Chapter 5 ~ Breaking the Ice
"The road to a friend's house is never long"
~ Danish Proverb
Lily was in her bathroom sponging down her face when she looked up at herself in the mirror. "What is your problem? Huh? What is wrong with you?" she reprimanded herself. "I mean, come on Lily, this is James we're talking about! Did I just say James?!? I meant Potter!! Jesus Christ! How can he do this to me? It's not like he'd even attempt a second glimpse at me. Look at me! You're hideous Evans! HIDEOUS! Fricken idiotic red hair and lackluster puke green eyes! Petunia's right, I really don't have anything to live for. Except for my chance with Amos, but if James won't like me then why would he? Besides, he's besotted with Christi fucking Miller! Just give up Lily! You're obtuse, revolting and no one will EVER love you!" with that Lily threw her washcloth on the sink and trudged into her room, yanked her drapes closed and went to sleep.
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Meanwhile, James was also in his bathroom, trying to assure himself that he doesn't like Lily. "This is EVANS for god's sake! Get a hold of yourself! Bookworm Evans! Even though she has a nice ass… NO! Stop it! You were never attracted to her before! What happened?" James yelled at his reflection. "WAKE UP!" he screamed as he splashed his face with freezing cold water.
He let the water sweep over his face. It ran off his face and into the sink. "Ahhhhhh, that's better! Now," he said pointing at his mirror image with water still trickling off his face, "anything that happens between you and Evans is strictly business! Nothing else! You're doing this to get Arabella!"
"James, what're you doing in there?" came Sirius' voice through the door.
"Nothing Padfoot! I'll be in soon!" James yelled back and then turned to the mirror again, "DON'T FUCK UP!" With that, he went to bed.
"Padfoot?"
"Yea Prongsie?"
"What do ya think of Lily?"
"Well, she's pretty enough. But she's not my type… or yours for that matter. She's too… bookwormy ya know? Reads too much and is a know-it-all. But, to each his own," Sirius replied.
"Yea, G'night," James said.
"Night," Sirius said drowsily.
James lay there in his bed, starring at the ceiling, deeming to himself about everything for a long while. Before he finally went to sleep, he decided that nothing was happening between him and Lily and all was well. He then went into a tranquil sleep.
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The next day started out quite well. Lily and James strolled about the halls, hand in hand, sat next to each other in classes and at the meals; just as intended. They even got some glowers from invidious people, but both observed that none of them were Amos or Arabella.
During their free period, they were to be seen in the library working on homework, but they were silent. James knew that boyfriends and girlfriends didn't behave like this, so he decided to break the ice.
"Soooooo, Lily, what's your family like?"
"I don't really talk about them," was her answer.
"Why not?" James pushed.
"I just don't," she said unequivocally, not looking up from her work.
"My parents are aurors," James informed her.
"Really?" she asked sardonically, looking up at him.
"Yea," he said, jovial to get her to cease her work and failing to perceive the cynicism. "But they're scarcely ever home. Always at work by the break of sunup and home well after dusk. They've been really taken with Voldemort's ascent. But luckily they got Christmas off for me."
"Aurors fight dark wizards, right?" Lily asked, already knowing the answer.
"Yup," James said with poise.
"And aren't they supposed to thwart attacks on muggles and wizards?" she asked, also knowing the answer to this.
"They try, it's not all that effortless ya know," James rationalized.
Lily glared at him before responding.
"Then why the hell weren't they there to stop Voldemort from fucking slaughtering my parents?!" she asked, elevating her voice vaguely.
James looked at her shaken. Lily, grasping what she just said, blushed and went back to her work.
James gawked at her for a bit and then said the initial thing that came to his thoughts.
"I'm sorry."
"It isn't your fault," Lily mumbled, "It's mine."
Once again, James was flabbergasted.
"How could it be your fault? You didn't kill them. That bastard did!"
"It is my fault! If I weren't a witch, he wouldn't have slaughtered them! He murdered them because of me!" Lily said, yet again looking at him.
"Lily, what makes you think that?" James asked.
"It ensued last summer…" Lily launched.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FLASHBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Come on Petunia! Pick a God damn bunch of bananas and let's go!" said a put out Lily.
"Calm down ya ugly freak! I'm not about to grab the nastiest bunch… Okay, we can go now," said Lily's elder sister, Petunia. "Why're you so nervous anyway?" she inquired.
"I just wanna get home. Something doesn't feel right," Lily responded.
They went through the checkout and it felt like forever to Lily. She stood there, tapping her foot intolerantly until her sister screeched at her, "Stop it you freak!" The ride home was just as demoralizing. Lily sat in her seat, drumming her fingers on the armrest. She didn't know why, but something wasn't right.
When her sister's car rounded the crook of their street, everything seemed to be in a sluggish movement for Lily. She glanced towards her house and saw an ominous, green, opaque skull hovering above it. She let out a shriek and flew out the car door, without waiting for her sister to stop.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Petunia yelled after her. Lily didn't hear her, her words engulfed into oblivion. Lily ran athwart the road, cutting through traffic. Cars blew their horns at her, but all Lily could distinguish was that she had to get to her house. She had to get to her mom and dad. She nicked through her neighbors yard, reaching her front steps.
"Please God," she prayed, "Let them be okay!" She stormed up the steps and through the open door.
"MOM! DAD!" she screamed as she entered the foyer. No answer. The only thing she got as a response was the silence, deathly silence.
She progressed into the living room and the sight that met her eyes nearly flung her into unconsciousness. The entire room was in a jumble. Destroyed furniture and papers were strewn all over the place. Her parents were lying on the floor in a puddle of blood.
Lily bawled, "NOOOOO! MOM!" She scurried over to her mother, who was already lifeless. "Daddy!" she cried, running to her father's side. He was still breathing. "Daddy! You're alive!" she exclaimed. "Why did he do this?"
"Lily!" her father gasped.
"Shhh, daddy, don't speak. All will be okay," she tried to encourage with tears streaking down her face.
"I love you Lily," her father breathed and then he ceased to.
"Noooooo! Wake up daddy! Oh God, please let this be a dream! Let this just be a huge nightmare!" she pleaded. She hammered her fist on her father's chest, hoping against hope that he'd rouse. She stood up precariously and assessed the room again.
Written on the wall, in what Lily presumed to be her parents' blood, were two words that summed up why this was done, that answered her question. It read: Die Mudblood! She then fell back to the floor in sobs. She heard Petunia enter and shriek.
"This is your fault! It was done by your kind! Get out of my house! OUT!" she yelled with tears running down her own face.
-----------------------------------------------------End Flashback------------------------------------------------
"That day went so slow until I saw that mark. Then everything came crashing down," Lily said detachedly after she had described that ghastly day. "He didn't Avada Kedavra them because he wanted them to suffer. He wanted to make me suffer," she said, her face devoid of any sentiment.
"Lily, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have coerced you to tell me," James said, shaken by her blank expression.
"Don't trouble yourself about it. I told you because I needed to get off my chest, I needed to tell someone. I haven't even told Mollie," Lily said with awareness at what she did. "Please don't tell ANYONE!" she importuned.
"I wouldn't dare," James said, placing his hand on top of hers. He gazed in to her eyes, the stunning jade orbs of Lily Evans. Lily Evans! They both realized that this hand touch and gaze was heartfelt and jerked away.
"Come on," Lily began, "it's almost dinner time." They strode off together, understanding what just occurred and struggling to overlook it and bear in mind their motive.