She opens her eyes, again and checks the clock, 4:48am, she gives up on the
idea of sleep and throws back the covers and shivers slightly against the
cool night air. Sitting on the side of the bed she switches on a lamp,
finds a rubber band and pulls her hair into a messy ponytail, as she stands
she grabs her dressing gown from the foot of the bed where she had thrown
it the night before and wraps it tightly around herself before walking out
to the lounge room and flopping down on the sofa.
Her eyes fixate on a photo of her and Lucas; it had been taken by Keith the day Luke was born.
When she was pregnant with Lucas, Keith was always around, that is one thing that would definitely be different this time, Keith was in Charleston now, he apparently had a new girlfriend, he was by all accounts happy. They barely even talked anymore.
She remembers the day Lucas was born so clearly, it was the single happiest day of her life, on that day there was the promise of so much, of Dan returning, of having the perfect family she had always dreamed of and never had.
Her parents had split up when she was eight, her father was an alcoholic, he frequently hit her mother, terrified her, when he left it was a relief, it was just her and her mom then , her mom struggled, much more than she had ever had to with Lucas to make ends meet. Her father had finally drunk himself to death by the time she was fifteen, her mother fell apart, even after seven years, her mother felt responsible, like she owed him something.
When she had gotten pregnant her mother had disowned her, she had moved into a one room apartment, gotten a job, she had wanted Lucas so much in spite of all the pain, most nights during her pregnancy she sobbed herself to sleep, she was desperately lonely. When she had first found out she was pregnant, abortion had not even entered her mind, not until Dan had said he would take care of everything, it had taken her about a day to figure out what everything meant. That he didn't want their baby, it was then she knew it was over between her and Dan.
She lies down on the couch and curls herself into the fetal position as the first waves of morning nausea overcome her. She knows her has to tell Dan, he'll find out in a few months anyway, she is still angry at him for never showing up when Lucas was born, she remembers so clearly his promises, that he would finish semester, then he come back and they would get married, he had neglected to mention Deb, even long after Deb had gotten pregnant herself Dan lied to her. When she went into labor with Lucas she had tried calling Dan over and over, he never answered, she finally called Keith, she still remembers him walking into the hospital room, it was 5am and she was in the middle of a contraction, sobbing hysterically a combination of the physical pain and the slow realization that Dan was never going to show up. Keith took her hand in his and told her over and over that everything would be okay. He had stood by her, unwavering in the sixteen years since, until her left for Charleston, she had stumbled into bed with Dan again repeating the same mistakes of seventeen years ago, older but no wiser.
She wanted nothing off Dan, expected less. Knew she had lost Keith, Lucas and this new baby are all she has.
Her eyes fixate on a photo of her and Lucas; it had been taken by Keith the day Luke was born.
When she was pregnant with Lucas, Keith was always around, that is one thing that would definitely be different this time, Keith was in Charleston now, he apparently had a new girlfriend, he was by all accounts happy. They barely even talked anymore.
She remembers the day Lucas was born so clearly, it was the single happiest day of her life, on that day there was the promise of so much, of Dan returning, of having the perfect family she had always dreamed of and never had.
Her parents had split up when she was eight, her father was an alcoholic, he frequently hit her mother, terrified her, when he left it was a relief, it was just her and her mom then , her mom struggled, much more than she had ever had to with Lucas to make ends meet. Her father had finally drunk himself to death by the time she was fifteen, her mother fell apart, even after seven years, her mother felt responsible, like she owed him something.
When she had gotten pregnant her mother had disowned her, she had moved into a one room apartment, gotten a job, she had wanted Lucas so much in spite of all the pain, most nights during her pregnancy she sobbed herself to sleep, she was desperately lonely. When she had first found out she was pregnant, abortion had not even entered her mind, not until Dan had said he would take care of everything, it had taken her about a day to figure out what everything meant. That he didn't want their baby, it was then she knew it was over between her and Dan.
She lies down on the couch and curls herself into the fetal position as the first waves of morning nausea overcome her. She knows her has to tell Dan, he'll find out in a few months anyway, she is still angry at him for never showing up when Lucas was born, she remembers so clearly his promises, that he would finish semester, then he come back and they would get married, he had neglected to mention Deb, even long after Deb had gotten pregnant herself Dan lied to her. When she went into labor with Lucas she had tried calling Dan over and over, he never answered, she finally called Keith, she still remembers him walking into the hospital room, it was 5am and she was in the middle of a contraction, sobbing hysterically a combination of the physical pain and the slow realization that Dan was never going to show up. Keith took her hand in his and told her over and over that everything would be okay. He had stood by her, unwavering in the sixteen years since, until her left for Charleston, she had stumbled into bed with Dan again repeating the same mistakes of seventeen years ago, older but no wiser.
She wanted nothing off Dan, expected less. Knew she had lost Keith, Lucas and this new baby are all she has.