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Chapter 5
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A shiver ran down my spine as I lay sprawled on the bed, and I had to fight the sudden fear that ran through my body. It was the guilty stench of fear that covered me, and I wondered what had brought it about. Certainly not you…

I decided to ignore the temporary feeling and concentrated my efforts on mentally willing my companions to leave me alone. Couldn't they fucking get the fact that I did not want to be with them?

"Let's go out and eat something," Hakkai said, forcing a smile.

"You go," I grunted back shortly, my eyes open only a crack.

They glanced at each other uneasily for a moment. Hakkai licked his lips nervously.

Gojyo sighed. "I just can't believe he left us like that, without a word…"

I almost scowled at his words. It was back, that feeling. I opened my eyes and narrowed them at the idiotic redhead. "I told you not to talk about it."

Gojyo's savage reply shocked me. "You know something, don't you? You know why he's not here!"

Why doesn't he leave me the fuck alone?! I thought angrily as I stood up, pulling out my Smith & Wesson. "Shut up."

"That's right, hide behind your gun." Gojyo sneered at me.

I wouldn't take this crap from a lesser being like him. I coldly raised my gun and wanted to kill him. But I couldn't; I would never have gotten away with it. So I tilted my gun at the last second and made the bullet whiz by him harmlessly.

We stared at each other for several moments, and I could see Gojyo was trying to stand straight. Never before had I aimed so close to his head, and I knew he knew it.

I turned my back pointedly on the two and stomped out of the room, banging the door behind me. But not before I felt another shiver, another whiff of your scent.

I pondered waiting by the door to listen to what Hakkai and Gojyo would inevitably say about me, decided against it, and went downstairs to the bar. I picked the most shadowed corner and immediately waved the waitress over, ordering a beer.

A few minutes later Gojyo came down and was immediately pounced on by a prostitute. I sneered at him. He was so cheap, willing to sleep with anything that moved. Now you, you were priceless, virgin, clean, pure….

What am I thinking? I scowled. You were a dirty, lying demon. You had only pretended to be innocent. Yes, that was right.

I waved the waitress over and growled, "Another beer." I sighed and closed my eyes.

I felt someone coming and opened my eyes in time to see what was probably one of Gojyo's female friends sit down across from me. "Now, now, don't you look down in the dumps! Suffering from a broken heart, dear?"

My eyes widened slightly and I almost slapped the woman for her insolence, but then, regaining control of my senses, I simply frowned and said, "Get away before I kill you."

She took my rejection flippantly and even managed to wink before saying, "Fine. You know where to find me, when you come to your senses."

I scowled in to my beer and finished it off, ordering another one. She had not been far off mark. Yes, my heart was broken because I had once trusted you, thought you to be what you pretended to be, and when I had found out you were really just a dirty demon…

I shook my head slightly to get rid of the thoughts pestering me and glanced over to see the barmaid approach Gojyo. A few seconds later, Gojyo stood up and followed her. I scowled. That demon never thought with his head.

I stood up and left the bar, heading outside. I sat down in a corner and tilted my head slightly to look at the evening sky. The stars were coming out. They comforted me, showed me that no matter how big life seemed here on earth, it really wasn't that important overall. That way, it didn't matter if I fucked up my life.

The door of the inn swung open a few minutes later and, startled, I glanced over to see who had come out. Gojyo was standing right by the door, leaning against the wall with a tight smile on his face. He hadn't seen me.

I watched as he lit up a cigarette. Surprising that he hadn't taken longer with the barmaid. Maybe she had refused him? Well, it wasn't like it really mattered to me, anyway.

"That self confident, arrogant bastard…" Gojyo laughed emptily.

I narrowed my eyes. Was that what he thought of me? He knew nothing about me, just pretended to. I thought over his words and then let a smirk slide over my face. Maybe they were an accurate description.

"And all this time, I thought to myself that one day I'd start my own family and get it right… one day I'd find someone to love… one day…"

I blinked and wondered what Gojyo was talking about. But even though I was confused, his words echoed in my head. His goals made him seem more human somehow. I wondered what it was like to have such goals, to want such simple things. But what else was there to want in the world?

I knew he was foolish to dream, though. We were all born to die alone.

To Be Continued...