For some absurd reason, (and I've only noticed now), the em dash doesn't appear. So that you don't confuse hyphenated words with dashes, I put two in the place of one. As in, "well-being" (hyphen) and "and laughed--was I funny?"
Thanks a lot for the reviews, they mean tons and give me the warm fuzzies.
Chapter 8
The next few weeks past quickly, and we did not encounter Kougaiji once. I was glad, and hated myself for being so grateful. Since when had I thanked fate? Since when had I begun believing in fate?
We left early that morning. Hakkai and Gojyo, who had been at each other the past few weeks, finally seemed to have calmed down. They spoke quietly to each other while eating breakfast, making jokes. That was one of the advantages of your absence--peace reigned at every meal.
We had been driving for a while when I glanced over at the other two. Gojyo was leaning over Hakkai's shoulder, his arms resting on the headrest. They seemed comfortable with each other, though I wasn't sure they had realized it yet. It was strange to see how blind they could be, but then again we hadn't known anything else for a long time. We probably had gotten used to each other.
I, too, had not escaped the lull of habit. I had grown used to your incessant whining. I think I even missed it, for a short while. But it was better without you. I could not let myself depend on anyone or anything. I would not let myself be weakened by dependency, by habit. Having you around weakened me. I made you leave to strengthen myself.
Thinking back, I remember secretly hoping that you had been strengthened as well. That you had lost that damn naivety, that ability to trust a perfect stranger, and realized what a bitter world we lived in. I realize now that your greatest strength was your innocence, and that all I had wanted was for you to become a reflection of myself. I had wanted you to become an entirely different person. What a horror you would have turned out to be, had I succeeded.
Around midday, I felt the familiar spike of aura and resisted the temptation to roll my eyes. It was funny; Homura always seemed to come by when we had stopped for a break.
I stood, raised my gun, and fired rapidly, while Gojyo and Hakkai jumped out of Jeep. A mocking grin spread across Homura's face like butter, his thoughts written on his face. Wasting bullets again, Konzen?
I hated being called Konzen. I could not understand why he did it; maybe he knew it bothered me. Sometimes it brought back memories--flashes of red across my vision as I fell forward, looking in to golden eyes and whispering, "Wait for me."
Or was it a prophecy? Was it fate? Destiny? Were those golden eyes yours, and had you killed me? But then, why was I asking you to wait for me?
I did not like mysteries. I did not like being called Konzen.
Homura opened his mouth, but Gojyo interrupted. "You have come for the sutra, blah, blah, blah. No need to repeat yourself every time you come."
Homura ignored the redhead and glanced at his two followers--Shien? Zeon? "Do you feel him?"
"Nowhere," Zeon replied. Shien simply shook his head.
"He's not here," I drawled, guessing they were talking about you.
I felt a decisively vindictive pleasure at Homura's angry face. He masked it well, but not well enough. It was obvious to the trained eye that he had some sort of obsession over you. I wonder why. You would only weaken him, like you had weakened me. Unless….
Impossible. Homura was not the kind to fall in love.
"Where is he?"
"I have no time to waste," I responded. "Move."
"Where is he?" Homura repeated insistently, voice lowering dangerously.
I felt the thrill of risk, and smirked. "On vacation."
Gojyo growled. "Just say it straight, stupid monk." He turned to face the gods. "Goku left us, for reasons unknown," at this he shot a glance at me, "and we have no clue where he is. Now can you kindly move?"
"No way," Zeon replied with an easy smile on his face. "We might as well get the sutra, now that no one's stopping us."
"No," Homura said quietly. He stared straight at me 'til I almost crushed beneath the weight of his gaze. He knew; I could feel it. I shuddered, wondering how I'd feel the day I stood before the gods and they judged me.
"You try to hide behind a cold mask," the god accused.
"It's none of your business," I snapped back, noting Hakkai's and Gojyo's raised eyebrows.
"But," he continued as if I hadn't spoken, "your pain is written clearly on your face."
I settled for a cold glare, not knowing what to respond. It was my death glare, my shut-up-or-die glare, and Homura did not flinch. Perhaps it only worked on half-breeds and weak, green-eyed demons. It certainly hadn't worked on you, either.
"He doesn't need you."
I raised an eyebrow. "And I care, because…?"
"Everyone likes feeling needed," Homura replied. "Don't try to deny it. And you were so sure that he could not survive without you, so sure he'd come running back with his tail between his legs…".
"Now, I know he's a monkey, but a tail?" Gojyo said, grin on his face.
I tightened my grip on my Smith & Wesson. "Shut up. Both of you."
Homura smiled that soft smile of his that showed he understood, a smile of compassion. A smile that showed he knew exactly how I felt, something even I did not know. A smile that emerged from his own well-being, and laughed at my need for risks and thrills to feel alive. His smile was an insult.
"If you don't want him…" Homura didn't finish the sentence, but I knew what he meant. The unsaid words rang in my head.
If you don't want him, he's mine.
They vanished a few seconds later, and we continued driving.
I tried to ignore Homura's hint. There was no reason to be worried about your fate. Homura would never set you up to fight against us, and you would never be up to it. Zeon's comment had struck a nerve, though. Were you really the only obstacle in Homura's plan to steal the sutra? Were you the only reason they had retreated so many countless times? What were Homura's plans for you? Was it the sutra he was really after?
I cleared my mind using a meditation technique, irritated. I had no use for more unanswerable questions. There was no more space in my head for everything going on within, and I could feel my skull cracking with the pressure.
So much to worry about… so much to wonder about… And I called myself strong? I rubbed my temples angrily.
"Headache, Sanzo?"
"Ch'." As if there was much to say in response to the obvious.
I saw Hakkai and Gojyo exchange glances. So they, too, had been unnerved by the gods.
Perhaps I'd been wrong in pushing you away. It was safer to have the scorpion in view, than to not know when it would strike next.
Scorpion. I smirked in amusement. What a perfect nickname for you.
To Be Continued...