AN1: First off, a Huge thank you to Sabriel who not only beta'd this chapter with great speed, did a really excellent job. Thanks so much!
AN2: Sorry the chapter took so long!
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The cool evening air made Sara shiver slightly, as she got into her Tahoe. She felt ambivalent about going back to work – a mixture of fear and determination.
She regarded the Las Vegas landscape differently to the way she normally did. In fact, she viewed the whole trip as a parallel - she was not only travelling to work, but travelling toward her new life. Work was her life. That's where the changes would be. Where they had to be.
And it wasn't going to be easy. She couldn't just project her idealism onto the people around her and expect them to change immediately, if at all. All she could do was change herself, adapt, and make her life a place she wanted to be.
And this wasn't like a diet, or quitting smoking. She couldn't sinfully slip back into her former routine. Because going back to the way things were would be more lethal than starting smoking again.
She knew that.
It hurt, the blistering, painful secret, knowing what she could have done to herself, but now she knew things couldn't be the same again.
And Greg…. Greg would be the catalyst for that…. He would be the catalyst for her change.
Because it seemed that he was the only person who truly knew when she was falling apart…. And she didn't want him to see her like that again.
But she had to make sure of one thing.
That she was doing this for herself, and no one else.
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"Glad to see you back, Sara," Warrick called at her approach before he ducked into a side room.
For some reason, sickening resentment formed in her stomach. The fact that he had barely acknowledged her existence before exiting the situation seemed a little cold.
He doesn't know what you've been through. He can't sympathise if he doesn't know. You don't know what Grissom told them. He could have just said you were ill and went home. He could have given them the gory details.
Maybe he didn't want you to feel uncomfortable or pressured.
She sighed and stopped walking. She was afraid again. Afraid of what she was doing, afraid that her new approach would wreck everything, and distance herself further from those around her.
People don't like confrontation. And that's what you're going to be doing. Confronting them.
Why am I doing this to myself? Why don't I just save myself the trouble and leave things to the way they were….
She sighed and leaned against the nearest wall. As she did so, her eyes fluttered closed – she was more tired than she had thought.
"You better not let Grissom see you like that - he might send you home."
Sara smiled slightly at his voice before she opened her eyes to look up at him.
"Good to see you too," she said, with a cheerful tone that even sounded forced to her ears.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, edging closer to her. As he did so, his eyes carefully examined her as though looking for injury.
"I'm okay," she said awkwardly, trying to phrase her next question. She paused and looked away from him. "You haven't said anything about the other night, have you?"
"Does it matter?" Greg responded quickly, not deliberately trying to antagonise her but trying to probe the way she was feeling about the recent events.
"Not really, I just don't think…I just don't want it spread about." She said, her voice wavering slightly.
"You think I'd do that?" Greg asked with a small grin. He knew he wasn't making things easy for her.
"No, but I had to say it." She finished with conviction.
There was silence between them for a few seconds, but it was broken by the sound of footsteps. Both turned to see Grissom going into his office and shutting the door behind him.
"Greg, can we, erm, talk later? I have something I need to do." As she asked, her eyes were transfixed on Grissom's office door.
"Sure." Greg said, following her line of sight. He smiled to himself before heading off toward the lab.
She was keeping to her promise and facing her demons.
After Greg left she began walking down the corridor.
She had the weird feeling that Grissom was the beginning of all of this – well, the beginning of the pain. He was always the one who made her feel the highest highs, and the lowest lows. He was the one who started this downward spiral.
Their bond did not seem to translate well into a named division – they were neither friends nor colleagues…
One thing was for sure, she knew they shared an indefinable, unquestioned bond.
But she needed answers.
She needed to know why he left her that night.