Chapter 7 ~Friends?

"To fall I love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be."

                   ~ Anna Louise Strong

          "Lily, I'm really sorry about that kiss," James apologized, "I should've stopped myself."

          "Hey, it was just a kiss," Lily waved it away with her hand. "Besides, we're both just as guilty as the other."

          "I didn't mean anything, did it?" James asked unsure of himself.

          "Well, did you want it to mean anything?" Lily asked bashfully.

          "I dunno, do you?" James asked, wanting to hear what she felt before he divulged into his feelings.

          The answer James got wasn't exactly the one he expected. He wanted her to say yes James; it meant the entire world to me! But that wasn't quite what he got.

          "James," Lily began, while walking ahead, "I don't know anything anymore! Just last month you and I were lethal enemies and I was gaga over Amos. And now… now I don't know where I stand. I'm really confused!"

          "Well, what do we do?" James asked after he recovered from not getting what he wanted and catching up to her.

          "Maybe we should stop this shenanigan and get back to our habitual lives," Lily suggested, stopping to look at him.

          This was the last thing that James wanted to happen. "But what about Arabella and Amos? Don't we still wanna make them green with envy?" he asked hopefully.

          "I dunno… James, I just want my normal life back, grant it my life isn't that normal but… you know what I mean, normal for a witch," she said still insecure of herself.

          "Lily," James started gravely, "I don't know about you, but I still think this plan is our only option to get our crushes, our last resort and if we don't use it, then we'll never get the people we want!" Permit it I could care less about what's-her-name any more, but you don't know that, James thought to himself.

          "James, I'm actually beginning to like you as a friend and I'm terrified about that. I can't have any friends," Lily said mellifluously.

          "What? Why can't you have any friends? You have Mollie don't you?" James now asked inquisitively.

          "Yes, but I already hurt her; I don't wanna hurt you," Lily said tensely.

          "Lily, I don't understand," James said, still bewildered.

          "Remember when I told you about my parents' death," Lily started misty-eyed. James nodded and she continued. "He killed them to get to me; to make me suffer. You see, the year before this, he asked me to go in with his side. It seems he thinks that I'm a very powerful witch and he can let it pass that I'm a filthy Mudblood if I take this compassionate proposition," Lily said with repulsion. "That's the reason they were killed. He had left a note for me saying that this was only the beginning and more were to die if I refused.

          "Well, I wasn't about to turn wicked, so I of corse declined. Later, during the summer, I got an owl from him again. He was warning me that if I didn't join him he'd hurt me again. I ignored it and the next day, Mollie flooed over in tears telling me about how he had killed her parents, right in front of her. I knew right then and there that I had caused it and more would come if I befriended anyone else. James, I don't know what I'd do if I hurt you," Lily said, now weeping profoundly.

          "Lily, look at me," James said, directing her to face him by pulling up her chin. "None of that was your fault; you can't help what goes through that psychos head."

          "James, I'm so scared though," Lily said, now clinging on to James, forgetting the reason that this conversation even started. "I don't want anyone else to die because of me and I know he has his minions here at Hogwarts and they're all spying for him."

          "Shhh, Lily calm down please," James pleaded, stroking her hair with one hand and rubbing her back with the other, trying to soothe her. He couldn't help but feel how right it felt with her in his arms. "My mom and dad can take care of themselves, they are aurors after all."

          "I just can't help but feel that so many more bad things are going to happen because of me. Sorta like I've got this premonition, like with my parents, stuff just doesn't feel right," she said gazing into James' alarming ice blue eyes.

          James couldn't help himself. She looked so helpless and had the look of needing comfort. He pushed some locks of her fire red hair out of her face and leaned in. He tightened his grip around her waist and closed the gap. He brushed his lips against her, not wanting to push her, kissing her lightly. When she began to kiss back he became more vigorous. This time, it was Lily pushing to deepen this kiss. She wanted to let all of he anger and sorrow out and this just presented itself. Soon, their tongues were battling for domination.

          He then gradually pulled away from her face and said quietly, "Now I know this one meant something," with a quirky smile.

          "James, this is too fast," Lily said slowly, not really wanting to say it but feeling it necessary. "I've just become friends with you and I don't want to ruin it. Besides, we're not really that compatible. We'll end up bickering at each other and having a strenuous relationship. Can we just stick to the plan?"

          "If that's what you honestly want Lily," James said, extremely thwarted at this outcome.

          "Yes," Lily said without conviction. "Friends?" she asked, offering her hand.

          "Friends," James confirmed and ineptly shook her hand.

          "Thanks James, for comforting me," Lily added once they continued to their class.

          "No prob Lily flower," James replied. He couldn't help but notice that Lily shivered a little after that comment and her eyes misted over again. "What's the matter?" he asked concernedly.

          "My dad used to call me that," Lily said timorously.

          "Oh, sorry," James said regretfully.

          "No, it's okay. I kinda liked it," she said.

          Lily then began to think what her father had told her one day. Whichever one of you copious boyfriends calls you by my special nickname for you Lily Flower, will truly know you and fit you perfectly. Don't ever let that one go.

          But daddy, Lily thought, I have to let him go. I don't want to hurt him. Besides, he doesn't truly know me. I've just actually met him for the first time!

          But it didn't matter; Lily knew that her dad was right and that James was perfect for her. But she couldn't love him; she couldn't love anyone. They'd end up hurt or dead because of her.

          No one will ever be able to love me! She thought miserably as they entered the classroom.