Author: Laur
Dedication: The resident X-Men buff, Kati, for being the best.
"Hold my hand." His voice purred. The long slender fingers of his hand uncurled and extended them to the girl before him.
She stared at the floor, she could feel him staring at her. Smiling at her. This was the first time that she couldn't understand her powers. Was he sincere? Or was this a joke to him? She couldn't tell.
"Joanna." He extended his arm out further. "Don't be afraid. I would never do anything to you." He knew not to touch her, unless she told him to.
Joanna rocked her balled-up body back and forth on the floor. She had to concentrate. Was he for real? Would he ever hurt her? Her violet eyes roamed from the floor and traveled slowly up the boy's arm and looked into face. His features were smooth and kind. How could she not trust him? He was right in front of her. This was real. But a lot of other things from the past had felt real, and they never turned out right.
"Listen." He said softly, kneeling down at her side. "I know you're scared. I'm scared too!" He laughed. "We can be scared together." He rose and placed his hand out once more, a gentle smile grazed his lips. "I don't want you to be alone in this. I don't want you to be alone at all."
Now what? she thought. It wasn't supposed to be like this. People weren't supposed to be like this. Her eyes never moved from his face and smile. And soon, she could feel herself smiling, and crying. Maybe this is why I feel for him the way I do.
Joanna grasped his hand and brought herself to her feet. When she gained her balance, she was right in front of him, chest to chest. She tried to move her hand to her side, but he still had a firm grip on it. "Bobby." She whispered. He smiled at the mention of his name.
"Yes?" He was hopeful, a hint of excitement was behind his voice.
"What are we doing?" Joanna asked.
"I don't know." He laughed again. It amazed her how he never seemed troubled by anything. Like the world was some big joke worthy or laughing at. Bobby's hand moved some of the wavy black hair that lay on her shoulder away behind her neck, and he rested his hand on there. It was so long since she allowed herself to be near him, she had forgotten how good his skin felt next to hers.
He had forgotten about it too. He stared at his hand, questioning himself about the ballsy decision he made to touch her. But his next decision, that required more courage than just a hand to the shoulder. He leaned into her, his chest brushing against her breasts. They were eye-level, just staring for moment. Their breaths combining with each other only a few centimeters from their faces. Bobby moved in, and kissed her cheek softly. The kisses grew stronger as they moved downward, across her face, down her neck, and to her shoulder. Joanna closed her eyes and took in everything. His smell, his lips, his sensations --
They were back! The emotions! Those sensations balling up inside her stomach and came shooting up through her arms, through her neck, and up to her head, making it pound. She swam in everything for a moment trying to sort through all the feelings of anguish and contempt, but then a few blissful seconds in between of overwhelming joy and pure ecstasy. It was too much for her to handle. She still, after all this time could not figure out what was the truth and what was fiction; she could never truly trust all that she saw, even though it had never been wrong before.
Joanna's eyes popped open and she used all her strength to push him away from her. "I can't do this!" she shouted. "I can't keep doing this! I don't know what this is." She turned away from Bobby and dug her tear-streamed face into her crumpled hands.
Bobby tried to understand. He knew that this wasn't easy for her. This was the first time since...since her family that she let anyone in. But it was still frustrating. As much as he tried to be there, those walls around her were like titanium lined with brick. They weren't moving until she let them, no matter what he did. He outstretched his arm to put a comforting hand on Joanna's shoulder, but she spun around before he got anywhere near her.
"How do I know this is real?" She shouted. "How do I know that this is something that I can trust?"
"HOW CAN YOU THINK THIS IS ANYTHING BUT?!" He returned a split second later. The frustration was reaching its breaking point. Joanna pulled back. She had never heard him respond like this...ever. "Why would I try? Why would I bother unless this meant something?"
"Joanna." His voice was still rough. He began to pace back and forth, running his fingers through his hair. "What do I have to do to show you? Your powers aren't everything. Not everyone in the world has a special gift to let them know how everyone in the world feels about them." The last few anger filled words caused him to wave his arms in the air, stressing the importance of what he was saying.
Joanna turned away from him and she braced herself again the wall. His words were daggers. Not just because they were hurtful, but because they were true. Not everyone had her "gift", but something that should have helped her only made her more indecisive, even unsure of herself. How could she be sure that she could rely on others when she couldn't even trust herself? There was always a battle. Her mind, her heart, her powers, all in competition with one another. Her powers showing her everything she would experience. Her mind picking up the bad, waving a red flag in front of everything and constantly ringing. This is a bad idea. This should not happen. But then her heart took all those happy moments and told her that this was it. Everything that she had been waiting for, everything she had ever wanted was standing in front of her, just waiting to be embraced...and never let go.
A firm hand spun her around and knocked her back against the wall. Bobby's ice blue eyes were wet...and distressed. "What can you not see in me? What am I doing that makes you so unsure of everything we have?" His fist hit the wall to the right of her face. He was so drained, everything about him was breaking down trying to fight this, to show her. He wanted to give Joanna the world.
"Bobby." She squeaked. "You're scaring me." The tension in Bobby's body lessened, her leaned against the wall, his head floating above her trembling shoulder. She moved her hand from her side and went slowly to touch his face. Her hand went past his cheek and rested on the back of his neck and pulled him in close to her shoulder.
He followed and fell into her, throwing his arms around her body and feeling his legs buckle beneath his weight. She held him and didn't let him fall. She threw her other arm around his back, and the two lovers just stood in the dark, both exhausted and afraid. They didn't want to let go. Both Bobby and Joanna knew that the minute they stopped holding one another, everything would be gone, and they would have to start over again from scratch.
[6 months earlier] Maple Valley Rd. in Syracuse in upstate New York was always known for being a street centered on the family. Green bushes full of brightly colored flowers dotted all the houses along the road, each house painted in a hue that showed comfort and beauty without being too ostentatious. In number 17, an off-white Dutch Colonial house at the end of the road across from the street's playground lived the Blackwell family. They were a well-respected family within the community. Mr. and Mrs. Blackwell were members of the town council, while their youngest son Arthur was active on the high school's track and baseball team. Joanna, their eldest daughter was the school's star performer in the plays and within the chorus. The oldest son, Roger was in Rhode Island, attending Brown University Medical School. They were just as normal and unsuspecting as every other family in Syracuse.
April 24 The Blackwell home was filled with the wonderful smell of waffles, as it was most Saturday mornings. Anna Blackwell, the woman of the house was busy in front of the waffle iron, making the perfect Belgian orbs that the family had looked forward to every weekend morning. On the table in the center of the kitchen stood a vase with freshly cut flowers and a small green box decorated with a brightly colored blue bow. Today was Joanna's 16th birthday.
Anna hummed softly to herself as she waited for her children and husband to come in for breakfast. The front door opened and Jonathan Blackwell entered the foyer of the home and made his way into the kitchen.
"Morning, sweetie." He said to his wife, giving her a soft peck on her cheek. "MMMMmmmm..." He took a deep breath in through his nose inhaling the scents around him. "Waffles smell amazing."
"You say that every Saturday." She said smiling. If there was one thing Anna never minded hearing over and over were compliments. "How's the car look?"
"It should run fine now." John crossed over the refrigerator and began rummaging through. "Just some spark plugs from before, and the belt came loose." He settled on the orange juice sitting in the door of the fridge.
"Can you grab the strawberries?" Anna called before he shut the door. "They're in the bottom drawer." John bent back over and opened the drawer and found a pint of fresh strawberries sitting right where they should be. "Can't forget those." Anna continued. "They're Joanna's favorite."
"Is this the necklace?" John put down the strawberries and picked up the box on the table. He shook it around and heard a slight jingle on the inside. "Hope she likes it."
"She will." The sound of footsteps started down the stairs and leapt to a thud at the bottom. Arthur came running into the kitchen, dressed in his baseball uniform and plopped himself down at the table with his father. He grabbed the orange juice and filled up his glass and started to chug it.
"Well, good morning." John lightly smacked the cup Arthur was holding, finally causing him to speak.
"Morning, Dad." He went back to his cup and finished chugging. He slammed the cup down and started to run out of the kitchen.
"Arthur?" Anna yelled into the foyer. "Where are you going? You didn't have breakfast yet."
Arthur's head popped in the doorway. "No time, Mom. I have practice." And his head disappeared again.
"Arthur?" Anna yelled again.
"What?" His voice was more exasperated and in the seconds between the conversations he had managed to find his baseball hat.
"You do know it's your sister's birthday today, right?"
"Yeah I know." Arthur smiled and disappeared once again, followed by the sound of the front door opening.
"Arthur, be home by 5. I want you be here for Joanna's dinner."
"Got it Mom!" And the door shut while Anna watched her son sprint across the lawn to his bike and petal off down the road.
"Where is the birthday girl?" John said impatiently. He started rearranging some of the flowers in the vase. I thought she'd be up right now."
Anna shrugged. "Call her. She's probably ignoring her alarm, like she does every morning." Anna lifted out the last waffle and turned her head over her shoulder in the direction of the stairs. "Joanna! Get up! You're going to be late!"
Heavy steps walked slowly down the steps. Joanna was dressed in her pajamas, her dark brown hair in a messy bun lying low at her neck. "No I'm not." She yawned. "Rehearsal was cancelled." She jokingly glared at her mom. "You'd think I'd be able to sleep in on the day of my birth or something."
"Happy birthday, sweetie." Anna moved over to her daughter and embraced her in a hug. "I got you strawberries. Your favorite."
"Thanks Mom." She let go from the hug and moved over to the table, surveying the trinkets on it. "Morning, Daddy." She wrapped her arms around her dad's shoulders from behind and rocked back and forth.
"Morning, dear. Happy birthday." He patted her arms, as she let go and headed to her usual seat at the table.
Anna took the plate of waffles from the counter and took her own seat at the table, across from her husband. "Arty had to run, Jo. He had practice, but he said he'd be home for dinner." She passed the plate to her daughter and continued on. "And Roger said he'd call from school to talk to you. And Aunt Bev and Uncle Rick are coming over tonight." Anna took a breath in. "It should be a nice birthday for you. Oh shoot..." She stopped. "John, did you get the mail while you were outside? Mom said she'd be sending Jo a card today."
"No, I didn't bother." His attention was turned to pouring a pint of syrup onto his plate. "Jo can go check." He didn't bother looking at his daughter; it was time for the butter now.
"I'll go get it." Jo jumped up from her seat and walked out of the kitchen. She put on her flip-flops by the front door and walked out into the warm April morning. Her shoes crackled across the brick walkway and were silenced as she stepped onto the neatly manicured grass.
Joanna opened the mailbox, in the exact shape of her house and took out a small stack of letters. Two bright envelops on top, one from her grandmother, and one from her brother. The rest of the stack consisted of bills and offers for her parents, all items that never concerned her. She busied herself looking at the stack and looking through and walked back up to the door. On the way up the driveway, Joanna's grip loosened and she dropped one of her birthday cards underneath her mother's car. She bent over and fished through the gravel under the muffler. She finally managed to find it, and she stood back up, placing her hand on the trunk for balance.
A flash of light filled Joanna's eyes and she doubled back and landed on the ground of her driveway, the letters in her hands flying in every direction. Joanna sat straight up in the gravel and looked around. Her breath was heavy and her eyes widened; she could feel beads of sweat forming on her forehead. Her eyes were fixed on the car, looking for anything. Did something sting her? Bitten by a bug. She lifted up her hand and examined it. There were no marks, and from what she could see, the car had nothing on it.
She stood up slowly, ignoring the letters that lay littered on the ground. Joanna reached out her hand again, heading for the same place where she had touched it before. She hesitated as her hand floated above the trunk. Slowly, Joanna's slender fingers reached out and lightly tapped the paint.
Another flash of light filled Joanna's eyes. She saw a mass of blurred colors, different things lying on the ground. She saw the family's car, crushed and mangled. A red puddle on the ground next to the wreck. Crushed groceries littering the pavement all around the car. And then Joanna felt it. A tremendous shock that ran through her body, as if someone had stabbed her spine with a frozen knife. The loud honk filled her ears, and a blood-curdling scream rang out. And then a rush of overwhelming sorrow. A crushing feeling that weighed on her heart and traveled down to her stomach. She felt her body begin to shake and convulse and then a darkness filled her vision, but the shaking and sadness continued through her -
Joanna lifted her hand from the trunk and looked around. Maple Valley Rd was still bright and sunny and everything as was it should be. She could feel beads of sweat running down her face and her hands will still shaking.
I'm going crazy. She thought. All the ideas running through her head made her stomach turn on herself. What's wrong with me? She reached down and grabbed as many of the letters that were within her reach, along with a few bits of dirt and gravel and she burst into the foyer, ready to collapse at the front door, dropping the letters and stones inside.
"Joanna?" Anna called. "Are you alright?"
Of course she wasn't alright. She didn't know what was wrong with her. What could she tell her parents? There was nothing she could tell them. You're fine. She told herself. You just...um...a bump on your head from the fall. You're perfectly normal.
"I'm fine, Mom." Joanna's voice was breathy and drained. It was shakier than it was a few moments ago. She straightened her pajama top, wiped the dirt from her hands onto her pants, and took a deep breath. Her steps into the kitchen were slow and calculated. Not too fast, not too slow. It was the first time in her life she had to think about her walking.
"My God, Joanna." Anna leapt from her seat and moved over to her daughter. "Are you alright, Jo? You look like you've seen a ghost." Joanna's eyes traveled to her father, who had barely raised an eyebrow to her mother's cry or own disheveled appearance.
"No, I'm alright." Joanna answered quickly. "I'm fine. I...uh...I slipped in the driveway. I'm alright."
"Honey, your hand." Anna held Joanna's fingers out and stared at her palm. A deep gash had appeared, and was starting to drip blood onto the kitchen floor. "What happened to you?"
Joanna jerked her hand away and balled it into a fist close to her stomach. "Nothing, Mom. I told you. I just slipped. Must fell on a rock or something." She couldn't even feel the pain in her hand. Her head was still swirling, and her stomach was wrenching. "Don't worry about it."
Anna gave her daughter the once over before choosing to dismiss the incident. "Well, go wash your hands in the bathroom. And come here after so I can bandage that." She smiled and gave her daughter a playful tap on the side of her face. "Go on. Birthday girls don't like cold waffles." Anna turned and headed back to the table.
This was a time she felt no need to argue, she headed out of the kitchen, through the foyer and headed towards the bathroom. She stopped again, and examined the unsuspecting car in the driveway and then looking down at her own cut-up hand. What could have caused her to act like that? What made the cut in her hand? She couldn't even begin to imagine. Everything was as it was. From the foyer, everything seemed normal. But those sounds, and feelings and flashes of pictures...they were stagnant in Joanna's mind; burned in there, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake them.
"Mom?" Joanna managed to squeak halfway through the meal. "Are...uh...were you going out today?"
"Yes, Jo. I have to go to the grocery store to get everything for dinner. You wanted ham right?" Anna busied herself at the sink, watching off the plates and scooping strawberry remnants into the trash. "Why did you ask?"
Joanna surveyed her mother's back that was facing and she turned to her father. He had barely spoken a word all through breakfast and now found himself engrossed in the Saturday newspaper. This was like every meal the family shared together. Her eyes traveled away from her father and moved towards the foyer. From her place at the table, she could see the driver's side and windshield of her mother's car; sitting, patiently; unsuspectingly.
"Um...nothing. No reason."
"Hold my hand." His voice purred. The long slender fingers of his hand uncurled and extended them to the girl before him.
She stared at the floor, she could feel him staring at her. Smiling at her. This was the first time that she couldn't understand her powers. Was he sincere? Or was this a joke to him? She couldn't tell.
"Joanna." He extended his arm out further. "Don't be afraid. I would never do anything to you." He knew not to touch her, unless she told him to.
Joanna rocked her balled-up body back and forth on the floor. She had to concentrate. Was he for real? Would he ever hurt her? Her violet eyes roamed from the floor and traveled slowly up the boy's arm and looked into face. His features were smooth and kind. How could she not trust him? He was right in front of her. This was real. But a lot of other things from the past had felt real, and they never turned out right.
"Listen." He said softly, kneeling down at her side. "I know you're scared. I'm scared too!" He laughed. "We can be scared together." He rose and placed his hand out once more, a gentle smile grazed his lips. "I don't want you to be alone in this. I don't want you to be alone at all."
Now what? she thought. It wasn't supposed to be like this. People weren't supposed to be like this. Her eyes never moved from his face and smile. And soon, she could feel herself smiling, and crying. Maybe this is why I feel for him the way I do.
Joanna grasped his hand and brought herself to her feet. When she gained her balance, she was right in front of him, chest to chest. She tried to move her hand to her side, but he still had a firm grip on it. "Bobby." She whispered. He smiled at the mention of his name.
"Yes?" He was hopeful, a hint of excitement was behind his voice.
"What are we doing?" Joanna asked.
"I don't know." He laughed again. It amazed her how he never seemed troubled by anything. Like the world was some big joke worthy or laughing at. Bobby's hand moved some of the wavy black hair that lay on her shoulder away behind her neck, and he rested his hand on there. It was so long since she allowed herself to be near him, she had forgotten how good his skin felt next to hers.
He had forgotten about it too. He stared at his hand, questioning himself about the ballsy decision he made to touch her. But his next decision, that required more courage than just a hand to the shoulder. He leaned into her, his chest brushing against her breasts. They were eye-level, just staring for moment. Their breaths combining with each other only a few centimeters from their faces. Bobby moved in, and kissed her cheek softly. The kisses grew stronger as they moved downward, across her face, down her neck, and to her shoulder. Joanna closed her eyes and took in everything. His smell, his lips, his sensations --
They were back! The emotions! Those sensations balling up inside her stomach and came shooting up through her arms, through her neck, and up to her head, making it pound. She swam in everything for a moment trying to sort through all the feelings of anguish and contempt, but then a few blissful seconds in between of overwhelming joy and pure ecstasy. It was too much for her to handle. She still, after all this time could not figure out what was the truth and what was fiction; she could never truly trust all that she saw, even though it had never been wrong before.
Joanna's eyes popped open and she used all her strength to push him away from her. "I can't do this!" she shouted. "I can't keep doing this! I don't know what this is." She turned away from Bobby and dug her tear-streamed face into her crumpled hands.
Bobby tried to understand. He knew that this wasn't easy for her. This was the first time since...since her family that she let anyone in. But it was still frustrating. As much as he tried to be there, those walls around her were like titanium lined with brick. They weren't moving until she let them, no matter what he did. He outstretched his arm to put a comforting hand on Joanna's shoulder, but she spun around before he got anywhere near her.
"How do I know this is real?" She shouted. "How do I know that this is something that I can trust?"
"HOW CAN YOU THINK THIS IS ANYTHING BUT?!" He returned a split second later. The frustration was reaching its breaking point. Joanna pulled back. She had never heard him respond like this...ever. "Why would I try? Why would I bother unless this meant something?"
"Joanna." His voice was still rough. He began to pace back and forth, running his fingers through his hair. "What do I have to do to show you? Your powers aren't everything. Not everyone in the world has a special gift to let them know how everyone in the world feels about them." The last few anger filled words caused him to wave his arms in the air, stressing the importance of what he was saying.
Joanna turned away from him and she braced herself again the wall. His words were daggers. Not just because they were hurtful, but because they were true. Not everyone had her "gift", but something that should have helped her only made her more indecisive, even unsure of herself. How could she be sure that she could rely on others when she couldn't even trust herself? There was always a battle. Her mind, her heart, her powers, all in competition with one another. Her powers showing her everything she would experience. Her mind picking up the bad, waving a red flag in front of everything and constantly ringing. This is a bad idea. This should not happen. But then her heart took all those happy moments and told her that this was it. Everything that she had been waiting for, everything she had ever wanted was standing in front of her, just waiting to be embraced...and never let go.
A firm hand spun her around and knocked her back against the wall. Bobby's ice blue eyes were wet...and distressed. "What can you not see in me? What am I doing that makes you so unsure of everything we have?" His fist hit the wall to the right of her face. He was so drained, everything about him was breaking down trying to fight this, to show her. He wanted to give Joanna the world.
"Bobby." She squeaked. "You're scaring me." The tension in Bobby's body lessened, her leaned against the wall, his head floating above her trembling shoulder. She moved her hand from her side and went slowly to touch his face. Her hand went past his cheek and rested on the back of his neck and pulled him in close to her shoulder.
He followed and fell into her, throwing his arms around her body and feeling his legs buckle beneath his weight. She held him and didn't let him fall. She threw her other arm around his back, and the two lovers just stood in the dark, both exhausted and afraid. They didn't want to let go. Both Bobby and Joanna knew that the minute they stopped holding one another, everything would be gone, and they would have to start over again from scratch.
[6 months earlier] Maple Valley Rd. in Syracuse in upstate New York was always known for being a street centered on the family. Green bushes full of brightly colored flowers dotted all the houses along the road, each house painted in a hue that showed comfort and beauty without being too ostentatious. In number 17, an off-white Dutch Colonial house at the end of the road across from the street's playground lived the Blackwell family. They were a well-respected family within the community. Mr. and Mrs. Blackwell were members of the town council, while their youngest son Arthur was active on the high school's track and baseball team. Joanna, their eldest daughter was the school's star performer in the plays and within the chorus. The oldest son, Roger was in Rhode Island, attending Brown University Medical School. They were just as normal and unsuspecting as every other family in Syracuse.
April 24 The Blackwell home was filled with the wonderful smell of waffles, as it was most Saturday mornings. Anna Blackwell, the woman of the house was busy in front of the waffle iron, making the perfect Belgian orbs that the family had looked forward to every weekend morning. On the table in the center of the kitchen stood a vase with freshly cut flowers and a small green box decorated with a brightly colored blue bow. Today was Joanna's 16th birthday.
Anna hummed softly to herself as she waited for her children and husband to come in for breakfast. The front door opened and Jonathan Blackwell entered the foyer of the home and made his way into the kitchen.
"Morning, sweetie." He said to his wife, giving her a soft peck on her cheek. "MMMMmmmm..." He took a deep breath in through his nose inhaling the scents around him. "Waffles smell amazing."
"You say that every Saturday." She said smiling. If there was one thing Anna never minded hearing over and over were compliments. "How's the car look?"
"It should run fine now." John crossed over the refrigerator and began rummaging through. "Just some spark plugs from before, and the belt came loose." He settled on the orange juice sitting in the door of the fridge.
"Can you grab the strawberries?" Anna called before he shut the door. "They're in the bottom drawer." John bent back over and opened the drawer and found a pint of fresh strawberries sitting right where they should be. "Can't forget those." Anna continued. "They're Joanna's favorite."
"Is this the necklace?" John put down the strawberries and picked up the box on the table. He shook it around and heard a slight jingle on the inside. "Hope she likes it."
"She will." The sound of footsteps started down the stairs and leapt to a thud at the bottom. Arthur came running into the kitchen, dressed in his baseball uniform and plopped himself down at the table with his father. He grabbed the orange juice and filled up his glass and started to chug it.
"Well, good morning." John lightly smacked the cup Arthur was holding, finally causing him to speak.
"Morning, Dad." He went back to his cup and finished chugging. He slammed the cup down and started to run out of the kitchen.
"Arthur?" Anna yelled into the foyer. "Where are you going? You didn't have breakfast yet."
Arthur's head popped in the doorway. "No time, Mom. I have practice." And his head disappeared again.
"Arthur?" Anna yelled again.
"What?" His voice was more exasperated and in the seconds between the conversations he had managed to find his baseball hat.
"You do know it's your sister's birthday today, right?"
"Yeah I know." Arthur smiled and disappeared once again, followed by the sound of the front door opening.
"Arthur, be home by 5. I want you be here for Joanna's dinner."
"Got it Mom!" And the door shut while Anna watched her son sprint across the lawn to his bike and petal off down the road.
"Where is the birthday girl?" John said impatiently. He started rearranging some of the flowers in the vase. I thought she'd be up right now."
Anna shrugged. "Call her. She's probably ignoring her alarm, like she does every morning." Anna lifted out the last waffle and turned her head over her shoulder in the direction of the stairs. "Joanna! Get up! You're going to be late!"
Heavy steps walked slowly down the steps. Joanna was dressed in her pajamas, her dark brown hair in a messy bun lying low at her neck. "No I'm not." She yawned. "Rehearsal was cancelled." She jokingly glared at her mom. "You'd think I'd be able to sleep in on the day of my birth or something."
"Happy birthday, sweetie." Anna moved over to her daughter and embraced her in a hug. "I got you strawberries. Your favorite."
"Thanks Mom." She let go from the hug and moved over to the table, surveying the trinkets on it. "Morning, Daddy." She wrapped her arms around her dad's shoulders from behind and rocked back and forth.
"Morning, dear. Happy birthday." He patted her arms, as she let go and headed to her usual seat at the table.
Anna took the plate of waffles from the counter and took her own seat at the table, across from her husband. "Arty had to run, Jo. He had practice, but he said he'd be home for dinner." She passed the plate to her daughter and continued on. "And Roger said he'd call from school to talk to you. And Aunt Bev and Uncle Rick are coming over tonight." Anna took a breath in. "It should be a nice birthday for you. Oh shoot..." She stopped. "John, did you get the mail while you were outside? Mom said she'd be sending Jo a card today."
"No, I didn't bother." His attention was turned to pouring a pint of syrup onto his plate. "Jo can go check." He didn't bother looking at his daughter; it was time for the butter now.
"I'll go get it." Jo jumped up from her seat and walked out of the kitchen. She put on her flip-flops by the front door and walked out into the warm April morning. Her shoes crackled across the brick walkway and were silenced as she stepped onto the neatly manicured grass.
Joanna opened the mailbox, in the exact shape of her house and took out a small stack of letters. Two bright envelops on top, one from her grandmother, and one from her brother. The rest of the stack consisted of bills and offers for her parents, all items that never concerned her. She busied herself looking at the stack and looking through and walked back up to the door. On the way up the driveway, Joanna's grip loosened and she dropped one of her birthday cards underneath her mother's car. She bent over and fished through the gravel under the muffler. She finally managed to find it, and she stood back up, placing her hand on the trunk for balance.
A flash of light filled Joanna's eyes and she doubled back and landed on the ground of her driveway, the letters in her hands flying in every direction. Joanna sat straight up in the gravel and looked around. Her breath was heavy and her eyes widened; she could feel beads of sweat forming on her forehead. Her eyes were fixed on the car, looking for anything. Did something sting her? Bitten by a bug. She lifted up her hand and examined it. There were no marks, and from what she could see, the car had nothing on it.
She stood up slowly, ignoring the letters that lay littered on the ground. Joanna reached out her hand again, heading for the same place where she had touched it before. She hesitated as her hand floated above the trunk. Slowly, Joanna's slender fingers reached out and lightly tapped the paint.
Another flash of light filled Joanna's eyes. She saw a mass of blurred colors, different things lying on the ground. She saw the family's car, crushed and mangled. A red puddle on the ground next to the wreck. Crushed groceries littering the pavement all around the car. And then Joanna felt it. A tremendous shock that ran through her body, as if someone had stabbed her spine with a frozen knife. The loud honk filled her ears, and a blood-curdling scream rang out. And then a rush of overwhelming sorrow. A crushing feeling that weighed on her heart and traveled down to her stomach. She felt her body begin to shake and convulse and then a darkness filled her vision, but the shaking and sadness continued through her -
Joanna lifted her hand from the trunk and looked around. Maple Valley Rd was still bright and sunny and everything as was it should be. She could feel beads of sweat running down her face and her hands will still shaking.
I'm going crazy. She thought. All the ideas running through her head made her stomach turn on herself. What's wrong with me? She reached down and grabbed as many of the letters that were within her reach, along with a few bits of dirt and gravel and she burst into the foyer, ready to collapse at the front door, dropping the letters and stones inside.
"Joanna?" Anna called. "Are you alright?"
Of course she wasn't alright. She didn't know what was wrong with her. What could she tell her parents? There was nothing she could tell them. You're fine. She told herself. You just...um...a bump on your head from the fall. You're perfectly normal.
"I'm fine, Mom." Joanna's voice was breathy and drained. It was shakier than it was a few moments ago. She straightened her pajama top, wiped the dirt from her hands onto her pants, and took a deep breath. Her steps into the kitchen were slow and calculated. Not too fast, not too slow. It was the first time in her life she had to think about her walking.
"My God, Joanna." Anna leapt from her seat and moved over to her daughter. "Are you alright, Jo? You look like you've seen a ghost." Joanna's eyes traveled to her father, who had barely raised an eyebrow to her mother's cry or own disheveled appearance.
"No, I'm alright." Joanna answered quickly. "I'm fine. I...uh...I slipped in the driveway. I'm alright."
"Honey, your hand." Anna held Joanna's fingers out and stared at her palm. A deep gash had appeared, and was starting to drip blood onto the kitchen floor. "What happened to you?"
Joanna jerked her hand away and balled it into a fist close to her stomach. "Nothing, Mom. I told you. I just slipped. Must fell on a rock or something." She couldn't even feel the pain in her hand. Her head was still swirling, and her stomach was wrenching. "Don't worry about it."
Anna gave her daughter the once over before choosing to dismiss the incident. "Well, go wash your hands in the bathroom. And come here after so I can bandage that." She smiled and gave her daughter a playful tap on the side of her face. "Go on. Birthday girls don't like cold waffles." Anna turned and headed back to the table.
This was a time she felt no need to argue, she headed out of the kitchen, through the foyer and headed towards the bathroom. She stopped again, and examined the unsuspecting car in the driveway and then looking down at her own cut-up hand. What could have caused her to act like that? What made the cut in her hand? She couldn't even begin to imagine. Everything was as it was. From the foyer, everything seemed normal. But those sounds, and feelings and flashes of pictures...they were stagnant in Joanna's mind; burned in there, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake them.
"Mom?" Joanna managed to squeak halfway through the meal. "Are...uh...were you going out today?"
"Yes, Jo. I have to go to the grocery store to get everything for dinner. You wanted ham right?" Anna busied herself at the sink, watching off the plates and scooping strawberry remnants into the trash. "Why did you ask?"
Joanna surveyed her mother's back that was facing and she turned to her father. He had barely spoken a word all through breakfast and now found himself engrossed in the Saturday newspaper. This was like every meal the family shared together. Her eyes traveled away from her father and moved towards the foyer. From her place at the table, she could see the driver's side and windshield of her mother's car; sitting, patiently; unsuspectingly.
"Um...nothing. No reason."