The Lonely Ballerina
AN: I'm really sorry I haven't updated in like, forever! We went to this month vacation in the Philippines so I didn't have much time to write this chapter. Plus, I have this huge writer's block, which totally sucks, but hopefully, I'm out of my doldrums. I'm really sorry for the long wait. I hope this chapter live up to your expectations guys. I did the best I could. More AN at the end. Please do review. And for those who did, thank you so much! This is for you good people who take the time to read this story. You know who you are. Hope you guys enjoy!
Special thanks to Lil Starlight for her email and to chip who liked it too.
Disclaimer: I don't own CCS or it's characters so don't sue. I bite!
~*
~ The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child. I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."~
-Footprints-
~*
Chapter 4: Firsts
~*
He lost control, and there was nothing he could've done to stop the tears that had trickled down his usually smiling face and falling onto Tomoyo's midnight black mane as he wept on her shoulders earlier that evening. When was the last time he ever cried so... freely? he had to wonder. It was, in all, the lowest, most embarrassing moment of both his past and present lives and he truly despised the fact that he had shown weakness to her. Tomoyo, however, whose whimper he could hear in spite of his loud intake of breaths and the soft background music, had been very understanding despite all that has happened and, who before the night ended, had actually managed a courageous smile for his sake and a friendly hug to go along with it. He was still feeling undignified however - which is pretty natural for someone who hardly loses composure in front of others - but nevertheless he had returned the smile with a sorrowful one.
Maybe it was the mood of their surrounding that made him crumble. Perhaps it was the music. It could also have been the dreamy, magical illusion of the environment. It must've fogged up his head, he reasoned, and sincerely hoped that it was just a malfunction in his system. Then again, maybe it wasn't the music, the mood, or the fog in his head, but he himself. Perhaps it was because he was lonesome no matter how much he convince himself that he isn't. He wasn't certain. He lost control and there was nothing he could've done. He just hoped that it would not affect their relationship with each other for he didn't think he could bare it if he saw her again and find the barrier between them had reconstructed itself. He lost his poise, and he hated it.
Eriol lie awake in his bed, tossing and turning, sleep far from his reach even though he was totally worn out. He would berate himself even more had he not been as exhausted as he was. But all Eriol could do now was lie on his large bed, covered in thick sheets of blankets with that night's event palying over and over in his mind like a mantra. It had been quite an evening, certainly one of those nights one would want to both remember and forget, and he needs rest, truly he does.
~*
Tonight's dramatic event hasn't faded from her memory as of yet but she supposed that being, presumably, one of the first few individuals to send the great Hiragizawa Eriol himself practically on his knees begging is enough to make one stay up all night long. What amazed her though is how skilled he was at acting and keeping himself composed most of the night but in a blink of an eye he was on the verge of insanity. Well, it looked insane to her now that she thought of it. Earlier tonight she viewed his actions as needing. Earlier she could feel his hopelessness, and sadness, but now, it all seemed surreal - like one of those soap operas that never end. But of course, his mere facial expression and his husky voice, raw from the unbidden tears that was yet to be shed, wasn't the reason why she had agreed to "let him in", as he had put it, or was it? Maybe it was just pity. Yes, that's probably it, pity. But still, it does not add up at all with what she had felt when he held her, for she sure did not feel sympathy then. It was a different feeling, but what it was she cannot put her finger on. It's all very confusing and it's giving her a headache. She groaned in frustration. Why won't the memory fade?
Let me in, he had said. Please let me in...
Tomoyo swore at him inwardly, something she seldom does, as if it would change anything. He just had to be pitiful, didn't he, to make her lose poise as well. It was all his fault that she had lost the remaining self-control she had. It was all his fault she had wept along with him, though hers were stifled cries while he simply sobbed freely and silently, and it was all his fault that she's unable to close her eyes tonight, forget about everything, and enter the world of slumber.
Yet she could not find it in herself to be angry with him. He needs to have someone to run into, to confide in, she know that now. In that one brief dance she had seen the true Hiragizawa Eriol - a lost, wandering soul. He was all about solitude with tears and heartbreak as company. Behind that mischievous smirk, those mysterious dark eyes, and unperturbed poise was a man, no, a boy who was as hopeless as she is, looking for comfort in the wrong places. Eriol, no matter how powerful a magician he is, is still human and capable of human emotions even though some may think otherwise. She was the one with him that moment he had let his guard off. She was the one who saw through him albeit unintentionally. He chose her. He chose her to be the one to see him as he is, she knew this, because.... Because what? Knowing Eriol he have to have a reason why he picked her. Her, out of all people. He chose her. Perhaps it was their similarities. Yes, that must be it. And maybe, she too, had let her guard off because deep inside her, she knows he'll understand. Because they know what the other is going through. Because they are similar. Because they hurt. They both ache inside.
Disguise, she mused, they both wear masks and that's what makes them similar.
Similar but not the same, she added as an afterthought before closing her tired eyes. No, not the same at all.
~*
Tiny speckles of snowflakes fell from the gloomy winter sky silently, their soft whiteness staining the cold earth, which had yearned their presence for a long period of time now. The sight produced a vague image in her mind of little wingless angels falling on Earth with nothing but the other fallen celestial spirits to greet their arrival. It was rather sad, she mused as she continued to stare at the falling snow. Winter came a tad earlier this year but snow stopped showing up all together by the end of November (save the few speckles that had finally graced the Earth yesterday afternoon), and perhaps she was not expecting for it to come at all that year for it seems like an eternity since she had last seen the familiar white substance covering the brown and red grounds the fall had left the Earth with. But of course she was mistaken for the season will not be complete without it, just like autumn lacking without the leaves of red, orange, and brown falling to the ground nor the summertime without the green grass and the beautiful flowers that blooms in the gardens. No, winter will most definitely be incomplete without the soft, blanket of snow covering the hills and mountains; without the soft whiteness on the lawns and rooftops of houses. Without people covered in thick clothing muttering under their breath about how they hated shoveling. Without the familiar feeling of irritation when one hears the bothersome alarm clock ringing in their ears in the cold winter morning because they want nothing more than to stay in the comfort their warm bed provide them with. Without the warm fire, dancing in the hearth with such enthusiasm that one could not help but be drawn to it. Without half of the population struggling to get to a nearby coffee shop to order themselves a cup while the rest sits in their homes having tea, chatting frivolously about everything and anything or maybe just enjoying the silence the winter brings to one's home. Yes, winter would be incomplete without these things.
Winter will not be the same without Sakura, Tomoyo added to the growing list. It was, of course, inevitable that she should know by now how to last a week or two without Sakura for in only a few months' time, they are to go to different colleges to pursue their dreams and will not be seeing each other for a span of at least a month or two, maybe even longer, depending on their schedule. It was necessary for her to learn how to live each of her day without her cousin.
Sakura and Syaoron, as Tomoyo had gathered, were to leave on Monday, the twentieth of December, to spend Christmas in Hong Kong with Syaoron's family and were to return a week after winter break had ended. Tomoyo had already informed the two of them that she will be holding a farewell dinner the night before their departure, tomorrow night to be exact. Sakura had told her profusely that such thing was not necessary (they will be gone for only two weeks or so, she said) but Tomoyo insisted. After all, this is going to be their first Christmas apart since she and Sakura had become almost inseparable, and the least she could do was give Sakura and Syaoron a wonderful night before they leave.
Someone tapped her on her shoulder, breaking her out of her reverie, which was a good thing she believed because she didn't want her thoughts to go on any further. She looked up to see the usual sedate face of Eriol. Last night's events flooded Tomoyo's mind but for some reason, it did not bother her to look at him at all. She was expecting to act, well, uneasy around him after what had happened, and vice versa, but what was happening was the exact opposite. Not that she minded or anything, but it felt rather awkward that they seem to act as if nothing at all has happened, what with Eriol being Mr. Calm and Collected again. It was a big issue for both of them, they are both aware of that, and the thought of pretending that none of the 'unmasking' had occurred was for some reason, maddening to her. It made her feel slightly uncomfortable for some reason.
Nevertheless, Tomoyo smiled warmly and motioned for the other to join her. It was getting pretty dull sitting alone in the half-filled coffee shop and she suppose that some company-even if it's Eriol - would not do any harm. Eriol took a seat on the chair opposite of Tomoyo. A waitress came to their table and Eriol ordered himself a cup of cappuccino.
"How have you been?" Tomoyo started, looking at Eriol with nothing but a genuine smile. A simple 'good afternoon' would have been fine for Eriol but instantly caught on what Tomoyo had meant. If it had not been for Tomoyo's tone of voice that reflected her concern for him, he would have thought she was making fun of him.
"I'm great. How about you?" answered Eriol in a calm voice.
If he was still unnerved about last night he did a marvelous job keeping his expression impassive but, Tomoyo reminded herself, she should not have expected any internal turmoil to leak out of Hiragizawa's tightly secured mask.
"Fine, I'm fine."
~*
Eriol, for some unknown explanation, often finds himself in a game of deception, which he usually initiates intentionally or not, with none other than Tomoyo herself. He had to admit that he used to rather enjoy these silly competitions for the mere sight of Tomoyo's wavering confidence in the middle of a match never cease to bring a smile on his face. The key word there is used and this is doubtlessly one of those times but for some reason, he was not as excited about the upcoming battle. If anything, he was actually dreading it.
"Fine, I'm fine," Tomoyo had replied.
A lie, that's what it was, and Eriol took her answer as the start of another one of their duel, and he was getting pretty exasperated of the ridiculous game she insist on playing. Even if it brings such joy to see Tomoyo falter in the middle of their games, he finds their pleasant conversations much more convenient. Even the childish teasing seems much more appealing to him, even if Tomoyo seemed to be always on the verge of slapping him silly. He knew that she was not doing well at all, so why does she refuse to tell him the truth? Did they not have an agreement last night? H assumed that after all that has happened they would stop the mendacity. Was she afraid he'll think of her weak? Surely she knows him better that that. There was a hush between them as questions after questions entered his mind. Tomoyo averted her eyes from his and stared at her tea while Eriol simply eyed her with an unreadable look which seemed to make her uneasy. The sight reminded him so much of that one uncomfortable moment between them in the school lunchroom not a week ago when he had asked that ludicrous question.
"I noticed Spinel Sun is not with you," Tomoyo, although aware that the guardian is never interested on coming to any of Eriol's appointments (had it been magic related or an emergency, he might have), commented anyway in an attempt to start a conversation that has a safe topic and will hopefully break the tension between them. She once again met his gaze.
"Well," Eriol began, grateful that they had something to talk about other than how they are doing. "Spinel preferred to stay at home and read even though I made a very tempting offer to get him to come."
"And what would that offer be, if I may ask?" Tomoyo inquired as if she did not already know the answer. She was trying to hide a smirk, though failing miserably. Eriol's serious and theatrically disappointed tone was amusing.
"I told him that dessert's on me."
"Perhaps Kero-chan would fall for that, but certainly not Spinel Sun."
Eriol sighed dramatically as leaned back in his chair. "Tell me something I don't already know. Though, I happen to think that is highly unfortunate. Spinel Sun's cognizance, that is. You cannot fool him and that tends to spoil the fun."
"I think otherwise," Tomoyo grinned. "Not many were blessed with such wisdom after all."
He nodded in agreement and Tomoyo sipped her tea. There was another long silence as his companion went back on staring at her cup.
"I'm sorry," he said as he leaned on the table, hands loosely clasped together, breaking the quietness that enveloped them. "For last night, I mean."
There it was, out in the open. It would come out sooner or later anyway, he knew that, and he preferred it to be sooner rather than later. It still bothered him, of course, to discuss it but he knew that someone needs to bring the topic up and talk about it and he'd rather be the one to do so. Tomoyo raised her eyes to look at him as he lowered his in attempt to conceal the emotion they may betray.
"There is nothing to be sorry about, Hiragizawa-kun. Nothing at all."
Eriol sighed. Back to formalities, he thought. He cursed inwardly, but he's not complaining. Tomoyo's reply, as Eriol see it, was an insinuation that she is accepting him as a confidante, finally, as she will be to him if he was still up for it - which of course he is - but it also drew a thin line between them that he cannot cross. No first names, he supposed he could live with that for now.
No words can describe Eriol's relief, although he would not be caught dead wearing such an expression on his face. He still has his reputation to uphold, after all. He just gave her a thankful smile and decided to leave it at that. All is well and forgiven and he was content to leave the matters that way. Maybe it is now possible to get through to her and make her realize that he's there and that he cared even if she believed the contrary. He will, Eriol thought, someday he will tell her so. There was another pregnant pause. The waitress came with Eriol's order. He thanked her and sipped his steaming cappuccino cautiously as to not burn himself.
"It's really coming down, huh?" he observed as he looked out the frosted window of the cafe.
Tomoyo nodded in silent agreement as she too stared outside. Nobody spoke.
"I was thinking," she said suddenly facing Eriol, "when Sakura and I were young, we would always make snow angels in my yard. For some reason or another, hers will always be the perfect one no matter how hard I try to make mine as good as hers. Well, not that I expected Sakura's to be anything less."
Eriol, intrigued, nodded as Tomoyo carried on with her tale.
"I remember how I used to always compliment hers and all my snow angel gets from me was a barrage of insults. But not from Sakura. She would say mine was beautiful and perfect like me, but of course, I always deemed that she's just being polite so I would brush the flattery off." She paused momentarily as her eyes glazed over, as if she had completely left reality, which she probably did. "Then afterwards we would make this huge snowman and have snowball fights. I recall this one time when we actually put bunny ears on this one snowman we made," Tomoyo laughed.
Tomoyo smiled serenely as she reminisced about her childhood, and as she did so, Eriol suddenly thought about his. He frowned. There was nothing. There was nothing about being able to play outside in the snow, making snowman and snow angels, or having snowball fights with friends. He couldn't remember a time in his life when he simply had puerile fun, being reckless, and just simply living like a normal kid. His childhood, if one can call it such, only consists of endless reading, playing tunes in his grand piano, evil plots, and being the referee of his guardians' customary bickering, and as much as he hated to admit it, the more he thought of his youth, the more envious he became of Sakura and Syaoron and Tomoyo and of what they had shared.
"And now?" Eriol queried pulling himself out of his sad musings.
Tomoyo's brows furrowed as if the question had never occurred to her before.
"Now," she began, "we've grown up."
The sadness in her voice was not at all hidden as they once again sat in utter stillness. The once bustling coffee shop had toned down and only a few murmurs of the customers and employees alike were heard, along with the soft melody filling the whole cafe.
"Come," Eriol ordered as he stood up from his seat and placing a few yen on the table for his and Tomoyo's orders and the dark-haired girl suddenly found herself being led out of the warm coffee shop and in the cold winter afternoon.
~*
Nakuru wasn't her usual enthusiastic self that afternoon and as much as Spinel favored her placidity, he cannot help but wonder what had rendered the spirited guardian silent. It was definitely unusual to see Nakuru, the ever so zealous guardian, simply sipping her tea quietly as she sat across from him, looking outside the frosted glass windows, with an imperturbable expression which reminded him awfully of Yue. The look certainly did not suit the lively Akizuki Nakuru. The cat-like guardian glanced at Nakuru from the book he was reading to see her still in the same position she was in several minutes ago. Spinel drank his tea, shrugging, as he returned to his reading. Nakuru is, was, and will always be Nakuru, and it's better to leave her to herself once in a while. She'll talk in due time.
"I was just wondering what we will do this Christmas."
It was the first time the guardian had spoken that afternoon.
"I don't know," Spinel replied, looking at his companion.
And indeed he didn't. The question suddenly brought memories of the past Christmases they had spent in England. Ever since Spinel could remember, way before the evil plotting against Sakura, holidays in London with his Master, along with Nakuru and Mistress Kaho, had always been quite invigorating. He looks forward to it more often than not and Nakuru apparently shares the same feelings. It was in the way her walk would acquire more bounce to it, evidently that was possible in her case, and the way she would pester their master by inquiring what gift he had bought her, which actually makes Spinel quite embarrassed on Nakuru's behalf. Spinel recalled the huge Christmas tree in the family room of the mansion which they'd all work hard on decorating for hours with Christmas ornaments and ribbons. He of course, will always have the honor of placing the beautiful, silver clad, porcelain angel on top of the tree. He remembered the Christmas holly that adorned the banister of the mansion's grand staircase, the mistletoes Nakuru tries to hang in unexpected places of the house even though nobody really get caught underneath them. The laughter. He actually admitted to himself that he missed those laughter.
But he never saw the Christmas tree, or the mistletoes, or heard the peals of laughter he was so used to hearing this time of year, not since they came back in Tomoeda three years ago.
Nakuru did not reply as she continued to stare outside. Spinel Sun sighed heavily as he mentally rid himself of his thoughts and continued to eye the other guardian, and wondered what could possibly be causing the woman's queer behavior.
"Ruby Moon, what's really the matter?" he asked, concern in his voice.
The auburn-haired female pried her gaze from the window to look at Spinel. She gave him a small, sorrowful smile and said nothing. She turned her gaze to the teacup in her hands.
"I," Nakuru started, as Spinel once again lifted his cup to his mouth. "I missed my Touya-kun!"
The sun guardian choked on his tea by the others sudden outburst. Or perhaps it was the unexpected change of subject that almost killed him. That's what's bothering her? Here he was worried sick when she didn't as much as give the sweet scones in front of her a glance like she does so everyday and not to mention, questioning if this year's Christmas would be just like the previous two (the last thing that he expected from Ruby), and all the while she was just brooding about that Kinomoto Touya? Although, this only proved his theory and that he had been right, as always. Her behavior last night was merely temporary, and apparently, so was that afternoon's. All that was missing now was her running around and the old loud-and-restless Ruby Moon is back for good.
"Wh-what!" Spinel sputtered.
"My Touya-kun!" she repeated. "Ooh! I bet that Yue is all over him right now! And here I was actually warming up to him and thinking he was kawaii with those cute glasses that look like Eriol-sama's and all! If I had known that he's going to do this...ooh! You know, I knew something was going on! I just knew it, the minute they decided to ditch me and went in that stupid place, The Music Box, or whatever it was!"
Nakuru was positively fuming in anger. Smoke was practically coming out of her ears as she spat out her jealousy and accusations, depriving Spinel the chance to reprimand her about fretting about such things.
"And then there's that one time when he just waltz in the room like he didn't know we were talk-"
Nakuru halted abruptly as peals of laughter reached their ears. The sound was muffled by the thick glass window but one can safely assume that it was coming from a girl, from they way it obtained a certain high-pitched ring that only a woman seems capable of. Well, a woman and Nakuru perhaps. Both heads turned to the window, their eyes scanning the snow-covered land that was their backyard. Two pairs of eyes spotted two seemingly ecstatic familiar figures sprawled about the snow covered earth, their feet and arms moving in an enthusiastic rhythm. Upon further inspection, the identities of the two unexpected guests was confirmed by Spinel Sun. A comment from the woman was carried to the guardians' ears followed by an ardent reply from the other figure that resulted yet another laughter from the girl.
Nakuru raised her eyebrows at the sight while Spinel looked on in surprise.
"Huh!" was all Nakuru could utter.
~*
Tomoyo laughed in pure bliss while she continued to move both her arms and legs simultaneously as she lay with her back on the soft, white snow. Tiny speckles of snowflakes tickled her flushed face as each descends to Earth in perfect timing. The sky was a gloomy color, grayish white with blotches of blue and orange, just like how the winter sky should be. Definitely not a recommended art to gaze at, especially on such a day.
But none of these mattered to Tomoyo at the moment and it seemed like nothing can pull her down from cloud nine as she continued to create her magic. Eriol had taken her to his spacious backyard covered in at least ten inches of snow- well, that's rather exaggerated- and persuaded her to make a snow angel with him. She considered declining his request but the look he gave her hindered her from doing so. How immature he can be at times! So, even with the knowledge that playing in the snow with him may only bring back memories of the olden days, she had agreed and quickly plopped herself down the blanket of endless white and began her masterpiece.
"You're crazy!" Tomoyo howled.
"Thank you!"
She giggled at the reply.
Eriol, who abruptly stopped moving his arms and legs, stood up from where he was lying, and whirled around to face his creation with eagerness and enthusiasm that can rival Nakuru's. What greeted him was a pile of snow that was hardly recognizable as a snow angel, or anything else at that matter. He groaned loudly when his eyes were met with the spoiled angel. After minutes of flapping his arms and legs up and down like a bird that cannot fly, this is what he'd get?
He heard snickering once again from his friend who he realized, figured what had caused the sound of his frustration. Or maybe it was the way his face was twisted in what he guessed must be aggravation and a bit of disappointment.
"What did you expect?" came Tomoyo's question.
"Something that is definitely not this," he grumbled, shaking his head sadly to emphasize his dissatisfaction.
Tomoyo ceased fluttering her arms and legs, chuckling at his comment. "The key to making a perfect snow angel, Hiragizawa-kun, is to have someone pull you up. Otherwise, the imprints of your hands and feet will blemish the potentially taintless outcome of your labor," she said matter-of-factly.
"Well how was I to know?" Eriol came to his defense. He dusted off his pants, finally able to turn his head away from the devastation that he had created.
Tomoyo laughed, earning a scowl from Eriol as he hovered above her.
"The ever-knowing incarnation of Clow Reed himself, oblivious of how to make a snow angel. There is such thing as a miracle. Or maybe it's just ignorance. Now, pull me up and I'll show you a perfect snow angel," Tomoyo boasted, raising both her hands up to him.
Eriol rolled his eyes playfully, purposely ignoring the pun as he scoffed at her pretension. "Perfect. Yeah, right."
Taking her awaiting gloved hands, he gently pulled the girl up to her feet. She quickly dusted herself off with a triumphant smile on her pretty face and turned her gaze to her magnum opus. Indeed, it was perfect and even Eriol had to admit that to himself. Well, nearly perfect. A few excess snowflakes scattered at the left wing of the angel, making it rather unclear, but nonetheless the rest of the creation was flawless. So Daidouji-san was telling him the truth after all.
"It's not perfect Daidouji-san," Eriol remarked, pointing at the wing to support his judgment.
He was still unwilling to admit that Tomoyo had proved him wrong, although he did have a point. Her creation was not entirely perfect as she would've preferred it to be but she managed to retrain herself from flopping back down on her back and fixing the little damage. How egotistical of you Hiragizawa-kun, Tomoyo laughed inwardly while brushing the comment aside and for once, not at all upset that she had done something marred, her being so strict about doing everything as perfect as possible.
"A simple flaw is all." She paused. "Jealous?"
"What an absurd suggestion my lady!" Eriol exclaimed dramatically which made the dark-haired beauty roll her large blueberry eyes. "Me? Jealous? Never!"
"Eyes do not lie Hiragizawa-kun. After all, they're the windows to a person's soul."
"Perhaps," he said after a brief pause. Slowly, he leaned towards Tomoyo. Warnings in big, bold, red letters emerged in her mind, telling her that to flee from Hiragizawa, but she didn't heed the caution. Which, of course, was a fatal mistake, as she would soon find out when Eriol softy whispered in her ear, "But I'm a different case all together."
His close proximity made her somewhat uncomfortable but she quickly quenched the feeling that was rising within her. This is only Hiragizawa, after all, so why should she feel uneasy?
Well, aside from the fact that he can read you like an open book and all but dragged you to a place you'd rather not enter and rendering you helpless to refuse his request with his pathetic pleading not a day ago and the fact that he scares you out of your wits when he shows up at the most unexpected time and place, nothing really should make you feel so perplexed when he's only a few inches, no scratch that, centimeters away from you, with his breath tickling your ne-
Alright! Tomoyo cut off the annoying voice at the back of her mind before it can go on any further.
Okay, so there's plenty of things Eriol had done in the past to make his closeness an agony for her part but they had an understanding now and with it comes the risk of being too close to the magician. Well, emotionally close maybe, but not physically and this is definitely physical.
However, even with these things in mind, she hadn't the strength to step back from him. Or maybe she didn't want to back away. He was way too close for comfort. Too close. Way too close...
"H-how so?" she croaked, and immediately hated herself for showing him that the small distance that separated them affected her so.
Finally he decided to straightened up, hands clasped together behind him. He smiled that enigmatic grin she knew all too well, but did not utter a single word.
That's it? Tomoyo thought. He's just going to leave me hanging? She was about to reply something when Eriol once again beat her to it.
"I think, you know."
She tilted her head slightly in obvious confusion. She did?
"Well," she cleared her throat, which seemed to have gone suddenly dry, and expertly thinking up a good comeback quickly. "Obviously I wasn't informed of this awareness."
"That's too bad then, is it not?"
"Then, enlighten me," she said crossing her arms in front of her, mimicking what he had said to her in the cafeteria earlier that week.
She was expecting silence or maybe a small agitated sigh, or maybe even anxiety (obviously it was next to impossible to make Eriol uncomfortable especially with a question he can simple ignore, but she's not losing hope) but certainly not a laugh. A mirthful chuckle that once again sent her to the dark side of this ridiculous conversation.
"You," he chuckled, "have a very good memory."
So he remembered. Tomoyo felt herself blush slightly. Because she recalled his every word or because he caught her, she wasn't sure, but for once thankful that her face was already flushed from the cold.
"Come on," he said after he had composed himself. He gestured towards the tinted, sliding glass doors that can only lead to the kitchen of the huge mansion.
Eriol turned around and started for the house while Tomoyo had this sudden strange urge to do something she had not done in years. Her mother would definitely not consent to this but the urge was just too much to bear.
Oh well, Tomoyo sighed, I suppose there's only one thing to do. And it wasn't long before a silent "flop!" disturbed the winter winds. Bullseye!
"Yes!" Tomoyo cheered silently as a very surprised Eriol ("Blast! A Kodak moment!" Tomoyo thought) whirled around to face the mischievous expression that she held on her porcelain face.
So it wasn't impossible for her to surprise him after all. And it wasn't long before the two were engaged in a very wet snowball fight. One large snowball from Eriol were answered by two of the same size courtesy of Tomoyo who, to his complete surprise, was not as fragile - or as firm and ladylike for that matter - as she appeared to be right at that moment. He supposed that years of playing snowball fights with her cousin had taught the girl a thing or two.
A smile was on Eriol's face as they continued to barrage each other with their 'weapons'. It was a great feeling for the magician. Never in his life had he imagined throwing 'death', as Spinel sometimes referred to it, at each other could be so... exhilarating. It was an alien feeling of excitement, bliss, and a desire to be violent and vengeful yet not so much as to have the right to be called brutal or barbaric all blended in one sensation that nobody had even thought of naming just yet. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins along with the sense of something so great that only he, and perhaps Daidouji-san, could possibly understand that very moment.
For the first time in a very long while, Eriol felt free as a bird in flight. For the first time, he was heedless. And for the first time ever, the great incarnation of Clow Reed himself, had experience the wonders of being a kid.
~*
Ruby Moon's facial expression went from seriously thoughtful to menacingly naughty so rapidly that even Spinel Sun didn't have enough time to react. However, as much a relief the mood swing brought to the sun guardian, he cannot help but feel a sense of foreboding at the sight that was gracing his now wide-open eyes. Ruby's amber eyes glinted mischievously which only added to poor Spinel Sun's growing fear of things that was yet to come. Then, the proposition will ensue, Spinel concluded miserably. He simply knew Ruby Moon too well to know what was next. Oh, how cruel the fates can be! Curse the day that Akizuki Nakuru was created!
"Suppi-chan, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked the moon guardian, her eyebrows moving up and down suggestively. Again, this only further emphasized how knowledgeable he is with Nakuru.
"Oh, no. No way Ruby!" the cat-like creature admonished, his dark little head shaking vigorously in renunciation. There is no way she's getting in between this, he wouldn't let her. she would have to go through his dead, furry body first. Well, that's overdoing it, he supposed, but there is no way he's going to let her get in between this situation. She'll ruin it for sure!
"But look at Eriol-sama!" reasoned Nakuru, pointing at their master who was enjoying the ever so wet and cold looking duel that very minute. "It's perfect!"
"And you meddling with it will only ruin the relationship."
"But-"
"No," Spinel stated firmly. "I will not have you go and play matchmaker, especially with Master and his innocent friend. Really Ruby, how malicious can you get?"
Nakuru looked hurt. "It's not like I'll do it for my benefit. I just want Eriol-sama to be as happy as he used to be. I just wanted us to celebrate Christmas again the way we used to. Is that so wrong?"
Spinel couldn't say anything, but then again, how do you come back to that?
~*
Soaking wet from head to foot and finally realizing the harsh coldness of winter, Eriol and Tomoyo, exhausted from their long-fought duel, had at last decided to call it quits and entered the mansion through the glass door that connected the backyard to the kitchen, to warm their tired frozen body. The tepid air that greeted them as they entered the house felt nice on their cold skin.
"Eriol-sama, you're here!" Nakuru, who appeared out of nowhere, pounced at them as soon as they entered the house. "And you brought Tomoyo-chan too! Oh, this is so exciting!"
"Ruby, you're going to choke poor Daidouji-san to death if you keep that up," Spinel warned Nakuru, who currently have the amethyst-eyed girl in her steely embrace.
"It's nice to see you too Akizuki-san, Spinel-san," Tomoyo replied, nodding at Spinel with a soft smile while returning Nakuru's deadly hug.
Eriol, who had been watching with amusement, had finally got the decency to clear his throat to get everyone's attention. Which it did, unfailingly, as Nakuru (front dress soaking wet courtesy of Tomoyo) finally let go of the poor girl and turned to face him with Spinel and Daidouji following suit.
"Thank you Nakuru. Kindly show Daidouji-san to your room and give her some warm clothing while I prepare tea," he ordered.
Nakuru squealed, "Will do Master! Come on Tomoyo-chan!" as she pulled the girl by the hand and lead her to the room she shared with Spinel.
"I really appreciate this Akizuki-san," Eriol vaguely heard Tomoyo say as they ascend to the grand staircase.
"Oh, you're way too polite Tomoyo-chan, I feel so old! Call me Nakuru ok?"
"Oh, umm... alright."
Eriol smiled as he made his way towards the stove, taking the kettle Nakuru have used earlier to prepare hers and Spinel's tea to the sink and filled it with water. After setting it back on the stove and turning the appliance on, he made his way to the grand marble staircase as well to change out of his sopping wet clothes.
He passed Nakuru's bedroom as he made his way to his room noting the door slightly ajar and for a quick moment had the huge urge to peek in. He didn't fight the temptation however as he peered inside, the fact that he might actually stumble into something he has neither the interest nor intention, for that matter, to see, obliterated from his nosy mind. He heard a high-pitched giggle that can only be traced to Nakuru, followed by a polite, silent laugh from none other than Daidouji Tomoyo. The unclosed door didn't provide him much view of the room for all he could see from his spot was part of the ceiling-to-floor window of the chamber.
"Oh, this is absolutely wonderful!" Nakuru cried, suddenly filling Eriol's view as she danced around with a fancy, sparkling red dress in her hands.
Tomoyo's polite giggle once again escaped the door and entered his ears. "Yes, it's absolutely beautiful, but, do you happened to have a more homey attire, Akizuki-san?"
For a fleeting moment, Eriol was rather embarrassed by his creation's lack of common sense. Who would want to dress up in a cocktail dress at a weather (not to mention on such common occasion) like this? He saw Nakuru bowed her head in disappointment and heard her sigh, but all was replaced rather quickly with another enthusiastic grin and a careless shrug of the shoulder.
"Oh well. I didn't think you'd go for it anyway. But if you're looking for something comfortable, I just have the thing!"
"Domo arigato gozaimasu, Akizuki-san," Tomoyo replied.
"Nakuru, Tomoyo-chan, Nakuru!"
"As you wish, Nakuru-chan," the dark haired girl replied uncertainly.
"Ooh! I love how you said that!"
Eriol, having had enough 'girl talk' for one day, finally proceeded to his bedroom before he was discovered spying on the two women.
Opening the door to his walk-in closet, he nonchalantly entered the wardrobe and pulled out the first sweater and a pair of jeans he had gotten his hands on. After stripping off his drenched clothes, he quickly dried himself with one of the towels he found, conveniently enough, stacked neatly by his summer shorts, and slipped on the soft, gray sweater and the dark blue jeans. Unconsciously reaching out for his glasses and drying them with his sweater, he went in search for a pair of socks, which he found immediately even without the help of his spectacles. Putting on the socks and slipping into a pair of slippers (also shoved in his closet by his shoes to his surprise), Eriol gathered the soaked garments he had discarded a few moments ago on the floor and threw it inside his laundry bin on his way out.
Spinel Sun was in the act of turning off the stove when he reached the kitchen as the kettle whistled loudly. Eriol smiled gratefully at his sun guardian as he approached one of the cupboards and pulled out a teapot and some teacups. He was stopped, however, while on the verge of taking out a third teacup by Spinel.
"We've had our tea for the afternoon, Eriol-sama. There is no need."
"Are you sure?" Eriol queried, right hand still shoved in the cupboard.
"I'm sure."
Eriol nodded, finally drawing back his hand after finding two saucers and a tray.
"The scones are over at the table if you want them, Master. Ruby hardly touched it."
"Thank you Spinel Sun," he returned, busy preparing the hot tea to speculate about what Spinel had said.
Adding the cinnamon stick inside the teapot with the tea itself, Eriol made to go for the kettle of hot water when Tomoyo entered the spacious kitchen with Nakuru behind her. He smiled warmly at her and she did the same.
"Isn't she beautiful Master?" Nakuru purred, dragging Tomoyo to his side. He turned to face Tomoyo, stuffed in a blue cashmere sweater and white skirt that hung above her knees, and studied her from head to foot before commenting.
"Yes, she's very lovely Nakuru," he replied, giving Tomoyo another sincere glance. Had it not been for her already flushed face, Eriol would've thought he just made the queen of mask herself blush. He shook his head slightly as if to rid of the thought.
"I'm surprised Ruby hadn't force you in some stuffy outfit like a doll, Daidouji-san," Spinel drawled, snuggling on Tomoyo's shoulder.
Tomoyo smiled and caressed Spinel's ear affectionately as the tiny cat-like creature purred in contentment. The sight was mild to the eyes, like a mother caring for her child, and for some reason unknown to him, Eriol envied his creation for being able to cuddle with Tomoyo like he is now.
This is absurd, he thought, slightly irritated as he forced himself to tear his gaze from them and back to pouring the hot water in the teapot.
"For you're information, Suppi-chan, I picked that outfit myself," Nakuru boasted. "And, Tomoyo-chan agreed to wear it. Isn't that right Tomoyo-chan?"
The cat-like guardian glared at Nakuru for the use of the hated nickname. The purple eyed girl giggled at their little show.
"Alright you two," Eriol chuckled. "That's enough."
Nakuru stuck her tongue out at Spinel, then grabbing him from their guest's shoulder, run out of the kitchen. Tomoyo followed them with her eyes until they disappeared in the corner before turning her gaze back to Eriol who was waiting patiently with a tray in his hands.
"Do you need help with that?" she asked.
"Oh, no, I'm fine Daidouji-san. Thank you for the offer," he smiled at her while walking past her and headed for the common room, which was located just across the hall from the kitchen. "Would you mind grabbing the scones at the table?"
"Not at all," she said, grabbing the plate of sweet pastries from the table, and hurriedly followed his trail. She had been there once before when Nakuru had invited her and Sakura over for tea sometime ago, but even so, she had not forgotten how the room looked like. A sheer, lightweight material serves as a barrier between the hallway and the door to the little chamber. She observed the life-like paintings of wonderful sceneries still covered the whitewashed walls of the room as she entered, and the fireplace at the far corner of the room provided the warmth and the only light in the room. Only two large, comfortable looking armchairs sat in the middle of the room now with a small center table separating the furniture. Other than that, Tomoyo hadn't noticed any changes in the room.
The blue-eyed boy set the tray on the center table as she did the same with the scones. He motioned for her to take a sit on the gray armchair while he settled himself on the sofa opposite hers. Tomoyo's eyes wandered around the small, dimly lit room before they landed on the glass window that viewed the outside. Lacy curtains made of transparent materials covered most of the window, but one can still behold the scene that goes on outside the confines of the huge mansion.
"Is Earl Gray alright?" Eriol spoke so softly as if afraid to break her reverie or the muteness that enveloped them while he set a teacup for himself and his guest and filling it with tea. Tomoyo turned to him.
"Yes, that would be lovely," she answered, smiling slightly.
Her companion nodded and poured the liquid in her teacup.
"I hope you don't mind that I put cinnamon. I found out that contribute a rather exotic taste to the tea."
"Oh, I don't mind at all, Hiragizawa-kun. I, myself love cinnamon in my tea. Arigato gozaimashita," she thanked him as he placed the cup of tea in front of her.
He smiled at her acknowledgement.
"Honey, right?" he questioned, while opening the bottle of honey he had put in the tray.
"Yes please. How did you know?" she asked, a little taken aback.
"You, my lady, are not the only perceptive creature in this house," he teased, earning an adorable little scowl from her. "Keep in mind three of us are crammed in this residence."
"I'm aware of that," she replied. "I'm simply, shocked, you actually remember what I put in my tea. Should I be flattered?"
"Very. I don't really memorize how others like their tea," he returned teasingly as he set the open bottle of honey near Tomoyo.
"That's very comforting," she said sardonically, restraining herself from rolling her blueberry eyes. Slowly, she took a tiny scoop of the golden honey and added it to her tea. Eriol declined when she offered him some of the sweet substance.
"I prefer lemon in mine," declared Eriol as he dropped a small piece of dried lemon for flavor.
She cleared her throat, stirring her drink as she did so. "Well, what made me so special?"
The latter took a sip from his drink carefully as to not burn himself. He once again gave her a secretive smile that only told her he knew something she obviously don't.
"I have my reasons, Daidouji-san," Eriol told her mysteriously.
"Don't we all?" she asked smartly, acquiring a small, throaty chuckle from her companion.
"Daidouji-san," the magician sighed, setting his teacup and saucer down on the table, "witty as always."
"I try," she shrugged nonchalantly as she took a sip of her drink and placed it on the table as well.
The two of them sat in comfortable silence afterwards, both quietly sipping their drink and apparently avoiding each other's gazes. Tomoyo cleared her throat politely once again.
"Hiragizawa-kun?" she said carefully to Eriol who seemed to be in his own little world at that moment.
"Yes?" he answered with a small shake of his head, as he came crashing back to reality.
"I," she started, but stopped abruptly, seemingly struggling to say what she wanted to say.
"Yes?" Eriol asked again, now very curious of the way Tomoyo was acting.
She started fiddling with her silver necklace nervously as she stayed frustratingly quiet. The sight would've been quite amusing, if not adorable, like a small child in futile endeavor to find the right words to say, had it been someone other than Tomoyo who have the knack for pulling some clever retort out of nowhere. Not that it was the first time she had been uncomfortable around him because he usually receive a rise from her whenever he wants to, but it was somewhat bizarre that she's perplexed when he hasn't done anything to make such. Whatever she wanted to say must be big to make her lose face.
"Well," she tried again, this time ostensibly attempting to be brave. "I just wanted to ask for a small favor."
A favor. So that's what's bothering her, Eriol thought as Tomoyo continued nervously.
"If that's alright with you, Hiragizawa-kun, I completely understand if you'd-"
"Daidouji-san," Eriol intervened in her anxious rambling. "Of course I will."
Tomoyo stopped and looked up to meet Eriol's earnest blue orbs and for the first time, let her guard down and flushed. Daidouji Tomoyo, contender to the master of disguised himself, blushed a precious shade of pink. And didn't care. For once, she didn't care about being exposed. For once, she didn't concern herself about losing front. For the second time, she permitted Eriol a glance of what she truly is without a fight. She knew it, and she understood that Eriol did too by the expression on his face that seemed to ask "why?"
Minutes went by with the two of them just looking through each other's eyes, exchanging words known only to them, but Tomoyo can't stay like this all afternoon and Eriol as well apparently. Se hadn't even finished when Eriol butted in and offered his help.
Another clearing of the throat broke the silence as Tomoyo tore her gaze from Eriol.
"Be," she started hesitantly, suddenly finding her pale hands interesting, "be at my house tomorrow, Hiragizawa-kun. I have invited Sakura and her family along with Syaoron for dinner. I want you to be there."
Eriol's eyes widened slightly as her request sunk in. Why would she want him there? was the first question that popped in his slightly confused mind. However, he's not objecting. As Tomoyo had said, they all have their reasons. He didn't contemplate about the matters further. If Dadouji-san wanted him to be there, he will. He felt oblige to do so as a confidant.
"Your wish is my command, my lady," he replied with a slight mocking bow to lighten up the mood. Which it did, when a soft giggle came from the latter.
The rest of the afternoon was spent in idle chit chat about everything that both of them feels safe to talk about, until Tomoyo decided that it was time to take her leave. Nakuru, who was engrossed with her cooking a few minutes ago, had begged the girl to stay for dinner, but the lady declined. Tomoyo already felt like she had overstayed and she didn't want them to think that she's being rude for remaining for far longer than she's welcomed to. After asking the moon guardian about her hr clothes, she quickly went for the comfort room and changed.
"I'm really sorry, but I must get going," apologized Tomoyo as she slipped in her dried jacket.
"But I would really like you to stay Daidouji-san!" Nakuru whined, accepting the borrowed clothes the girl was returning.
"I'm very sorry, Nakuru-chan," she responded, giving an apologetic smile to the two of them. "Maybe some other time."
"It was nice seeing you Daidouji-san," the cat-like creature said.
"You as well. Thank you Spinel Sun, Nakuru-chan," she gave the two of them a small bow and proceeded to the front door where Eriol was waiting for her. She took a deep breath before approaching him. He turned to her with a smile.
"Thank you for the tea, Hiragizawa-kun."
"You're welcome."
"Well," she began, "I must be going. My ride is here."
Tomoyo gave him a slight bow before slipping out the door, but was stopped by Eriol's hand holding her back.
"Hiragizawa-kun?" she asked, confusion clouding her mind.
"Thank you. Thank you for today," he said uncertainly.
She smiled, catching on what he had meant. She patted his right hand that still covered her left softly, before gently prying her hand from his. And with that, she walked out the Hiragizawa manor. Bits of snow fell from above and onto her, but not as strong as it did earlier while she walked away from the mansion.
"Tomoyo," she heard him say quietly as if it was not meant for anyone to hear, and almost rueful that she had thought it was simply her imagination running wild.
She smiled despite herself as she walked slowly towards the black limousine that was waiting for her outside. It was nice hearing Hiragizawa say her name once more, even if it turns out to be just her imagination. It was strange and alien, but pleasant.
"Arigato," she whispered to herself, "Eriol."
And almost wished that he had somehow heard her.
~*
AN: Finally done! Yes, I am disappointed with the ending of this chapter myself. I thought it started out nicely. I liked the beginning, but towards the end, it just all came crashing down. So sorry to disappoint you guys. I just really wanted to get this chapter out. It took longer than I expected. Stupid writer's block! Before I go though, I feel the need to explain the chapter title. "Firsts", I know is an unusual title, but I thought it fit the chapter because in this part of the story, Eriol had experienced fun (for the lack of a better term) for the 'first' time and Tomoyo not caring if she was exposed for the 'first' time. I think you get what I mean. I got the whole story somewhat in my head. After doing a lot of thinking and changing things I finally settled on what's going to happen. The title seemed to have lost its significance in the story after I've changed practically everything from my original plan, but, I tried to squeeze it somewhere still in the story so I guess it hasn't lost it's meaning in the fic totally. Now if I could just have the time and inspiration. Thank you for bearing with me! I know it's slow, but I'm really glad you guys still read this. Pardon the countless blunder, I tried my best at editing. Please click the review button and tell me how it is. Comments and constructive criticisms are welcome. Thank you so much!!!
Bye and God Bless you guys!
~JM~