A/N yeah, now I do think the last chapter was going too fast…I seem to have a problem with pacing. Well, let's see if we can't do a better job in this chapter. This chapter takes place a couple years later, is told from Lily's perspective, they're married and Harry's born. Lily reminisces…
I stuck my head into Harry's nursery as quietly as possible. His door tends to squeak louder whenever inappropriate. James promised me that he would fix it, as a way to feel manly and in control of something, but yes, circumstances being what they are, I can totally understand why it hasn't yet become his number one priority. Yes, I decided as I squeezed through the tiny gap, protecting one's son for the sake of mankind should definitely come first. And here in front of me is the aforementioned savior. Sleeping peacefully, and in the process, rolling drool out of his perfectly puckered lips. I smiled lightly as I grabbed a Kleenex;I don't know why I bothered to grab one in order to dry up his face, Harry produces more drool than I'm sure any other normal baby does. James and I are perfectly used to wet spots all over our clothes but others, Remus, Sirius, and Peter, are not so accustomed to it.
"This is absolutely repulsive!"I remember Sirius saying last Friday.
"He's teething!" James and I exclaimed at the same time…that happens a lot between us.
Sirius, carefully peaking into Harry's mouth, already open from his apparent joy in watching Sirius suffer, and said "I see one little speck of white-"
"Which is obviously causing him a lot of pain. Isn't it Harry? Yes it is! Yes it is!" I had said, cooing to him and rustling up Harry's hair.
I smiled sheepishly as I instinctively ran my hand across Harry's forehead. His took a deep, but still very tiny, breath and snuggled into my hand.
He seemed to still be sleeping soundly so I made my way to my bedroom- well, I suppose it belongs to James as well, but he often ends up sleeping on the couch. You see, he has not yet mastered that self- censorship I so often remind of.
"Bloody hell, Lily! Your boobs look huge in that shirt!" Comments like THAT earn him a standard two days of "couch rest".
I smiled as I entered the room and walked directly to the dresser.
"Have you send Harry's bib? You know, the one that's got 'If I gave a poop, you'd be the first one I gave it to,' on it?" I said, searching and never glancing at James.
"Love?" I said when he did not respond. The sight in front of me was one that I should have expected at some point or another. James, laying on the bed, hands folded neatly on his broad chest, staring pointedly at the ceiling.
I walked over to the bed and, when he did not acknowledge my presence, laid down next to him and gently laid my hand on his cheek. He turned and stared at me as though just noticing my existence.
"And here I thought you were dead," I joked.
James apparently found no humor in my statement, "Don't joke about things like that Lily. It certainly isn't funny."
I winced a little, "I'm being insensitive; I'm sorry."
He turned back up to the ceiling, "'s'okay," he mumbled.
We sat in a contemplative silence until I broke it, "So, are you going to tell me what's wrong or should I guess?"
He looked at me again, his eyes looking hazel and earnest, "Have you ever felt just- had a big problem and you knew there was nothing you could do about it?"
I tilted my head a bit to see him better, "Yes, every single time you get in a mood like this and won't tell me what's really bothering you."
He took a deep breath and I could see how difficult it was for him to do so. He looked as though he had the weight of the world on his shoulder. He was entirely allowed to look and feel that way because we did. The world and thousands- millions, even, of lives were depending on us to protect Harry. My little Harry- my sweet, innocent little Harry, barely speaking full phrases, hardly able to hold his rattle proper much less the wand he will need to defeat Voldemort.
James hugged me closer to him as our thoughts tuned into the same wavelength, "This is not the life I imagined with you. It's not, by any means, the way I'd want to raise our child, you know? We're going to perform this charm and, consequently, damn ourselves to be holed up in this house for an unknown amount of time. I mean, Harry could possibly spend his entire toddler hood inside! He won't feel the sun beaming on his face, he won't go out and play in the snow, we won't be able to go out and practice quiddich-"
"This isn't going to turn into a rant about Quiddich, is it?" I said frowning.
"No- he won't be able to go out and…oh I don't know, eat caterpillars or do any of the things normal wizard boys do."
"Normal wizard boys eat caterpillars?" I said, hopeful for even the tiniest smile to spread across his face.
"You know what I mean," James said, a touch of impatience evident in his voice.
"James, baby" I began gently, "I know this isn't a desirable way to live, but at least we're living-"
"Are we?" he asked more so to himself than to me, "What kind of life can be lived trapped inside of your own home. A life were we cannot even go out to Diagon Alley to get some ink for our quills or to Quality Quiddich Supplies-"
"More quiddich-" I said, a hint of laughter in my voice.
"-If we wanted too. It's just that sometimes- sometimes," It seemed to be a struggle for him to get this sentence out. I laid my other hand on top of his with a reassuring pat and he continued, "Sometimes I think it would just be better for us to just live whatever life we have left, to the fullest instead of trying to prolong a live of imprisonment," He finished with a careful glance in my direction as though afraid of my reaction.
I knew this was going to happen soon. James, much like Sirius, was never a man to sit in a corner when there was fighting to be done. He wanted to fight, he loved the challenge, he lived to measure himself up against other people. This charm, recommended by no one other than The Great Albus Dumbledore, would strip James from everything he loved, save for me and Harry. His friendships would suffer, undoubtedly our health would suffer, and even our relationship with each other would strain from being trapped and frustrated.
At that very moment, for whatever reason, I felt closer to James than ever.
"Is that all, Honey?" I asked, gently stroking his face.
He grabbed my hand and shot up quickly, "You don't think I'm a horrible person for thinking that? You- You're not mad?"
I frowned slightly as I too sat up, "Of course not! You thought I would be?"
The muttering beneath his breath and the lowering of his head was answer enough for me, "James you know me better than that. You should have said something earlier! Well no, I'm not mad and no, I don't think you're a horrible person. The same thought crosses my mind every single day-"
"Really?" James asked laying his head in my lap.
"Mhmm," I muttered as I stroked his head, "But what you've got to realize, as I do, that we aren't just doing this for ourselves, James. Harry has the right to have a chance at life! I mean a real life. Sure James, we could go out and live now but that would be more beneficial to ourselves than to Harry, whose attention span and memory are shorter than ours. If we can help him reach an age where he will appreciate the sunlight and the snow then we have done our jobs. After all this prophecy business, you know as well as I do that Harry is better alive than dead so even if he doesn't have a life, he's still alive, and that's a good place to start, don't you think?"
He looked up at me and broke into a true smile, "I love you," he stated, "And you're right."
"Well that is such a shock to me!" I said, resulting in a laugh from my beloved.
"Ha, Ha, very funny. You've got jokes I see," He said, kissing my hand lightly.
"As always, now let's go outside and enjoy some sunlight before we go and damn ourselves to a life of imprisonment!"
"Sounds like a plan to me," James responded. With that said, we dressed Harry, found his bib, and marched resolutely into our yard.
The trees looked like an explosion of fall colors. Large leaves, perfectly crisp, adorned our yard as I set Harry down and watched him fall into the closest pile of leaves.
I watched as James's eyes drew a line between Harry and myself before twinkling mischievously, "Whatever you are thinking," I warned, "Don't do it-"
Too late, James had already "tipped" me into the same large, soft pile of leaves.
In retaliation, I discreetly pulled out my wand and send a Jelly- Legs curse in his direction, "Play fair, Evans!" He yelled before wobbling into the pile of leaves.
Nearly an hour of joyful laughter later, Harry and myself found ourselves resting on James's chest, leaves now all over our yard. I smiled brightly as James's eye traveled between the identical greens found in the eyes of his wife and his son. I could feel his chest fill up with pride as he kissed both of our foreheads, now completely convinced that we were making the right choice.
This is the last image, the last thought that crossed my mind as I stand between Voldemort and my precious baby. As I watch that fatal green light hurl towards me, I know that I'm making the right choice and took the right path to get there.