Sorry for the lack of updates; I've been really tired and have had time to write. But all my WIP's do have endings, and they will all end at some point. I wont just leave them.
Thanks for leaving such great reviews too :D
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She turned over for the fifth time, shifting her weight, trying not to lie on her bruises, stifling a gasp when she did.
She just couldn't sleep; lying there beneath the covers, hoping this would all disappear.
But, she didn't want herself to disappear, just the situation around her.
She was ashamed, ashamed Greg had seen her like that, so exposed…so raw.
She had always relied on the fact if she kept a façade over the way she felt people couldn't judge her.
After all, if you never show who you really are, even if people dislike the person you are trying to be, they don't hate who you are.
It was a safety net. You could imagine people would like you if you were yourself.
But you cant live behind a façade for the rest of your life…can you?
She couldn't believe he had seen through it all; this mask she wore. She wondered if he'd always seen who she was, or if something had just alerted him to it.
She knew who she was. She always had done, she always would do. A scared fragile woman.
But everyone is scared and fragile, and she was only just beginning in to see that.
Being afraid didn't make her weak.
And that's what she was afraid of, she was always driving so hard to show that she wasn't a weak female; she ended up denying her own feelings.
Greg had been so supportive; it was still daunting to have let him see her like that.
It was like he had a part of her, and he could do whatever he wanted with it. It no longer belongs to her – Like a secret – as soon as someone knows about it, it can spread; you have no control on the path it takes. It can become public knowledge.
But she didn't want anything like that to happen; she knew she'd been down a dead end; she wanted to sort it out herself.
The last thing she wanted was people to know what had happened. That way, they'd change their attitude toward her; then she couldn't re-adjust herself – you can't re-adjust yourself when people are changing the way you react to you.
She needed stability – she needed things to stay the same so she could work out where she belonged in it all.
But there was a huge weight lifted; she didn't feel so depressed or alone anymore. Someone knew, someone had validated her feelings, told her it was ok to 'feel.'
But she knew there was still work to do. She knew if she went back into work tomorrow that something like this would happen again, and again…
Something had to change.
She wasn't giving into her weak side, just allowing it to show, being aware of it, letting it affect her a little.
She couldn't let it build up like this.
It would be better to be weak some of the time, than go over the edge ever few years.
How did he know? How did he know she felt like this?
…./ He went through it too, you aren't the only one who was in the explosion…./
She started considering the variables that constituted as 'her life.'
She was in her thirties. She wasn't in a relationship – a gauge she never liked to be measured on, but it was true. There was no one 'special' in her life.
She worked at a crime lab – and worked hard at it. She lived in an apartment – not grand by any means.
And it wasn't homely; not really. She knew she could abandon it at any time. No memories revolved around it.
But there was still something lacking. Not just relationships, but a sense of security. Tonight, she had no one to fall back on. Her life was empty – no valued people or possessions, no good memories.
Greg was there, but that was down to chance.
She couldn't even think of someone she could call tonight if she needed to – no shoulder to cry on, no one to listen.
She had always wanted to be self-sufficient. But sometimes, you can be self-sufficient with friends, relations, and roots…
She knew she could get up right now, leave, and go anywhere. There was no worry in her mind that someone would be sad that she was gone.
'Sad' - not in the way that she was gone and that they felt the absence, but in the way a strong connection had been broken.
She knew her life needed a new direction; but that didn't necessarily mean leaving.
Life is malleable to a certain extent; all you need to do is take control….
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Please review.
Thanks for leaving such great reviews too :D
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She turned over for the fifth time, shifting her weight, trying not to lie on her bruises, stifling a gasp when she did.
She just couldn't sleep; lying there beneath the covers, hoping this would all disappear.
But, she didn't want herself to disappear, just the situation around her.
She was ashamed, ashamed Greg had seen her like that, so exposed…so raw.
She had always relied on the fact if she kept a façade over the way she felt people couldn't judge her.
After all, if you never show who you really are, even if people dislike the person you are trying to be, they don't hate who you are.
It was a safety net. You could imagine people would like you if you were yourself.
But you cant live behind a façade for the rest of your life…can you?
She couldn't believe he had seen through it all; this mask she wore. She wondered if he'd always seen who she was, or if something had just alerted him to it.
She knew who she was. She always had done, she always would do. A scared fragile woman.
But everyone is scared and fragile, and she was only just beginning in to see that.
Being afraid didn't make her weak.
And that's what she was afraid of, she was always driving so hard to show that she wasn't a weak female; she ended up denying her own feelings.
Greg had been so supportive; it was still daunting to have let him see her like that.
It was like he had a part of her, and he could do whatever he wanted with it. It no longer belongs to her – Like a secret – as soon as someone knows about it, it can spread; you have no control on the path it takes. It can become public knowledge.
But she didn't want anything like that to happen; she knew she'd been down a dead end; she wanted to sort it out herself.
The last thing she wanted was people to know what had happened. That way, they'd change their attitude toward her; then she couldn't re-adjust herself – you can't re-adjust yourself when people are changing the way you react to you.
She needed stability – she needed things to stay the same so she could work out where she belonged in it all.
But there was a huge weight lifted; she didn't feel so depressed or alone anymore. Someone knew, someone had validated her feelings, told her it was ok to 'feel.'
But she knew there was still work to do. She knew if she went back into work tomorrow that something like this would happen again, and again…
Something had to change.
She wasn't giving into her weak side, just allowing it to show, being aware of it, letting it affect her a little.
She couldn't let it build up like this.
It would be better to be weak some of the time, than go over the edge ever few years.
How did he know? How did he know she felt like this?
…./ He went through it too, you aren't the only one who was in the explosion…./
She started considering the variables that constituted as 'her life.'
She was in her thirties. She wasn't in a relationship – a gauge she never liked to be measured on, but it was true. There was no one 'special' in her life.
She worked at a crime lab – and worked hard at it. She lived in an apartment – not grand by any means.
And it wasn't homely; not really. She knew she could abandon it at any time. No memories revolved around it.
But there was still something lacking. Not just relationships, but a sense of security. Tonight, she had no one to fall back on. Her life was empty – no valued people or possessions, no good memories.
Greg was there, but that was down to chance.
She couldn't even think of someone she could call tonight if she needed to – no shoulder to cry on, no one to listen.
She had always wanted to be self-sufficient. But sometimes, you can be self-sufficient with friends, relations, and roots…
She knew she could get up right now, leave, and go anywhere. There was no worry in her mind that someone would be sad that she was gone.
'Sad' - not in the way that she was gone and that they felt the absence, but in the way a strong connection had been broken.
She knew her life needed a new direction; but that didn't necessarily mean leaving.
Life is malleable to a certain extent; all you need to do is take control….
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Please review.