Hey guys! I'm sooooooo sorry I haven't updated in AGES! At first I was working on the chapter to begin with right? Then I had to go on vacation at the end of July beginning of August. Then I came home, had five days until I went on vacation again for another week. But to make up for the LOOOOOONG wait, I'm made this chapter kinda long. And, it's a little sour, if you get my drift. And I kinda lied about the bet thing, we don't find out the consequences of the bet until, hopefully next chapter. Now, do enjoy!
Disclaimer ~ I don't know why I'm bothering with this right now, I haven't before! But anyway, just so yawl know, I'm not JKR and MOST of the characters and settings don't belong to me. But the plot, the main part of a story, is mine!
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Chapter 11 ~ Desire, Need and…Love?
"Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat."
~ Oscar Wilde
"Well Lils, what's buggin you?" Mollie asked her best friend who was stuffing her face with cookie dough ice cream. They were in their "hiding place", the Room of Requirement. Since Lily was the first one to enter the room, it was full of comfort foods such as chocolate, pizza and butterbeer, but most importantly, her ice cream. It also had lots of fluffy pillows that would make her feel reassured.
"You have to swear not to tell anyone! Not a single living soul!" Lily said after she gulped down a big spoonful of ice cream.
"Lily, I'm your best friend! You know you can trust me!" Mollie said, but Lily gave her a look that said, 'say it now or I'll leave without a second thought'. She sighed in defeat and then, "Fine, I swear."
"Okay, this is really hard for me-"
"Just spit it out Lil, there's no one else here!" Mollie encouraged, getting really worried from the frightened look on her friends face.
"Iminlovewithjamespotter," Lily said in one breath and as quickly as she could.
"W-what? I didn't quite catch that," Mollie said, not sure she wanted to hear this.
Lily took a deep breathe to steady her jumbled nerves. "I'm… I'm… I'm in l-love with… James Potter," she faltered.
"Oh… my… god! OH MY GOD! Are you serious?" Mollie asked as she began to jump up and down hysterically.
"It's not that good of a thing, I mean… why are you so happy anyway?" Lily asked curiously.
"Well-" Mollie stopped jumping and thought of what to say, "It was kinda obvious. Why'd you make me promise not to tell anyway, it's not like everyone already thinks you don't like him. Why do you like him anyway?" she bombarded her.
"Okay, I figured out I liked him because I had these dreams-"
"Oooo, love dreams?" Mollie teased.
"NO! It sorta showed us in the future. V-voldemort came after us. We w-were married and had a k-kid. H-he killed us both and then tried to k-kill our b-baby," she said as she thought back to her tragic dreams.
"Whoa, Lil, that's deep!"
"Yea, I know! And he's changed a lot since this little charade. He helped me and was very understanding when I told him about my parents and-"
"Wait, what about your parents?" Mollie asked, now seriously worried.
"Oh… that's right… I didn't tell you…. um… well they were… they were um… m-mur-mur- KILLED BY VOLDEMORT!" she yelled, just spitting it out.
Mollie gasped, "Lily, why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't want to b-bother you and then later on you came over and told me yours were k-k-killed. And it happened b-b-because of m-m-me!" Lily sobbed as she hung her head in shame.
"Lily, hun, how do you know this? I mean, it might not be-"
"True? It is! I got a letter! From him!" Lily exclaimed. "He wants me on his side. He thinks I'd be a great asset to his army of evil," she clarified, getting more confidence as she rambled on.
"But Lily, why would he want a Mudblood on his side. I mean he is Mister-I-hate-all-Mudbloods, no offense," Mollie added.
"He thinks I'm some kind of powerful witch and he can't do without me on his side or something on that order. But Mollie, I'm not that powerful and… and he told me that he'd keep hurting my friends and family!" Lily explained. She sighed, "That's why I can't li- love… James."
"Why not? I mean you," Mollie started out and then saw the desperate look on her friends face. "You really do love him? Don't you?" she asked as she saw all the grief and sadness surrounding her friend.
"With all my heart… and it scares me! I don't want to love him! Voldemort will get to him if he finds out! But I can't live without him! When I'm away from him I feel as though I'll crumble into a million pieces, dissolve away into nothing. I feel as though I am nothing! But when he's around, I know I have a meaning on this earth, and that's to be with him! But I can't! And if he finds out! Oh GOD! I'm gonna end up slipping it after a kiss or something, I mean, I'm never able to think properly after them! I'll end up telling him that I love him or something! Mollie, I need your help! You HAVE to help me get this plan done and over with SOON!" Lily went on and on and on. Mollie took a hold of her shoulders and shook her.
"Okay Lily, take a breath! Good! Now, tell me this, nod, yes or no okay? Do you love him?" Lily nodded. "Now, answer this, if you love him do you think it will go away as quickly as that?" Mollie asked, snapping her fingers. Lily shook her head. "Good, now we're getting somewhere. Do you think you'll be able to keep it from him?" Lily shook her head again. "Now, after I ask this question you may answer in normal terms, what do you think you should do?" Lily sat there, thinking.
"I… I don't know," she said slowly.
"Okay Lily, if you do love him and you don't think that you can keep it from him, don't you think he'd rather find out from you than from his own suspicions?" Mollie now asked.
"So, I tell him?" she asked unsurely.
"You should, but I'm not telling you to, I'm just giving you my advice."
"Could you-"
"NO Lily, I'm NOT talking to him for you, this is something you have to do on your own. Think about it okay?" Mollie asked as she headed towards the door.
"Okay… bye," Lily said as she turned back to her ice cream.
v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v
Sanders,
Meet me out by the lake at six. We'll watch the sunset and then see who won our little bet. Well, I've got to go and make a list of what you're going to do for me tomorrow.
See ya soon,
Remus
Mollie crumpled up the letter she found on her bed upon returning to her room and tossed it into the trash can. If only you knew Lupin, if only you knew. Ah well, I better get going.
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Mollie began walking towards the shore of the lake. The sun was setting on the far side and the sky was a deep blood red. It'd look really beautiful if I didn't feel so shitty, she thought to herself. Soon, the ominous shadow of one, Remus Lupin, began to take form. Great! I'm not even going to be able to watch the sunset in peace!
Once she reached the shore, she sat down beside Remus and brought her knees up to her chest.
"I take it by the long face that I have indeed won the bet?" he asked knowingly.
Mollie sighed heavily and hung her head between her knees. "Yes Remus, you won the bet. Are you happy? Do you feel good? You beat me! I lost and I'm admitting it, so how does it feel?" she asked, starting off softly and getting louder as she went on, now looking up at him expectantly.
Remus was shocked to say the least. He expected her to be angry and calling him derogatory names, not sulking and acting as though someone died.
"What's wrong?" he asked as he plopped down beside her and sat Indian style.
"Like you'd care!" she said, shutting herself from him and hugging her knees closer.
"Mollie, so what? You lost a stupid bet, the world isn't gonna end!" he tried to encourage.
"That's just it Remus, I did win the bet," she said, looking into his amber eyes.
"But you just told me that I won," Remus told her, thinking she was going crazy.
"Well, technically you did. I was supposed to get BOTH of them to confess, but I only got one to. And now that I have, I feel really bad… I shouldn't even be telling you this," she said and turned her attention back to the sunset.
"Why do you feel bad? Mollie, you can talk to me," he told her, putting an arm around her shoulder.
"Because Remus, I was toying with their hearts! I should have never accepted the bet, I wasn't thinking. Lily confided in me and I'm just throwing her trust out the window," she said as she shrugged off his arm. "We were being inconsiderate in trying to push this little plan of our own forward. We should have just let fate run its corse."
"Hey, if you don't want to go through with the bet, you don't have to. I mean-"
"No Remus, a bet's a bet and tomorrow I'll be under your control," Mollie said as she looked back at Remus with defeat and guilt written in her eyes.
"Are you sure?" he asked, not wanting her to feel worse.
"Positive. Now, could you leave me alone for a little, I need to think," she said, looking out at the lake again.
"Okay Mol," he said and began to walk away. Before he could get even a foot away, Mollie began to talk.
"It really is beautiful, the sunset I mean. I've never seen them at home like here. If only life were like this, beautiful and peaceful all the time. But our lives will never be like that, not with Voldemort. Our lives will never EVER be peaceful."
"What do you mean?" he asked, now very curious, squatting down next to her.
"Not only did I find out about Lily loving James, but I found out that her parents were killed over the summer, Voldemort wants her on his side and my parents were killed because of that! Now what's a girl supposed to do when her world is turned upside down?" she asked.
Remus was dumbfounded. "I-I dunno."
"Yea, unfortunately, neither do I," she sighed.
"Mollie, is all of this true?"
"Yes, Remus… thanks, for listening," she said and gave him a hug.
"No problem Mol. Are you sure you still wanna go through with the terms of our bet?" he asked.
"Remus, we shook on it. Now I don't know about you, but I keep my promises!" she said, cracking a smile.
"If you're sure…"
"Yea, I'm sure."
They sat there together in a comfortable, understanding silence, watching the sun set. During this silence, they made a sort of truce. They had an understanding and their opinions for each other were changed quite a bit.
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Do I tell him or not? Lily pondered to herself as she sat in her room. If I tell him I could risk loosing everything I already have with him but also have a chance to have so much more. And if I don't, well then nothing will happen at all. She told herself logically. Okay, I've figured out that I need to tell him, now all I need to know is when.
No time like the present ay? Said that oh-so-knowing voice in the back of her head.
You're right, I'll go find him and talk to him now! She thought confidently.
She walked out of the Room of Requirement and headed towards the common room. When she walked in she noticed that Molly, Remus, and Sirius weren't there and that James was over sitting in front of the fireplace.
Calm down Evans! You can do this, you have to do this! She told herself. Taking a steadying, deep breath, she slowly began to walk towards James. She sat down quietly next to him on the sofa, not saying a word. She began to stare into the fireplace as well, trying to see what James was looking at. They sat in silence for a while, neither one acknowledging the others presence.
"You know, Sirius and I have never been in a fight before," James said suddenly.
"I'm sorry, I should've kept my big mouth shut," Lily replied faintly.
"It's not your fault," he replied reassuringly, looking at her.
"Everything ends up becoming my fault," she said even softer, shyly almost.
"No it doesn't Lily! None of this crap that's happened is your fault and don't ever tell me it is again," James told her sternly.
"Whatever, I'm not up to having this fight. Besides, I need to tell you something," she added slowly.
"Yea, I was wondering when you were going to tell me about your dream," James said, looking back at the fire.
"What? When did I say that?" Lily asked, not remembering her promise in her rush to get to charms.
"Right before charms class, remember? I had woken you up and you were crying?" he reminded her, looking back at her.
"Oh, yea. Look, can we go elsewhere to talk about this?" she asked, not wishing for anyone to overhear their conversation.
"Sure, let's go to my room. Remus is outside somewhere with Mollie and Sirius and Peter are in hiding, probably in Hogsmeade trying to convince the bar tender to give them drinks," James said, getting angry at the thought of Sirius.
"Hogsmeade? I'm not going to ask… lets just go," Lily said calmly.
They both headed up the staircase to James' dormitory. Lily had only been there once before and that was because of what she's gonna tell him now. She blushed at the thought of how James looked that night.
"Are you okay?" James asked, seeing her blush.
"Yea, I'm fine," she responded automatically.
James opened the door for Lily out of habit and closed it behind himself.
"You and Sirius will make up," Lily said confidently, remembering her dream. She sat down on the edge of his bed.
"You sound so sure," James said moodily, following Lily in sitting down next to her.
"That's cuz I am. He's your best friend James, and that's not gonna change just because you told your girlfriend his middle name! He's just a little upset, he won't-"
"Lily, as much as I'd like to hear your ramblings, that's not what we came here for," James said, "besides, how do you know we'll make up?"
"Because… I just do," Lily said, still not wanting to divulge into her dream.
"Lil, talk to me," James said, putting his hand on her shoulder, trying to console her.
Lily took another deep breath to calm herself. "James, that dream was… awful. It… it was about you." She paused. "You were older and… and married, with a… with a baby. Oh he was beautiful James, looked just like you! An-anyway, V-voldemort came. He… he w-wanted t-to kill the b-baby. You and m-your w-wife w-wouldn't let h-him, so he… he k-killed bo-both of you!" She paused again, tears now streaming down her face. James had his arms around her out of instinct to comfort her and she had leaned into him.
"Lily, go on," he encouraged, giving her a quick squeeze of a hug.
"He… he then tr-tried to-to k-kill the baby, b-but it… it sorta b-backfired and he w-was g-gone instead of the b-baby." Lily was now holding onto James for dear life.
James was rubbing her back soothingly, trying to calm her. He was now leaning against the headboard of his bed for support.
"Lily, it was just a dream, it doesn't mean anything."
"No James," she sniffed, "it wasn't. It was like a… a vision or something." Lily was now looking up at James. "And you know that I don't believe in that divination crap… but it looked to real for my liking, and I told you I had a bad feeling…" she trailed off. Her face now buried in James' shirt, which was soaked by her tears. He was still rubbing her back comfortingly, his head now resting on top of Lily's.
"Don't worry Lil, I won't let anyone get to me or you," James said, not realizing what he had just inferred.
"Oh James!" Lily sobbed.
"Shhh, it's okay." James now pulled Lily's face up by her chin so he could look at her. "Everything will be okay, I promise." To seal his promise, he leaned down and placed a tender kiss on her lips, which she soon began to intensify, out of the need for comfort, on both parts.
They both leaned back into the headboard. James' hands soon began to roam and were now sensually rubbing her sides. Lily's legs were wrapped around his stomach in an effort to get him closer, her arms around his neck. She tilted her head back in sheer pleasure and James began to kiss the newly acquired flesh. He trailed kisses down her neck and she let out an unintentional moan that she didn't know she had. This encouraged James more as he ravished her collarbone with kisses.
"Oh God James!" Lily moaned as he reached for her breasts and began to massage them, still kissing her neck and collarbone. He ran his thumb over her erect nipples and got yet another moan from her.
He moved his hands away from her front and around her waist. She let out a groan of frustration because he had stopped something that had felt so good. James lifted her up and laid her down on the pillow, placing himself on top of her, but not placing his full body weight on her. He closed the curtains for more privacy, even though no one else was in his dorm, also out of habit. His hands and mouth went back to their occupation in adorning Lily with the attention needed.
Lily, getting riled, began unbuttoning James' shirt. Once all the buttons were done, her hand caressed his well toned abs. She then slid her hand up to his shoulders and slipped the shirt off. James began to lift Lily's shirt up as well. Lily, realizing what he was trying to do, propped herself up on her elbows and her shirt went over her head. She then continued his work and slipped it off her arms.
James took in a sharp breath as he saw her heaving breasts covered by a silk lavender bra that teased the eyes just a little bit.
"You're beautiful," he whispered, barely able to talk. Lily realized he was staring at her breasts and tried to cover them up because of her stretch marks from her rapid growth.
"No I'm not, I'm-"
"Don't even finish that sentence!" James demanded quietly, leaving no doubt in what he meant. "You ARE beautiful. Now move your arms." She timidly did as she was told, afraid he would reject her. But James ignored her shyness and expertly trailed kisses down her neck and into the middle of her swell.
Lily was left breathless by his forwardness and content with her imperfection. Soon all of her thoughts were lost as she felt James' tongue teasing her threw the fabric of her bra.
"Jesus Christ James!" she gasped, her breathing getting yet shallower. She then arched her back from the load of it all and shoved her chest forward to allow him more access. James, not missing a tick, swept him arm underneath and with one swish of the fingers her bra was un-strapped. Lily lay back on the pillow again and watched him work.
He slowly pulled one strap down her arm, which was followed by his mouth tickling her with gentle loving kisses. While doing all this, his eyes never left hers and vice versa. When James reached over to start on her other strap, he stopped and stole her mouth in yet another kiss. This time, when he stopped, Lily didn't protest.
They gazed into each others eyes and saw the emotions. In Lily's were love, desire, and need; most to least in that order. In James' were desire, need and love? (most to least in that order)
He loves me? But the plan? Oh hell! Forget the plan! She thought as James began with the other strap while massaging her now bare breast with his free hand.
"Fuck it James! I need you, NOW!" Lily said, sick and tired of his foreplay. She pulled his head up off her arm and to her lips for a lengthy kiss. She flung her bra off the rest of the way and pulled him even closer. Her hands dove down to his trousers and began to unzip them. Once that was done, she maneuvered them down with her feet, only breaking their kiss for short breaths of air. James then returned the favor and began to take off Lily's jeans. When they were gone the only thing between them was the fabric of their underwear.
They were both breathing heavily. James' hands were massaging Lily's breasts and her hands were roaming his back. They were still kissing when Lily began to move James' tented boxers down his legs. James stopped his movements and looked Lily in the eye.
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
"James, I'm positive," she replied.
Soon both of their undergarments were off and there was nothing between them. James positioned himself over Lily and looked into her eyes, once again asking if she wanted to do this, albeit silently. She nodded in response and he lowered himself on top of her. He quickly thrust into her, breaking her barrier and ridding her of her virginity. Tears formed in Lily's eyes.
God it hurts, she thought, the sparkles of water sliding down her face. As James began to thrust again, a sharp pain shot through her lower abdomen. James looked down and saw the streaks on her face and stopped his movement, with lots of effort.
"What's… wrong?" he questioned breathlessly.
"It hurts," she gasped in reply, scrunching her eyes in pain.
"You… you're a vir-virgin?" James asked. Lily nodded, ashamed that she couldn't handle some pain. "It's supposed to hurt for a little, but… soon it'll feel much better," he said softly, trying to reassure her while stroking her cheek lovingly. "I'll start slow, okay?" Lily nodded.
He began his movements again, slowly, allowing her to get used to him being inside her. Tears still ran down her face with his movements, but soon it started to feel really, REALLY good.
"Jesus," Lily breathed. His slow movements were now torture to her. She wanted more contact; she wanted him buried deep inside her. She began to thrust her hips to meet with his strides. James took the hint and began moving faster. Lily's head leaned back again from all the pleasure. She'd never felt like this before. Sure, she'd been turned on and tried to please herself before, but it was nothing compared to this.
She couldn't handle it; she let out a slight scream of delight and grabbed the pillow that rested under her head. James kept thrusting, picking up speed and going harder, grunting with the effort. Both of them felt the adrenaline rushing through their veins. Lily soon got another feeling in her stomach, but this time it felt good, almost addictive. James felt her tighten around him as her orgasm came. He knew he couldn't take much more and thrust once more and felt himself release.
James rolled over and lay beside her, gazing at her in all of her nakedness. Lily scooted over and lay in the crook of his arm, resting her head on him chest. They just rested there, together. Lily thought that this would be the best time to tell him what she had intended to before.
"James I-" she began to whisper, but they soon began to hear voices at the bottom of the staircase.
"Shit, Lils, get dressed, quick," James ordered, "If it's Sirius and Peter then they'll never let me live this down." He began to pick up their clothes, throwing Lily hers and pulling his on rapidly. Soon they were both dressed, though in a very wrinkled state. "Lily, hurry up and go!"
"But James, they'll see me."
"Damn it! Okay, use my invisibility cloak," James said as he reached under his bed and threw the silvery material at Lily. "Now go!" he urged, the voices were getting closer and were now accompanied by footsteps.
"James I l-" Lily started but was cut off by the door opening to reveal a disgruntled Sirius and slouching Peter.
James flopped on his bed and tried to look casual, but he failed… miserably. Sirius eyed him skeptically.
"What're you up to?" he asked suspiciously.
"Oh, nothing much, just… waiting for Remus," James lied.
"Well if you want him he's in the common room. We'd very much appreciate it if you'd leave us be," Sirius said not looking him in the face.
Look, Padfoot, I'm sorry okay? But we've been best buds forever! You can't let something like a middle name get in-between that, can you?" James said, trying to take the advice Lily had given him.
"If I can't trust you with something that small then how can we know if we can trust you with anything? How do we know you haven't blabbed to you precious Lily about Remus' condition? Hmm?" the boy who normally had laughter in his eyes was now devoid of any emotions except betrayal.
"You know I wouldn't tell anyone that! Not something that serious!" he tried to defend himself.
"Who cares James? For all we know you could've told the whole school by now! Just, get out of my face."
"Fine!" James said roughly as he flopped on his bed and pulled the curtains closed.
What have you done Prongs? You've royally screwed up! He told himself as he buried his face in his pillows. Something then occurred to him.
"SHIT!" he exclaimed, jumping up to sit.
"Quit with the drama James!" Sirius snapped at him.
I just had sex with LILY!! This isn't good! What in Merlin's name have I done?
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Now to thank all of my beautiful and NUMEROUS readers!
Mubaki ~ Hey thanks, I'm glad I made the dream how someone pictured it. And I cried at the part in Dumbledore's office too! And thank you for wishing me a happy b-day! For that, you get a birthday cake and a goody bag full of candy!
Amelia Bedelia ~ well I'm glad you liked it and it looks like you were close to guessing what happened. You got some of them! Question for ya, have you read my D/Hr chapie, I really want your opinion.
Dahlia ~ Well, you'll have to wait and see if she's a seer or not! *grins evilly*
Kim ~ I hope you liked this chapter, you sorta DID suggest the lemon!
Sarina ~ I'm so glad you liked my story out of all the others. Yes I know that in the beginning it was kinda weak, but I was just starting the story and needed something to base it on. I have a feeling that once when I finish the story, I may go back and edit it some. And believe be, I don't mind criticism, as long as it's constructive and not demeaning. Cookies to you!
podean-opaleye ~ Yes McGonagall is a little nosy, but she considers these guys her kids, ya know? So she kinda acted like a mother and found out what was buggin' `em, k? I would have been annoyed too, but I thought it was a great part in that chapie.
Hungarian_Horntail ~ I'm sorry about the author's notes, I shall try to keep them with the chapies instead of by themselves! Tanky!
gryffspopgurl ~ I think I just may take your suggestion and use it! I hate those ff too! Thanks!
Wicca Willow, SweetBitter, kcchristian, Jessica*Messenger*of*the*Devil, angel-dolphin, Not sayin', imlosnoches, starbeam13, LillyNyx, Pixie5252, Doodles2, Bookworm141, BoPeep, PeRkieGuRL, freakyfroggurl22, emerald-hopes, Lily, Raifuno Maki, Anarane Anwamane, FeeFee, Agloechen, Killer Angel, ToEatTheseApplesFromYourEyes, Wicca Chick, PoTtErSPaYnE, emma Campbell, Ying Fa Li, Shinning Crystal, LiL'AnGeL1011, Alexandra Black, Chalrotte Eldridge, angelface58, cotncandmuncher, MFCA, perdy pink pineapples, KasOfDaSea, Dazzle1, LiLUmBrA, Sakura52953, Sarkie, and alya.
THANK YOU ALL!!! Can you believe I have over 100 reveiws? I only need 13 more to have 150. So, I hope you can take a hint! I will try to update as soon as I can, but school is starting soon, so that may serve as an interference.
Love yawl!
FEAngel258