Inside the Mind of Evil
"Another day, another evil deed".
Such were the thoughts of billionaire toy manufacturer Stan Matthews, who was secretly
the evil creature known to only a few as Shadow Man. The evil being was capable of
incredible acts; he could fire energy blasts, bring inanimate objects to life, transport to
anyplace he wished, bestow power upon others, and disguise things to look like others.
"And yet, despite my unlimited powers, I have been unable to eliminate those who stand
between me and world domination. But perhaps I should start at the beginning..."
When the world was young and countries were not yet defined, he was there, using his
evil powers to torment the populace.
"And I enjoyed every minute of it. Few things make me happier than causing those stupid
humans fear and suffering. I was an evil apparition that all feared and obeyed. Within a
week, I controlled the entire known world at that time. People used to offer me sacrifices
and tributes in exchange for their puny lives"
For many years, the various villages sent their strongest warriors to defeat the evil
creature, but none of them succeeded. Then, one day, a clever young warrior finally
brought about his defeat.
"I thought that this one would be no different from the others, but even I was surprised.
He was a clever one, although it's not surprising now. He did what no man before had
ever done; turned my own power back on me. Although why no one had thought of that
before, I still can't figure out. It wasn't that hard"
With the help of a special shield, the young warrior reflected the evil creature's blast,
which trapped him for many years in an ageless limbo.
"For over a millennium, there I sat, plotting my revenge. It was extremely boring in there.
I would compare it to a waiting room in a human doctor's office. But those at least have
magazines"
After thousands of years, an errant lightning bolt freed the nefarious villain, who
continued his scheme for world domination.
"It was a new time period, the world had changed much since my day, so I had to
familiarize myself with everything. And there was one final thing I needed to do."
Before he could conquer the world anew, he had to eliminate the ancestors of the warrior
who had defeated him all those years ago.
"So I searched for something that would allow me to trace the family of that accursed
warrior. Eventually, through something called the Hall of Records, I traced the lineage of
the fool to the present."
He soon discovered that the only living ancestors of that warrior were a family known as
the Pickles. If he was to succeed, he had to make sure there were no more descendants of
that family. The youngest of them would have to perish.
"So I began embarking on my quest to crush Tommy Pickles and secure my place as
rightful ruler of this miserable planet. I knew that I would need minions to help me, so I
began to search for suitable candidates. Ten years later and I'm still searching! That's a
joke in case you can't tell"
His first minion was a milk-drenched little toy cat that he dubbed Catbot. The tiny
creature has since developed a Napoleon complex, being extremely aggressive to
compensate for his small size. He also believes he should lead the others since he was
made first, and as such, is their boss's favorite. Soon afterwards, evil cup Mr. Tippy,
Dust Bunny, the two clowns Boppo & Mr. Fiend, and Tharg came along.
"I tried to pick objects that either frightened the babies, or caused dissention among them.
I'm not quite sure why they turned out so stupid. That wasn't my doing."
The villain himself adopted the garden clothes of a one Charles Finster as a disguise. It
was one he would use for the rest of his career.
"I've always believed that you should inspire fear in your enemies, and I remember them
talking about a 'Shadow Man' of sorts, which is where I picked up that name. So I took
the pink coat and the whole load, and that became the visage I used. I especially love this
breathing mask thing. It makes me look like that scary black guy from that movie about
space. The name eludes me, but I remember it had this scary ape-thing I was thinking of
recruiting against those brats."
Even with his gang of animated toys, the evil apparition also employed unwilling human
operatives in his schemes.
"Once, I set up this day-care center, Happy Apple Day Care, and planned on using it to
trap that accursed Pickles brat long enough for my gang to finish him off. But by the time
they arrived, he had escaped somehow. So I slaughtered the incompetent workers and
burned the place to the ground. It made me feel great. Since that time I've manipulated
other idiots into doing my dirty work, like that old guy wrestler, McNulty something, but
I find humans are often inept and incompetent."
After a few years of unsuccessful schemes, the evil Shadow Man received some news
that disturbed him greatly.
"I found out that Tommy was about to have another brother! Trying to exterminate one
brat was tough enough, but two would be worse. So I caused a train crash, and used a
gang of circus monkeys to try and steal the brat. Then I used my influence to send a wolf
to finish the job. If not for that stupid mutt, I would have succeeded! Now there were two
Pickles brats to deal with, so it was time for me to raise the stakes."
He soon recruited Goober, a beaver who was a wholesome alternative to Reptar, to his
fold and made several more unsuccessful attempts to eliminate Tommy, Dil, and all their
friends. Eventually he learned that the gang was taking a trip to Paris, and decided it
would the perfect opportunity to finish them once and for all.
"So we traveled to Paris ahead of time and set up shop in EuroReptar Land. It was there
that I met.her. She was the most evil, nasty, self-centered creature I had ever laid eyes
upon. She reminded me of a female version of myself. Though I am a creature of pure
evil, I felt for the first time the pathetic human emotion known as love."
Despite a band of ninjas and Coco's evil manipulations, he was unsuccessful in stopping
Chuckie from getting a new mom and sister. Still Coco now had a reason to swear
undying revenge against the babies.
"Now that she hated them as much as I did, I knew the time had come. We were soon
married in a church in France, then moved to America to embark on our schemes of
revenge."
After the Robosnail robot they had taken from Japan was destroyed (accidentally of
course) the villain created a smaller living version of Reptar's arch-foe and made him a
lieutenant. Not too long after came Ickypus, created from a costume at an aquarium.
During that time, Shadow Man embarked on several ambitious schemes, including using
an army of killer toilets, making them believe Dil had been sucked into a computer, and
dispatching a "werewuff" on Halloween.
"Each of those plans had excellent potential to work. The problem is, those kids have
incredible luck, just when it looks like I have them, they always find a way to escape.
Like this one time, I released a special, 'Robosnail with rat henchman' two-pack of
figures and made sure the dumb babies got a 'special' one. Sure enough, they survived it
though. Their luck had better run out soon."
Soon a hip babysitter named Taffy came on the scene, filling the babies hearts with joy.
Determined to stop it, the vile villain created his latest henchman to date, the evil bee
Stinger, from a mascot costume. Despite recruiting a medieval dragon from a video
game, among other schemes, his plans were unsuccessful, yet again.
"That Taffy annoys me most of all, with her happy lyrics and optimistic outlook on life.
I'd love to eliminate her, her stupid friend, whose name escapes me, and her dumb band
'the Saltwaters'. I mean is that supposed to be funny? Well I guess it is, but I still hate
them. And who the heck names their kid after a candy anyway? I'm sorry, I'm just angry
today."
The villain remains optimistic though, that one day he will achieve his goal.
"They're just a bunch of kids, they can't outsmart me forever. Eventually, I will destroy
them and all they hold dear. Then all of these miserable human fools will bow before me
like in days of old, and I shall be revered as a god!"
"Hey boss"
"What the heck do you want? I'm trying to give the story of my quest against those highly
merchandisable babies."
"Sorry sir. I was just wondering if you'd seen my Snickers. I left it around here and I
wanted to finish it."
"I don't know or care where your stupid candy bar is. Go away!"
"Sorry."
"Now then, where was I? Oh yes, humanity bowing before me like a god. Ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
"Another day, another evil deed".
Such were the thoughts of billionaire toy manufacturer Stan Matthews, who was secretly
the evil creature known to only a few as Shadow Man. The evil being was capable of
incredible acts; he could fire energy blasts, bring inanimate objects to life, transport to
anyplace he wished, bestow power upon others, and disguise things to look like others.
"And yet, despite my unlimited powers, I have been unable to eliminate those who stand
between me and world domination. But perhaps I should start at the beginning..."
When the world was young and countries were not yet defined, he was there, using his
evil powers to torment the populace.
"And I enjoyed every minute of it. Few things make me happier than causing those stupid
humans fear and suffering. I was an evil apparition that all feared and obeyed. Within a
week, I controlled the entire known world at that time. People used to offer me sacrifices
and tributes in exchange for their puny lives"
For many years, the various villages sent their strongest warriors to defeat the evil
creature, but none of them succeeded. Then, one day, a clever young warrior finally
brought about his defeat.
"I thought that this one would be no different from the others, but even I was surprised.
He was a clever one, although it's not surprising now. He did what no man before had
ever done; turned my own power back on me. Although why no one had thought of that
before, I still can't figure out. It wasn't that hard"
With the help of a special shield, the young warrior reflected the evil creature's blast,
which trapped him for many years in an ageless limbo.
"For over a millennium, there I sat, plotting my revenge. It was extremely boring in there.
I would compare it to a waiting room in a human doctor's office. But those at least have
magazines"
After thousands of years, an errant lightning bolt freed the nefarious villain, who
continued his scheme for world domination.
"It was a new time period, the world had changed much since my day, so I had to
familiarize myself with everything. And there was one final thing I needed to do."
Before he could conquer the world anew, he had to eliminate the ancestors of the warrior
who had defeated him all those years ago.
"So I searched for something that would allow me to trace the family of that accursed
warrior. Eventually, through something called the Hall of Records, I traced the lineage of
the fool to the present."
He soon discovered that the only living ancestors of that warrior were a family known as
the Pickles. If he was to succeed, he had to make sure there were no more descendants of
that family. The youngest of them would have to perish.
"So I began embarking on my quest to crush Tommy Pickles and secure my place as
rightful ruler of this miserable planet. I knew that I would need minions to help me, so I
began to search for suitable candidates. Ten years later and I'm still searching! That's a
joke in case you can't tell"
His first minion was a milk-drenched little toy cat that he dubbed Catbot. The tiny
creature has since developed a Napoleon complex, being extremely aggressive to
compensate for his small size. He also believes he should lead the others since he was
made first, and as such, is their boss's favorite. Soon afterwards, evil cup Mr. Tippy,
Dust Bunny, the two clowns Boppo & Mr. Fiend, and Tharg came along.
"I tried to pick objects that either frightened the babies, or caused dissention among them.
I'm not quite sure why they turned out so stupid. That wasn't my doing."
The villain himself adopted the garden clothes of a one Charles Finster as a disguise. It
was one he would use for the rest of his career.
"I've always believed that you should inspire fear in your enemies, and I remember them
talking about a 'Shadow Man' of sorts, which is where I picked up that name. So I took
the pink coat and the whole load, and that became the visage I used. I especially love this
breathing mask thing. It makes me look like that scary black guy from that movie about
space. The name eludes me, but I remember it had this scary ape-thing I was thinking of
recruiting against those brats."
Even with his gang of animated toys, the evil apparition also employed unwilling human
operatives in his schemes.
"Once, I set up this day-care center, Happy Apple Day Care, and planned on using it to
trap that accursed Pickles brat long enough for my gang to finish him off. But by the time
they arrived, he had escaped somehow. So I slaughtered the incompetent workers and
burned the place to the ground. It made me feel great. Since that time I've manipulated
other idiots into doing my dirty work, like that old guy wrestler, McNulty something, but
I find humans are often inept and incompetent."
After a few years of unsuccessful schemes, the evil Shadow Man received some news
that disturbed him greatly.
"I found out that Tommy was about to have another brother! Trying to exterminate one
brat was tough enough, but two would be worse. So I caused a train crash, and used a
gang of circus monkeys to try and steal the brat. Then I used my influence to send a wolf
to finish the job. If not for that stupid mutt, I would have succeeded! Now there were two
Pickles brats to deal with, so it was time for me to raise the stakes."
He soon recruited Goober, a beaver who was a wholesome alternative to Reptar, to his
fold and made several more unsuccessful attempts to eliminate Tommy, Dil, and all their
friends. Eventually he learned that the gang was taking a trip to Paris, and decided it
would the perfect opportunity to finish them once and for all.
"So we traveled to Paris ahead of time and set up shop in EuroReptar Land. It was there
that I met.her. She was the most evil, nasty, self-centered creature I had ever laid eyes
upon. She reminded me of a female version of myself. Though I am a creature of pure
evil, I felt for the first time the pathetic human emotion known as love."
Despite a band of ninjas and Coco's evil manipulations, he was unsuccessful in stopping
Chuckie from getting a new mom and sister. Still Coco now had a reason to swear
undying revenge against the babies.
"Now that she hated them as much as I did, I knew the time had come. We were soon
married in a church in France, then moved to America to embark on our schemes of
revenge."
After the Robosnail robot they had taken from Japan was destroyed (accidentally of
course) the villain created a smaller living version of Reptar's arch-foe and made him a
lieutenant. Not too long after came Ickypus, created from a costume at an aquarium.
During that time, Shadow Man embarked on several ambitious schemes, including using
an army of killer toilets, making them believe Dil had been sucked into a computer, and
dispatching a "werewuff" on Halloween.
"Each of those plans had excellent potential to work. The problem is, those kids have
incredible luck, just when it looks like I have them, they always find a way to escape.
Like this one time, I released a special, 'Robosnail with rat henchman' two-pack of
figures and made sure the dumb babies got a 'special' one. Sure enough, they survived it
though. Their luck had better run out soon."
Soon a hip babysitter named Taffy came on the scene, filling the babies hearts with joy.
Determined to stop it, the vile villain created his latest henchman to date, the evil bee
Stinger, from a mascot costume. Despite recruiting a medieval dragon from a video
game, among other schemes, his plans were unsuccessful, yet again.
"That Taffy annoys me most of all, with her happy lyrics and optimistic outlook on life.
I'd love to eliminate her, her stupid friend, whose name escapes me, and her dumb band
'the Saltwaters'. I mean is that supposed to be funny? Well I guess it is, but I still hate
them. And who the heck names their kid after a candy anyway? I'm sorry, I'm just angry
today."
The villain remains optimistic though, that one day he will achieve his goal.
"They're just a bunch of kids, they can't outsmart me forever. Eventually, I will destroy
them and all they hold dear. Then all of these miserable human fools will bow before me
like in days of old, and I shall be revered as a god!"
"Hey boss"
"What the heck do you want? I'm trying to give the story of my quest against those highly
merchandisable babies."
"Sorry sir. I was just wondering if you'd seen my Snickers. I left it around here and I
wanted to finish it."
"I don't know or care where your stupid candy bar is. Go away!"
"Sorry."
"Now then, where was I? Oh yes, humanity bowing before me like a god. Ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"