Chapter 19 ~ Confessions
"Tears at times have all the weight of speech."
~ Ovid
"You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person."
~Proverb
Lily sat in the common room, sting on the couch and waiting for Mollie and Remus. The sleep she had missed began to catch up with her eyes began to droop. It was almost ten and Mollie and Remus STILL weren't up. She was almost asleep when thundering awakened her. She jumped up with a start and a few minutes later, heard her named called with excitement.
Soon she was toppled over by Remus. He gave her a huge hug.
"Oh my GOD! You have now idea how boring it was without you!" he said happily. He looked at her face and saw how unhappy it was. His face fell. "Whatsamatter?" Lily didn't say anything. She just looked over his shoulder blandly, hugging him even harder.
"Lily, what's wrong?" Remus repeated concernedly.
"Nothing," Lily mumbled into his chest. She was clinging onto him for dear life.
"Lil, you're cutting off my circulation… something's wrong," He said jokingly but in all seriousness.
"Sorry," she said quietly while pulling away from him. She took a deep breathe and fell back onto the sofa, breaking out in tears. Remus was there holding her in a millisecond, rocking her back and forth and telling her it was okay.
Once when all her tears were spent, she looked up at him with gracious eyes.
"I love you Remus… you know that right?" she asked. "You're the brother I never had… and the funny thing is, I've just gotten to know you. Too bad all good things come to an end," she said, the last being almost inaudible, but Remus caught it anyway.
"What do you mean by that?" he voiced.
"Nothing," she repeated, burring her face again.
"So tell me what's wrong," Remus demanded. Lily knew she couldn't tell him, Dumbledore told her not to. And even if she tried, she'd break out in tears.
But her never said not to show them, he mind told her. She pulled the "Daily Prophet" out of her robe pocket and handed it to him.
"This," she said quietly, pointing at the article, "Is my fault." Remus' eyes quickly scanned the paper and widened as he let out a gasp.
"The Potter's? Dead?" All Lily could do was nod her head. She fell into his embrace again, only this time to comfort him.
"I'm sorry Rem… it's all my fault."
"Your fault?" he croaked, "How could this be your fault?"
"Voldemort wants me on his side, I refused so he killed off my parents, Mollies' parents and now James'. I got a letter from him each time."
"It's not your fault! You understand?" Lily couldn't blatantly tell him a lie, so she just nodded her head in the affirmative. After a comfortable silence, Lily had come to a decision.
"Thanks Remus, for letting me cry on your shoulder. I think I'm gonna lie down for a little bit. I didn't sleep at all last night."
"No problem," Remus said as she began walking away. "And Lily."
"Yea," she turned around.
"I love you too sis."
☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻☼☻
Her smile faded as she walked up the stairs. She silently entered her room. The soft breathing of Mollie greeted her.
Better now wake her up, she told herself in her head. She went to her bedside table and grabbed a piece of parchment, quill and ink. She went though the curtains to her bed and sat down, trying not to make it creak. She closed the curtain and set out to write the hardest letter of her life.
When she was finished, she folded it, wrote a name on the front and put it in her pocket. She jogged her memory for something, anything, to help her out. A light clicked and she reached under her bed and grabbed the silvery invisibility cloak she'd stuffed under there not so long ago.
"Perfect," she whispered. Placing if over her so that nothing showed, she walked out the dorm, down the stairs and into the now empty Common Room.
Remus must've gone for something to eat. She continued out with now trouble. She went to the owlery and sent her letter.
"Phase one down pat," she said to herself. "Now to finish the task," she said almost dreadfully.
♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂♀♂
James was lying in a bed in the Hospital Wing. All of his injuries were healed… well at least most of them. His heart was still pounding from the encounter and his head throbbed from the memory of it all…
~FlAsHbAcK~
Lana had just left and James was suddenly bored again. He was lying in his bed staring at the ceiling, doing absolutely nothing. He stood up and began to pace up and down the floor of his room. Something didn't feel right. He walked toward the living room and heard his parents hushed voices.
"She isn't safe… you know that Michael! That's why Albus entrusted her to us! She shouldn't be over there alone!'
"Chelsey! We can't keep her locked up in here! She's been through so much. Her parents are dead and she's pregnant, but the father doesn't seem to care… let alone know! Don't you think she deserves some time alone?"
"Yes but…"
"No buts Chels… we're in as much danger as she is… she and James should be at Hogwarts, but what are we doing? Putter him AND a classmate of his in danger! They'd both be safer at Hogwarts and we'd be safer at the Ministry!"
"Which one of my classmates is in danger?" James asked suddenly as he made himself visible to his parents. His mom and dad sat stock-still, just starring at him. He could tell his mother had been crying and both of them looked scared.
"N-no one," his mother stuttered.
"Dad?" James said, looking at his father questioningly. The fear in his father's eyes made James scared as hell. Instead of letting him answer, he opted to ask the more important question. "What's going on?"
"Chelsey… he should know. At least some of it," Michael said when she looked at him warningly. "Your mother and I aren't safe… not safe at all. Voldemort has caught wind of… some things, and is after us," Mr. Potter explained.
"You don't know how right you are," said a wickedly evil voice.
James turned around and was met with the most horrid sight. A man, if you'd call it that, was standing in front of him.
"Voldemort!" he hissed. Voldemort only laughed.
Definitely a Gryffindor, showing stupid bravery. You know most people would scream in fear just at the mere whisper of my name," he said menacingly.
"I guess I'm not one of those people now am I! I'm not afraid of you!" James replied forcefully. He soon felt the weight of his fathers hand on his shoulder.
"James," he whispered, "stop and leave."
"Very wise choice Potter. Don't need innocent lives lost. Although it would be very fun to make him watch you die in excruciating pain," Voldemort said with a chuckle.
James couldn't take it anymore. He lunged at Voldemort; wand forgotten in his need to hurt this man.
"You little maggot!" Voldemort screamed as he threw him against the wall.
"Leave them alone!" James said with all the strength he could muster.
"I don't think so," Voldemort said with a twisted grin on his face. He turned to face Chelsey Potter, who had stayed silent during the whole ordeal out of shock. "Good bye Mrs. Potter, the world will miss you," he said sarcastically. "Avada Kedavera!"
"You BASTARD!" Jamese and his father screamed in unison as Chelsey Potter lay limp with lifelessness on the couch.
This time James remembered his heritage and grabbed his wand. He was about to cast a stunning charm, but was hit with the most intense pain he'd ever felt before he could utter a word. It felt like knives heated with red hot coals were stabbing him in a million places. He was willing himself not to scream out in pain.
"You're more trouble than you're worth!" Voldemort screamed at him as he lifted the curse.
James was weak. If the curse was bad then it's after effects were ten times worse. His body felt heavier because of the tightness in his muscles. He lifted him head weakly and saw Voldemort with his wand aimed at his dad. Then, from the effort of holding his head up, the world went black.
Although the world may have gone black, he could still hear what was goin on.
"You know why I'm here, don't you Potter?"
"You want to kill me."
"Ya think? But why am I going to kill you?"
"Because we know your weakness… Tom. We know what can bring you down."
"You do? Well it seems I don't give you enough credit Potter. Too bad that will die with you."
"Fuck you!"
"I'd rather now. But surprisingly enough that's not the REAL reason I'm killing you. No, it's because a 16 year old girl won't join me. She was then stupid enough to get close to your son! So you're dying."
"Her… and James? Holy shit!"
"You didn't know… did you? Ha! Too bad for you isn't it? Well, I've had enough chit chat, I didn't come here to catch up with who's with who. Goodbye Mr. Potter."
"James, if you can hear me, take care of them!"
"AVADA KADAVERA!"
~EnD oF fLaShBaCk~
His memory was foggy and he couldn't quite remember everything after he blacked out. He did remember Voldemort screaming the killing curse and the sickening thud that he knew was his father hitting the floor. He then felt the unbearable pain yet again. He shivered as he recalled the pain.
They're gone, he thought, realization suddenly hitting him hard. Silent tears were streaking down his face. They're gone! Then something floated to his ears.
Take care of them.
It was his father's voice. What did he mean by that? Who's them? His head hurt with thinking. He had woken up in the hospital wing and found out what had happened. His winter cottage was evaporated gone… it no longer existed.
James could no longer stand lying in the bed any longer. He stood up and walked to the window and looked out. Snow graced the grounds and it sparkled marvelously. He then was a brown blob coming towards him in the air. As it got closer, he defined it as an owl. He quickly opened the window to let him in just before he flew right into the glass. The owl circled overhead and then dropped a letter in his bed. It then flew out the window again without a second glace.
He crept over to the bed and slowly lifted the letter. He had a foreboding feeling about this and it wasn't good. He looked at his name written in beautiful handwriting. The scrawl looked familiar, yet he couldn't tell who it was from. He slowly opened it and unfolded the parchment.
My Dearest James,
I'm sorry about everything. I have to tell you some things before I do this; some things I have to get of my chest. First, you must know that your parents died because of me. All because I was stupid enough to get close to you and fall in love. Oh, that's the second thing, I love you. I have for a while now; since before we had sex. I know you think you love me to, but I'm no sot sure you do. You hurt me James, badly. And I guess I hurt you too James, or at least I'm going to. I got your parents killed, and a few other people as well. How many more are going to die because of me? None, because I won't let it happen! This is the last time you'll hear form me James. I can't stand anymore of this. I feel like I'm going insane. Hell, most people will probably think I am after they find me. Anyway, I just had to tell you these things.
I love you James, with all my heart. And I hope you live a happy life. Don't let what I've done stop you. And don't let my death stop you. If anything, let it help you.
Love Always,
Lily
The letter was left to float onto the bed as James ran as fast as he could with his sore muscles to the Gryffindor Common Room.
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I know you all probably hate me rite now. One because I just left a cliffy and two because of what Lily's doing. But just remember this, I hate myself rite now too. I cried when I wrote this and I really didn't want to write this… but it had to be done. I'm an awful person who deserves to be flamed. If you do flame me I will not hold it against you, for if I were a reader and not the author I would flame me to… if that makes any sense. Anyway, onto thank yous.
QuidditchGrl ~ I feel proud that my fic could make you cry… though I'm sorry for probably making you cry rite now.
harrys-babe ~ okay, breathe! That's it. I can't really tell u what Lily will do with the baby… all I can say is you'll find out soon enough.
Harry's girl ~ Brilliant deduction my dear Watson. Keep that in mind throughout the rest of my story.
fearless5 ~ another person who is a wonderful sleuth… remember all of this in future chapters. And think about it now… what Lily's going to do and what that could mean… Oops, I've said too much!
Lisa Meunier ~ I know that everyone does this, her friends get hurt, but I had to do it. If you have any suggestions on how I could make a new spin on it… I'm open to anything.
Goddess of gourgousness ~ I'm glad u like it so much. Please feel free to keep reading.
hpfrek13 ~ I'm not sure when this story is going to come to an end. It may not end as soon as I'm thinking. I may end up putting the sequel inside this story. But I'm not sure. I promise tho that this will be continued somehow.
JeLlO ~ you are one of the only people I've gotten to swear in their reviews… feel special.
Steph ~ yet another person that I've made cry, I seem to have some uncanny ability to do that. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
LilVickiRyan ~ how is she going to tell him? That is a wonderful question. But the question I'm more worried about is not how, but IS she going to tell him? OOPS!!!! Once again, my typing has gone a little out of control. Please keep this little secret to urself!
ElegyStar ~ *thanks ElegyStar for the standing ovation*
Agloechen ~ Alrite, you had some good logical questions. Firstly that had to happen soon cuz I was running out of ideas of what could happen between Lana and James. Secondly, James' gift didn't get to Lily right away because the owl considered it a CHRISTMAS present, and you don't get those until Christmas day. Sometimes the owls are really clever. I hope that explains it and that I didn't make you more confused.
FairySprinkles ~ I don't know if this is the best l/j fic ever, I've read quite a few that are MUCH better than mine, but thank you anyway.
Captain Oblivious ~ another violent attack on Voldemort. He does deserve it tho, doesn't he? Well you're going to hate him even more now aren't you? Please feel free to attack Voldemort in anyway you possibly can, using any means necessary, just make him suffer! Lol.
Tymeless-Moment ~ Yes Lily did curse at Dumbledore, but I thought it funny. I know I'm evil and you probably hate me even more now… just know that in the end, they do end up together… all of us know this! ;)
podean-opaleye ~ you're right. I haven't talked about Sirius that much, now have I? Don't worry; he'll come up sooner or later. I think I'll have a little of him in the next chapter… we'll see.
lilynjamesAAF, RandomCharacter, angel-dolphin1, freakyfroggurl22, Marauders Lil Girl, mintytoothpick, FireFox 37x, kcchristian, Optical Illusions, Smiley Mary, misskittyfantastico12889, starbeam13, MegHarts, faries of the wood, bunny, sodapopgirl703, sailorsunandchildofthesun, Anarane Anwamane, Star19.
Alright… I think that's everyone. If I failed to mention your name, please tell and I will make sure you get more recognition. Please, I hope you all know what to do.
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