Susan was holding his hand like a lifeline. The anaesthetic could kick in any time now.
"I'll see you soon." She smiled. No tears today.
"Yeah. Hey, I was thinking – you should get one of those magazines – with wedding stuff. Start getting some ideas."
She just nodded, her no tears resolve weakening.
"It'll keep your mind off me."
"Sure it will." She smiled, her eyes wet.
"I'm going now." He squeezed her hand, feeling the heaviness wash over him.
"Bye." She whispered, putting his hand on the gurney beside him.
"This way miss." A nurse guided her to the waiting area. "You know this is going to take a while?"
Susan nodded.
"Well, if you want coffee or anything there's machines just down the hall – it's not flash but…"
"I know. It's probably better than county." She said more to herself.
"You're a nurse?"
"Um, a doctor – intern in the ER, in Chicago."
"Oh. Is he…?"
"Yeah."
"They'll take good care of him – these are the best neurosurgeons in the country."
"Yeah, I know." Susan wasn't feeling a whole lot better about it.
"Okay, well, I'll just be down the hall if you need the company."
"Thanks." Susan sat down and picked up the magazine off the top of the pile. Some teen thing with Leonardo DiCaprio on the cover. Next… Bride. 'That's ironic.' Susan flipped open the cover, a wry smile gracing her lips. This would be a long day.
**
Susan took the third paper cup out of the coffee machine.
"Hey." She said absentmindedly to the friendly nurse she'd spoken to that morning.
"How's it going?" the nurse replied.
Susan shrugged, "but my caffeine is through the roof."
"I doubt it, you work in an ER right? You have a high tolerance."
"This is true." Susan agreed.
"Do you want me to go and see how much longer…?"
"You can do that?"
"This isn't a regular hospital."
"That'd be great."
"Okay, I'll be right back."
Susan wandered back to the lounge, nursing her coffee.
The nurse returned, doctor in tow.
Susan stood on seeing them enter, a thousand questions in her eyes but her mouth didn't move.
"Doctor Lewis?" The doctor stopped as he met her.
"Yeah, how'd it go?" she said to quickly.
"Really well. Unfortunately with this kind of surgery we won't know until he wakes up, and then there's several tests and of course we won't know for sure until we get the results, but as far as I can see, we got all of it and his chances are very high."
It sounded good. But Susan knew what he wasn't allowed to say – no promises. Anything could happen yet. "Can I see him?"
This wasn't procedure – family weren't usually allowed in until the patient was awake. But the doctor saw the look in Susan's eye and nodded. The nurse smiled confused. "I'll show you the way."
"Thanks." Susan looked at the doctor sincerely and followed.
**
He just looked like he was sleeping – well, except for the brace around his head. Susan swallowed and sat down on the chair offered.
"Just let me know if there's anything I can get you." The nurse said and left.
Susan took his hand and squeezed it with a deep sigh. She watched his face. It captivated her. She lost track of time sitting there. He seemed to smile – in fact several emotions seemed to flit across his face. Susan couldn't decide if this was good or bad. But then his fingers moved in her hand. This was definitely good.
"Mark?" she asked of the silence.
Nothing.
She sighed.
Then he groaned, just quietly. In fact she only heard him cause the room was so deathly silent. She stood up, knowing that trying not to get her hopes up was never going to work and she may as well give it up. His face showed no change.
"Mark…" she whispered in the silence, sitting down again. "If I needed you," she whispered, "would you come to me, would you come to me, and ease my pain? If you needed," she swallowed, "I would come to you. I would swim the seas for to ease your pain." She took a controlled deep breath. "Don't you close your eyes, you'll miss the sunrise, and that would break my heart in two. If you…" she stopped, letting the tears come. It hit her all at once that she was alone. Completely alone. She held his hand but he wasn't there. It could be hours till he woke, maybe longer.
"Keep singing." He whispered into her swiftly darkening thoughts.
Susan assumed she'd imagined it. Then he squeezed her hand.
Her eyes found his. Her face lit up. She stood, a teary smile looking down on him. She shook her head, bit her lip and swallowed her tears hopelessly. "Hey." She managed to whisper
He smiled sleepily. "Don't cry."
"I'm not."
"You're dripping on me." He grinned, his eyes falling shut as he opened them again.
"Sorry," she sniffed and wiped her face. She pulled the chair closer and sat down. "How are you feeling?"
"Heavy." He slurred. "Can you stay here? I think I need to sleep."
"Yeah. I'm not going anywhere." She took his hand in both of hers.
**
She'd spent three nights that week hunched over the edge of a hospital bed. Mark was doing well but he wasn't out of the woods yet. Susan on the other hand was struggling. The nurse sent her home, promising she'd call if anything changed. Susan sat in the hotel bed. The Simpsons was on in the background. She wasn't really watching it but she couldn't sleep. She'd brought a few magazines from the hospital – something to keep her mind off Mark the nurse had said. Sure. He'd looked better today. He'd been awake for eight hours with a few naps in there. He insisted he was fine and wanted to leave. But there were tests and scans and 'observations'. They both knew the procedure fairly well but that didn't make it a whole lot easier.
'Well, might as well give these magazines a try.' She flicked off the tv and picked one up.
**
"Hey, you look better." Mark said as Susan entered his room.
"So do you." She smiled and kissed him lightly, letting her hand linger on her face. "Any news?"
He shook his head. "But they said they might have some results this afternoon."
She nodded with a smile. "Hey, I have something for you." She reached into her bag and handed him a miniature silk sunflower.
He laughed. "That's great."
"And this." She pulled a folded piece of paper from her pocket, unfolded it and handed it to him, "What do you reckon?"
He looked confused, looking at the torn magazine page. "What about it?"
"Christmas… Marry me at Christmas?"
A smile spread over his face, quickly becoming a silly grin. "Yeah?"
She nodded.
"Even if…?" he reminded her they didn't know the results of his surgery yet.
She nodded again, even more certain, but not the smile faded.
He pulled her hand closer, and she stood, leaning carefully into his embrace, nestling her head into his neck. She hoped he'd ignore her sigh.
"It's going to be okay." He vowed, kissing her forehead.
"Yeah." She pulled back, making yet another attempt at being the strong one. She nodded, overcompensating for her doubt.
"I'll see you soon." She smiled. No tears today.
"Yeah. Hey, I was thinking – you should get one of those magazines – with wedding stuff. Start getting some ideas."
She just nodded, her no tears resolve weakening.
"It'll keep your mind off me."
"Sure it will." She smiled, her eyes wet.
"I'm going now." He squeezed her hand, feeling the heaviness wash over him.
"Bye." She whispered, putting his hand on the gurney beside him.
"This way miss." A nurse guided her to the waiting area. "You know this is going to take a while?"
Susan nodded.
"Well, if you want coffee or anything there's machines just down the hall – it's not flash but…"
"I know. It's probably better than county." She said more to herself.
"You're a nurse?"
"Um, a doctor – intern in the ER, in Chicago."
"Oh. Is he…?"
"Yeah."
"They'll take good care of him – these are the best neurosurgeons in the country."
"Yeah, I know." Susan wasn't feeling a whole lot better about it.
"Okay, well, I'll just be down the hall if you need the company."
"Thanks." Susan sat down and picked up the magazine off the top of the pile. Some teen thing with Leonardo DiCaprio on the cover. Next… Bride. 'That's ironic.' Susan flipped open the cover, a wry smile gracing her lips. This would be a long day.
**
Susan took the third paper cup out of the coffee machine.
"Hey." She said absentmindedly to the friendly nurse she'd spoken to that morning.
"How's it going?" the nurse replied.
Susan shrugged, "but my caffeine is through the roof."
"I doubt it, you work in an ER right? You have a high tolerance."
"This is true." Susan agreed.
"Do you want me to go and see how much longer…?"
"You can do that?"
"This isn't a regular hospital."
"That'd be great."
"Okay, I'll be right back."
Susan wandered back to the lounge, nursing her coffee.
The nurse returned, doctor in tow.
Susan stood on seeing them enter, a thousand questions in her eyes but her mouth didn't move.
"Doctor Lewis?" The doctor stopped as he met her.
"Yeah, how'd it go?" she said to quickly.
"Really well. Unfortunately with this kind of surgery we won't know until he wakes up, and then there's several tests and of course we won't know for sure until we get the results, but as far as I can see, we got all of it and his chances are very high."
It sounded good. But Susan knew what he wasn't allowed to say – no promises. Anything could happen yet. "Can I see him?"
This wasn't procedure – family weren't usually allowed in until the patient was awake. But the doctor saw the look in Susan's eye and nodded. The nurse smiled confused. "I'll show you the way."
"Thanks." Susan looked at the doctor sincerely and followed.
**
He just looked like he was sleeping – well, except for the brace around his head. Susan swallowed and sat down on the chair offered.
"Just let me know if there's anything I can get you." The nurse said and left.
Susan took his hand and squeezed it with a deep sigh. She watched his face. It captivated her. She lost track of time sitting there. He seemed to smile – in fact several emotions seemed to flit across his face. Susan couldn't decide if this was good or bad. But then his fingers moved in her hand. This was definitely good.
"Mark?" she asked of the silence.
Nothing.
She sighed.
Then he groaned, just quietly. In fact she only heard him cause the room was so deathly silent. She stood up, knowing that trying not to get her hopes up was never going to work and she may as well give it up. His face showed no change.
"Mark…" she whispered in the silence, sitting down again. "If I needed you," she whispered, "would you come to me, would you come to me, and ease my pain? If you needed," she swallowed, "I would come to you. I would swim the seas for to ease your pain." She took a controlled deep breath. "Don't you close your eyes, you'll miss the sunrise, and that would break my heart in two. If you…" she stopped, letting the tears come. It hit her all at once that she was alone. Completely alone. She held his hand but he wasn't there. It could be hours till he woke, maybe longer.
"Keep singing." He whispered into her swiftly darkening thoughts.
Susan assumed she'd imagined it. Then he squeezed her hand.
Her eyes found his. Her face lit up. She stood, a teary smile looking down on him. She shook her head, bit her lip and swallowed her tears hopelessly. "Hey." She managed to whisper
He smiled sleepily. "Don't cry."
"I'm not."
"You're dripping on me." He grinned, his eyes falling shut as he opened them again.
"Sorry," she sniffed and wiped her face. She pulled the chair closer and sat down. "How are you feeling?"
"Heavy." He slurred. "Can you stay here? I think I need to sleep."
"Yeah. I'm not going anywhere." She took his hand in both of hers.
**
She'd spent three nights that week hunched over the edge of a hospital bed. Mark was doing well but he wasn't out of the woods yet. Susan on the other hand was struggling. The nurse sent her home, promising she'd call if anything changed. Susan sat in the hotel bed. The Simpsons was on in the background. She wasn't really watching it but she couldn't sleep. She'd brought a few magazines from the hospital – something to keep her mind off Mark the nurse had said. Sure. He'd looked better today. He'd been awake for eight hours with a few naps in there. He insisted he was fine and wanted to leave. But there were tests and scans and 'observations'. They both knew the procedure fairly well but that didn't make it a whole lot easier.
'Well, might as well give these magazines a try.' She flicked off the tv and picked one up.
**
"Hey, you look better." Mark said as Susan entered his room.
"So do you." She smiled and kissed him lightly, letting her hand linger on her face. "Any news?"
He shook his head. "But they said they might have some results this afternoon."
She nodded with a smile. "Hey, I have something for you." She reached into her bag and handed him a miniature silk sunflower.
He laughed. "That's great."
"And this." She pulled a folded piece of paper from her pocket, unfolded it and handed it to him, "What do you reckon?"
He looked confused, looking at the torn magazine page. "What about it?"
"Christmas… Marry me at Christmas?"
A smile spread over his face, quickly becoming a silly grin. "Yeah?"
She nodded.
"Even if…?" he reminded her they didn't know the results of his surgery yet.
She nodded again, even more certain, but not the smile faded.
He pulled her hand closer, and she stood, leaning carefully into his embrace, nestling her head into his neck. She hoped he'd ignore her sigh.
"It's going to be okay." He vowed, kissing her forehead.
"Yeah." She pulled back, making yet another attempt at being the strong one. She nodded, overcompensating for her doubt.