Disclaimer: I don't claim to own any part of Cyborg 009. Not Jet, not Albert, not the Plot, nothing. I barely own this fic.
Reason: You see I was watching my tapes (again) in an effort to overcome writers block. To be precise, I was watching Assasain of Flash and At the End of the Battle, when Jet started talking to me. It was like he was right there, spilling his guts to me; I could see it, I could hear it with perfect clarity as if I was there and it was real. I know it's impossible, but that's the way it felt. Whether or not you believe it is up to you, but I'm not going to take credit for this: Jet is.
He's in my dreams, you know? That beautiful, pale face of his regarding me with a look of love and affection. His smile comes easily then, not like in the waking world where the only smiles I see are either sad, or forced. I hate seeing him like that.
Then it makes me want to hold him. Just hold him in my arms and tell him that everything is all right, that he's safe, that nothing will ever hurt him anymore. I want to protect him. But I'm afraid of rejection and turn away, acting tough because everyone knows that I am.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm saying that I'm weak or soft or anything like that. I'm just saying that I'm not the insensitive jerk that eveyone takes me for. It pathetic and annoying, and god does it piss me off, that people don't even bother to look past the surface anymore. So I have a temper and some trust issues, I'm working on it, okay? No matter how grown up we all like to think I am, myself included, I'm still just a kid. I still have a lot to learn and I'd like to do it my way, no matter how hard or painful it might be. It's a screwed up world, and I'm doing the best that I can. Heck, I'm far from perfect, nobody is, but people think that because I want to live my life on my terms that I'm an arrogant, stuck up, son of a bitch who doesn't need anyone to survive.
I know I act that way, and I may say it's true, but deep in my heart, I know that it's not true. I need someone, something, to hold onto, just like everyone else. I want to be just like everyone else. I want to destroy Black Ghost for taking the chance to be like everyone else away from me. But I can't do it alone, and just knowing the fact that I have to rely on others scares me. What if they fail? What if they betray me? Who can I trust to be there whenever I need them? No one realises how frightening it is for some one who has spent their entire life relying on only one person, thmeselves, to have to trust their fate in complete strangers. Stranger who'll one day become their family.
Family. I never really knew what I was missing until I found them. My family. Joe and Pyunma, my brothers; Francie, my sister; Doc Gilmore, my father; and my uncles Chang, Gb and G Jr. And little Ivan, the baby. I love them all so much now. They're my family, all of them except for him, Albert.
It's not that I don't love Albert, because I do, it's just that it's not the same way. Our relationship seems to be on again, off again, never really staying the same long enough for me to figure it out. But sometimes I think he's the constant I need to make it through this sorry excuse of a life I'm living. He's alway there for me, even when we don't exactly see eye to eye. He always seems so calm, so selfassured, even in the heat of battle. And sometimes, I think he understands all the shit I'm going through. And I think that knowing that helps making it through times like these that much easier.