Mark ran his fingers around her belly button absentmindedly. "Do you know how beautiful you are?"
"You're biased." Susan turned her head sleepily to face him.
"What are you thinking?"
"You don't wanna know." She shut her eyes.
"Sure I do." He guided her chin, begging her to look at him
Susan opened her eyes, found his adoration pleading with her. She sighed, "I was thinking that you've done this before – you've been, I mean you are a Dad, but…"
"It was never like this before." He stopped her when she broke eye contact. "Jenn and I were on the rocks when we found out she was pregnant, then we made it work… for a while at least. I love my daughter but me and Jenn had it wrong from the start. This is… I want to get it right this time."
"Is this right though? I mean we've barely started."
"There's no such thing as the perfect circumstances."
"Mark we're not ready for this. It's too soon. I mean the idea is great – it's exciting and… and all that, but really…"
Mark nodded – barely noticeably.
"I mean…" Susan let out a breath. "I have no idea what I mean." She half laughed.
"It's your call. I want this – I mean, obviously not this soon, but I want this. Do you?"
Susan's head had been full of what this future could look like all day. Did she want it? Yeah – as the future. But now? She didn't know. She waited to long to answer him and he turned away, pretending to try to sleep. Susan lay in bed resenting herself. 'I'm a fool, I want kids one day – I mean how much more perfect could it be anyway? Why can't I just be excited about this like Mark is? It's unexpected but… grrr…' she was so frustrated at herself. She sighed audibly then stopped herself knowing Mark was wide-awake and listening.
"I'm in shock." She whispered into the darkness.
Mark rolled onto his back.
"There's a million and one hormones running around my body – yeah, more than usual – I'm confused and surprised and I can see how amazing this could be but don't you see it has the potential to… I mean what if I mess it up? My family legacy hardly bodes well. And you and me are just new to the couple thing – it's going so well – better than ever – you know? I've never been anywhere near here before – I'm just scared of losing this – of losing you, maybe. I know it doesn't make any sense – please… I need you to try… just understand… give me some time…" she was swallowing her tears and Mark had no choice but to roll onto his side and pull her protectively into his arms.
"Sorry." He whispered, squeezing her tightly to him. "I'm an idiot."
"No your not – you're just in familiar territory."
"You're biased." Susan turned her head sleepily to face him.
"What are you thinking?"
"You don't wanna know." She shut her eyes.
"Sure I do." He guided her chin, begging her to look at him
Susan opened her eyes, found his adoration pleading with her. She sighed, "I was thinking that you've done this before – you've been, I mean you are a Dad, but…"
"It was never like this before." He stopped her when she broke eye contact. "Jenn and I were on the rocks when we found out she was pregnant, then we made it work… for a while at least. I love my daughter but me and Jenn had it wrong from the start. This is… I want to get it right this time."
"Is this right though? I mean we've barely started."
"There's no such thing as the perfect circumstances."
"Mark we're not ready for this. It's too soon. I mean the idea is great – it's exciting and… and all that, but really…"
Mark nodded – barely noticeably.
"I mean…" Susan let out a breath. "I have no idea what I mean." She half laughed.
"It's your call. I want this – I mean, obviously not this soon, but I want this. Do you?"
Susan's head had been full of what this future could look like all day. Did she want it? Yeah – as the future. But now? She didn't know. She waited to long to answer him and he turned away, pretending to try to sleep. Susan lay in bed resenting herself. 'I'm a fool, I want kids one day – I mean how much more perfect could it be anyway? Why can't I just be excited about this like Mark is? It's unexpected but… grrr…' she was so frustrated at herself. She sighed audibly then stopped herself knowing Mark was wide-awake and listening.
"I'm in shock." She whispered into the darkness.
Mark rolled onto his back.
"There's a million and one hormones running around my body – yeah, more than usual – I'm confused and surprised and I can see how amazing this could be but don't you see it has the potential to… I mean what if I mess it up? My family legacy hardly bodes well. And you and me are just new to the couple thing – it's going so well – better than ever – you know? I've never been anywhere near here before – I'm just scared of losing this – of losing you, maybe. I know it doesn't make any sense – please… I need you to try… just understand… give me some time…" she was swallowing her tears and Mark had no choice but to roll onto his side and pull her protectively into his arms.
"Sorry." He whispered, squeezing her tightly to him. "I'm an idiot."
"No your not – you're just in familiar territory."