"How can I help you?" Kerry smiled at Susan, who'd been waiting at the admin desk, changed to go home, for the last twenty minutes.
Rather than saying, 'by moving your ass just a tad faster,' like she wanted to, she gave her actual reason for wanting to speak to her supervisor, "Um, I need to get a shift change."
"When do you need off?"
"Actually it's Mark. He's got a… um, a family thing." Kerry obviously wasn't satisfied with this explanation. Susan didn't want an argument, or to push the likeliness that Kerry would pull rank, so she sighed and explained, "Um, his daughter is moving and he's gone to help her settle in. He didn't get a lot of choice in the matter and you can imagine he wasn't exactly pleased about it so I offered to sort out his shifts – so he could do what he has to do." Susan hoped that'd be enough.
Kerry rolled rolled her eyes, sighed and nodded.
Susan bit her tongue – it was hard enough to know Mark was suffering, but she could count on Kerry to be as sympathetic as ever. It was just the last thing she needed after a twenty-six hour shift.
Susan turned and walked away.
"I hope he's not going to want weekends and every other holiday for the next eighteen years." Kerry yelled back.
Susan stopped walking, fully aware of Kerry watching her. She clenched her fists in attempt to regain control and kept walking resolutely.
Doug ran out the door after her and grabbed her arm, "You okay?"
Susan nodded. "At least I didn't kill her – wouldn't have been good for my career."
He laughed, "She's not worth it. Let me."
Susan grinned.
"You're good for him – he's a lucky guy."
Ambulance sirens broke their conversation – getting louder every moment.
"Duty calls." Susan grinned. "Don't kill her till after her shift is finished, you might need her."
Doug grunted like he didn't quite believe it and jogged over to the ambulance bay.
Susan turned and began walking down the familiar road toward the El station. She wondered where Mark was right now – was he putting Rachel to bed? Or was he getting into the far-to-small single bed in Jenn's spare room – she imagined his discomfort – staying at his Ex's house, in a five foot bed… 'God, be good to him – give him something – just something to keep him going this week. Look after him God.' She wasn't used to praying – seemed a bit weird – perhaps because it DIDN'T feel like she was talking to herself, and it DID feel like she was doing something to help – or rather, enlisting God to help instead. 'Like let Jenn… and Craig and Rachel – just let them all be really good to him. And let him not fight with Jenn cause he knows it won't change anything – it'll only make things worse. Just let him know I love him and… and that everything's gonna be okay and, man that sounded cliché.' Susan rubbed her head, "At least let him sleep real well." She accidentally said outloud. Her voice sort of frightened her in the deserted street. She stepped onto the train, her eyes watering as they adjusted to the fluorescent light. It was dark outside – not late yet but everything seemed to shut early – everyone had gone home to their families.
Mark sat down on the edge of the bed then lay back across it. He was exhausted. And that said a lot for someone who could handle a double shift in an inner city ER. But this was a different kind of exhaustion. He'd spent three days with his daughter but the downside was that he was living with his ex-wife and her husband. And he was imagining the whole scenario as if he weren't there – like it would be in a few days. He wouldn't miss Craig or Jenn for a moment, but he was giving up Rachel as well. How was he supposed to do that? This wasn't a dead baby, but the second child he'd lost in a month. How was he supposed to do that? He needed Susan – she was his strength. She could just kiss him or take his hand, or even just look at him and he'd know he could face whatever he had to face. But she was too far away. And he'd wake up and get up to the sounds of his daughter's family like he was an intruder.
Mark pulled the covers down and rolled himself underneath the tight cold sheets. The phone rang in the hallway. He switched off the bedside lamp forcing himself not to hope it was Susan. He'd left the number on the fridge and told her, "just in case you need to get hold of me." Ironically he was the one who needed to get hold of her. But he could hardly make toll calls on Jenn's phone.
He pretended the soft pillow against the side of his neck was Susan's hair, and that she was lying beside him, sleeping peacefully. And he almost believed it. But he couldn't dream of her no matter how much he wanted to.
Mark was woken by Rachel getting into the tiny bed beside him. He grinned sleepily, helping her in as Jenn appeared at the door.
"Sorry, she got away."
"It's okay – really." Mark laughed lightly at the tiny figure snuggled to his side.
"I have to get her ready to go – I've got to be at work in half an hour and Craig's already gone."
"So I'll look after her."
"But aren't you going back today?"
"Not till tomorrow actually." He kept his eyes on Rachel to keep from glaring at Jenn.
"Oh." She almost hid the disappointment in her voice. "Well I'll be home at seven then."
Mark looked up and nodded then returned his attention to Rachel, ignoring Jenn's departure.
"Hey honey." Mark stroked his daughter's hair.
"Hi Daddy." She smiled.
He smiled at her fully aware of the tears that could spill any moment.
"Where are you going?"
"I have to go home tomorrow." He tried to explain.
"But can't you move your home here?"
He shook his head sadly.
"Will you visit?"
"Of course. And you can come stay with me – we could even go ice skating again."
"With your friend too?" she said, the excitement evident in her voice.
"Yeah, Susan can come – I'm sure she'd love too. But I don't know if little Suzie can come – she's moved away too."
"Everyone moves." Rachel looked down
"Yeah." Mark agreed sadly, "But no matter where we go I promise I'll always come and see you."
"Even in Alaska?"
Mark nodded.
"And in Australia?"
Mark pretended to think for a moment then nodded.
"And New York?"
"Definitely." He smiled at her evident skills in geography – thinking New York was further than Australia. "But make sure you tell me if Mum suggests moving to any of these places because I might just have to talk her out of it. Or maybe you could just stay with me."
"Yeah!"
At least she was excited about that – though he knew how unlikely it was that he'd ever get custody. "Okay, lets get some breakfast." He threw off the covers, picked her up on his shoulders so that he had to duck through doorways and walked to the kitchen. There were some notes on the breakfast bar but before he got to them he pulled out the cereal and milk. He put Rachel on a stool in front of the ingredients and let her do her magic while he read the note.
"Spare key is under the pot plant beside the front door – please leave it there when you're done.
Susan called last night – said for you to give her a call today.
Rachel usually has a nap after lunch.
Could you organise her some dinner, we'll both be late – she should be in bed by eight – but hopefully I'll be back by then. You can have dinner with us if you like – but either way is fine."
The last two notes were obviously added after she'd talked to him. He crunched the note in his hand, feeling like a teenage babysitter – with instructions to follow, 'but go ahead and eat whatever you like and the tv is right over here.'
Meanwhile, Rachel had made quite the mess with fruit loops and milk. She was desperately trying to clean it up when Mark looked at her. She looked up at him with big guilty eyes. He just laughed. "Lets go get some REAL breakfast."
Rather than saying, 'by moving your ass just a tad faster,' like she wanted to, she gave her actual reason for wanting to speak to her supervisor, "Um, I need to get a shift change."
"When do you need off?"
"Actually it's Mark. He's got a… um, a family thing." Kerry obviously wasn't satisfied with this explanation. Susan didn't want an argument, or to push the likeliness that Kerry would pull rank, so she sighed and explained, "Um, his daughter is moving and he's gone to help her settle in. He didn't get a lot of choice in the matter and you can imagine he wasn't exactly pleased about it so I offered to sort out his shifts – so he could do what he has to do." Susan hoped that'd be enough.
Kerry rolled rolled her eyes, sighed and nodded.
Susan bit her tongue – it was hard enough to know Mark was suffering, but she could count on Kerry to be as sympathetic as ever. It was just the last thing she needed after a twenty-six hour shift.
Susan turned and walked away.
"I hope he's not going to want weekends and every other holiday for the next eighteen years." Kerry yelled back.
Susan stopped walking, fully aware of Kerry watching her. She clenched her fists in attempt to regain control and kept walking resolutely.
Doug ran out the door after her and grabbed her arm, "You okay?"
Susan nodded. "At least I didn't kill her – wouldn't have been good for my career."
He laughed, "She's not worth it. Let me."
Susan grinned.
"You're good for him – he's a lucky guy."
Ambulance sirens broke their conversation – getting louder every moment.
"Duty calls." Susan grinned. "Don't kill her till after her shift is finished, you might need her."
Doug grunted like he didn't quite believe it and jogged over to the ambulance bay.
Susan turned and began walking down the familiar road toward the El station. She wondered where Mark was right now – was he putting Rachel to bed? Or was he getting into the far-to-small single bed in Jenn's spare room – she imagined his discomfort – staying at his Ex's house, in a five foot bed… 'God, be good to him – give him something – just something to keep him going this week. Look after him God.' She wasn't used to praying – seemed a bit weird – perhaps because it DIDN'T feel like she was talking to herself, and it DID feel like she was doing something to help – or rather, enlisting God to help instead. 'Like let Jenn… and Craig and Rachel – just let them all be really good to him. And let him not fight with Jenn cause he knows it won't change anything – it'll only make things worse. Just let him know I love him and… and that everything's gonna be okay and, man that sounded cliché.' Susan rubbed her head, "At least let him sleep real well." She accidentally said outloud. Her voice sort of frightened her in the deserted street. She stepped onto the train, her eyes watering as they adjusted to the fluorescent light. It was dark outside – not late yet but everything seemed to shut early – everyone had gone home to their families.
Mark sat down on the edge of the bed then lay back across it. He was exhausted. And that said a lot for someone who could handle a double shift in an inner city ER. But this was a different kind of exhaustion. He'd spent three days with his daughter but the downside was that he was living with his ex-wife and her husband. And he was imagining the whole scenario as if he weren't there – like it would be in a few days. He wouldn't miss Craig or Jenn for a moment, but he was giving up Rachel as well. How was he supposed to do that? This wasn't a dead baby, but the second child he'd lost in a month. How was he supposed to do that? He needed Susan – she was his strength. She could just kiss him or take his hand, or even just look at him and he'd know he could face whatever he had to face. But she was too far away. And he'd wake up and get up to the sounds of his daughter's family like he was an intruder.
Mark pulled the covers down and rolled himself underneath the tight cold sheets. The phone rang in the hallway. He switched off the bedside lamp forcing himself not to hope it was Susan. He'd left the number on the fridge and told her, "just in case you need to get hold of me." Ironically he was the one who needed to get hold of her. But he could hardly make toll calls on Jenn's phone.
He pretended the soft pillow against the side of his neck was Susan's hair, and that she was lying beside him, sleeping peacefully. And he almost believed it. But he couldn't dream of her no matter how much he wanted to.
Mark was woken by Rachel getting into the tiny bed beside him. He grinned sleepily, helping her in as Jenn appeared at the door.
"Sorry, she got away."
"It's okay – really." Mark laughed lightly at the tiny figure snuggled to his side.
"I have to get her ready to go – I've got to be at work in half an hour and Craig's already gone."
"So I'll look after her."
"But aren't you going back today?"
"Not till tomorrow actually." He kept his eyes on Rachel to keep from glaring at Jenn.
"Oh." She almost hid the disappointment in her voice. "Well I'll be home at seven then."
Mark looked up and nodded then returned his attention to Rachel, ignoring Jenn's departure.
"Hey honey." Mark stroked his daughter's hair.
"Hi Daddy." She smiled.
He smiled at her fully aware of the tears that could spill any moment.
"Where are you going?"
"I have to go home tomorrow." He tried to explain.
"But can't you move your home here?"
He shook his head sadly.
"Will you visit?"
"Of course. And you can come stay with me – we could even go ice skating again."
"With your friend too?" she said, the excitement evident in her voice.
"Yeah, Susan can come – I'm sure she'd love too. But I don't know if little Suzie can come – she's moved away too."
"Everyone moves." Rachel looked down
"Yeah." Mark agreed sadly, "But no matter where we go I promise I'll always come and see you."
"Even in Alaska?"
Mark nodded.
"And in Australia?"
Mark pretended to think for a moment then nodded.
"And New York?"
"Definitely." He smiled at her evident skills in geography – thinking New York was further than Australia. "But make sure you tell me if Mum suggests moving to any of these places because I might just have to talk her out of it. Or maybe you could just stay with me."
"Yeah!"
At least she was excited about that – though he knew how unlikely it was that he'd ever get custody. "Okay, lets get some breakfast." He threw off the covers, picked her up on his shoulders so that he had to duck through doorways and walked to the kitchen. There were some notes on the breakfast bar but before he got to them he pulled out the cereal and milk. He put Rachel on a stool in front of the ingredients and let her do her magic while he read the note.
"Spare key is under the pot plant beside the front door – please leave it there when you're done.
Susan called last night – said for you to give her a call today.
Rachel usually has a nap after lunch.
Could you organise her some dinner, we'll both be late – she should be in bed by eight – but hopefully I'll be back by then. You can have dinner with us if you like – but either way is fine."
The last two notes were obviously added after she'd talked to him. He crunched the note in his hand, feeling like a teenage babysitter – with instructions to follow, 'but go ahead and eat whatever you like and the tv is right over here.'
Meanwhile, Rachel had made quite the mess with fruit loops and milk. She was desperately trying to clean it up when Mark looked at her. She looked up at him with big guilty eyes. He just laughed. "Lets go get some REAL breakfast."