Chapter 13 ~ One Good Reason

"Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell."

                   ~ Anon

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

                    ~ Robert Frost

          "What the hell just happened, James? What about the plan?" Remus questioned after Lily ran out.

          "That was the plan. We decided to put on a break-up," James replied simply, as though it was obvious, but his voice held no emotion.

          "But… why? I thought the plan was going great!"

          "So did I, but Lily thinks that now that we're broken up, Figg and Diggory will come to us quicker," James said, repeating Lily's explanation and not even noticing that he called his 'supposed crush' by her last name.

          "Don't you think you were a little harsh?" he asked, thinking back to the 'bed' comment.

          "Well she was being just as harsh! She wanted everyone's attention! It's her own damn fault!" James said, but for some unknown reason (yah! Riiiiiight!) he was having doubts.

          "Did… did you really mean everything you said??" Remus asked. He had bonded with Lily over the duration of the past some odd weeks.

          "Remus, we were fake right off from the start.  What I said shouldn't have meant anything to her," James replied. And what she said definitely shouldn't mean anything to me, he added to himself.

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          Lily ran like there was no tomorrow, and to her, there really wasn't. Everything she cared about had just flown out the window and it hurt even more than she imagined. Everything she saw was just a blur, her tears blocking her view. When she noticed where she was, it surprised her that she found her dormitory with such ease and not even knowing it. She didn't even remember uttering the password. She flung herself on her bed, but instead of it being like the last time she did it, in which she was in a heavenly peace, she was in a shameful pit that she had dug for herself.

          "Lily?" Mollie asked timidly as she entered the dormitory filled with heart-wrenching wails. "Lils, oh I'm so sorry!" she practically sobbed as she ran to her best friend's side and braced her in the biggest bear hug she could manage. No words needed to be said at that moment. Mollie knew she needed her cry-out and she didn't bother to question her until her breathing was somewhat normal.  "Lil, can you tell me what happened?" she asked fearfully, scared that she might provoke more tears. Lily sniffed and sat back so she could see her friend. Again she sniffed and wiped away the snot that was running from her nose. Silent tears were still running down her face, but she seemed calmer.

          "He… he said it was a mistake. That it was just our hormones getting out of control. Mollie I feel so stupid. He doesn't love me. No one does," Lily said softly. She wasn't even crying now and the way she was talking scared the hell out of Mollie.

          "People do love you Lily, and if Potter can't accept his feelings then he's a bigger prick then I took him for. Lily, listen to me. I love you, and I think Remus does too. If only as a friend," Mollie tried to reassure her.

          "It's not the same! When I was with him, I felt like I was meant to do something in this world, that I actually had a purpose. But now, I find out that the first man I open up to and let love me, actually love me, says it was all a mistake. I feel so useless," Lily said, now clinging to her friend, trying to salvage some sort of reassurance inside herself to get through this.

          "Lily, listen to me! You can't get all hung up over him. Maybe for him, it was just hormones. I told you how he could be…" Mollie trailed off, she didn't want to sound like she was saying 'I told you so,' but the fact was that was exactly what she was saying.

          "But I swear I saw the love in his eyes! I swear!" she responded, desperately trying to find something real about last night.

          "Lil, I believe you… but maybe you were caught up in your own fairy tale that you made it up, trying to make your wish come true. Hun, you have to remember that this was all just supposed to be fake and he may not have felt the same way," Mollie said, still trying to break the truth in without hurting her friend-like-sister even more than she already was.

          "I'm sorry Mollie, you must think me as some stupid lovesick idiot," Lily said, sitting up again.

          "On the contraire my dear, I think you to be the most smart and intelligent person I know; it's not your fault that you got caught up with some guy. It's he whom I think is the idiot, not you," she said, looking Lily straight in the eye. "Do you want to take the day off? I could cover for you and get all your assignments," she suggested, hoping she would do this and get herself together.

          "No Mollie, I'm not gonna let him think he's gotten to me. I'm going to go about my life like he never existed, just like old times!" Lily said much more confidently than she felt.

          "If you sure…" Mollie said uncertainly. Inside she was thinking, Things could never be the same, not after all this.

          Lily gathered her books and swung her knapsack over her shoulder. She walked up to her vanity and looked intently at herself in the mirror. She took in her red-rimmed eyes and tear streaked cheeks. Her hair was tousled and the spark in her eyes was gone, even she noticed that. She whipped out her wand and whispered a spell to make her appearance more normal. Instantly her hair was its normal straight self and her face and eyes were no longer red. But the look in her eyes gave it all away.

          You can do this Evans, she told herself. Don't let Potter win. Be strong and show him how you really are. She took a deep breath and turned to Mollie.

          "Let's do this," she said and Mollie nodded as they walked down to their first class.

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          "James, you are SUCH an idiot!" Remus said after James had replayed everything that had happened between him and Lily, starting with last night and leading up to the present time.

          "I don't see why! She agreed with the whole break-up thing! She's probably faking the run-out as well," James said to Remus. He had obviously gotten over his doubt and was in, how Remus put it, denial.

          "You just don't see it, do you? Did you see how sincere she was after you embarrassed her in front of the entire population of the school!! She meant what she said James, even I can see that. And if you can't, then you're the most ignorant, blind bastard I know," Remus said sadly as he got up from the Gryffindor table.

          "Remus, she couldn't have meant it!" James yelled after him. "If she did, she'd have told me by now!"

          "You obviously don't understand her as well as I thought," he threw over his shoulder and left the Great Hall completely.

          "James my man! So glad you got rid of Evans! She's too much of a meddler, got worked up over us picking on ol' Snivelus," James heard Sirius say as he walked up to his friend.

          "Yea, whatever," he replied, thinking about what Remus had said.

          "Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?! Look at the way Arabella's lookin' at you. Almost as if you were a piece of meat," Sirius said, pointing in the direction of the Ravenclaw table, where Arabella indeed was eyeing James suggestively. "Some good things do come out of being single! The main reason I stay that way!"

          "I guess your right, huh Sirius? Never pass up an opportunity like this!" James said a little too gleefully. He didn't really want Arabella, but she was a good distraction to take him away from thinking of Lily. "I'll talk to her at dinner."

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          Lily kept her head held high all day, with Mollie and Remus flanked by her sides she felt even more confident about her decision to forget everything that happened and forget all about James. But that became difficult by dinner time, when she saw Arabella Figg hanging all over him.

          How can he not want her? She thought to herself. She's everything I'm not, and that's perfection. She practically began to sob to herself when she remembered her new plan. But she couldn't help but let a few tears shine on her face as James walked out of the hall with his arm around her waist. And just think, that used to be me!

          "Lily, ignore him, okay! He's not worth it!" Mollie's voice broke into her head.

          "Aw, is Potter's little Mudblood whore missing their nightly sessions?" came a sarcastic voice that made Lily's back go rigid.

          "Snape, why don't you just leave the girl alone?" Remus said, rising to Lily's defense.

          "Oh, I see, it seems that you don't miss Potter because it's become obvious that you've got a new subject. Tell me Lupin, is she good in bed? Or is she just as bad as her blood?" he asked even more sardonically.

          "You little bastard!" Remus exclaimed as he practically lunged at Snape.

          "Remus, STOP!" Lily almost yelled at him. "He's right," she said a little more quietly. "I was nothing but a whore. My blood is dirty and so am I. No one would care for me even if I paid them. Are you happy Severus? You finally got to me!" She then stood up and walked solemnly out of the hall, her head looking towards her feet and her shoulders slumped.

          "That's right Mudblood and don't you forget it!" Snape yelled after her.

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          Lily kept walking slowly, thinking about everything. She was just wandering aimlessly when she heard something coming from the supplies closet. As she crept closer to it she began to hear sounds that brought back memories she'd rather forget. Moaning. Then she heard it: "James!" She ran, as far as she could, away from the man she still loved and from the memories she knew would haunt her until the day she died. She ran until she reached the top of the Astronomy Tower.

          The freezing cold air hit her wet face and shocked her. She stepped up to the rail and looked out over everything. The grounds were covered in a light blanket of snow. She looked towards the darkness that was the Forbidden Forest and noticed how much Hagrid's cabin looked like a gingerbread house in winter. Up here, her mind was clear and the whole world was perfect again. She looked up into the clear December sky. The stars shown brightly, making up for the missing moon as she just gazed into the darkness.

          She then looked down to the bottom of the tower, gazing almost longingly at the ground.

          "It could be so easy," she said to herself. "So easy and no one would even care. No one would notice I was gone until they saw my dead body in the morning." She began to lift herself over the railing. She was sitting on the railing with her feet dangling over the outside of the tower. She looked up to the sky again as saw a star shooting across the sky.

          "If there's anyone up there, listening to the prayers of a pathetic teenager, then I ask you, give me something to live for, just one good reason to live and I won't do it! But if not, then I'll do it! I'll jump," she practically yelled to the stars.

          "That would be most unfortunate Miss Evans," came a voice from behind her. It scared her so much she almost did fall of the edge. She turned her head around and saw the very disappointed face of the headmaster.

          "Pro-professor Dumbledore!" she gasped.

          "Yes Miss Evans, now would you please come down from there?" he asked her gently, reaching his hand out to her. She took it reluctantly and leaped down from the railing. "Now would you be so kind as to tell me what made you think there was nothing to live for?" he asked kindly.

          "The fact that there is nothing to live for," Lily replied with tears running down her face.

          "Now, now my dear, there are many things to live for, love being one of them," Dumbledore told her, looking straight into her eyes.

          "I don't know love anymore. No one loves me."

          "That may be so," he said gravely, "but there are people who need you love, one in particular."

          "Who sir?" Lily asked, now very curious.

          "You shall see Lily, you shall see. Now, let's get you out of here and back to the Gryffindor tower," he said, once again offering his hand.

          "Alright sir," Lily said dumbfounded. One, the Headmaster had just called her by her first name and two; he said there was someone she needed to love. But who? That was the question. "Sir, are you going to tell anyone?" she asked what she feared most, that he'd make some sort of announcement about her suicidal thoughts.

          "No m'dear, I'll tell no one. Now get a good nights rest, the heavens no you need it."

          He left her at the portrait and with many questions left unanswered. But all that would clear up soon enough. She mechanically said the password, opened the portrait and walked into the common room, ready for a good nights sleep.

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Hey guys! YAY I posted a little more than a week after my last post! It makes me sooooooo proud of myself! You all seem to love my story and I feel loved myself. Although some of you are threatening me instead of encouraging me, but it still makes me feel love to know you'd risk to do illegal stuff to keep me posting! Well now I'm rambling. Here's my thank-you's:

kutelilangel ~ thank you, as you can see, I'm updating.

Glitter devil ~ Well, I'm glad I don't have to feel your wrath now! Here's your chapie!!

KapOfDaPipers ~ I'm glad you think it's gonna be good. Cuz it is gonna be good. Very good!! You just have to wait and see how good.

kcchristian ~ 'killer story' let me just tell you that there is some twisted meaning to that in my mind!

sodapopgirl703 ~ Okay, breathe girl breathe!!! Good. Now I'm just wondering if your hyperventilating now? Hmm?

starbeam13 ~ Hmm, you've got the right idea, but will she accept him again? I dunno and I'm not telling you anything. Just think of ALL the possibilities.

Anarane Anwamane ~ When is James not a butt? But, you have to admit, he's a cute butt! *girlish laugh*

Soz ~ Okay, yes James dies… In JKR's version. But myn…. Well; that may be another story. What he said he really didn't mean, he was just trying to get back at her for embarrassing him. In fact, he thought she was GREAT in bed. Maybe I should devote my next chapter to James… we'll see now won't we?

PeRkieGuRL ~ No, she didn't mean it, and neither did James, but it makes it all the more interesting.

freakyfroggurl22 ~ good idea, but I have other plans. You don't know how close you are to the truth tho…

Amelia Bedelia ~ I'm sorry I made you sad, but it had to be done. All part of the plot line. James is just being a prat and denying his feelings. He didn't really want to stage the break-up, just get his mind strait and organize everything before getting in to deep. I don't think he wanted Lily to be like the rest of the girls. Great now I'm rambling and giving away secrets! DAMN!!! Tanky for ur review!

Desthemaraudetette ~ Believe me, I want to be able to update all the time as soon as I can. And I really do try! Please try to bear with me. I'm now in school and finding time to write this story along with homework in a pain in the ass. But believe me, no matter how long it takes me to update, I WILL finish this story if it's the last thing I do!!!

Wicca Willow ~ you've got the right idea's going on in ur head!

Agloechen ~ she wanted to embarrass him by yellin at him in front of the entire school, but her plan kinda backfired, didn't it?

Sour-peach, hOLLy, Daisy Silk, Smiley Mary, mel, choochoo, lilynjamesAAF, Wicca Chick, kat6528, chewy1, MissPsyco, and Phoenix281.

Thank you all SOOOOO much for your wonderful reviews! I now am on 22 ppls favorites list!!! It makes me one happy person. Now I promise you I will TRY and I mean TRY to post the next chapie as soon as I can (hopefully next week).

Now, I wanted to tell you that in this chapter and in the last chapter there is some foreshadowing. Foreshadowing is when I hint that something may happen in the future of the story. Now, I want to see how many of you can guess what it is!

♥Love ya lots♥

Franie