by his enemies. Trapped, having no other choice, he surrendered. He was publicly decapitated a few days after that: they had decided to make an example out of him. The remaining Shinsengumi would learn their lesson…

But we didn't. We were all greatly shaken by the lost of our leader, but Hijikata rapidly stepped in and took the commands. He ordered that Miburos should remain hidden in Edo, soon to be renamed Tokyo, until he found a way out of this. With nothing else to do, we stayed in our apartment, waiting until finally, one night, Hijikata visited us. He had contacted people in Aizu, to make sure that our presence was really wanted there, and he had finally decided that it was time to retreat. We would organise a form of resistance over there.

It was May, I was gathering our small belongings, and I felt optimistic. I was eager to finally go back to Aizu and see the city I had left months ago. And, once there, we wouldn't have to hide anymore. I would see Soushi: it had been foolish to think that that cold January day had been our last meeting. I was completely unaware of the shock I was going to receive.

I can still remember precisely my conversation with Hajime, that fateful day. He had just come back home when I joyously told him:

"Coming to Edo was a mistake… This city didn't do us any good. We'll certainly be luckier in Aizu. I can't wait to see Soushi. And my family…"

I had looked at Hajime, waiting for at least one word of approval, but he had only stood still, deadly serious. Finally, he had said.

"We are not going to Aizu right away…"

"What!? Why?"

"Kai Shimada just got caught by the Emperor's men. They managed to get out of him a complete list of the other fourteen remaining members of the Shinsengumi"

"They caught Shimada and he spoke? I wouldn't have expected that…"

"Me neither. So now, we have to delay our trip to Aizu for a while: the Emperor's troops will be checking all the roads leading there for some time. They know that's where we want to go next…"

I had remained silent for a while, under the shock and disappointed. We would have to wait even more before seeing Soushi and my family. After all these months, I had been very eager to be back home.

"Hajime…" I had said, as I had realised something else. "You said the other fourteen members of the Shinsengumi… There were fifteen. Who is missing?"

He hadn't answered my question. He had only stared at me, knowing that I would understand soon enough. I had walked in his direction and as I had stood an inch away from him, I had asked the question again, more slowly and more firmly, wishing that the answer wouldn't be the one I feared.

"Who is missing?"

"Okita." Hajime had finally answered.

My heart had missed as my hopes of the previous days vanished. Hajime's next words had suddenly sounded very distant.

"He got in the hospital yesterday. Everyone says that he'll pass away before the end of the day."

Of course I had seen this coming for months, but to actually live this was a completely different thing. This lost was the last thing that helped me become more mature. But was loosing my only friend really worth it…?

However I had gained something else in the process. Quickly after I received the news, I had sought comfort into Hajime's arms and he had not refused me. That day, I had really become his wife. The events had made us forget about our differences and our past allegiances. Tragedies united us forever.

All those things, mixed together, made me become the person I am today. It hadn't been easy, but looking back, I can say that I am proud and that I wouldn't change anything. Soushi had said that Hajime would need a strong woman by his side, and that was what I had slowly become.

When Hajime and I finally arrived in Aizu, a few weeks ago, there was still some room from improvement, but I was definitely morally stronger and wiser than when I left my parents' house. From the impulsive little sister listening to her brother's every advice, I had become a well-pondered women making her own decisions. I didn't rely on others as much as I used to. Since Soushi left, there was no one who could fulfil the big brother role for me. Hajime would never be that. His reaction at my friend's death, and what had immediately followed, had made me aware of it.

Yes, I was definitely stronger, yet I hadn't become insensitive. Even though three months had passed since Soushi's death, I was still having difficulties to get over my sadness.

I had thought that once in Aizu, with my family, I would finally be able to heal my wounded heart. But being back home didn't bring me the comfort I had expected. When I had left this city, the citizens were happy and it was a peaceful place to live. But now, it was a very different story. I almost couldn't recognise the places I had cherished in another life.

This city was the set of the third battle. Shortly after our arrival, the fight had begun and now the conflict was already well engaged. As far as we knew, it would be the bloodiest battle of all. The people of Aizu wanted to resist as long as possible: they were courageous and the word surrender was not part of their vocabulary.

Death and screams of pain had replaced the joy and laughter. The smell of blood filled the whole city. I had witnessed some fights and, even if I had seen many killings and live many fights, I almost couldn't stand this horrible sight.

But as I had decided long ago, due to my past allegiance, I wouldn't play any role in this conflict. I was supporting the Shinsengumi with all my heart, but I didn't go on the battlefield to fight. Instead, I was staying at my parents' house.

That was the other reason why being in Aizu didn't brought me the comfort I had sought for. As soon as I came back home, I immediately regretted having wished to come back here: over the past few months, I had come to idealise living at my parent's house. But staying here was by far the wisest thing to do. I wanted to stay neutral and the presence of the numerous of security guards around the house would prevent me from having to take extreme measures. Only fools would attack us here. And, after all, where would I have gone instead? I wasn't really acquainted with other people in this city and Hajime had had no time to find a decent place to stay.

So now, I wasn't perfectly happy. In fact, I was even a little bit worried. I didn't hear from Hajime for a few days now. My uncle regularly received new from the battle, and we knew precisely what Hijikata and the others were up to, but Hajime didn't seem to be with them.

As I believed in him, I knew he was still alive somewhere, fighting, and that he would come back to me once this would be finished. But I wished to know more about this, now.

I sighed and looked at my mother who was sitting in the dark at the other end of the room. She didn't talk much and barely reacted. I even doubted that she had really noticed that I was back home, or even that I had left. After my father's death, she had shut herself from the outer world, and the actual events didn't help her condition.

She was very unlike me, ready to surrender as the first difficulty arose. That was why I had left home in the first place: I wasn't really part of this family. I was different. I had loved my parents, yes, but another life had been waiting for me.

As footsteps disrupted my thoughts, I presumed that it was my uncle coming back home. Without turning around, I asked him.

"Still nothing from Hajime, I suppose?"

"No. But some rumours says that he would be fighting elsewhere, apart from the main group."

I looked at him as he spoke and noticed that he looked tired and exhausted. And being very aware of what was happening outside these walls, I could only understand why.

"More bad news, today?" I asked.

"Yes. The siege at the castle is becoming particularly violent. The citizens have started giving a hand to our troops: they just don't want to give up. But I can tell you, I've seen the battlefield, and I heard the screams, and it doesn't look good for us. Not at all..."

I looked at my uncle as he wiped his eyes, visibly tired. Being one of Aizu's officials was a hard job these days.

My uncle went on talking, telling me the latest tales, and summarising the latest reports. He was talking more for himself than for me. He didn't believe that women could play a role in this world.

Hearing what he had to say was giving me a headache. It was already a pure nightmare, but things were getting even worse. This was my city. These were the people I had grown up with. And now they were all dying because of people like Asaki and I. Foolish dreamers who had thought that building a better world was possible and within reach. Talk of a better world… Not too long ago, this city was quiet and peaceful, but now… This was the result of the Ishinshishi's actions.

The new era would have been built with innocent's blood. Definitely, this wouldn't be a better world. Different in appearances maybe, but not better.

Now, I perfectly understood Hajime's way of seeing things. I perfectly understood the Shinsengumi's purpose: protect what we had. It was so simple, but it had took me so long to fully understand it… Even during the last few months, after I had realised that there would be no new era, I had started supporting the Shinsengumi, but without realising why it was so important.

I guess that I had to see the results of my past actions by myself. And that's exactly what I was doing now…

Once this would be over, I would make up for it. With Hajime, I would try to make sure that at least this new era would be a relatively secure place to live in. I knew that he wouldn't object. No matter what happened to this country, he would still apply his Aku Soku Zan philosophy. Forever.

Next time: the epilogue…

Author's comments

This was the story's conclusion. It is a bit shorter than the other chapters were, but it says everything I had wanted to say. I didn't want to dilute my story by going on any longer than necessary.

I only rapidly mentioned the events preceding the battle of Aizu as it wasn't the point of this story. But still, the basic facts were important to understand Tokio's thoughts and actions in Aizu.

When I first got the idea of writing The Choices we Make months ago, this was exactly where I wanted to end this story. I wanted Tokio to come back to Aizu and realise the consequences of the war. With everything she had already achieved on the personal level, I think that this completes her maturation.

But even if this is the story's real ending, I wrote a small epilogue taking place ten years after the events related here. To see how Tokio's life evolved once the Bakumatsu was over. It should be out soon as, as I already pointed out, it is a short epilogue! -

Notes

I could probably rambled on for a long time here… So I'll only sum up the info that can be found in the Kenshin Kaden about the Boshin War.

Januray 1868: Toba Fushimi Battle: the Boshin War begins.

March 1868: Less than twenty members of the Shinsengumi, now officially called Koyo Chinbu Tai, had survived.

April 1868: Isami Kondo, after having surrendered to the enemy (because he had no other choice, not because he was a coward -), died decapitated.

May 1868: Kai Shimada (the Shinsengumi's tallest member!) left a document containing the name of all the remaining members of the Shinsengumi while Soushi Okita slowly die of tuberculosis in a Edo hospital.

July 1868: Edo is now called Tokyo. The Aizu battle, the third battle, begins. It is said that Saito's group was separated from the main group during that battle, but that he did fight until the end.

August 1868: The end of the Aizu battle.

May 1869: The last battle of the Boshin war, in Hokkaido. Hijikata dies under the enemy's bullets.

Okay, as I said in the previous chapter, historical Saito was still living with the other Miburo, but here, for the romantic purpose of the fic, I deliberately changed. That.

There might have been more (or less) names than fourteen on the list Kai Shimada gave. I said fourteen in this chapter to justify the fact that Tokio realise that something is going on with Okita.

About Kai Shimada: I don't know it he actually betrayed the Shinsengumi by telling the names of his remaining companions or if he was carrying a document containing those names when he was arrested. It's not very clear in the Kenshin Kaden. But here, I supposed that he actually said the names as I thought that it would be pretty stupid to be in possession of such a document when the Shinsengumi members were outlaws.

Or course, I don't know if the Shinsengumi's trip to Aizu was delayed or not after the enemy got this list, but as there was some months between that event and the Aizu battle, I thought that it might have been a possibility. There have been many more internal conflicts, affairs, surounding the trip to Aizu, but I'm putting those under silence, as my notes are still long enough like that. (T-T)

If the Aizu battle sounds familiar to you, it's because Megumi refers to it in the manga (and probably in the anime… I can't remember quite well what she exactly says in it). Yes, the Aizu battle is when she got separated from her family.

As I have no precise information about why Saito got separated from the main group during the Aizu battle, I preferred only vaguely referring to that.

So, in the end, who among the Shinsengumi members survived the Boshin war? Saito… That's all I know for sure. But I think that Shinpachi Nagakura (the second division's captain) also survived as Watsuki once said that he had planned including him in Rurouni Kenshin. A thing he didn't do. (T-T).

One last comment: although the Shinsengumi were now officially called Koyo Chinbu-Tai, I preferred sticking with the old name. There are three reasons behind this. One: for better understanding of this chapter. Two: I think that among their group, the Shinsengumi's members wouldn't have changed their old habits. Three: I can't spell Koyo Chinbu-Tai correctly without checking more than twice!

To the reviewers

Special thanks to all the ones who took the time to review this story: Aiteane, IceRain, DustyFall, Kamorgana, Bonessasan, Setine, JadeGoddess, Yamitamashii, Aimi-chan and L. Sith. (-)

À la prochaine!

Mary-Ann